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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsRNC to Suspend Presidential Primaries, Introduce New Logo
March 7th, 2012A visibly haggard Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus emerged from a closed-door emergency meeting of the RNCs Executive Council this afternoon and announced to the crowd gathered outside the meeting room the immediate suspension of his partys 2012 Presidential primaries.
Word of the announcement spread like wildfire as several of the lunchtime throng seated in the main dining room of the Whitewater, Wisconsin Applebees realized that the seemingly disoriented individual who had just emerged from the restaurants banquet room to disturb their midday meal was no ordinary rambling lunatic, and apparently something important was afoot. While several took to Twitter and Facebook to document their presence at this unprecedented, historic event, another called a local newspaper to suggest they send a reporter.
I honestly couldnt believe my luck this is probably the best scoop Ill get all year, said Skippy Fartbuster, editor-in-chief of the Whitewater Central High Weekly Bugle, who took the call.
In a Fartbuster exclusive, Priebus explained RNC strategy going forward:
In recent weeks, it has become increasingly clear that our chances of reclaiming the White House this election cycle continue to diminish as our primary season with its scorched earth atmosphere pollutes the political waters beyond reclamation. And as were firmly against imposing any regulations to curb this or any other kind of pollution for that matter, weve determined that for the good of the Party in this case our best move is to throw out the babies with the bathwater. We will not run a candidate against President Obama. The Executive Council feels and I concur that our resources are best employed preserving our majority in state houses and the House of Representatives, and gaining a majority in the Senate, allowing us to keep our momentum at the state level and maintain the current gridlock in Washington to ensure that nothing happens between now and 2016 when we wont have to face an incumbent. By then, hopefully we can convince more distinguished and electable candidates, such as Paul Ryan, Joe the Plumber, Jeb the Bush, or The Husky Hunk Chris Christie to run. The nation deserves a President who will curb what we see as the runaway trend of rights being exploited by groups such as public employees, women, and minority voters. If we cant give them one now, then will do all in our power to give them one four years from now.
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RNC to Suspend Presidential Primaries, Introduce New Logo (Original Post)
ThisThreadIsSatire
Mar 2012
OP
snappyturtle
(14,656 posts)1. My dream exactly. I'm so sick of these repuke primaries. nt
Fawke Em
(11,366 posts)2. Skippy Fartbuster!
ThisThreadIsSatire
(786 posts)4. Don't laugh... he just might be
the next Weir Dippeschitz...
Fawke Em
(11,366 posts)7. That's funny, too, but Skippy Fartbuster
simply turned over my tickle stick.
LOL.
livetohike
(22,165 posts)3. LOL
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)5. I reinced my priebus one time.
The injury was painful and required a few months of physical therapy.
ThisThreadIsSatire
(786 posts)6. I hate when that happens... (n/t)