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NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:04 PM Nov 2013

Scorned women expose mistresses on ‘homewrecker’ website

Scorned wives and girlfriends looking to publicly shame and call out the "other woman" have plenty of places to go online, but one site in particular has been getting a lot of attention.

She's A Homewrecker is like a modern-day scarlet letter or a cyber-burn book. The controversial website, which is about a year old, gives jilted lovers a forum to posting pictures and private information about the "homewreckers," who are commonly referred to by all kinds of colorful names.

Sometimes the mistress’ home address or phone number is given along with her full name, while the person accusing them remains anonymous.


Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/homewrecker-website-exposes-shames-mistresses-article-1.1511054#ixzz2kHbDCUFd

126 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Scorned women expose mistresses on ‘homewrecker’ website (Original Post) NaturalHigh Nov 2013 OP
Sounds like a source of employment for lawyers. nt bemildred Nov 2013 #1
I thought about that too. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #2
Yes, but I expect enough money could help your case. bemildred Nov 2013 #3
True. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #4
Or it may... Bay Boy Nov 2013 #6
Wouldn't the burden of proof go the other way? DanTex Nov 2013 #9
No gollygee Nov 2013 #13
Actually you have to prove damages tina tron Nov 2013 #59
Yeah you have to prove that as well gollygee Nov 2013 #61
I love how they blame the women their husbands cheated with gollygee Nov 2013 #5
I'm betting the husbands are taking some heat too... Bay Boy Nov 2013 #8
It's easier for these women to get P.O. at the other woman than to get P.O. at their spouse. nt raccoon Nov 2013 #53
I always laugh at that malaise Nov 2013 #26
I can walk and chew gum at the same time laundry_queen Nov 2013 #106
Kinda rough justice, I guess. But how about the man? CTyankee Nov 2013 #7
The article mentions that there's a companion site targeting men who cheat or petronius Nov 2013 #24
I read the story, but I haven't actually checked out either site yet. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #25
I was just guessing that it was ad-supported. Maybe eHarmony will petronius Nov 2013 #27
Now that would be ironic. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #58
Or Christian Mingle! VanillaRhapsody Nov 2013 #80
well, spread the blame around...it's only fair... CTyankee Nov 2013 #33
that already happened years ago on dontdatehimgirl.com JVS Nov 2013 #38
Don't Date Him Girl JustAnotherGen Nov 2013 #56
That is gross... Agschmid Nov 2013 #10
I didn't look at it. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #11
Yup. Agschmid Nov 2013 #18
What if the mistress has no idea about the marriage chowder66 Nov 2013 #12
This actually happened pipi_k Nov 2013 #32
Whoa... chowder66 Nov 2013 #62
I was very surprised that a woman mentioned in that story... NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #64
An aol video chowder66 Nov 2013 #69
Interesting...she didn't say that in the NY Daily News study. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #70
Transcript snippet chowder66 Nov 2013 #81
Here is some more info about the site and the woman mentioned. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #73
I know, right? pipi_k Nov 2013 #103
That might work chowder66 Nov 2013 #104
Some shocking stories on that site. Here's one LittleBlue Nov 2013 #14
Gross. Iggo Nov 2013 #15
Dang...that was brutal. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #17
The jilted wife has issues Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #65
I've never understood the phrase homewrecker. tammywammy Nov 2013 #16
Yup. 100% agree... Agschmid Nov 2013 #19
Absolutely, but so is the partner in the homebreaking... CTyankee Nov 2013 #39
I think it makes them look human Mojorabbit Nov 2013 #44
Unfortunately, everyone seems to put their lives on the net these days. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #48
Yes. Iggo Nov 2013 #46
Agreed Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #66
That is just bullshit laundry_queen Nov 2013 #107
Self reflection is in order Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #109
LOL. sounds like you are a cheater. nt laundry_queen Nov 2013 #110
LOL. Not really Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #111
"not really" tells me all I need to know. laundry_queen Nov 2013 #112
Your hysterics tell me all I need to know about you Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #113
Wow. Sexist much? I'm hysterical? laundry_queen Nov 2013 #114
As do you Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #115
Whatever. Even my ex agrees that I was a great wife. nt laundry_queen Nov 2013 #116
LOL Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #118
As does my MIL. Who is still one of my best friends. And doesn't talk to her son anymore. nt laundry_queen Nov 2013 #119
You're obviously a wonderful daughter in-law too Capt. Obvious Nov 2013 #124
Yes. Capt obvious is that obvious. Let him off the hook to swim away to seabeyond Nov 2013 #121
Yep. laundry_queen Nov 2013 #122
This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass Nov 2013 #20
Yeah, the story mentioned that as sort of a companion site. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #21
The parents may be doing the adultery, but it's always the kids that get royally "messed up". libdem4life Nov 2013 #22
Very good point. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #23
Always the innocent victims... pipi_k Nov 2013 #34
That would damn near be the end of the human race Fumesucker Nov 2013 #47
Message auto-removed Name removed Nov 2013 #28
all is fair in Niceguy1 Nov 2013 #29
This site seems like it's heavy on the war and light on the love. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #49
Typical that the women are portrayed as the wrongdoers in these situations. MadrasT Nov 2013 #30
you are absolutely right. The men need as much scrutiny as the women and also if they started it! CTyankee Nov 2013 #35
This will not end well. nt treestar Nov 2013 #31
Women are competitive when it comes to men davidn3600 Nov 2013 #36
Hint: change your calendar. Its 2013 not 1950 u4ic Nov 2013 #45
I know, right? treestar Nov 2013 #77
guys dont fight over women?! bunnies Nov 2013 #54
exactly La Lioness Priyanka Nov 2013 #101
Ugh CFLDem Nov 2013 #37
Yeah, and women cheating should just aim for their best chance... CTyankee Nov 2013 #41
Everybody loves a good slut-shaming. TransitJohn Nov 2013 #40
No man (or woman) Le Taz Hot Nov 2013 #42
I imagine that a lot of the people... NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #50
If the site had existed 20+ years ago frogmarch Nov 2013 #43
men get revenge. women are scorned. when a man is being dumped on, he takes revenge. seabeyond Nov 2013 #51
Whatever. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #52
language matters. kinda why you have the woman go after the woman, while men go after the woman. seabeyond Nov 2013 #55
I'll put on my outrage hat. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #57
because just making a statement ='s outrage. seabeyond Nov 2013 #67
This was intended as a light-hearted thread... NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #68
then you should not have gotten all outraged over a simple point. let it go.... seabeyond Nov 2013 #72
Who said I was outraged? NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #75
hmmmm, ya. lol. right. wink seabeyond Nov 2013 #82
Wink back atcha. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #85
re read. i made a statement. that simple. i have focused on that statement, again, that simple. YOU seabeyond Nov 2013 #87
What names did I call you? NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #90
you can NOT let it go. more more more. oh please, fight with me. see ya. seabeyond Nov 2013 #92
Never mind answering the questions I asked. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #93
That's silly. Go to the Lounge. You obviously want mindless entertainment. ancianita Nov 2013 #84
Gee... NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #86
ya. lol. i am off to play... seabeyond Nov 2013 #88
Bravo! Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #94
Shit's just not funny. It should be in the DU Lounge, anyway. ancianita Nov 2013 #95
Yeah well... NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #96
Sure you can have a different opinion. Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #97
Of course she is entitled to her opinion. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #98
"The HOF crowd"? Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #102
How exactly am I struggling? NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #105
+1 MadrasT Nov 2013 #99
Why do you suppose that is? And what might be done about it? Orrex Nov 2013 #71
well, stating it outloud to recognize we do this with women is a start. but, then, people seabeyond Nov 2013 #74
I'm outraged that you replied to me. Orrex Nov 2013 #89
you are funny... seabeyond Nov 2013 #91
Yes, it shows the way they want to be fairly well treestar Nov 2013 #78
and a man fuckin around with a married woman certainly doe snot get a title like "mistress" seabeyond Nov 2013 #83
Thank jeebus nobody ever lies when relationships go bad. tridim Nov 2013 #60
I'm good with it. If you are screwing around with someone's spouse IdaBriggs Nov 2013 #63
I agree. HappyMe Nov 2013 #79
:) laundry_queen Nov 2013 #108
More info on the site: NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #76
ugh. this is truly awful. La Lioness Priyanka Nov 2013 #100
Agreed oberliner Nov 2013 #117
I'm sure all the scorned wives here are perfect saints *eyeroll* cbdo2007 Nov 2013 #120
There is a bigger site called "Cheaterville" AgingAmerican Nov 2013 #123
Wow...not only exposed but Google bombed too. NaturalHigh Nov 2013 #125
This message was self-deleted by its author jeff47 Nov 2013 #126

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
2. I thought about that too.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:10 PM
Nov 2013

I'm guessing that the information posted would have to be false for the poster to be sued, though.

bemildred

(90,061 posts)
3. Yes, but I expect enough money could help your case.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:13 PM
Nov 2013

With enough money you can sue anybody for anything, as many times as you like too.

Bay Boy

(1,689 posts)
6. Or it may...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:18 PM
Nov 2013

...or may not be provably true.

Let's say I call someone a 'prostitute'. I say that because I paid her for sex. Then I post on-line that "Susie is a prostitute" and she sues me for slander/libel. I now have to prove, in a court of law, that Susie does indeed take money in exchange for sex. It no longer matters if it is true or not.

Disclaimer: I did not give Susie money for sex.

DanTex

(20,709 posts)
9. Wouldn't the burden of proof go the other way?
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:30 PM
Nov 2013

Wouldn't Susie have to prove that she doesn't take money for sex in order to prove that you are guilty of libel?

gollygee

(22,336 posts)
13. No
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:54 PM
Nov 2013

If you say something you need to have proof that it's true, or at least substantially true, or at least that it was understandable for you to think it. It's almost impossible to prove a negative, so libel would be pretty legal otherwise. And people are legally responsible for what they post and for it being at least generally factual. It doesn't have to be proven to be 100% true, but there does have to be at least some truth to it.

 

tina tron

(160 posts)
59. Actually you have to prove damages
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 09:38 AM
Nov 2013

That the information is false and that it damaged your reputation financial or otherwise.

Bay Boy

(1,689 posts)
8. I'm betting the husbands are taking some heat too...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:21 PM
Nov 2013

..but you are right that most of the blames should be on the cheating spouse.

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)
106. I can walk and chew gum at the same time
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 04:44 PM
Nov 2013


No really, I'm guessing a lot of women do this because they still have to deal with their ex because of kids and child support/alimony and so on. They don't have to deal with the 'other woman' one on one. So it's okay to trash them. And I'm guess in 90-something percent of the time the ex does nothing to stick up for his new girlfriend so there's no blowback to deal with. It's easier to attack the other woman.

BTW in my case, my ex gets the full brunt of my anger but I don't leave the other woman blameless - who the fuck thinks it's okay to sleep with a guy who is married and has 4 kids? I'm sure he lied and said his marriage was horrible (something he neglected to even hint about when we were together, and always acted as if he was madly in love with me) but still...sometimes these women need to be held accountable too. Not sure this website is the way to do it but if were 2-3 years ago and I knew about this website....well, let's just say lucky for her I'm past the rage. I think.

petronius

(26,602 posts)
24. The article mentions that there's a companion site targeting men who cheat or
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:36 PM
Nov 2013

are 'the other man.' The person who came up with this sleazy business plan wasn't going to miss out on any opportunity to cash in...

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
25. I read the story, but I haven't actually checked out either site yet.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:40 PM
Nov 2013

How do they make money? Do they charge a fee for people to post this stuff, or do they have advertising?

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
58. Now that would be ironic.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 09:30 AM
Nov 2013

Maybe they would stop advertising so much on TV. Those are the most annoying commercials.

CTyankee

(63,912 posts)
33. well, spread the blame around...it's only fair...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:29 PM
Nov 2013

folks: don't cheat on your spouse. Just don't. If you are unhappy, make an honest split and get separated. Then get your divorce. End of story.

JustAnotherGen

(31,823 posts)
56. Don't Date Him Girl
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 09:06 AM
Nov 2013

There used to be a site like that called don't date him girl - don't know if it's still around. But it wasn't just husbands - ex boyfriends were fair game too.

Agschmid

(28,749 posts)
10. That is gross...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:38 PM
Nov 2013

I read a few of them, there is a lot of people who apparently have unaddressed mental illness, or who need immediate counseling who participate in that website.

It's really sad to see a lot of those posts. It is also incredibly sad to see how people seem to assign blame for the actions of both parties involved.

Really nothing about that website is okay.

Horribly frustrating to look at.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
11. I didn't look at it.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:42 PM
Nov 2013

I just read the story, but yeah, it seems kind of creepy. Strange times we live in.

Agschmid

(28,749 posts)
18. Yup.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:06 PM
Nov 2013

I really women would not throw other women under the bus so easily.

I realize I may get it for that comment.

chowder66

(9,068 posts)
12. What if the mistress has no idea about the marriage
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:46 PM
Nov 2013

or is being lied to that there is a separation? The ramifications are terrible all around. Obviously an affair can have disastrous and have long term effects on the family, friends and children.
But I don't think it's right to put more hurt out in the world. It's one thing to vent and use aliases but
the possibilities of very long term effects on the mistresses like jobs, bullying long after, chlldren that might be involved and
suicide are all issues that give me deep concern about this kind of call out.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)
32. This actually happened
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:27 PM
Nov 2013

to me three times.

First time I was 17...he was 25. I guess I sort of suspected, but didn't really give it much thought. I was a kid...

Second time I was almost 19. That time I came right out and asked him if he was married. He lied straight to my face and said no. I only found out about the lie when his wife found my number and called to tell me he was married. I apologized and told her I had no idea. She was really nice about it. I never saw him again.

Third time I was 34. The guy wasn't married, but did have a girlfriend back home in a town about 40 miles away (he was in a "program" and went home on weekends). Again, I only found out about her when she called to tell me that he had a girlfriend. She told me I could have him...I guess he had done it many times before. I told her I didn't want him, thanks all the same. She wasn't pissed off at me.


Then...then... there was my first husband, who couldn't seem to stop himself from cheating...even with one of my own sisters. But anyway, one particularly bizarre incident happened when I was pregnant with my third child and got a visit from one of his girlfriends to tell me he was cheating on me AND her with another one. Yeah, just the kind of stress a pregnant lady needs...

Anyway, scumdogs are just scumdogs, and sometimes the "other woman" has no idea and even gets lied to.


chowder66

(9,068 posts)
62. Whoa...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 09:56 AM
Nov 2013

That's a lot! I feel like even if a mistress knew... the wife or significant other should probably handle it in the fashion the women did in your stories.
I can't see the point in revenge. It just drags everything out. Also, the internet shouldn't fully replace coping skills especially when more damage can be done that reaches far beyond "having a word" with someone.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
64. I was very surprised that a woman mentioned in that story...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 10:15 AM
Nov 2013

who said that she had already gotten some rough comments and phone calls was willing to be interviewed and phtographed by the reporter.

chowder66

(9,068 posts)
69. An aol video
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 10:51 AM
Nov 2013

has an interview with her which she says she was lied to that the married man was separated and now it is ruining job opportunities.
http://on.aol.com/video/woman-says--homewrecker--site-is-costing-her-opportunities-518005698

I'm sure there are those that are fame-seekers but she seems to be willing to go on camera to make her point. She crys and says how sorry she is even though she was lied to. Is she being fully honest? It's not up to me to judge really but she seems honest enough. But more so is making a point I have great concern over and that is, women who are lied to and then exposed.

What stops someone from posting about other women they are just jealous of or "suspect" are flirting or having affairs.
I don't see where this stops and I don't see where this is for any greater good. The "founder" who goes by an alias says it's supposed to make women think before cheating and yet again, who says these "cheating women" know they are "cheating" if the husband/sig. other lies to them?

I'm not against women finding comfort but this is not the way to deal/cope with it. It doesn't really make them any better than the person who is cheating (husband or mistress). It's just more hurt all around.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
70. Interesting...she didn't say that in the NY Daily News study.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:02 AM
Nov 2013

"The 29-year-old told Nightline that she ended her affair with a married man after she became pregnant with his child and realized that he was never going to leave his wife. She said she reached out to her lover's wife and apologized multiple times."

Is the aol interview from the Nightline segment the story mentioned?

chowder66

(9,068 posts)
81. Transcript snippet
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:41 AM
Nov 2013

"Three years after she says her affair with a married man ended 29-year-old dana scott found her name and location plastered on the site. I remember thinking, okay, he is married, but he is, kind of flirty.
And at some point he tried to kiss me. That's when he told me he was actually, you know, separated. And they were talking divorce.
Reporter: Did you think he was going to leave her for you?
That is what he told me.
Reporter: But he didn't leave."
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/shesahomewreckercom-revenge-website-targets-alleged-mistresses-20825556

So she knew he was married but he said they were separated and talking divorce. She could have waited but who knows what else this guy was telling her.

I'm thinking about situations like this and others; like women who are jealous, who have an agenda, who are paranoid and vengeful.
Who stops them from saying some innocent woman they dislike is having an affair with so and so. It's just a terrible idea in my opinion.

In the end though, it makes you actually wonder about the women who are posting there. Maybe the fact that they do this says something about their character that their exes know about and is potentially the reason the spouses look elsewhere... in the first place.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)
103. I know, right?
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 02:16 PM
Nov 2013

I'm older and married now, but if I were single and looking to date, I would be extremely suspicious of anyone who expressed interest in me.

Can I call them at home...

Can I call them at home freely...

Do I get to see the inside of their home...

Are they available on holidays or weekends...

Granted, that probably would be ineffective against a determined philanderer, but it's a start...

chowder66

(9,068 posts)
104. That might work
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 02:25 PM
Nov 2013

but then again if the guy or gal says they are separated or going through a separation or getting divorced then that complicates things. Obviously it would be better to wait until the divorce but we know that can take some time and sometimes the attraction is too strong for some. And since so many people use cell phones and don't have landlines how could you really know?

Some people may have kids and don't want to invite someone in until they know it's going to work out and separated and divorcing people most likely will still spend the holidays with family especially if kids are involved.



Tricky stuff.

 

LittleBlue

(10,362 posts)
14. Some shocking stories on that site. Here's one
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 06:59 PM
Nov 2013


This woman ruined my marriage of nearly a decade and THINKS she got away with it. My husband and I got married pretty young when I found out I was pregnant. The situation was not ideal but we managed to make a good life together. I sacrificed my education to stay home and care for our son so that my husband could finish school and provide us a better life. We had 2 more children during our first 5 years of marriage and I was content. Money was always short but I really trusted my husband.

We had our disagreements. He was gone for school and work a lot and money issues put a lot of stress on us but we both loved our kids more than anything and I knew we would make it work. I thought our prayers were answered when he got a promotion at his job. The new job required he go to CA for several weeks of training but I trusted him and knew that he had to work.

He wasn’t gone long before I knew something was wrong. His communication with me was limited and short. When he finally got home after weeks he would hardly look at me and finally told me he wanted to separate. I asked him all the time if there was someone else and he denied. I guess he wasn’t smart enough to know that I was his wife and could basically get into all of his accounts, read his texts and emails and monitor his calls. It took about a day for me to find out her name and information. I was crushed for the years I wasted with him my kids and our future.

Lucy also worked for his same company and was at the training the same weeks as him. Not only is she several years older than him but she was married and had toddler twins! She would go on and on via email and text about how bad she felt about cheating but her husband was just so mean and so was I! Then shed start talking about their sex life and how she couldn’t wait to see him soon and be with him. She lived in TX and we lived in KY. I wanted to puke and scream and just lose it.

I felt sick about it all especially her acting like the VICTIM even though she was breaking up my house and hers! My husband kept saying there was no one even while he was telling her he missed her and they were discussing where they’d live when they both finally got their marriages officially ended. It was obvious my husband was capable of more lying then was possible in a good man just making a mistake so I didn’t even fight for him. I just let him pretend to be a saint as he left his 3 kids. I think they deserved each other and I just let those sneaky liars be.

Funny enough not long after he left our house and then actually left the town where I was still caring for our kids he dumped her. Maybe he got tired of her whining on Facebook and always posing with alcoholic drinks like she was 21 instead of a woman who was desperate and used up? Hobag. Dummy didn’t even realize ex-wife’s can still access there ex-husbands accounts.

I’m now happy as can be and their both alone and miserable. Cheaters and liars NEVER win. I’ve been so close so many times to letting her husband know what really happened because that poor man still has no idea the monster he was married too. She’s a wolf dressed up like a needy professional who hos around with married men. Watch out.

http://shesahomewrecker.com/luciana-lucy-depaiva-giffin-houston-tx/

lol her ex and the homewrecker ended up miserable and split up. Justice

tammywammy

(26,582 posts)
16. I've never understood the phrase homewrecker.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:04 PM
Nov 2013

Isn't it the spouse, the person breaking their vows, the homewrecker? This website makes the person lashing out look juvenile.

CTyankee

(63,912 posts)
39. Absolutely, but so is the partner in the homebreaking...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 09:09 PM
Nov 2013

I think the spouse responsible for the affair should be the one to blame. If he takes up with someone, shame on her/him too, but if the person going out after the affair is the one who is primarily to blame...well, they have some cause if you think about it...

Mojorabbit

(16,020 posts)
44. I think it makes them look human
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 12:58 AM
Nov 2013

I would never put my life up on the net this way but I can understand the heart break and hurt a betrayal like this produces. Perhaps this is the only way they have to vent. It is sad all the way around.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
48. Unfortunately, everyone seems to put their lives on the net these days.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 08:43 AM
Nov 2013

I don't have a twitter or facebook account because I don't like that much online sharing. Too many crazies out there.

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)
107. That is just bullshit
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 05:07 PM
Nov 2013

I'm sorry but this whole "people have to have a reason to cheat" stuff is just absolute bullshit. BULLSHIT.

In my case, we had a great sex life, we got along great, we were great friends, we had 4 kids, a nice house, a great life. He lead a double life for YEARS and I had no idea (yeah, those of you who say, "how could you not know?" Trust me when you are married to a sociopath, you WON'T know, or even have a clue.) he lied. He put us into bankruptcy. All of his friends were so shocked they came to me after I found out and said, "OMG, why would he do that to you? You were the COOLEST wife! He had it SO good! WTF is WRONG with him?" His co-worker was the one who came to me to tell me about the cheating because he said I was such a good person he couldn't stand to see what my ex was doing to me and he had to tell me the truth.

My ex cheated because he was/is a sociopath who thinks he is the smartest guy in the room. He does what he wants, when he wants so long as it benefits him in the moment. He doesn't ever consider consequences because he thinks he's smart enough to get around anything that might happen if he gets caught. There is NOTHING I could've done differently. I've gone over this a thousand times with therapists - who think he's either a narcissist or a sociopath - and the consensus is that the marriage was doomed because he is a sociopath/narcissist and there was nothing I could've done differently that could've ever changed the outcome. When he grew tired of 'a family life' he strayed. He only kept the family life going as long as it was advantageous to his career. When it wasn't doing him good anymore in his career to have a family, he had no problems throwing us all away. He still sees the kids, but rarely (once every 3-6 weeks). His new schtick is that I don't let him see the kids (?? Lies - our agreement is he can see them any weekend he wants, he doesn't even have to give notice) and that I spend all the child support on myself (LOL, ask anyone I know where I shop for myself and what I own and how my kids are dressed and taken care of.) Right now, it benefits him to tell his sob story about what a great dad he is and how horrible I am to him and how his kids are growing distant because of me (like the teenagers haven't figured out he cheated - my oldest was the one who was surprised during her first visit to see the girlfriend who moved into our old home - I had no idea, she's the one who told me). He will continue with that story until the day it's no longer convenient or beneficial. He's even convinced himself that some of these lies are true.

Anyway, I just needed to get that out. My whole life revolved around this man, and I loved him with all my heart and I gave up a lot to stay at home and raise our kids. I thought our marriage was great, and we had no issues with communication - the only flaw was that everything he told me was a big fat lie, and being a sociopath, it was all 100% believable. At the time I knew nothing about sociopaths, and we had been together since we were 19 years old, so how I was I to know? I guess my big mistake was not understanding what were the signs my spouse was a sociopath, although even my therapist cleared me of that, saying when you are raised by 2 co-dependent narcissists, you don't know that sociopathic behavior isn't normal.

So, no, not all cheaters cheat because their home life sucks. In my divorce support group there was rarely anyone who had been cheated on who had any clue their spouse was even a little bit unhappy. How about telling your spouse you aren't happy before you go out and cheat? Seems to me THAT is obvious.

Capt. Obvious

(9,002 posts)
109. Self reflection is in order
Tue Nov 12, 2013, 10:11 AM
Nov 2013

Once the blind siding wears off you realize the home life wasn't some mystical fantasy you thought it was.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
121. Yes. Capt obvious is that obvious. Let him off the hook to swim away to
Tue Nov 12, 2013, 01:12 PM
Nov 2013

Play his game another day.

And laundry....

Hugz

Response to NaturalHigh (Original post)

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
21. Yeah, the story mentioned that as sort of a companion site.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:24 PM
Nov 2013

People love to share all in this digital age.

 

libdem4life

(13,877 posts)
22. The parents may be doing the adultery, but it's always the kids that get royally "messed up".
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 07:32 PM
Nov 2013

It's hard enough with divorce or the split of parents, but the hyperdrama of cheating and lying and manipulating and blaming and shaming and custody fights...erode the emerging humanity of the children. And you know the kids know about the sites...horrible, horrible parenting.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)
34. Always the innocent victims...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:36 PM
Nov 2013

of people who think they have the right to fuck up a kid's head.

Which is why I would be glad to see mandatory psychological testing before people were allowed to be parents.

I mean, really...don't prospective adoptive parents have to go through background checks and testing or something?

Yet they let any fuckwit with the proper equipment make a kid and nobody gives a shit unless/until the kid ends up abused or dead at the hands of its "parent".

ugh.

Fumesucker

(45,851 posts)
47. That would damn near be the end of the human race
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 03:15 AM
Nov 2013

We are all descended from a long line of fuckups, even if we aren't aware of the fuckups of our ancestors rest assured a bunch of them were just that and did just that.

None of us would be here but for the fuckups of our ancestors.

I was over fifty before I learned some of the less savory truth about my own heritage, by that time I was experienced enough for it not to shock me but rather make me deeply appreciative of the humanity of those who came before me.



Response to NaturalHigh (Original post)

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
30. Typical that the women are portrayed as the wrongdoers in these situations.
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:12 PM
Nov 2013

The cheating men had nothing to do with it.



I always thought it odd that when a woman finds out her husband is cheating, oftentimes, it's the other woman that is the object of the betrayed wife's wrath.

Very, very odd.

CTyankee

(63,912 posts)
35. you are absolutely right. The men need as much scrutiny as the women and also if they started it!
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:37 PM
Nov 2013

n/t.

 

davidn3600

(6,342 posts)
36. Women are competitive when it comes to men
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:52 PM
Nov 2013

Men typically won't fight over one woman. Instead, guys tend to encourage each other to find a woman. A male friend will help his bro find a girl and encourage him to ask her out.

Maybe that's part of it. In our dating culture, guys do the asking out. So a guy can go out some night and ask out a dozen girls. He doesn't have to fight over someone because he realizes there are many, many, many single women out there.

Women usually dont do the asking out. They wait for a man to approach them. And that creates a competitive environment with other women.

treestar

(82,383 posts)
77. I know, right?
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:28 AM
Nov 2013

That man certainly declared the rules to us! We are not to ask them! They remain in control with a choice of a huge number of women! We just have to wait on the few who decide to ask us. It's up to them to choose us! We have no say and are desperate for someone to choose us!

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
37. Ugh
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 08:57 PM
Nov 2013

Cheating just sounds like too much trouble and too much work. Especially for a lot of the broads on that site.

I mean if you're going to kill your livelihood (not recommended), at least have the good judgement to aim at least for an 8 or higher.

But I guess to each his own...

CTyankee

(63,912 posts)
41. Yeah, and women cheating should just aim for their best chance...
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 09:13 PM
Nov 2013

grab a high earner so you don't have to work any more and have a husband who pulls in the big bucks...too bad for the ex-wife and those kids...

Le Taz Hot

(22,271 posts)
42. No man (or woman)
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 09:13 PM
Nov 2013

is worth giving up his/her integrity to this kind of website. Get over it, move one, but stop with the posting thing. You're only embarrassing yourself.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
50. I imagine that a lot of the people...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 08:47 AM
Nov 2013

who post on this site in a moment of anger end up regretting it later. I wonder if there is a way for them to delete their own postings.

frogmarch

(12,153 posts)
43. If the site had existed 20+ years ago
Sun Nov 10, 2013, 09:18 PM
Nov 2013

one of my husband's sisters would have dissed her husband's rape victim there for trying to break up the marriage.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
51. men get revenge. women are scorned. when a man is being dumped on, he takes revenge.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 08:48 AM
Nov 2013

when a woman is dumped on she is a "scorned" women.

simple language, gives us two descriptions.

just something to think about

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
55. language matters. kinda why you have the woman go after the woman, while men go after the woman.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 09:05 AM
Nov 2013

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
68. This was intended as a light-hearted thread...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 10:32 AM
Nov 2013

about a story I read online. It wasn't intended as some sort of deep, introspective thread about supposedly sexist language that has managed to offend nobody but you so far. If you're interested, there is a companion site to this one where you can go and trash the men too.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
75. Who said I was outraged?
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:23 AM
Nov 2013

I was enjoying a little back and forth about the site when you came to teach us a lesson about the genders. You're putting way too much thought into this.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
87. re read. i made a statement. that simple. i have focused on that statement, again, that simple. YOU
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:48 AM
Nov 2013

on the other had have told me to shut up, called me names, insulted me, lectured and stomped your foot.

Do you going around looking to pick fights?


in every. one. of. your. posts.

still cant let it go?

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
93. Never mind answering the questions I asked.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:57 AM
Nov 2013

What names did I call you? When did I tell you to shut up?

Bye bye

ancianita

(36,055 posts)
84. That's silly. Go to the Lounge. You obviously want mindless entertainment.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:44 AM
Nov 2013

There's no such thing as too much thought about how women are dumbed down with "the she-devil made me do it!" kinds of bullshit. Centuries of that bullshit. That shit's so not funny and the shallow level of jokeyism here isn't cool. I scrolled through it in shock. Maybe it takes all kinds to make a party, but until half the government is represented by the female half the US, this stuff isn't really even worth GD's time.

The problem with this OP is, anyone who doesn't put enough thought into how such these sites simply reinforce stupidity about adult responsibility in committed relationships, and then just spreads the mindless stupidity of horndogginess.

If this is amusing to people here, no wonder women aren't getting anywhere.

Go to the fucking Lounge.

Sheldon Cooper

(3,724 posts)
94. Bravo!
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 12:25 PM
Nov 2013


Someone puts up a gender-based post in GD and then gets all outraged when it isn't met with what they desperately want to be 'light-hearted humor'. There's nothing at all funny about this, other than the fact that the OP saved his/her outrage for when one of our better known feminists showed up.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
96. Yeah well...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 12:49 PM
Nov 2013

some of us are still allowed to have opinions that are different from Seabeyond and the HOF crowd. Galling, I know.

Sheldon Cooper

(3,724 posts)
97. Sure you can have a different opinion.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 12:52 PM
Nov 2013

Just wondering how selective your outrage really is. And how remarkable that YOU are entitled to your opinion, but seabeyond isn't.

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
98. Of course she is entitled to her opinion.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 12:55 PM
Nov 2013

I don't have to respect her opinion any more than she has to respect mine. Interesting that the HOF crowd came riding to her rescue when she accused me of calling her names but then wouldn't say what I called her.

This isn't a protected group like HOF. People don't have to grovel to the party line.

Sheldon Cooper

(3,724 posts)
102. "The HOF crowd"?
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 01:57 PM
Nov 2013

Far as I can tell, that would be me. Do you have a problem with that? Am I allowed to express an opinion on this, or am I just to go along with you and your light-hearted caper? Seriously, you had no problem with anyone until seabeyond commented, which she is of course entitled to do. But as soon as she did, you showed your ass. And now a couple of strong women are saying that your post was bull, and you're struggling with that. Laughable.

And I notice that exactly no one is coming to your rescue. What does that tell you?

NaturalHigh

(12,778 posts)
105. How exactly am I struggling?
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 02:46 PM
Nov 2013

I don't really need anyone to come to my rescue.

As for your opinion...express away.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
74. well, stating it outloud to recognize we do this with women is a start. but, then, people
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:21 AM
Nov 2013

get all outraged by a simple statement, so..... lol.

Orrex

(63,210 posts)
89. I'm outraged that you replied to me.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:51 AM
Nov 2013

Hardy har har.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of public shaming sites in any case, but this particular format seems especially problematic. Seems too easy to malign someone without fear of repercussion. I mean, what recourse does a woman have after she's been shamed as a "homewrecker?" Even an unsubstantiated accusation is damaging, I think.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
91. you are funny...
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:52 AM
Nov 2013

i hear ya. not a fan of either gender that fucks around with a married person. less of a fan of the one that commits.

treestar

(82,383 posts)
78. Yes, it shows the way they want to be fairly well
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:29 AM
Nov 2013

They choose, we are produce to be chosen from. They own us and are wronged, we are the ones who are left behind.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
83. and a man fuckin around with a married woman certainly doe snot get a title like "mistress"
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:43 AM
Nov 2013

which states an ownership. bought, paid for.

 

IdaBriggs

(10,559 posts)
63. I'm good with it. If you are screwing around with someone's spouse
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 10:13 AM
Nov 2013

(and the spouse hasn't given permission) with the "hope" they will abandon their family, I have no problem with people finding out your character.

If you want to publicly announce the name of the jerk you were screwing with, I'm good with that, too, because that person's character is scummy, too.

Whatever the victim wants is fine with me - if the victim wants to keep it private (as many do), I support that. If the victim wants people to know they've been emotionally assaulted and abused / possibly exposed to disease against their will, I'm good with that.

I dislike the folk who think there is nothing wrong with screwing with someone's marriage, but find the idea of TALKING ABOUT IT offensive.

Whatever.

HappyMe

(20,277 posts)
79. I agree.
Mon Nov 11, 2013, 11:34 AM
Nov 2013

If somebody is so angry and hurt and this helps them unload some of it - fine.

I don't think that the cheating husband is getting off scott-free, since he still has to deal with the wife he cheated on.

cbdo2007

(9,213 posts)
120. I'm sure all the scorned wives here are perfect saints *eyeroll*
Tue Nov 12, 2013, 01:04 PM
Nov 2013

I hope the husbands have a place on the site to rebut the posting and really put the truth out there. lol

 

AgingAmerican

(12,958 posts)
123. There is a bigger site called "Cheaterville"
Tue Nov 12, 2013, 01:24 PM
Nov 2013

People post cheater profiles of their cheating spouse there. The site has an automatic hit system that drives the profile up in google. Within days their profile comes up in the top 2 or 3 of a google search of the cheaters name.

They can only have the profile removed by legal means. It is used heavily against affair partners.

Response to AgingAmerican (Reply #123)

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