Reality has hit home. Advice needed.My middle son,wife and kids will be homeless unless...
My son,his very pregnant wife and their two year old daughter will be moving into my two bedroom townhouses with me and my youngest son. I can't let them be homeless,and she is due to deliver SOON.
I know some of you have done this. We have "kind of " worked out logistics on paper, but any advice you can give me will be appreciated!
= new reply since forum marked as read
And comes with a built-in incentive for everyone to get out more.
How old is your younger son? Can he share a space or bed with the 2 yr old?
I think I'd be spending more time outside or at the library.
Good luck. You are a good mom
Whoops.
Its fantastic that you are all starting off with loving hearts
When I was in high school I found myself living with a foster family for awhile because my mother had become ill and had to be hospitalized. My father was working in South America and he didn't want to interrupt my school year by bringing me down there.
The family had three bedrooms, one bath, three children and a nephew going to college living with them. Then they took me in. In a few months a older married son, pregnant wife and three pre-school children lost his job and they moved in. The living room turned into another bedroom and basically the dining room and kitchen became the common area. The two bedrooms were divided between girls and boys.
Excess junk in the closets and cabinets were boxed up and put in the garage to make way for clothing and personal goods of everyone. Mrs. XX made a bathroom schedule for all, which mostly worked. We older ones had to be flexible with toddlers and a pregnant woman around. We all pitched in with cooking, dish washing and cleaning. Mrs. XX constantly complained about the house being too small. Once we all got used to each other we had fun.
Eventually, everyone moved on. The kids grew up, married and moved away. About a decade later I was in town and went to visit my foster family. Mr. XX had retire by then and Mrs. XX complained about how the house was too big and silent for them.
I lived with my parents twice in the last 4 years (once, they invited me when my ex cheated, the second time was waiting to move into my new home that was behind schedule). I have 4 kids. There were 7 of us in a 3 bedroom 1100 sq ft bungalow. It was hellish, only because my parents wanted to keep their lifestyle and could not tolerate any toys left out. Ever. Nor were we allowed to keep any of our belongings outside of our 2 bedrooms - everything we owned was kept in those rooms so my mom didn't have to look at our stuff in her space. My parents have issues though that go beyond that (think personality disorders) but you sound like a really nice person so none of that will probably pertain to you. As long as you are flexible with things you can't control (or things that trying to control will drive everyone totally batty) and set boundaries it should be ok. I lived with my ILs when I was married (in my home) and WE had no issues at all - we knew where we had to relax and we were vocal about our expectations (instead of passive aggressive like my parents). It's really important to negotiate your needs - I think another poster said this - things you must have a certain way. Clean bathrooms, morning shower, counters wiped - whatever. My big thing with my ILs was to not discipline my kids - that was my job. And all of the other things that aren't as important you need to just let it all go. My parents were insistent that everything be done their way, including disciplining my kids, and keeping the house show ready. Impossible with that many people in a small space.
One good idea that I think was also mentioned is to make rules about moving out - what are the expectations. When your son gets a job? 2 months after he gets a job? Clear that up immediately. My parents told me I could stay with them (the first time) until "I got back on my feet". I figured that would be about a year. 4 months later they kicked me out. Our expectations were totally different. It's probably also a good thing to go over chores, cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. Also, how much to contribute to the household. The first time I lived with my parents, they wanted rent, but told me that they would include the food in the rent. Then they resented how much it cost to feed 4 kids and brought it up all the time "Your rent barely covers the food I have to buy!" So the next time I lived with them - admittedly it was easier because we knew it was very temporary until my house was built - I was told there would be no rent as long as I did all my own cooking and grocery shopping. So straightening that out up front will make life easier. It's not good if you are cooking for everyone every night and resenting it because you are the one who works. On the other hand, if you don't want to cook for everyone, then you will have to be very relaxed with who uses the kitchen and allow others their space to cook (my mom didn't want to cook - so I did. But then she complained we were always in the way in her kitchen. It was uncomfortable. We ate out a lot.)
Hope that helps a bit - as I said, you sound like a nice, compassionate person so the issues I've had to deal with probably won't be an issue for you guys, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents anyway. Good luck, keep us updated and especially let us know when the new baby arrives. Really enjoy those first few months - how great that you get to spend it under the same roof - I'm sure you'll treasure that time with the baby so much in the future.
picnic or anything. Son, wife and grandson lived with us for a year after he got laid off in 2006.
We had some agreements:
No one would leave any stuff on kitchen counters or in sink, ever. Clean it up, clean it off, run the dishwasher/unload the dishwasher ASAP.
Try not to make messes anywhere -- there is less angst when everyone makes a concerted effort to not make messes in the first place.
Set certain days for your guests to do laundry, if possible. Or set it up so that they can run a load thru during the morning, and you get to use the washer and dryer in the afternoon/evening. Nothing is ever left in the washer or dryer; finish the load before noon. (This was a big problem until we made this rule because hubby and I both worked all day and had to do our laundry evenings or weekends, and son's wife was always using washer/dryer on weekends.)
We got along fine, tried to give each other space, and I loved having little grandson around all the time. In fact, he hated moving out -- he was worried he would never see us again!! That little sweetie pie!
