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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThere’s A Website Called Black Friday Death Count And It Is Exactly What You Think It Is
http://blackfridaydeathcount.com/Ugh.
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There’s A Website Called Black Friday Death Count And It Is Exactly What You Think It Is (Original Post)
JaneyVee
Nov 2013
OP
giftedgirl77
(4,713 posts)1. One of the injuries occured in Ireland....
The mayhem is spreading.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)2. 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record
http://www.theonion.com/articles/42-million-dead-in-bloodiest-black-friday-weekend,30517/
NEW YORKAccording to emergency personnel, early estimates indicate that more than 42 million Americans were killed this past weekend in what is now believed to be the bloodiest Black Friday shopping event in history.
First responders reporting from retail stores all across the nation said the record-breaking post-Thanksgiving shopping spree carnage began as early as midnight on Friday, when 13 million shoppers were reportedly trampled, pummeled, burned, stabbed, shot, lanced, and brutally beaten to death while attempting to participate in early holiday sales events.
Law enforcement officials said the bloodbath only escalated throughout the weekend as hordes of savage holiday shoppers began murdering customers at Wal-Mart, Sears, and JCPenney locations nationwide, leaving piles of dismembered and mutilated corpses in their wake.
The level of bloodshed this year was almost beyond imaginationno prior Black Friday could have prepared us for this, said National Guard commander Frank Grass, talking to reporters in front of the still-smoldering remains of a local Best Buy that was burned to the ground Saturday. We had fire trucks, police cruisers, and guardsmen stationed at multiple locations, but it was useless. At the moment, hundreds of thousands of American shoppers are still unaccounted for, and we expect $2 billion in damage has been wrought upon our cities.
First responders reporting from retail stores all across the nation said the record-breaking post-Thanksgiving shopping spree carnage began as early as midnight on Friday, when 13 million shoppers were reportedly trampled, pummeled, burned, stabbed, shot, lanced, and brutally beaten to death while attempting to participate in early holiday sales events.
Law enforcement officials said the bloodbath only escalated throughout the weekend as hordes of savage holiday shoppers began murdering customers at Wal-Mart, Sears, and JCPenney locations nationwide, leaving piles of dismembered and mutilated corpses in their wake.
The level of bloodshed this year was almost beyond imaginationno prior Black Friday could have prepared us for this, said National Guard commander Frank Grass, talking to reporters in front of the still-smoldering remains of a local Best Buy that was burned to the ground Saturday. We had fire trucks, police cruisers, and guardsmen stationed at multiple locations, but it was useless. At the moment, hundreds of thousands of American shoppers are still unaccounted for, and we expect $2 billion in damage has been wrought upon our cities.
truedelphi
(32,324 posts)4. Well, I expect that prices on all major goods will really drop
Now!
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)3. That's actually hilarious.
The degree of exaggeration makes it funny.
The real deaths aren't funny.