42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record

[Coyotl]

Finally, some satire that won't get me burned at the stake.
If you fall for this one, that's your problem!

42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record
http://www.theonion.com/articles/42-million-dead-in-bloodiest-black-friday-weekend,30517/

NEW YORK—According to emergency personnel, early estimates indicate that more than 42 million Americans were killed this past weekend in what is now believed to be the bloodiest Black Friday shopping event in history.

First responders reporting from retail stores all across the nation said the record-breaking post-Thanksgiving shopping spree carnage began as early as midnight on Friday, when 13 million shoppers were reportedly trampled, pummeled, burned, stabbed, shot, lanced, and brutally beaten to death while attempting to participate in early holiday sales events.

Law enforcement officials said the bloodbath only escalated throughout the weekend as hordes of savage holiday shoppers began murdering customers at Wal-Mart, Sears, and JCPenney locations nationwide, leaving piles of dismembered and mutilated corpses in their wake.

“The level of bloodshed this year was almost beyond imagination—no prior Black Friday could have prepared us for this,” said National Guard commander Frank Grass ........

[mucifer]

1. The onion is very twisted. I love it.

[Arugula Latte]

2. I'm hoping the War on Christmas will take at least 50 million out.

They deserve it.

[longship]

3. Brilliant satire, as usual.

Thank you, Onion.
R&K

[Jamaal510]

4. At least this

piece of satire was less believable enough to enjoy, compared to the ones about Sarah Palin and about Ann Coulter.