Two Black Women Walk Into The Grocery Store . . .

[JustAnotherGen]

A joke does not follow. This is posted at CrackingTheCodes.org - a brief four minutes - in her shoes . . . Skin . . . Neighborhood.

&feature=youtube_gdata_player


What I love about this - her sister in law who appears white understood what was happening. My mother or husband or best friend would have said the same thing her sister in law did.They would honor the experience and use it as a way to teach someone something about the policies and practices and social construct they live in . . that allow these things to happen.

[cinnabonbon]

1. I love that story.

I really wish more white people used their privilege like this.

[JustAnotherGen]

8. Me too!

[Mister Ed]

23. And yet, there's still something very wrong with this picture

This woman's tale reminds me very much of a story I heard from a black woman at a small, informal community meeting I attended in my South Minneapolis neighborhood almost twenty years ago.

The woman's name was Cassandra, if I recall correctly. She was there with her landlady, a white woman with whom she had developed a close friendship. Cassandra told us that when she and her children had first moved into their new apartment in their new neighborhood, she had strongly sensed suspicion and mistrust all around them. Her landlady quickly took the situation in hand, and shepherded Cassandra all around the apartment building and the surrounding neighborhood to introduce her to everyone. The neighbors warmed up to her quickly after that.

Although Cassandra spoke warmly of this, I felt an icy knot in my stomach as I listened to her. I was imagining how I would feel in her shoes, and the feeling was infuriating. I was imagining how humiliating it must feel to her to not be deemed valid and worthy until and unless she had a white person to vouch for her. I cold barely stomach that tiny little imagined taste of what Cassandra and my other black neighbors must have had to stomach for real, every day.

So yes, I guess it's always best for white folks to use the power of their white privilege to correct racism when they can. But it sure doesn't set things right. As long as that privilege exists, and as long as there's a need for it to be used that way, then things are very, very far from right.

[tavalon]

58. Yes, things are far from being right, indeed.

I have many black friends and I had believed that I left racism in the south but they all swear it's worse in the north because it's so insidious. So I started watching and damned if they aren't right.

Funny side note, as a NICU nurse, I'm always grateful to have a black premie rather than a white one and a girl rather than a boy, because the research shows that blacks are stronger than whites and females are stronger than males. Ergo, a black female baby generally does better than an equivalent white male baby.* It's the crap thrown at blacks as they grow up that switches that around.

I've occasionally, idly wondered if the white men enslaved the blacks because they knew they (the whites) were inferior to the superior strength of the blacks and feared them.

*Please understand I'm speaking in generalities and there are always exceptions to the above.

[blackspade]

62. +1000

[cinnabonbon]

76. Oh yeah, that does sound really patronizing

I would feel hella uncomfortable having to deal with the landlady situation.

I do however completely agree with you. White people using their privilege for good is only a temporary bandaid, and it definitely does fix the underlying issues.

[monmouth3]

2. What a great woman and a lesson well-taught..Thanks for posting. Teachable moment..n/t

[1StrongBlackMan]

3. Bingo! ...

the speaker has correctly assessed the situation ... The white folks were influenced by the "white" woman's protest in a way that the Black woman (or, sadly, the tears of the little Black girl) could never have.

Look and learn.

[JustAnotherGen]

7. 1strong

I won't walk into the store Zara to this day - because of an experience similar to this. And it was my friend Jill - a socialite in NJ who stopped her transaction and left the store with me and her daughter. She gave no explanation to them. Those little twinkies behind the counter got the message.

Three years ago at Bridgewater Commons in NJ. Thanks to a sweet pea at DU who gave me heads up on this video.

[sheshe2]

4. K&R!

Thank you so much for posting Joy DeGruy "A Trip to the Grocery Store"! Well Done!

JAG

[HipChick]

5. Most white folk though could not walk in her shoes..

This is everyday for her...they would not last 5 mins..

[AgingAmerican]

41. Are they weak...

...or inferior or something?

[Luminous Animal]

51. If they were thrust into a role that they couldn't comprehend

Last edited Fri Jan 24, 2014, 12:14 AM - Edit history (1)

then they would have an extremely difficult time adjusting to constant "acknowledgement" of being the other.

I recommend watching the movie "Watermelon Man".

[AgingAmerican]

54. When you put it like that

...it makes sense.

[tavalon]

59. No, we white people are like fish

We've never been without privilege so we don't generally recognize, like a fish probably has no concept of water. It becomes invisible. I have great gratitude to my black and latino friends who have helped me see the insidious forms the prejudice takes. And this video is the best explanation I've ever seen.

[kelliekat44]

6. Going to help this go viral on FB. Help me out. nt

[Cha]

9. That's precious, Gen! Brought

little tears. Joy DeGuy is beautiful person and Kathleen.

Thank you, Gen

[Sissyk]

10. Thanks for this, JustAnotherGen!

I, a white woman, can relate. You see, I have a teenage black son. Dark black! lol.

We go places and if he goes ahead of me and his brother, or father, or any white people; he is noticed. Sometimes watched. Sometimes ask "Can I help you?". Immediately upon seeing he is with us, blonde, blue-eyed female and family; there is a noticeable change in attitude and facial expressions. We sometimes laugh, we sometimes confront it. My son though is aware, and we constantly have to talk about this in ways I did not have to talk to my teenage white son..

However, I will say; things are getting better even in the backwards state of Tennessee. We have to keep it going in that direction.

[JustAnotherGen]

11. I love it!

I'm sure it's uncomfortable for him - but you guys can change one person at a time.

[Sissyk]

12. Yes, and we can.

His discomfort is getting to be less and less. Which is a good thing. Granted, his parents gave him a great, confident foundation for me to build on once they left this earth.

My dad, a Baptist Minister (I'm not one), used to say that "God works in mysterious ways". I like to think this is one of the ways he (my dad) had in mind.

Changing one mind at a time because you are thrown right in the middle of the fire and have to find a way out for you and your loved ones.

[lapislzi]

13. I had a conversation about white privilege with my 20-yr-old daughter the other day

She clearly understands the concept. But, I couldn't explain or illustrate it one tenth as well as Ms DeGruy. A brilliant object lesson, and one I will be forwarding to my daughter.

Thank you for posting.

[JustAnotherGen]

15. Ut oh!

You wrote the w.p. words. Hide lapislzi. Run. be afraid.

Kidding aside - try framing it as a dominant culture thing. I'm studying now for my Italy citizenship (husband is from Italy) and I like the way the cultural parts as framed . . . "dominant culture". Granted they have their problems - what country doesn't? Dunno?

But as I'm learning the language and starting to take a deep dive - my husband used that as an explanation.

IE - I never knew Hannibal was black - of African descent.

My husbands response to me was - So what? He's Italian. Our culture and history are dominant and that's that.

Hence why I use dominant culture here. Their (Ancient Rome /Italy's) slave culture ended hundreds and hundreds of years ago. But their dominant culture has absorbed the "other" into it as just ho hum - "You gotta problem with that?"

^My life experience made extraordinary by who I chose to marry ^

[noiretextatique]

25. dominant white male cultural paradigm

Is the term my Italian creativity prof in grad school suggested we use instead of racism. He said that's the term he used to describe the chasm between northern and southern Italians. I never made it to the north, but after visiting Napoli, I had a good understanding of what he meant.

[JustAnotherGen]

42. Imagine you live in the Bronx from the ages of 4 to 12

My husband lived on a extremely diverse street/nook of that area. He almost failed Kindergarten because instead of mastering English - he was teaching Italian and learning Portuguese from the Brazilian little girls and French from the Haitian little girls.

And then he wakes up one morning in Acri, Italy goes out on the balcony and looks down and finds dirt mixed in with broken up cobblestone in the streets.

Worst culture shock eveeeer!

[lapislzi]

69. Love it!

I used to spend summers with my grandmother in Elmhurst Queens, probably one of the most diverse areas of the city. I would try to go entire days without speaking any English outside of the apartment. I still do that when I'm in areas where Spanish is the primary language. It's hard, and fun, and makes you think.

Thinking in another language shifts your perspective, and that's really good! Personally, I think everyone needs to be dumped in the blender and mixed up.

[lapislzi]

28. Good analogy

My daughter totally gets it, having been born white in South Africa the year Mandela was elected. We could have some conversations, JustAnotherGen, we could. Dominant culture indeed, and cultural immersion through marriage. I was thrown into the deep end of the gold standard of institutionalized, legislated racism when I moved to South Africa to marry my husband in 1985.

Keep me posted on your Italian adventure. Sounds like a fun challenge.

[JustAnotherGen]

39. That's awesome

What a wonderful life experience you've had! And I believe in my heart you *get* it. I'm work friends with a 32 year old white man from South Africa. I've learned a great deal from G.

[tavalon]

60. Imagine this

We're all descended from Africans. Mind blowing to some, I guess.

[lapislzi]

66. To accept that, you have to accept evolution as scientific fact (which it is)

Easier to just deny, and throw up those blockades in front of the cognitive dissonance. Once you grasp the concept that there is more that unites us than divides, you look at the world a little differently, and, I would hope, more humanely.

[PaddyIrishman]

73. Hannibal was from Carthage

Which was in North Africa.

I don't think the Italians ever claimed him as one of their own.

[JustAnotherGen]

77. Mine does

And he was in the military (my husband) for quite a few years. And it's in the study guide from the embassy too!

[MADem]

79. Hell, go down to Sicily, girlfriend! It's a short row to the African littoral...!

And you'll see that in the faces of the population!

Italy is way more African than a lot of people realize. And I'm not just talking about their shared history with Ethiopia, either....

Italy, as you noted, though many don't realize it at first blush, is a total "melting pot" of the old school-- they're Irish, English French, Spanish, Romanian, Turkish, Greek, Egyptian and across and down the African coastlines...you name it. That Roman Empire went all over hell's full acre, and they brought home slaves of all hues that contributed to the genetic code.

More recently, their gripes were with regard to the undocumented immigrants that have been pouring across the border from hither and yon.

Read the paper every day, and watch TV (the news or some stupid show that appeals to you). It will speed up the language acquisition enormously!

[noiretextatique]

14. grad school professor makes a racist comment in class

She was an incompetent white female who claimed a competent black female professor was hired and promoted because she had "the right skin color." I challenged her about the comment, but no one else did. Of course, I was the only black person in the class. A few students talked to me after the class, but none of them said a word IN the class. I told them IF they thought the comment was racist and inappropriate...WHY didn't they SAY anything? I told them by not speaking up, they enabled her claim that my reaction was "personal." True...I could not stand her incompetent ass, but it was not personal...what she said was not only incorrect, but racist as well. And sure enough...the incident was viewed as a problem with myself and the professor, not as a professor making a stupid, racist comment during a class. She counted on their silence because she knew she could use the 'weak white woman' card and no one would challenge her...except me. Like it was MY JOB. Silence is complicity.

[JustAnotherGen]

16. Great yet painful experience you've shared noire

And it further highlights why/when silence becomes complicity.

[noiretextatique]

47. it did not hurt: it angered me beyond belief

That she chose to be a coward and a liar rather than FIX her competency issue. By making that claim, she wanted us to dismiss her poor performance as a professor. Makes you wonder about other race whiners.

[JustAnotherGen]

49. I tried to explore that in the AA group

This past fall. . IE the idea that the "other" can be targeted as a scapegoat for the individual. How easily it is done . . .

[noiretextatique]

88. happens a lot

Unfortunately. The denial of racist INTENT is white privilege. It dismisses the actual life experiences of POC.

[AAO]

19. Thank you for relating such an ugly personal experience.

There is so much racism nowadays. Not that there wasn't as much before, but it certainly seems more front and center since Barack Obama won the Democratic nomination. The one good thing that can be taken from these emboldened racists is that they are opening their traps, posting on blogs, sending emails, identifying themselves to all as racist, one of the ugliest forms of bigotry.

[noiretextatique]

48. no one, with a functioning brain,

Can deny racism as a motivation in the teabag/racist/Gop jihad against President Obama. No one can claim (but they do) that it is not about race. The lunatic fringe = the GOP.

[heaven05]

71. no one

with a conscience, that is.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

24. I'm the kind of person who speaks up too, and I see soooooo many who don't.

thinking of a number of different instances at work.

One particular involved sexism, and it would have helped if some other women who experienced it would have spoken up. But they were too meek, too scared….

Another involved worker treatment. Again, many people complained but no one was willing to speak up, even anonymously, to say they had had similar experiences.

I WISH someone else in the class would have joined you.

[noiretextatique]

30. me too, Blanche

I really wish my good friends in that class did not view that incident as a personal attack on me, instead of a foul and racist attempt to justify her poor performance of her job. She whined and moaned about getting divorced while neglecting her professional responsibilities, then tried to play a race card as justification for HER failures...epic FAIL. but she was smart enough to know when and how to play that card, but not smart enough to actually DO the job she was being paid to do. I still despise her after 10+ years.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

40. ugh!!

because of my job, i get to see a lot of different professors.

Most are fine to good or very good. Some are exceptionally great.

A few have no business holding tenure. Like, terrible at the job of teaching.

And a few are scumbag pricks.

[Rozlee]

27. Something similiar happened to me in WV in the mid-1990's.

I was told I got a slot as an RN student at a college because I was a minority (Hispanic). This boggled my mind because I'd been working at the Beckley VA for 3 years as an LPN, watching student nurse rotations and except for one East Indian-American student, there had not been one single minority among those nursing students doing their clinicals at the hospital. Besides, I hadn't indicated that I was a minority student and I don't have a Spanish surname since I'm married to an Anglo. And how could they claim minorities got special treatment? The hospital itself had only two African-American RN's and they'd exiled one to the nursing home floor and the other one was a nurse practitioner that had transferred from out-of-state and died while she was working there. Her death doesn't bear delving into. See your mail.

[noiretextatique]

32. this is how racism manifests

It is not some academic construction or a figure of our imaginations or 'life is not fair.' It is a system that rewards and punishes or impedes depending on your skin color. And it can be deadly.

[Number23]

36. But it's not color!1 It's CLASS!!11one

Sorry, I just thought I'd get that out of the way. One of DU's most pervasive, most ignorant and most brain breakingly stupid memes.

[noiretextatique]

43. lmao...youuuuuuuuuu!

yep...it has nothing to with race...nothing at all. An aside: this professor was hitting on me when not making racist comments. And of course, she was rebuffed each awkward and annoying time. In her twisted mind, she was 'getting back's at me.

[Number23]

53. What the hell? Did she think that her racist comments would make you swoon or something?

She sounds like a total idiot!

[noiretextatique]

89. a total nutcase

But amazingly...but not...she played the race card...the white one. . .that saved her rotten ass.

[woolldog]

92. Sounds like she didn't even realize her racism.

That's why speaking up is so important. But as mentioned in the video it's tough to speak up without being portrayed as the "angry black..." stereotype.

[noiretextatique]

93. she has a doctorate

She knew exactly what she was saying and she calculated that no one would challenge her. She was a total manipulator, and she used any means necessary.

[heaven05]

72. yep, thank you

see some of that denying rationalization here consistently, constantly. Hope it stops one day.

[Chiquitita]

67. Well said.

and great analysis!

[cinnabonbon]

78. My god, that sounds awful.

And it's so typical that it was framed as if you were part of the problem, instead of focusing on the real problem: her racist attitudes. I'm sorry you had to go through that, Noir.

More people should dare to speak up. I don't understand what's stopping them. They must see it's wrong, don't they?

[eppur_se_muova]

86. These students may not have expected anything like that ...

and didn't know how to deal with it. If that sounds odd, let me assure you it is quite possible to grow up white and *never* have to deal with situations like that until you are well along in years. Hopefully, these students will wake up a bit after this but that first experience can leave you literally dumbstruck if it's not something you've ever had to deal with before. My mother went through that when she first moved to the South (in the 50's) and she didn't know how to respond to the incredibly racist attitudes she encountered because she grew up in a family that taught their kids to behave better than that. Of course, now she knows exactly what she *should* have said at the time, but the moment is past. C'est la vie.

[noiretextatique]

91. i can understand that

However, there are many occasions in life that test one's character...even unfamiliar ones. In those times, we make choices. Those students made the choice to go along and not rock the boat. I understand that choice, but I do not respect it.

[Lucky Luciano]

17. very good. Informative anecdote and worth sharing. nt

[DLnyc]

18. Nice

"That's what you can do. . . Every single day!"

[passiveporcupine]

20. I had a similar experience in a small rural grocery store

Because I went in when I was sick as a dog with the flu, and looked like hell. The young woman made me drag out ID, and checked the bad check list, and I just blew up at her. I said...I've been shopping here for years, and I'm too sick to keep standing here waiting for you to clear me...keep the groceries. I'm out of here. And I'm an old white woman. It wasn't racism in this case...it was bigotry, because I might have looked too much like a homeless person that day.

[840high]

21. Happened to my daughter when

she went into a well known craft store to return an item. She had a bad cold and looked like heck. Was put through all kinds of checks before refund was given. My daughter is white.
She insisted the manager be called and gave him a piece of her mind.

[JustAnotherGen]

31. See as a black woman

I wouldn't call the manager over. That wouldn't go well. . .

[840high]

50. Then write to corporate headquarters.

[JustAnotherGen]

63. Non race related

Just everyone being on the take and everything being a shake down and a scam . . . United Airlines ignores. Another post for another day but after being ignored for two months I pulled my placemat and in plane advertising off their planes.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

22. FANTASTIC!!! See what she's saying??

it can't ALL be up to the disenfranchised. The "empowered" in society need to speak up on behalf of others, when they see them being wronged.

It's the same way a man, here on DU or anywhere, who understands sexism can be so helpful in speaking up---because the disempowered person (black, female, whatever) is easily disregarded by the privileged.


This is great, thanks for the vid

[noiretextatique]

45. +1000

It is not "my problem"...it is OUR problem. That is how I view any injustice: either I am part of the solution, or I am a part of the problem. There is no neutral position.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

46. big time!

[JNelson6563]

74. Very well said my dear!

Couldn't agree more!

Julie

[ChisolmTrailDem]

26. OMG I love it! nt

[ailsagirl]

29. Well-done-- on all counts

Kudos!!

[unapatriciated]

33. Thanks for posting

I work at a grocery store and there is no need to ask for an ID for a check (except maybe to verify identity only). Most major chains have a check reader that verifies whether or not the check is good. I will say a few customers will offer their ID (many are AA and are surprised when I say it is not needed) so I have no doubt that this type of treatment happens way too often.

[AngryAmish]

34. As a black woman, I feel this..

[Number23]

35. If I didn't already love you, I DAMN sure would now

Oh my God.

God bless you, that woman in the video and her AMAZING sister in law. If more people existed in this world like her sister in law,we may kill the racism beast in our grandchildren's lifetimes. Because relying on the victims of racism to always, ALWAYS be the only ones that stand up to it is truly the most effective way to make sure that it NEVER GOES AWAY.

[JustAnotherGen]

37. Throw some love

Seabeyond's way too. She emailed me this.

[gollygee]

38. Maybe this will answer the often asked questions

"Why do we need to know we have white privilege" and "What do we do with it?" There's a lot of talk that there's no point discussing white privilege because there's no value in knowing about it.

But THIS is the value. If an African American woman complains to a manager, there's a stereotype for that and the manager is unlikely to respond well. But I can complain to a manager, and I have always gotten a good response when I've talked to a manager about anything. I can point out when someone is treated differently than I am. That's how we can be a part of social change, a part of making the world a better place - when we acknowledge our privilege, start to notice it, and then do something when we see someone treated differently.

[Aerows]

44. I'm white as snow

and they found my mother's driver's license number in the "bad check" book. The check company had transposed the numbers. My parents sued the pants off of them and got a heft settlement for the humiliation.

[Warpy]

52. A variation on the theme is the counter clerk sauntering out of the back room

and trying to wait on the white woman (me) first. Well, I'm never in a big enough hurry to be rude, so I gesture to the other people who were first and tell him other people were first, start there, I'll wait my turn. I'm not nasty about it, it's just a simple statement of fact.

The shock I've seen on black and Hispano faces tells me that damned few people out there would prefer not being rude.

So yeah, I recognize this kind of white privilege and monkey wrench it whenever I can. I can't imagine how infuriating this day to day bullshit is to people who don't have my Irish hide.

Nobody has ever done the bad check song and dance when I've been there. Then again, I live in the rainbow part of town, we're all suspects.

[peasant one]

55. I failed at this

I was in the same situation--at a restaurant with lots of both white and black family members. I noticed that the lady seating the families would smile and actively engage a white family in conversation. When she was seating a black family she didn't make eye contact, had almost no conversation and did not smile at all. As I watched I kept thinking it was so blatant. I didn't comment because it was a wedding lunch but I feel bad to this day and can't imagine how this would feel day after day. I will not let it happen again. I promise.

[tavalon]

56. Wow, that was so awesome

When one is a fish, they usually don't even consider the water. But when one is half fish and half amphibian, they understand both water and air. I've never seen white privilege explained better.

[XemaSab]

57. Kick!

n/t

[blackspade]

61. The fact that this happened is sad.

I think she is exactly right also.
She would have been 'the angry black woman' (TM) if not for her sister-in-law.
White privilege is front and center every day for black folks.

[DLevine]

64. Wow. K&R. nt

[MadrasT]

65. This is so good.

Thx

[heaven05]

68. Tell it like it is,JAG

Great piece on american racism. Happens countless times every day in this country. And NO, I don't think it's getting better. But I've only been living with this type of cultural behavior for 50+ years. First ten years didn't know anything was amiss. Yes I do speak up when injustice is present. Great lesson Gen....

[sinkingfeeling]

70. Love it! I'm white with a black granddaughter and I'd probably rip anybody

apart that says or does anything to her!

[oldandhappy]

75. Still....

[raven mad]

80. This is extremely poweful and I hope it goes viral.

We are a strongly military and very multicultural economy here, so rarely see this type of thing happen; when it does, its usually in a small business, not a national or regional one. One thing I've noticed here is the racism is primarily directed at Alaska Natives. Yes, I have "white privilege". I do speak up, as well, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

[lumberjack_jeff]

81. Excellent. nt

[ewagner]

82. Love the story...

talk about "white guilt"...

I've never used my white privilege to correct an injustice like that....I hope that if the situation ever arises, I will have the moral courage to do so.

Great lesson

Great teaching moment

[Doctor_J]

83. Amazing

i can't think of a good way to describe this

[JustAnotherGen]

84. Maybe it's just too new

Of a concept for you to take in? Come back to it when you can.

[Number23]

85. Man, I really, really, really love you

Edit: And props to Seabeyond too for spreading the good word.

[Pirate Smile]

87. Kick

[Donald Ian Rankin]

90. ...One black woman leaves. ThunderGrocerystore! N.T.

[MillennialDem]

94. I am white and I totally get this - yet you could tell white conservatives this

and a million other stories and they still wouldn't get it.

[JustAnotherGen]

96. You could also tell well meaning

White Liberals this and they wouldn't get it.



Now before anyone panty bunches at DU - I'm not talking about that 'fly by' person at DU - I'm talking about the millions of white liberals in America that are not at DU.

Just an observation from a little slice of black America that finds pockets of the hostility on the left that are normally put upon the right - but not ALL Conservatives are that way.

[MillennialDem]

97. Of course not. There are no absolutes, just general trends.

[Heidi]

95. Kick, kick, kick!

[noiretextatique]

98. WHY are you doing this?

That was brilliant! That question cuts to the heart of the issue. People can claim it is company policy, but that question should make one think. WHY?