Question of culture and how we interpret loud yelling and sound.

[proudretiredvet]

First this is a legitimate question not meant to center on any race and is not a man verses woman thing.

Our nation is built up of many different cultures not just one American culture.
I know some families who communicate by screaming at each other constantly. This is a white family. It not only drives me nuts, it drives me away.
In our home and the homes of our multiracial extended family that screaming is considered to be rude and is not accepted.
Each of us are a product of our environment and will make judgments accordingly.
When someone comes at me screaming and yelling I interpret this as an aggressive act. I know others who do not.
How do you internalize and react to someone screaming at you.

[Lizzie Poppet]

1. I detest screaming and yelling (except at sporting events!).

In my family, it is simply Not Done, and i have to admit more than a little prejudice against people who scream and yell in public. At best, i consider it classless and rude; at worst (and when it's clearly being done with aggression), I consider it an indicator that the person is dangerous. In the latter case, I look for a way to get myself out of the area ASAP.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. I interpret yelling as hostile and aggressive.

There wasn't much yelling in my (totally WASP) family; it occurred only when someone was very, very angry. And those family disputes where there was yelling never occurred in public or within earshot of anyone who wasn't involved.

[kickitup]

9. Southern Wasp here and it's the same.

My husband's family is what some might call Old Southern and one does not yell except at sporting events. Loud fighting and yelling in the home would be frowned upon, and you would never "carry on" about something in public. My husband will not argue with me, and has even said, "I refuse to fight with you about this," with the underlying meaning being that it is something he won't lower himself to do. We voice our opinions, but it is done a genteel way.

Hope it won't offend anybody, but one would be acting like "white trash" to behave in such a way.

[bluestateguy]

3. It's not politically correct to talk about but it is true

There are a good many cultures, some white, some not, where yelling is just a normal mode of communication. I won't say any more, lest the PC crowd come in here and rip my balls off.

[sufrommich]

4. I come from a family of italians and finns

on my mother's side. On average,the Italians are loud,stand very close when speaking to you and do not shy away from asking very personal questions on practically anything. On average,the Finns talk quietly,keep a comfortable distance away and shy away from personal questions even with people they know well. Of course,both families have introverts and extroverts,but there is no denying that the Italian side has way more extroverts that the Finnish side. I don't have a problem with loud and blunt as I grew up with it,I think a lot of people who aren't used to it may read it wrong as aggression when that is sometimes not the case.

[surrealAmerican]

5. Some of the interpretation is culturally conditioned, and some isn't.

If you watch a group of toddlers, when exposed to loud yelling (assuming it isn't obviously distressed) some will find it exciting, and others will find it frightening.

Personally, I have a very low threshold for noise, and because of that, I usually stop myself from acting on yells and such until I've made an effort to fully assess the situation.

[Ron Green]

6. Sometimes volume replaces thought.

It's really about a balance, isn't it? As with so many things.

[JustAnotherGen]

7. My husband is from Southern Italy

Im an all Amercan mutt - black, scot/Irish and Native on my dad's side - German, Irish, and French on my mother's side.

I never knew yelling and hollering was AOK until my husband took me to Italy to meet my future in laws. He is from a small city on the side of a mountain in the Calabria region. They are loud, proud and will tell anyone they are the "hillbillies of Italy!". Imagine his culture shock when his family went back to live there when he was 12 - after living 8 years in a crossroads f the Bronx.

[proudretiredvet]

10. Thanks and keep up the replies.

When things get loud I leave and if I'm cornered up I get quiet and defensive all the time looking for a quick exit.
I have significant hearing loss so when there is background noise I don't hear word, just more noise and can't understand what anyone says.

My experience with yelling to communicate is simple.

When I'm yelling I don't say what I want to say and when someone is yelling at me I don't hear what they are saying. There is just a total communication block with me when the yelling starts.

[JustAnotherGen]

11. Something I said to my husband when we first started dating

Um - I'm right next to you. He had to learn that though.

I also had a father who had a voice like Don Johson or Rod Stewart - raspy and gravelly and he tended to speak softly to everyone as a result. What you grow up with is what is acceptable.

[justiceischeap]

8. I'm anti-yelling/screaming

That is my father's favorite and only mode of communication. Now, it's because he's going deaf and won't admit it but when I was younger, it was all anger, all the time. Now, as an adult, I avoid loud verbal exchanges when at all possible.

[MadrasT]

12. I come from a big family of yellers.

It's normal in my family.

I, personally, hate it with a passion -- I have Aspergers and am very sensitive to noise, and being around loud noise makes me feel like I'm under attack.

Recently I took a friend to dinner at my parent's house (with extended family there) and he was shocked at the noise level. Everybody talks at the same time, right over each other, and just keeps raising their voices to be heard over all the other ones. I guess culturally, his background is one where people don't yell. I find it annoying, but at the same time, it is "normal" to me.

[Contrary1]

13. Have no clue...people don't scream at me.

Well, my mom used to, but that was decades ago.

These days, I let people be who they are. If folks want to scream at one another, I would most likely remove myself from the situation.

[Tom Ripley]

14. WASP here

no yelling in our family, but we do brooding very well

[alarimer]

16. We have the deep sigh thing down to an art form.

And eye-rolling; don't forget the eye-rolling.

And the under-the-breath muttering.

[Tom Ripley]

21. Absolutely. My mother-in-law is the queen of deep sighs -"This ring is lovely, but (sigh) it has...

a hole in it"
My dad has perfected the under-the-breath muttering to just "hmmm..."

[alarimer]

15. Screaming is not really communicating; it's meant to be intimidating

Or attention-seeking.

Loud music is obnoxious. Anyone who has to share a wall with someone else needs to think of that before they turn it up. But it certainly isn't grounds for shooting someone.

I do call the police with a noise complaint if my neighbor's music is unreasonably loud. Because if I ask them to turn it down, they will likely turn it up even further. Because people are generally passive-aggressive assholes that way.

But screaming is scary and meant to be. I don't see how it is anything but anti-social.

The Brits have rules against anti-social behavior. People get tickets or whatever for the type of things you're talking about. I'm not sure that isn't a bad idea.

[proudretiredvet]

22. Agree 100%

Loud music is not a reason to reach for any weapon at any time.

[geek tragedy]

17. I have never felt that my life was in danger because someone raised their voice to me nt

[DireStrike]

18. I get away from people that habitually yell in anger. I get them out of my life.

Being loud has a place in life. If you feel a need, you can find a way to express it. I participate in several leisure activities that involve being extremely loud.

But I will not tolerate it outside of such activities. Probably because my family did nothing but yell at each other constantly. I don't deal with them either, if I can help it. Such behavior is poison to all involved, and anyone nearby.

[Iggo]

19. "How do you...react to someone screaming at you"?

As far as the screaming goes, I treat that the same way I treat the screaming of a pissed off child: Ignore it unless and until the screamer starts speaking to me in a more civil tone.

The "coming at me" part depends on his speed and his body language and the venue.

[mcar]

20. My SO's father was from Italy Italian

My family is third generation Irish American. We'd argue all the time about politics and current events but we never yelled. And my parents really encouraged us to be thoughtful in our responses. It was more like debate club.

The first time I met SO's extended family of Italian aunts and uncles, I almost had a breakdown. They shouted at each other, and argued about everything. But then when the evening ended they were all hugging and crying about how they didn't get together often enough. They were so loving to each other it blew my mind.

I never quite got used to it but I did learn to appreciate the cultural difference. They've all passed on now and I miss the get togethers.

BTW, my SO never quite got used to my family's style either, until our oldest reached adulthood. He argues just like my family did and they have a blast debating topics. Not much disagreement since we're all liberal, but it's still fun.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

23. What is the point of this question?

That lily white shithead in Florida could feel intimidated by really loud music?

[proudretiredvet]

26. Thanks for caring.

I guess you have not read my other posts on how I feel about the Florida case, so we will just call that pure and simple ignorance. My last statement about dunn on another thread was that I wish he were in the express lane to a needle in his arm.
Is that clear enough for you?
We will not be holding our breath while waiting for your honest and honorable admission of inaccuracy and ignorance.
Again, Thank you for caring.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

29. So rather than ask a direct question as to your intent

I'm supposed to go look up your other posts and divine your purpose?

Oh, and welcome to DU.

[proudretiredvet]

31. Big miss

But not unexpected.
I was just kidding about the honor and honesty. I really had no expectation of that.
Have a very good night.

[frogmarch]

24. No screaming & yelling here.

Some family members sometimes laugh kind of loud, though.

Screaming & yelling makes me cringe, and that’s the reason I avoid Al Pacino movies.

[Texasgal]

25. I came from a family of LOUD people.

Not the screaming yelling kind, but LOUD and loving.

My college graduation consisted of my parents and siblings yelling and shaking a tambourine when my name was called to collect my diploma. I thought I was so embarrassed at the time but now I look back and laugh my ass off!

My siblings are now married with kids, it took a while for them to understand our kind of loudness and love, but have come to love singing and laughing at family events.

Being loud and yelling "I love you" across the room doesn't seem so bad to me anymore!

[proudretiredvet]

27. In that context, I like it.

[KT2000]

28. My first thought is

the person is out of control. Then my impulse is to get away from that person because they are in my mind, unpredictable.

[Tikki]

30. I like really loud music in bursts…the worst is long, dragged out loud sounds.

People arguing makes me cringe. People yelling out information, I can filter in or out once I access the
situation.

I was taught not to ignore, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to ignore fools jabbering on.


Tikki