LPD: The Libertarian Police Department (satire)

[n2doc]

BY TOM O'DONNELL

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole 474 million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down… provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said, “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

more

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/03/libertarian-police-department.html

[nadinbrzezinski]

1. Hilarious since I could almost see it

[FSogol]

2. K & R. n/t

[Aristus]

3. It's been done already.

Jennifer Government by Max Barry.

I recommend it highly.

[Bonx]

4. Heh

Haven't laughed that hard since my chauffeur ran over a squirrel.

[Scuba]

5. Hysterical!

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.