How do you think you would have fared in an arrainged marriage?

[AngryAmish]

A relative of my father-in-law approached my father-in-law many years ago about arrainging a marriage between my wife and her second cousin. (My fil is from a part of the world where cousin marriages and arrainged mariages is common). It would have never of worked because my wife is very much an American woman and my fil dismissed it out of hand.

But it always got me to thinking: if my folks had arranged my marriage, what would it look like?

I would be married to an Irish girl, either immigrant or local. Our kids would be really, really pale. I would hope they would pick a black irish gal (always had weakness for black irish girls) but most likely not.

I figure I can get along with most people. If not in a romantic marriage, I think I would be ok.

On edit: this presupposes that arrainged marriage was the cultural norm where you live.

[brooklynite]

1. Simple answer: I wouldn't have gotten married.

I'm way to stubborn to do something because "it's tradition".

[Texasgal]

2. I would have run like the wind.

Arranged marriages are inherently sexist. I think I'd rather die!

[tarheelsunc]

13. Doesn't an arranged marriage take two people? I wouldn't think it's particularly good for either.eom

[Texasgal]

15. It takes more than two people

It usually involves the families of the bride and groom. Lot's of people making that decision. It's sexist towards both genders.

[tarheelsunc]

20. Well that's all I was trying to say, it could be bad for either the bride, the groom, or both.

I'm a male and I'd hate to be told I'm going to marry someone with no choice in the matter no matter who it is. I'm sure it's a feeling many males and females alike would share. It's true in many cultures that you "marry the family," but I think it's better to choose to enter into that relationship by one's own free will.

[Codeine]

3. My parents couldn't manage to arrange their own marriage properly,

so one imagines any decision they'd make regarding mine would be less than stellar.

[kwassa]

4. I have had long discussions on this topic ...

with an Indian co-worker who has been in a long-term arranged marriage, and is deeply in love with his wife.

He pointed out, of course, that here where we choose our own partners in the good old US of A that the divorce rate is about 50%, which is hardly a track record to be emulated. How wise are young people in choosing a lifetime partner?

[treestar]

5. not sure. I couldn't manage it myself

so the only way I would have been married was to have my parents arrange it with other parents. They would have picked a Catholic.

I probably would have gone insane, unless he was really, really nice and very good looking.

[monmouth3]

34. Well, most Catholics are very good looking and really nice (kidding here) but since I screwed up my

own two marriages (neither Catholic) I'm guessing an arrangement may not have been any worse. A nice Jewish boy would have pleased my mother...

[treestar]

35. Reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding

OMG, he's not Greek!!!!!!

But they grew to love him anyway.

My Dad actually had two picks for me, and I'm not sure they were Catholic. One was handsome and well rounded - he liked well rounded. He wanted looks, brains, and some participation in athletics. They were both on athletic teams. One was good lucking and average intelligence, the other not so good looking but very intelligent. They had both joined a book club I was in, and that showed well roundedness too. But they were both out of my league, I was too mousy to attract them. Cool of Dad to suppose there were no boys in existence who could resist me or fail to notice me!

[WinkyDink]

6. Bwahahahaha! No. Scorpios don't roll that way.

[tavernier]

12. From one Scorpio to another

Agree.

Although it might be fun checking out the resumes.

[WinkyDink]

30. ;-)

[Agnosticsherbet]

7. As long as I and my arranged wife worked at it, it would be fine.

It isn't romance that makes a marriage last, that is just icing on the donut.

Yenta's are not done here in the U.S. of A. It is alien to the culture I live in, though some small religious group follow the practice.

[AngryAmish]

16. I had to look up yenta

I think there is a formal matchmaket system and the informal. Sen. Shumer is notorious for trying to make matches. It has worked for him.

A coworker's wife (yenta) tried for years to make matches for me. It was charming. Every time she met an Irish girl in my social level there were dates made, notwithstanding common interest. It made for some awkword dates and a fair amount of sexytime.

My dad grew up with JB Keane, who wrote The Man With Three Names" about an Irish matchmaker

[Agnosticsherbet]

19. Matchmaking is an old tradition in many cultures, as were arranged marriages of all types.

Here in the US, where individual rights are a critical aspect of our culture, they don't make sense. That doesn't stop aunts, mothers and friends from trying to fix us up.

[LadyHawkAZ]

8. I'd have been stoned to death within the year n/t

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. LOL. it would have gone poorly

[SheilaT]

10. I don't think I would have done well, but

I grew up in this system, the one where we choose our own mates.

Some years ago I had a college professor who was from India, whose own marriage was arranged and she was quite happy about it. She had a couple of kids about the age of ten, twelve, or fourteen thereabouts. She said that her daughter had said she was very glad her own marriage would be arranged because she didn't think the way most Americans did it was very good.

It's very much a cultural thing.

[lumberjack_jeff]

11. Being the easiest person in the world to get along with, it would have gone splendidly.

[bravenak]

29. +1

I also have a very pleasant disposition. Not really.

[JanMichael]

14. not well. i was 35 before getting married.

Had plenty of choices prior to that. Never pulled or wanted to pull the trigger on forever.

A one shot marginally forced coupling would have been a disaster.

[Yo_Mama]

17. I don't know, but I have known a few that were very happy.

We have a lot of cultural expectations of marriage including The Great Romantic Soulmate, but if yours are different (having someone to love), having an arranged marriage may work out okay or even very well.

The ones I have known were quasi-arranged - the women were given the choice of several potentials nominated by the family. They were not just given a note about showing up for their own marriage. In at least one, my friend (woman) and her husband fell passionately in love after the marriage. In another, I doubt it was high passion, but there was a very warm and caring bond.

So? At least somewhat arranged marriages have probably been more the rule than the exception over the human history.

[hobbit709]

21. Probably the same way I would have to an arranged anything-not well.

[Chan790]

22. In a way, my mother tried. Repeatedly.

Despite being third-generation American (coming from a Middle-Eastern culture where marriages are arranged) and neither hers' nor grandma's marriage being arranged...my mother from the time I was 12ish has tried to match-make for me. It goes badly because she has awful taste.

My mother has never met an unattractive boring dull unintelligent nitpicky motherly-hen-pecking woman that she won't try to set me up with.

My mother...has a type. It's nobody I'd ever date. She doesn't do this to my brothers. It's awful. She won't stop. I said last night that I would never consider getting married and my mother looked at me as if I said I enjoyed buggering the cat.

[2naSalit]

23. I'm sure that one of us

wouldn't have survived the ordeal, probably one of us would have been dead by the first anniversary.

Just sayin' it would have been that intensely drastic.

[pacalo]

24. As long as he respected my feelings & had no control issues,

as I would treat him, we might not have had any problems.

Otherwise, I'd take back my goats, pigs, & sack of loot to find someone else.

[CFLDem]

25. Probably pretty well.

I'm actually much more agreeable IRL.

[giftedgirl77]

26. Well considering the two I picked out myself turned out to be shitheads.

Not to mention a failed relationship before the marriage, I'm going to go with not well. Not to mention my family dynamics are insane. Hell the thought of my parents even trying to set me up with someone is enough to make the question a stimulating yet disturbing one.

[Tom Ripley]

27. About the only traditional things I am comfortable with are breathing and sleeping

An arranged marriage would not be for me.

[bravenak]

28. Then who would i argue with? LOL!

I would not be able to do it. I would probably stay through the wedding (gifts) and disappear in the airport on the way to my honeymoon. Yeah right i'd have sex with someone my parents picked out. Never!

[Exposethefrauds]

31. If it propelled me into the 1% I would put up with just about any arrangement

Otherwise, I would pass on any arrangement.

Yeah I am a whore I would do it for the money.

[phylny]

32. We had neighbors who had an arranged marriage.

They were from India, an absolutely lovely couple. She said to me, "You have love marriage, me and Harrish have arrange marriage." Yet they were as happy and solid as we were. I suppose cultural experiences being what they are, I'd not do too well, but they did just fine. Part of it was probably because individually, they were the kindest and most giving people you'd ever meet, so someone in India did their homework.

[yuiyoshida]

33. Pre arranged marriages were once common in Japan...

Especially during the Edo period of Japan. Samurai family would often marry a daughter into another Samurai family. Perhaps this was also true with many East Asian countries, like Korea, Thailand, Vietnam and China. I am certainly glad I was not promised to someone while being age 13. I think there were many women who may have committed Seppaku if they knew they were being married to a very much older man of 40 years!