Ayn Rand - Her mentally ill world where good consists of worshiping the one percenters

This was originally on a blog and it has been reprinted in many places - if anyone knows who the original author is please speak up as I don't have a good cite for it anymore:


Atlas Shrugged (by Ayn Rand)
ATLAS SHRUGGED: THE ABRIDGED VERSION (with spoilers)

AYN RAND
Hello, I'm Ayn Rand. I wrote a novel based on my Objectivist philosophy called The Fountainhead, but I don't think 700 pages was quite enough to get my point across, so I will write the exact same novel, only it will take 1100 pages this time.

READERS
Hey, great.

HEROINE
I'm Dagny Taggart. I am a railroad tycoon, woman-in-a-man's-world, stunningly beautiful heroine. I am the only person capable of running this railroad. I am the only woman in the universe worth a damn. I am also the only woman in the universe with a real job. I am basically the only woman in this novel.

LOVE INTEREST #1
I have worshiped you, the only woman in the universe worth a damn, from afar for my whole life.

HEROINE
That's nice.

LOVE INTEREST #2
I have worshiped you, the only woman in the universe worth a damn, naked on the forest floor. Yet I will nobly step aside in the name of noble idealism, despite the fact that I love you and want you, the only woman in the universe worth a damn, desperately.

HEROINE
Okay.

LOVE INTEREST #3
I worship you, the only woman in the universe worth a damn. Let us have creepy rape fantasy sex now. I will not ask permission to do all these kinky things to you, but luckily you want to be forced into all the kinky things, you dirty bitch.

HEROINE
This is clearly true love! Stick it in me.

ALL
Who is John Galt?

AYN RAND
I am not telling. Instead, please listen to someone pontificate about my Objectivist philosophy for a while.

SOMEONE
(Pontificates)

VILLAINS
There are many of us, but we are all exactly the same. We are caricatures of evil socialists and embodiments of pure evil. Let us create a perfect socialist world order ruled by the inept! We all suck! Socialism sucks! Ha ha!

HEROES
We are all exactly the same. We are noble and perfect and have very angular and insolent faces. We can read each other's minds and the minds of everyone else in this novel, leaving less room for misunderstanding and more room for pontificating. And we are all in love with Dagny Taggart, the only woman in the universe worth a damn.

ALL
Who is John Galt?

VILLAIN
(Threatens hero)

HERO
If it's heads, I will gaze apathetically. If it's tails, I will laugh heartily.

VILLAIN
Although these are the only two things any of you heroes have done for the past 800 pages, I am shocked at this response! How could you! How dare you!?!

HERO
I will now pontificate about Ayn Rand's philosophy. It has been at least 50 pages since you've heard it ...

AYN RAND:
It is so convenient that all of my heroes are in perfect agreement about my philosophy so that their pontificating is so interchangeable.

ALL:
Who is John Galt?

JOHN GALT:
Hello. In this, the culmination of all the pontificating, I will explain Ayn Rand's philosophy for a full 57 pages. No, I am not kidding. This one monologue will last for 57 pages. Oh and also, I love Dagny.

DAGNY:
I love you too. Man, this is really going to suck for Love Interest #3.

LOVE INTEREST #3:
Despite my passionate love for you and enjoyment of our rape sex, and the fact that there is no other woman on earth worth a damn, and the fact that I sacrificed my life's passion on your behalf, and that I spent my entire fortune to get a divorce to be with you, I will now nobly step aside in the name of noble idealism.

DAGNY:
Great! I will miss our creepy rape sex. Farewell.

LOVE INTEREST #3:
Bye.

READER:
Wait, what?

ATLAS:
(Shrugs)

THE END

ATLAS:
(Shrugs)

Perfect! That sums up Ayn Rand's writing.

...Nah... I wasn't gonna read it.

One track, single mind with no room for reality. No wonder it appeals to right wingers.

Worst book ever. I couldn't even finish it. Rand's crappy philosophy aside, she's a horrible writer.

She was a horrible writer, boring, dull, an idiot who understood human nature about as much as a rock does, and of course the same has got to apply to her followers.

It was a horrible reading experience. I'm so at odds with her mindset... ugh! Depressing that there are those who share her simple-minded ideology (or idiocy).

....to the many good, kind people who struggle with mental illness of one sort or another.

Ayn Rand was not a good person, and that is what matters-promoting vile right-wing ideology through her writings and interviews. Par for the course for the Right and their heroes, though.

...and his female staff members to watch Long Dong Silver.

perhaps there's a psychological term for those few people that engage in full-fledged self-abhorrance?

Anyway, one of those is Clarence Thomas. He fits the bill perfectly.

and her "philosophy" is an attempt to create more psychopaths.

Defending Rand's work to a majority audience requires disclaiming what she actually said. So the only people who agree with her and psychopaths and those who think they understood but didn't.

with no sense of morality whatsoever, who tried every which way to get famous by performing as an actor/actress - writing books, creating a religious philosophy, and tooting his and her own horn to get followers for his (and her!) cult. L. Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand led parallel lives at different times.

She doesn't piss me off as much as her nutjob fans. She was a psycho, and probably could've used some medication and a bit of therapy, but her fans, unless they're narcissistic psychos too, what's their story? Just plain old Repukes?

That there are a lot more people with MBAs and business backgrounds than there were in Rand's time. If the CEOs of major corporations decided to "Go Galt", the power vacuum would be less than a hand-vac. There are literally thousands of people who could step in and run companies as well as, or better, than the 1%ers.

You Came Along
and
Love Letters