Satire on Cantor's Loss From The New Yorker.

[RiffRandell]

Last edited Wed Jun 11, 2014, 11:30 AM - Edit history (2)

From Andy Borowitz:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — In a development that few had thought possible, Republicans in the Seventh District of Virginia on Tuesday night found an even bigger tool than Rep. Eric Cantor to represent them in the United States Congress.

Apparently deciding that Cantor was insufficiently heartless to represent their district, Republicans turned out to the polls to elect David Brat, a man whose political views “border on sociopathy,” according to exit-poll responses from voters who supported him.



During his concession speech, Rep. Cantor reflected on the mistakes that might have led to his defeat: “Should I have cut more school-lunch programs for poor children? Perhaps. Should I have cast more votes to screw over disaster victims? Definitely. Should I have not said the thing about treating children of immigrants like human beings? Man, do I wish I could take that one back. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but at the end of the day I was just too damn empathic for this district.”

But Rep. Cantor was gracious in defeat, offering words of congratulation to the victorious Mr. Brat. “The people of the Seventh District have spoken,” he said. “The time has come to pass the torch to a new generation of asshats.”

When asked about the defeat of his longtime colleague in the House, Speaker John Boehner said, “I will give a formal statement as soon as I can stop laughing.”

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/06/virginians-choose-even-bigger-tool.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(80&mobify=0

[Cha]

1. Perfection.. mahalo Riff!

"During his concession speech, Rep. Cantor reflected on the mistakes that might have led to his defeat: “Should I have cut more school-lunch programs for poor children? Perhaps. Should I have cast more votes to screw over disaster victims? Definitely. Should I have not said the thing about treating children of immigrants like human beings? Man, do I wish I could take that one back. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but at the end of the day I was just too damn empathic for this district.”

"When asked about the defeat of his longtime colleague in the House, Speaker John Boehner said, “I will give a formal statement as soon as I can stop laughing."

I forgot about boner.. I guess he's happy too?

[RiffRandell]

10. Thanks!

Had insomnia last night and follow The New Yorker on Twitter, saw this and couldn't stop laughing. I had my laptop in bed, trying not to wake my husband as he had to catch an early flight this morning.

[Cali_Democrat]

2. Borowitz is the best satirist out there. nt

[JDPriestly]

3. K&R. Borowitz seized the moment.

My husband observes that Cantor will get a big corporate job. He'll make lots of dough says my husband. And I agree.

[stillwaiting]

5. Oh, I agree too.

He will receive the big corporate dollars not only for serving them while he was/is in Congress, but perhaps more importantly to show the other easily bought tools that are currently in Congress what awaits them if they serve corporate interests while in Congress.

[JimDandy]

4. Onion-worthy! n/t

[underpants]

6. Spot on

[pinboy3niner]

7. Should read "from Borowitz"

He deserves the credit for his work.

[spooky3]

8. Agreed. He's great.

[RiffRandell]

9. It has The Borowitz Report at the beginning, but I'll add. nt

[Johonny]

11. What's funny is it isn't satire. Listen to RW radio this morning and that sums up callers

He wasn't RW enough!.

Radio guy, but he vote 95+% for RW in votes.

caller, but he wasn't RW enough! He isn't listening to the people!

At this point you have to ask if the majority leader of the house isn't RW enough for you than I'm not sure I want to know who is.

[RiffRandell]

13. I don't listen to RW radio but I believe it. nt

[Cha]

14. Bratghazi!!!!11

[FSogol]

12. K & R. n/t

[Cha]

15. One thing I just noticed in your OP.. It's Andy Borowitz not "Michael Borowitz".. :)

[RiffRandell]

17. Thanks, I corrected it.

[Cha]

18. ..

[kairos12]

16. LOL

[RiffRandell]

19. Kick, as is it satire?

2014!!!