My New Religion: Dentistrism
My religion has certain basic tenets:
1. There is one and only one God.
2. God is infallible.
3. If God wanted you to be well, He would not have made you sick as part of his Plan.
4. Therefore, I do not believe that we should have to pay for medical treatment for our employees. Of course they are free to pay for their hospital stays, transplants, nursing care, pharmaceuticals, and other associated costs. We do not infringe on anyone's rights as individuals.
5. The above applies to all medicine with the exception of Dentistry: teeth and supporting structures being a God-given attribute which need to be maintained in order to promulgate His teachings to the fullest and maintain a sanctified existence.
6. Lastly, we can screw other people who are not our spouses with impunity, watch pornography in order to better educate ourselves to its deleterious effects, and own automatic weapons, bazookas, and tanks in order to better defend ourselves from the heathen masses.
= new reply since forum marked as read
so our employees get paid in hugs and their hard work is also part of their own reward. 
However, we accept federal subsidies since we are major job creators and too big to fail. We only receive cash, not pay it out.
When we need supplies or something, we take it by force and pay the iron price. Never the gold price.
Our employees are welcome to purchase their own health insurance, or accept single payer Medicaid. But we won't be paying any taxes since we outlaw payment of cash. I'll give you hugs to cover your Medicaid costs though. 
My God clearly wants the tea party and social conservatives to go get raptured, so I'm also decreeing that they can go F themselves immediately instead of waiting. So it is written, so it shall be. In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. It's done.
