General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums10% of conflicts are due to a difference of opinion and 90%
are due to the wrong tone of voice.
I saw this on FB and I think this is a worthy discussion to have.
cyberswede
(26,117 posts)But easy to read into something one already disagrees with.
Bonobo
(29,257 posts)based on preconceptions.
mahina
(17,705 posts)Gormy Cuss
(30,884 posts)Looks like you found one.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)Starry Messenger
(32,342 posts)Bonobo
(29,257 posts)There are plenty of cases in which people respectfully disagree without it being a hot conflict.
It happens when respect is shown through the language employed. The reverse is also true. Even general agreement ends in conflict when poor tone is used.
Starry Messenger
(32,342 posts)There are things like bigotry, which are not respectful, despite the "civil" tone it might be couched in. The language employed might seem neutral, but the sentiments are offensive.
Also, opposing bigotry will always seem offensive in tone to the bigot.
Bonobo
(29,257 posts)You brought up one in which is may not be true. But in most cases, respectful tones can soothe over reasonable disagreements as your well-written and respectful post lends evidence to
libodem
(19,288 posts)The tone can really make a difference on how a message is received.
I found this on Facebook and needed an excuse to use it.
. [img][/img]
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)I LOVE that and strive to live that way.
Thank you, libodem!
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)... an even larger problem is conflating the two concepts
pipoman
(16,038 posts)Most often online when one person wishes to disregard facts for myth and have no argument to counter the facts presented. ..they then resort to nastiness and ad hom...
In person tone can play a role, body language, distraction, and other factors play a much bigger role in how a message is received.
That said, i fly past 50 like graphics per day on my newsfeed. Without a source and methodology these quips are usually inane.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)DanTex
(20,709 posts)On Thu Jul 17, 2014, 03:30 AM an alert was sent on the following post:
100% of the misunderstanding when someone on the net decides to tell you what your tone is. nt
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5246513
REASON FOR ALERT
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
ALERTER'S COMMENTS
Possible trolling. This poster has had a recent history of problematic posts, btw. Just so you know.
You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Thu Jul 17, 2014, 03:37 AM, and the Jury voted 0-7 to LEAVE IT.
Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Alerter you must be joking.
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Not sure why this post was alerted. Nothing wrong here; vote to Leave.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: This kind of alert makes me wish it were possible to alert on the alerter.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Really?
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Congrats -- this is the 1st time I have not needed to look any further into an alert.
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)That alert message. What an interesting way to get a hide on a poster to get them kicked off again. Thanks for sharing this dan. I appreciate. Interesting.
ProfessorGAC
(65,212 posts)That was a ludicrous alert.
Wounded Bear
(58,721 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)Sissyk
(12,665 posts)However, I think sometimes it's our own fault. We get used to reading a certain tone from a member, especially in a community like this where "everyone knows everyone". If that member changes their tone, for whatever reasons they do so, we still may read the old tone in their new voice. We must be willing to adapt with them.
Just my thoughts.
Behind the Aegis
(53,991 posts)"Tone" can be very difficult to ascertain in written form. I have seen a number of sarcastic posts misread. Sometimes, it is just the lens which someone uses when they read certain topics or writers. Then there are things like the "taterguy rule." If you don't know "taterguy" then you don't what is happening (which refers to something which used to happen in the lounge). Sometimes people forget this site is not their living room and everyone who posts here isn't going to get "inside" jokes or comments, or even understand certain dynamics. Yes, there are trolls here, some long timers, and they enjoy creating division and animosity, but sometimes it is just a matter of not being clear.
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)lol!!
Yes, exactly. I have that problem myself. In my head, it sounds whole and complete, but then I may be ask questions concerning what I meant. I need to strive to be clear to the reader.
nilesobek
(1,423 posts)to express tone in text communications. I guess that's why we have so many good writers around.
Sometimes without the sarcasm moniker I can't tell what people mean and the tone can be confused.
If you were approached aggressively by a poster, but in total agreement with that poster, that might be an example.
JTFrog
(14,274 posts)Your one trick pony is exhausted and needs to be put to rest.
CBGLuthier
(12,723 posts)libodem
(19,288 posts)If you state your case well, in a pleasant manner, people will listen.They may not agree and you may not flip them, but they aren't necessarily going to become your sworn enemy.
When you yell accusations, your intended mark, is going to be defensive at best and offensive at the worst.
I saw some of the most offensive gritty DU mail this weekend I've ever seen.. l logged out for awhile and wondered if I'd ever come back. I blame both sides for amping up the outrage for blood sport. My hide list is full again.
My head is full of imaginary letters to Skinner in ATA.
CBGLuthier
(12,723 posts)Anger, even righteous anger, can be so damned corrosive.
libodem
(19,288 posts)The personal cynicism is corrosive. I have to work on myself to loosen up and not just be a bitch about everything, somedays.
Sometimes I'm angry but usually it comes down to frustration at people being 'wrong' on the internet.
MineralMan
(146,333 posts)It's a nice slogan, though. All too often, the perception of "tone" in posts in forums like these is incorrect. Perception of tone is more of a factor than the actual tone, I believe.
I prefer looking at a large body of posts before forming an opinion of a particular DUer. Without that, it's often impossible to tell what a poster is actually saying, even when the post is simple and declarative. But, taken with a large assortment of posts from a poster, a more accurate measurement of tone is possible.
It's interesting to see posts from a poster who is very familiar, but in the context of that poster's other writings.
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)With only a couple of exceptions, I don't infer tone or subtext that isn't there. To do otherwise is presumptuous, and without a really large body of consistent interactions to draw from, fallible.
MineralMan
(146,333 posts)Sadly, such questions often remain unanswered, I've found. Perhaps some DUers have me on ignore. I don't know.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)There are certain issues -- race and feminism -- which I avoid in DU's GD. The issues often arise as part of other discussions, and I may contribute, but I have little interest in what passes for discussion when the topic is "straight up." And, yes, it's the confrontational tone, not the confrontation.
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)If I'm doing it right, and what I wrote pissed you off, it's because I meant it to.
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)to verify their authenticity.
--Abraham Lincoln
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)or that on the 'tubes. It can apply to both, but I am struck by the large number of people who, even in company, never seem to let up on the texting, email, blogging. Do they object to the "old" personal tone, and have they developed a "new" tone? Does the new hand-held tone empower them far more than what they can muster in person? If we were all at some grand old-school bloc(k) party, would the masters of the keyboard shrink off to the corner somewhere?