General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMother arrested for letting son walk to park alone
A mother is facing child neglect charges after letting her son to walk to a local park alone.
Nicole Gainey says her 7-year old son, Domnic, is old enough to walk to the park alone during the day.
It’s a half-mile from their home in St. Lucie, Florida – about a 10 minute walk.
She says he also has a cellphone in case of emergency.
But a police officer brought Dominic home Saturday afternoon and arrested his mother.
The police report said it was because Dominic was unsupervised and that numerous sex offenders live in the area.
Nicole says she plans to fight the charges but she won’t let Dominic go to the park alone anymore because she’s afraid she’ll be arrested again.
The State’s Attorney’s office says there is no law that says exactly how old a child has to be before they can go somewhere unsupervised.
http://wgntv.com/2014/07/29/mother-arrested-for-letting-son-walk-to-park-alone/
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
JustAnotherGen
(38,054 posts)The Helicopter Parents have completely taken over.
lunasun
(21,646 posts)We said playing
Shock. Horror
Bye bye go back to your self imposed prison
Stay inside and watch tv to be scared
JustAnotherGen
(38,054 posts)We would irritate her.
She would tell us to go play in traffic.
SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)My 3 boys were "free-range" kids with bikes & skateboards and this was before cellphones.. I knew they would be home when they got hungry..or they would call me from a friend's house if their friend's Mom fed them 
or they would show up with 4 or 5 buddies for ME to feed 
lunasun
(21,646 posts)Plenty of parents around here who understand that play outside without someone standing over them all the time is part of a healthy development . I feel sorry for kids who are being taught that unsupervised outside play only leads to boogeyman attacks and injury especially upper elementary that still can't play outside or go anywhere without an adult
Oh yeah plenty exists. Some helicopters push it to H.S.! 
Bettie
(19,704 posts)down to the three boys.
I still keep the 5 year old close at hand, but the 13 and 12 year olds are free to wander.
They don't even have cell phones, so far it has never been a problem.
csziggy
(34,189 posts)We could go inside for lunch - which we took outside to eat - and to use the bathroom (because my family was all girls - the boys went outside). Water came out of the hose - though we'd let it run to make sure no bugs or lizards had crawled inside and to cool the water off.
We had certain streets we were not allowed to cross, but in that multi block area all the kids ran free, including the lake/swamp next door where the alligators and water moccasins lived. As we got older, the are we were allowed free run in got bigger, but we were pretty much unsupervised, other than the various mothers glancing out their windows every so often as they did housework.
Many of the moms were working moms even back in the 1950s and 60s, so it wasn't as though there was a low Mom to kid ratio. For part of each summer, many of us went to summer crafts or church programs, but those didn't last all summer so we still had lots of time to run wild.
My sisters raised their kids with total supervision. Those kids had no free time, were in activities or programs every waking minute of their childhoods. As adults, they seem less able to structure their free time - they never had the opportunity to learn how when they were young!
aint_no_life_nowhere
(21,925 posts)When I was six I used to walk a lot of places alone, including school that was about a mile away. In that era few mothers drove their kids to school and many families had only one car. When I was four I used to spend hours in the park in back of our house. I don't believe there are more child molesters today than 60 years ago; it's just that there's more focus on and awareness of them now.
hughee99
(16,113 posts)I'd have at least said it base because of the NUMEROUS SEX OFFENDERS rather than because I was concerned about getting arrested again.
dballance
(5,756 posts)The number of sex offenders has not increased since I was a kid many, many years ago.
The hysteria about those few, sick individuals has unfortunately increased due to salacious TV movies.
Crime is on the down turn these days. Kids are safer than they have ever been.
hughee99
(16,113 posts)If I was a parent and wasn't going to let my child go to the park alone anymore anyway, I think if a paper asked me about it, I'd show more concern for the child than for myself.
dballance
(5,756 posts)Letting one's child actually live a life and be independent enough to go to a park alone is not criminal.
Yes, there are predators out there. We must educate our kids to dangers. Just as we educate our kids to not touch the pretty red hot burner or the flame on the stove.
But we must not teach our children fear of the world. We must not teach them that evil lurks around every corner because it does not.
Yes, there is evil in this world. I choose to see the good in most of humanity rather than evil and fear.
Fear makes us less human.
hughee99
(16,113 posts)just that since she's already decided not to do it anymore anyway, her quote to the reporter comes of as more concerned about herself than her child.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)She knows the child will be fine. The issue is our silly court/police/helicopter parent society.
TransitJohn
(6,937 posts)Weird.
hughee99
(16,113 posts)No one else seems concerned about the mother or the child, why should I be?
Mariana
(15,626 posts)By taking steps to avoid being arrested, she IS protecting her child.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)"... but the fear of crime is rising..."
Dara is spot on:
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)The instances of those reporting it has declined... which is different from the number of times it's happened.
dballance
(5,756 posts)When our parents used to turn us outside every summer day. They'd tell us to go play outside. Unattended and without supervision. That's how we lived.
We used to be on our own for hours and hours at a time. Only needing to get back home in time for dinner.
WTF have we become? Talk about a "nanny state."
4Q2u2
(1,406 posts)We would play sports all day long outside, and outside of yelling distance sometimes. My mother had a dinner bell she rang and we would all Pavlov up and run like hell. I had 6 older brothers, getting to the dinner table quick was important. The other mothers loved that bell as well, it told their children time to come home for supper.
Sometimes our parents would turn us outside to go to the store and buy them (GASP) cigarettes. Hanging offenses for sure.
Except for the extra eye in the middle of my forehead we all turned out ok. At least the Dr. tells me so.
PoliticAverse
(26,366 posts)LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)The good old days of no seat belts and lax drunk driving laws... 
Damned "nanny state" indeed.
dballance
(5,756 posts)I remember my dad buying us a Ford station wagon that had lap belts. Shoulder belts had yet to be invented then. That station wagon also was the first car we had with A/C.
It had metal vents in the dash that used to sweat from condensation when we'd run the A/C.
Warpy
(114,615 posts)Stranger molestation is relatively rare. So is stranger kidnapping. The former is usually done by a family member or family friend and the latter by non custodial parents or grandparents.
This arrest is bogus. The cop needs to be disciplined and given some real work to do. I'm sure there is plenty in Florida.
jaysunb
(11,856 posts)been the case back in the 50's. 
JustAnotherGen
(38,054 posts)In 1980. These kids can't have a fort in the woods, or play manhunt, play at a shallow creek . . . all of that is frowned upon. No stickball! No park playing with out 2 adults and three grand parents watching.
No - instead carefull monitor all interactions with other kids and force friendships and a make sure everyone has self esteem.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)
Lex
(34,108 posts)when I was in first grade. No one thought a thing of it. My mom and dad had the right to decide if the neighborhood was safe enough and I was reliable enough to do it.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)unless they lived more than a mile and a half from elementary school.
Throd
(7,208 posts)SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)still live at home...No one coddles like a scared Momma Bear..
truth-be-told..many are home because of crushing college debt, but I know many who just like being at "home" and the parents are apparently okay with it..
davidthegnome
(2,983 posts)There's also the current minimum wage, current labor market, current compensation levels for part time or full time work. When compared with living expenses... most of us lose.
The idea though, that there is anything wrong with living with your parents is ridiculous. Many Nations have many, many families in which two, three, occasionally even four generations live together. The notion that this indicates some kind of lack of maturity or responsibility is inaccurate for a wide variety of reasons. Some people live with their parents because they don't like living alone. Some people live with their parents because they can't afford to live alone. Some live with their parents because they have severe mental and/or physical disabilities and their parents take care of them. Some people live with their parents because they actually take care of their parents.
So many who are thirty or older still live at home - in large part, because our economy sucks. I'm not convinced that people staying at home longer, or even for their whole life times with their families is a bad idea. Quite the opposite.
SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)Last edited Wed Jul 30, 2014, 06:35 AM - Edit history (1)
and that was the norm then...but norms change...and apparently (for many) they can change back too
Most people no longer have that big old 3 story house that could accommodate many adults (and some kiddies too..and a grandma/auntie/grandad)..
For most families, it's a 2 or 3 bedroom <1500 sq ft house/apartment..
Micro defines the specifics
I was using the macro, as it could pertain to the OP..and certainly did NOT suggest that there was anything "ridiculous" or "wrong" about any of it.. It just is what it is..
Would have been early 70s. I had to walk at least 1/2 mile back and forth to get to the school. There were also a few older kids on the street (maybe age 12 or so) and they would walk near the younger kids to keep an eye on us.
We played all over the neighborhood ... we had to go home for meals. In high school home by dark.
polichick
(37,626 posts)where I'd let a seven-year-old walk half a mile alone.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)In my district, younger children were expected to walk 1.5 miles; older children, 2 miles.
A half mile is about 6 city blocks. It isn't an unreasonable distance for a 7 year old, as millions of parents and school administrations will attest.
polichick
(37,626 posts)pnwmom
(110,261 posts)polichick
(37,626 posts)Our kids' schools made a big deal about not letting them walk alone.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)And they discouraged parents from driving their kids to school (though many did), because the traffic around the school made it more dangerous for the walkers.
polichick
(37,626 posts)But there are usually safety rules too, like using crossing guards and not walking alone.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Parents often end up spending an entire school year or more to get the district/city/county to put in a crosswalk.
polichick
(37,626 posts)Where my kids grew up, an unofficial safety rule was to run in a zig-zag pattern if a gator chases you. lol - we actually practiced!
(There was a pond with gators on school property.)
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)The St. Lucie district doesn't provide busses except for children who live more than 2 miles from school, and expects them to walk as far as 1 mile just to get from their home to their bus stop.
polichick
(37,626 posts)As a parent, there was no way in hell I'd let my seven-year-old walk half a mile alone, not to mention play in a park alone half a mile from home.
Not sure what to make of the arrest - as I said, it seems over the top.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)Laws and government regulations are supposed to be predictable and not in conflict with each other. What law did this mother supposedly break?
Every parents is entitled, within the law, to decide how much freedom and responsibility to give her growing child. Since the school district expects even bus riders to walk a mile just to get to their bus stops, and expects kids less than 2 miles away to walk to school, it makes no sense for police to arrest parents for allowing their children to walk 6 blocks. No reasonable parent could have predicted that.
polichick
(37,626 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)it was about four blocks. Other kids were walking further, some kids lived closer.
Although that is different from walking to a park. Walking to school you have a set time and place to go. If, for some reason, I did not make it to school, mom would get a call pretty quick. Same with walking home from school. There's a fairly good idea when they can expect you home.
Plus, you wouldn't really be alone. I probably was walking with my older sister and a bunch of neighborhood kids, especially closer to school.
polichick
(37,626 posts)even if it wasn't always mine.
So true that with school, there are times when the kids are expected.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Our district won't let a 9-year-old leave school without a parent, except on the bus, and he or she must be met by a parent at the bus stop.
It's nuts. My eight-year-old knows the layout of the city better than I do. He's not going to get lost, and, while I'm not saying someone couldn't overpower, it wouldn't be pleasant. He's even more hardheaded than I am.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)Apparently the police are unaware, however, that the district says you have to live 2 miles from school to be eligible for a bus, and that you might have to walk a full mile from your home to your bus stop.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)It's about a mile and a half, and my work is another mile somewhat back toward home. But I'd be quite worried about legal issues, if I let him walk at this time. I recently "got a talking to" at a Powell's Books, because I let him sit and read one aisle from where I was browsing. It's bizarre.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)who are left to spend hours there every day by parents who need a free babysitter.
And yet you got a "talking to" for being an aisle away from your 8 year old. "In my day" the eight year old could have walked to the bookstore and purchased the books by herself -- just as s/he could at the library. (I can still remember the excitement of when my mom first sent me, all by myself, into a little store to buy something. I was six and it was fun. Of course, my mom was sitting in the car, waiting and watching, in case I needed anything.)
It's sad to see how things have changed. Twenty years ago, I read an article by a child psychologist, who said that a 10 year old should be able to do about half the things in the world that s/he'd need to do by 18, when you (presumably) sent them off to college. That made sense, and was a wake-up call. Otherwise, people send these incredibly unprepared kids off to college.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)I'm happy to hear that there are still places where logic wins out in this area.
I can't tell you how many parents I have met to do a "psychiatric evaluation" on their kid, because, well, they decided to ask the child to do some household responsibilities around age 14, and the child is balking with all his/her might. All I can tell them, at that point, is that they need to stand firm, and that they've got 14 years of habits formed against taking care of his/her own business.
Now, I'm not pretending to be a perfect parent. Most days, I have to remind the boy to put his dishes in the dishwasher, and, far too often, I have to remind him to put his dirty clothes in the laundry. Still, he folds his own laundry, pulls weeds, etc...
Yeah, we were only able to have one, which probably makes our fears a bit bigger, well, I doubt it. Every one of 'em is awesome. Still, I'm always asking myself if I'm stifling him in any way. And I have spent so much time working to help parents let their kids make their own mistakes before they're spending huge money on college tuition. I see the strange changes in so many areas, from sports, to the arts, to academics. No one seems to be ok with having well-adjusted average kid. OK, I know, the "no one" is much too absolute, but it does happen much too often.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)I looked for ways to let my oldest, who was around 10 or 11, do more. The first thing I thought about was the movies, because I used to go to the movies at this age. I remember calling up her best friend's mother and saying, well, what do you think? And she agreed, so we asked the girls if they'd like to go to the movies without us. And that felt like a big deal.
Which was lucky, because when my daughter was in 6th grade, she took a test at school and then something arrived in the mail, inviting her to a program in southern California. She was thrilled, and she was literally jumping up and down. And I was petrified, but I called around and heard good things about the program. And then I called down there and got more information, and figured out how the travel would work from Seattle. She flew with another kid -- a boy she only met in the airport. (He was half a foot shorter -- she looked like his babysitter.) It was scary for me but not scary for her at all. And so when she went to a college on the other side of the country that was no big deal either -- for her.
I think more than half of raising a child is training the parents to let go. And yet we shouldn't blame it all on "helicopter parents." Society is pushing parents that way. It's really such a shame.
fishwax
(29,346 posts)as did many of my classmates. Certainly there are places where I wouldn't let a kid walk a half a mile alone, but there are also places I've been where I wouldn't see it as a big deal.
gerogie2
(450 posts)40 years ago as a child I couldn't go two houses away from my house without permission. If I did I was grounded to my room for two days. Maybe as a group with some older teens would be fine for children to go to a park. I don't know if it should be a crime, but maybe a CPS investigation and parenting agreement would be OK.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)Our district expects them to walk a mile and a half.
Why should it be expected of them to walk that far to school, and somehow dangerous to walk a half mile to a park?
Forty years ago your parents, in most towns and cities, would have been considered WAY overprotective. Most of us in our generation had much more freedom to walk and ride our bikes around the neighborhood.
And, yes, I walked 3/4 mile to and from school in kindergarten. Granted, it was a small midwestern town. But I also walked 3/4 mile to school in 2nd grade in a rather large city. No one blinked an eye, back then. I know bad things happened, but risk assessment needs to be done wisely. Sheltering kids in an overbearing manner is not the way to go either.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)The farther out kids may walk up to a mile in elementary school, 1.5 miles in middle and high school.
The average kid/person walks a mile in 15 minutes. That means it would take between 7 - 10 minutes to get to the park.
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)neighbor kids and siblings would be walking with you.
Plus you have a teacher waiting who is taking attendance and can and will contact a parent if a kid does not show up at school. Whereas there's nobody at the park to contact you if your kid runs into trouble.
moriah
(8,312 posts)... a park. Kids do have to go to school, and you are right that if the child does not show up that generally parents are contacted.
I do think that many people are relying on cell phones to be their children's babysitter, and while technology is great, it is only useful if the child actually can make a phone call (well, beyond possibly being able to track the cell phone if the child, God forbid, did not make it home safely). It feels like seven is a bit young for not playing in a group with other kids, but I don't think arresting people is the answer.
At least no one can blame a busybody parent for this, a law enforcement officer made the decision it looks like.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)My children never had cell phones either.
Our school district expected kids to walk a mile and a half, whether or not they had neighbor kids to walk with. Plenty of them walk alone.
Comrade Grumpy
(13,184 posts)Good Lord. We've turned into a nation of chicken shits.
gerogie2
(450 posts)And if the 7 yr old child had been attacked and beaten by teenage bullies or god forbid kidnapped, raped and murder you most likely would want the parent that let him walk alone to a park a half mile from his home to be crucified.
Logical
(22,457 posts)HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Risk assessment seems to be a lost concept in this day and age.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)
Duer 157099
(17,742 posts)Saw one the other day (on MeTV channel) where Beaver, 10-years-old, babysits a 7-year-old girl. At NIGHT.
Another epidose where his parents leave him alone all night.
Nobody even thought anything about it then. What happened?
Lex
(34,108 posts)by criminals by showing crime as it happens all over the globe, showing it over and over, making us think it happens much more frequently. And, I might add, when we are fearful, we are easy to manipulate and give in to authority (such as the police deciding if your own kid can walk to the park by himself).
polichick
(37,626 posts)
Douglas Carpenter
(20,226 posts)polichick
(37,626 posts)pnwmom
(110,261 posts)And even bus riders might have to walk a mile just to get to their stop.
So a half a mile would feel like nothing to this boy.
https://www.stlucie.k12.fl.us/departments/transportation/documents/ParentTips.pdf
Remember, only children living over 2 miles from their schools are eligible for transportation.
SNIP
Please expect an approximate one-half mile but no greater than 1 mile travel distance from home to bus stop.
Tierra_y_Libertad
(50,414 posts)Splash in gutter water.
Throw rocks at each other.
Run with scissors.
Make mud pies.
Say naughty words.
Tell lies.
Stick pencils in their ears.
It used to be called growing up.
Douglas Carpenter
(20,226 posts)no more dangerous now than it was then
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)in the school district that I grew up in.
My kids were the same.
The average kid/person walks a mile in 15 minutes which means that a half a mile away is about 7 - 8 minutes. If they're riding their bike, even less.
This is a bogus arrest in my view.
Really sorry kids are so coddled these days.
gvstn
(2,805 posts)I will just say to all those who say it was perfectly normal to spend all day outside when they were growing up that I would guess that there were many, many more stay at home moms in the neighborhood that knew your mom and were probably helping to keep an eye on you. Also, there were probably a lot more kids out on the street as well.
Longer walks such as half a mile and my mom would probably have wanted me to walk with a friend when I was 7 years old.
I always walked to school alone from 7 years on but there were a ton of kids doing the same thing at the same time so you weren't really alone.
Avalux
(35,015 posts)I walked all over creation when I was that age, spent most of my time about a mile away at a creek catching tadpoles and salamanders.
But hey - I guess the world was different then? 
LittleBlue
(10,362 posts)as punishment for being disrespectful. IIRC he was charged with a crime.
You can disagree with her decision as a parent, but to arrest her is ridiculous.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)And yeah, kids that age or a little older walk to school by themselves, all the time.
I think there has been a move away from "helicopter parenting", and that's a GOOD thing. If the authorities had legitimate safety concerns in this specific instance, they're handling it all wrong.
Coventina
(29,731 posts)Isn't the goal of parenting to raise a child to be self-reliant and responsible?
Obviously, you don't set them up in their own apartment at that age, but walking to a park less than a mile away with a cell phone seems pretty reasonable.
How are kids supposed to be able to grow up if they have their parents hovering over them 24/7?
marions ghost
(19,841 posts)go to the park with another young friend or reliable sibling.
The thing I'd be most concerned about is traffic.
cpwm17
(3,829 posts)If we left the nearby area we would tell our parents where we were. That's normal.
I guess some folks have forgotten and think kids are supposed to spend most of their time at home, eating junk found, and getting fat on the internet.
MoonRiver
(36,975 posts)All one-half mile walks are not equal.
I don't think at seven I was allowed free range through our incredibly safe neighborhood. By 9 it was ok, as long as I was back by dinner time.
I never let my daughters walk alone anywhere at 7. (Yeah I'm paranoid.) But I understand how a very safe, well known (to the child) neighborhood one half mile route, could be navigated by a 7 year old. Not sure that's what was going on in this case.
steve2470
(37,481 posts)IIRC, my dad would drop me off at school in the morning on his way to work, and I would have to walk maybe a mile home. On sidewalks. Across a four lane street but with a kindly older man/woman as a crossing guard. I never thought twice about it. My parents never quizzed me about strangers, etc.
Mind you, this was all occurring within 5 miles of downtown Orlando. So yes, this arrest is way over the top.
steve2470
(37,481 posts)video at link
"They asked me a couple questions and I got scared so I ran off to the park and then they called the cops," Dominic said.
Dominic was playing when Port St. Lucie Police pulled up. Police took him home and arrested his mom charging her with child neglect. Gainey says she was shocked.
"My own bondsman said my parents would have been in jail every day," she said.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)abelenkpe
(9,933 posts)But I would never consider letting my kids do that today. No other parents I know would either. It's not the same world. I would be very concerned if I saw a kid that age unsupervised. Arresting the mother is over the top. She does need to make sure he is supervised though in the future. Hopefully they drop charges.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)and the cop arrested her anyway? If so, the cop was way out of line and needs to be fired. Arresting people based on the cop's personal opinions of their parenting decisions isn't in the job description.
The State’s Attorney’s office says there is no law that says exactly how old a child has to be before they can go somewhere unsupervised.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)I hope she has a good lawyer.
Tetris_Iguana
(501 posts)besides marijuana arrests.
Somehow I don't think the helicopter parenting project is going so well.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)Iron Man
(183 posts)However, if it was my kid, I wouldn't let him/her walk alone in an area with sex offenders.
pnwmom
(110,261 posts)This mother was charged with a FELONY even though nothing in Florida state law says how old a child has to be before he can move around unsupervised.