Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind
By Amy Joyce at the Washington Post.
"Earlier this year, I wrote about teaching empathy, and whether you are a parent who does so. The idea behind it is from Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist with the graduate school of education, who runs the Making Caring Common project, aimed to help teach kids to be kind.
I know, you’d think they are or that parents are teaching that themselves, right? Not so, according to a new study released by the group.
About 80 percent of the youth in the study said their parents were more concerned with their achievement or happiness than whether they cared for others. The interviewees were also three times more likely to agree that “My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.”
Weissbourd and his cohorts have come up with recommendations about how to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults. Why is this important? Because if we want our children to be moral people, we have to, well, raise them that way."
Whole article here
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/07/18/are-you-raising-nice-kids-a-harvard-psychologist-gives-5-ways-to-raise-them-to-be-kind/
To his list of 5, I'd say add a component of nature/respect for living things to their metrics for kindness.
= new reply since forum marked as read
-- obligation to those who don't happen to be a member of the sports team. Locker room bullying isn't mentioned. Is bullying (including instances of physical assault) in junior high and high-school gyms rare, or is it (and has been for generations) the other way around? Oh, well, it doesn't matter. Especially when the victims are not athletically inclined. "Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls." Besides, empathy and compassion are feminine traits. So say the "alpha males" among us. 
-- such as in the situations you've just referenced. That goes without saying. Our loved ones depend on us as adults in adult-adult or adult-child relationships.
But what about those who aren't members of the group? What about those who are different? Someone who is considerate of members of his group may not be so kind to outsiders. Especially outsiders who are deemed to be inferior on the basis of some superficial characteristic (such as lack of physical strength or athleticism among boys). Again, have scrawny boys and fat boys (not to mention girls) usually been treated kindly in mandatory P.E. classes; or has it been true that they had reason to dread the period when they had P.E.? Yes, truly kind kids would not bully anyone. But I hardly ever saw that as I was growing up; and I'm not the only DU member who would say this. It's so easy to be "kind" to those who are like you (editorially speaking) or are members of your own particular group or your team, but not necessarily so to those who are "outside the box." The general rule has been that those who have been deemed to be "inferior" usually have not been treated kindly. Just take a look at the long history of the human race. The prolific horror fiction writer Robert Bloch once was asked what he thought was the greatest horror story he had ever heard; and he replied, "The history of mankind."
Speaking of obligations, I got to go for now. 
differently. I must question your reading comprehension if you see that in this article.
Some members of DU seem to have had such bad memories of gym class (schools are much more inclusive these days and really aren't like that anymore) that the mere mention of sports in an article ruins their objectivity. Where does the article promote treating people not in your group differently?
You should continue to post your pov on this and any web forum you choose. Don't mistake disagreement on an article as an attack and don't think you look more foolish than anyone else. Learn to ignore the forum one-up-manship and the "I am ____ than you" game which shows up on every single forum. I, for one, hope you hang around longer.
IMNSHO. 
It's not just about those 5 points either. I can think of so many ways we can teach empathy. Every time there is human interaction, there is a teachable moment for children. Children need to learn how to consider other people's point of views and I think it's more important than anything else you teach a child because EVERYTHING else you try to instill in your children - responsibility, chores, homework, family harmony, social life - all rests on the ability to empathize. Teaching those other things is easy if your child has empathy.
One mistake (that I didn't see in the list) I see parents make SO often is trying to be perfect in front of their children. Not showing negative emotions seems to carry some badge of super parent nowadays and I'm not sure why. I have several friends and relatives that do this - in the face of some emotional, life-changing event, they feel like they have to put on this mask of "I must carry on stoically". A relative of mine had her husband die suddenly, and she carried on as usual, even bringing the kids to school the next day so as 'not to disrupt their routine'. She talked about how she kept her emotions out of every day life, only crying after the kids were in bed. She eventually realized the error of her ways, when a few months later, when she said something like, "Oh, your dad would've loved this!" her daughter said, "Is it okay to talk about dad now?" I think people forget that kids learn to express emotions by mirroring their parents. A child who sees their parent dealing with emotions in a healthy manner won't just understand how to show emotions healthily, it's also a teachable moment to show the child how to comfort someone else who is in distress.
There have been times in my life where I've been upset in front of my kids - they are usually more curious than anything and I explain to them why I'm upset (Grandma is sick, my puppy died) and then I thank them for asking why I'm upset and let them know it made me feel better. My youngest was especially concerned and would bring me a drink of water or something and hug me and tell me she was 'making me better'. Some people really think that showing those emotions may be stressing children out too much, but I think it's good for them to see emotions of all kinds and that when a family is 'perfect' with few emotions it creates anxiety because the child is unsure about how to express THEIR emotions and they bottle it up instead. Of course, I also make sure I show empathy to my children and to others, who are upset. And empathy towards animals too. I think having a pet is a great idea for children because it teaches them how to anticipate other people's needs without language. I have one daughter who I deem 'at risk' of not having empathy (my children's dad is a sociopath) and I did have her in therapy with a child psychologist for awhile during my divorce (therapist said she had plenty of empathy, so phew!) and since we have gotten our puppy (well, now a year old, LOL) her sense of empathy has exploded. She cares for that dog, anticipates her needs, her emotions, everything. The change in her is pretty amazing.
Anyway, good article. Oh, I'd like to add that this is a great program to start up in school...in my kids' previous school they had a program called "Roots of Empathy" where over the course of the school year, a new mother would bring her new baby in once a month for 10 months and the kids were taught how to anticipate a baby's needs, wants and emotions. I think that should be in every school all over North America, especially for kids who are not taught it at home. Something so small could make for so much improvement in our society.
And it's not just about being honest about our emotions around kids, although that's vital. I was doing something with kids a couple of years back and made some minor goof. I apologized to the kid, fixed things, and went on. Another parent, who witnessed the interaction, couldn't believe that I'd "lowered myself" by apologizing to a child. I stared right back at her and asked her how she expected kids to learn to admit mistakes and apologize if they don't witness adults modeling the appropriate behavior. 
