woman posts response to group that taunted her for wearing bikini that exposed stretchmarks

[Liberal_in_LA]

Defiant mother-of-five, 33, who was fat-shamed on beach because of her stretch marks posts picture of her stomach on Facebook - and the world comes out in overwhelming support
Tanis Jex-Blake said the group started 'pointing, laughing and pretending to kick me' as she attempted to sunbathe at Alberta Beach
She posted a picture of her sunbathing and open letter on to Facebook 
She has now received support from across the world after post was widely share




X
In the post she wrote: 'I'm sorry if my first attempt at sun tanning in a bikini in public in 13 years "grossed you out". 

'I'm sorry that my stomach isn't flat and tight. I'm sorry that my belly is covered in stretch marks. 

'I'm NOT sorry that my body has housed, grown, protected, birthed and nurtured FIVE fabulous, healthy, intelligent and wonderful human beings.'


In the post, she goes on to say: 'I'm sorry if my 33 year old, 125 lb body offended you so much that you felt that pointing, laughing, and pretending to kick me. 

'But I'll have you know that as I looked at your "perfect" young bodies, I could only think to myself "what great and amazing feat has YOUR body done?". 

'I'll also have you know that I held my head high, unflinching as you mocked me, pretending that what you said and did had no effect on me; but I cried in the car on the drive home.'

[Lars39]

1. Shame on those mean people!

[edgineered]

2. It probably did her no good crying on the way home.

Until those kids grown up enough they'll never hear it. Wouldn't have done mattered if she yelled it, they would not have heard it. None the less, it was kind of her to cry for them.

[rhett o rick]

3. She did great not to let them see her cry. The best way to treat bullies is to

not react to them. Be better than them. Their actions are to get responses. Same here in DU when posters use ridicule.

[edgineered]

4. Exactly.

Telling my daughter and son in law as they were ready to jump out of the car in a dispute of a parking spot, "The ones who stay mad the longest lose. Forget them"

We watched the scorn and rage on their faces the whole time as we waited for our ice cream cones inside the same store. The others probably still haven't learned how to act.

[rhett o rick]

8. I say to ignore the bullies and have a good life. That gets their goats.

I say that but it isn't easy. When I was in grade school I got in fights with bullies regularly even though my mom told me to ignore them. And my fight record was dismal.

[Mariana]

29. From what I've seen,

ignoring bullies, in grade school or anywhere else, usually doesn't improve the situation. They tend to escalate. These creeps on the beach will probably be nastier to the next person they decide to target. In the past, they probably only laughed and pointed from a distance. This time they pretended to kick the victim. In the future, they may actually physically assault someone.

The victim is really in a no-win situation - and the bullies know that perfectly well.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

35. From my own experience I have found this to be true =

The victim is really in a no-win situation - and the bullies know that perfectly well.

[Warpy]

51. You don't have to win a fight against a bully. You just have to land one punch

Doing that reminds the bully that he can get hurt, too, and that you're not easy pickings like the other kids who are still trying to ignore him.

But you do have to land one punch, even a sucker punch.

[MADem]

5. She should have taken THEIR picture--she could have pretended to be making a phone call, and

gotten a good shot of their faces to accompany her essay.

That's how ya do it. Up the shame game to the next level.

People can be real tough when they're anonymous--once people start recognizing them, though, they aren't so tough.

[rhett o rick]

7. I agree. nm

[moriah]

16. Sadly, the more common response from bullies to tears is satisfaction, not remorse.

It doesn't do any good to give the bullies that satisfaction that comes from knowing they got to you.

[edgineered]

21. That type of bullying is particularly upsetting.

Whether it is done to feel like something has been won, or done to make another feel a loss are different approaches altogether. Too many don't know the difference and dismiss the bullying as normal, an indication that the weaker party can't deal with things. They also think that the eight year old putting snow down the back of a smaller kid is the same thing as what happened on this beach. Worse yet are those who create an atmosphere of intimidation or shame in order to reach an objective, often with the victim making excuses for the bully. A victim accepting the blame for a bully's actions doesn't help to stop the problem. (do not read as victim blaming here)

[blackspade]

6. More power to her.

These infantile assholes can fuck off.

[passiveporcupine]

9. Our beaches should all be nudist beaches,

So Americans can get used to real bodies and get over this obsession with perfect bodies.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

10. Naw,...then the other guys wouldn't stand a chance...

[tea and oranges]

11. K n R It's the assumption

that women are to be judged for their looks by anyone who beholds them that's the root of this ugliness.

It's only a short stretch (mark) until women have so internalized this, that groups of them will cruelly assess another woman aloud, in public, for her failures as an object, not a woman, an object.

Street harassment is based on this same assumption: That women are their looks. That the way women look or more precisely, a woman looks, is a public commons. Feel free to comment, ogle, gesture, scold, scorn.

[laundry_queen]

13. +1 nt

[BainsBane]

23. +1

This is the consequence of culture that sees Sports Illustrated photo-shopped covers as what women should be.

[tea and oranges]

36. Yes, that has a role

in encouraging us all to believe that women are "less than; not quite human." Think Aretha Franklin feeling the need to remind her lover that she's flesh & blood & has feelings just like a man. Respect. 1967.

There are millions of reasons, rationales, the one that crops up tonight is that whenever sex is deemed by tptb to be dirty, then women become the receptacles of men's projected desire, they become sluts, sex objects, dehumanized. And the people, all of them, get controlled. Don't look now but sex has been dirty around this here culture for a long time. For a few decades the sexual puritanism seemed to be licked (sorry), but the authoritarians have forced the pendulum back to where birth control, which was an overwhelming hit, a modern miracle that not only allowed women the same sexual freedom as men, but allowed families the means to reliably plan, is controversial.

Thanks for responding BainsBane. Roger & out before I get (more) carried away!

Sexism was the 1st ism.

[BainsBane]

39. That assault on birth control is about controlling women

not sex.

[tea and oranges]

42. When women are controlled everyone is.

Sex/sexuality is often the medium.

Kinda gets us where we live.

[BainsBane]

50. Everyone isn't controlled

Some are doing the controlling.

[tea and oranges]

57. You're Right

There are controllers. Look at the most patriarchal controlled countries on this earth. All promulgate that sex is prohibited, that it is dirty, & that women are the reason for the filth. It's the entire point behind the burka, to protect men from the "uncleanliness" of women.

The more sexually repressed a country is, the more certain types of violence occur. Rape & suicide bombing come to mind.

It's no accident that some early 2nd wave feminists (Germaine Greer in particular) were all about sexual liberation.

[laundry_queen]

12. Good for her

I think young people have no idea what real bodies look like because they simply don't see them...all they see in the media are perfect bodies. They just don't know what happens to most of us eventually. I guess we can take comfort in that they will one day have gravity take over, too, or have children too. Let's hope when that happens they remember this incident and are ashamed.

I was wondering where this was...do you have a link to the story?

[noamnety]

25. It was alberta beach, canada.

http://metronews.ca/news/edmonton/1114552/sherwood-park-mother-turns-to-facebook-after-being-shamed-in-bikini-while-at-beach/#

[laundry_queen]

32. That's what I thought.

Alberta beach is the name of a beach nearby but I wasn't sure if there were other beaches with that name. It seems the woman is from Sherwood Park. I live very near to there. Thanks.

[Blaukraut]

14. It's so easy to pass anonymous judgment on the internet

Considering the obesity epidemic in the US, chances are that a good amount, if not a majority, of those making nasty comments wouldn't look much better in a bikini. But what they ought to realize is that that is totally beside the point. If a woman wants to wear a bikini, she should be able to do so and feel good about herself, no matter what.

[lululu]

15. they were rude

But there are times when a one piece bathing suit is called for. Also, five kids, the poor planet.

[moriah]

19. That was kind of rude, too.

She's not Michelle Duggar. Give the woman a break and stop judging women on their choices about how they manage their own fertility. Isn't that what we tell others when we advocate the pro-choice stance? Choice is exactly that... *choice*. Hers. Not mine, yours, or the poor planet's.

And at what point is a one-piece bathing suit called for? A bit of a pooch and some stretch marks? Morbid obesity? Where do you draw the line, and who is to be the end arbiter of who gets to wear a bikini?

[Codeine]

26. Shittiest DU post of the day, lululu.

And considering the fact that poster Swedeatlanta called for all Jews to be forcibly removed from Israel and sent "anywhere but here" a little earlier today you had some pretty stiff competition.

[steve2470]

27. wow....sensitivity much..... ! nt

[TDale313]

28. Wow, judging her body and reproductive choices.

What a mean spirited post.

[laundry_queen]

33. Mean spirited and not liberal at all. nt

[TDale313]

38. Nope, not by my definition anyway. n/t

[Barack_America]

31. I'm assuming you compost your own crap?

And use it to fertilize the organic garden growing behind your solar panel-covered house?

You know, considering you feel you have the right to criticize her carbon footprint.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

37. I take this to mean you are against the call for shirts off equality ...

amirite?

[noamnety]

41. If you don't think people should have to be exposed to ugliness

then learn how to hold your tongue if you are thinking something ugly.

[Stellar]

17. That brings back memories.

When I was about 14 yrs old, my mother asked me to bring lotions and other products that she had left in the shower in our home. I returned to her room and observed her belly looking just like that. Shocked, I said eeew, what happened! She said, that's what happens when you have four children. At that point I promised myself that I would never have so many children that my stomach would look like that. She said...keep living.

Well, after my first child, it happened to me too and not my sister. We both have two children. I wish I had remembered to ask my mother if it happened to her also after the first child, me being the oldest, to late now.

What I learned from that if you tease someone about something, it will probably most certainly happen to you or yours. (something that I just believe). So,I don't tease people about anything.

[laundry_queen]

34. It definitely depends (and yes to your last paragraph)

My mom didn't get many stretch marks with her first pregnancy (me). She said she had a few on her hips, but her tummy was nice and flat. She wore bikinis. She was judgmental with other women, thinking how they must've gained too much or something. Then with her second pregnancy (my brother), she gained less than she had with me, but she was one big walking stretch mark, from ribs to thighs.

Each pregnancy is so different.

I got ALL of my stretch marks with my first pregnancy. She stretched me out so much that I never got another stretchmark with my other 3 pregnancies. They are ALL from my first. I didn't even get any with my 10 lb 3rd baby (my first wasn't quite 7 lbs).

Thankfully, my mom was pretty open showing hers to us (my parents were semi-nudists around the house, lol) so I had no illusions about what could happen. I knew it would probably happen. And I was okay with that. I do wish, though, that others weren't so judgmental about it. Some people are just more prone to getting them. There's nothing you can do about it either (believe me, I tried it all with my first, LOL, and that's when I found out I was allergic to something in the vitamin E oil. Let me tell you about THAT hellish day at work with an itchy pregnant belly, lol)

[Stellar]

40. Too funny!

and thanks for sharing!

[phylny]

44. Genetics.

Three kids here, no stretch marks on my belly at all. Of course, I'm heavy, so I CHOOSE not to wear a bikini unless it's my and my husband on the dock alone. But I would never tell anyone how to dress.

[Uncle Joe]

18. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for the thread, Liberal_in_LA.

[LittleBlue]

20. That is shameful

The losers who made fun of her will get their comeuppance some day. Gravity always gets its due, eventually.

[PasadenaTrudy]

22. Ugh...

Five kids?

[phylny]

45. My daughter and son-in-law choose not to have any kids.

Consider that this woman got their "2.5" kids.

And, one of her kids may one day grow up to cure cancer. Her choice to have five kids, just like it's my daughter's choice to have none.

[Liberal_in_LA]

48. five people who will be raised with her kind of courage

[beaglelover]

24. Wish I had her self confidence. n/t

[Lefta Dissenter]

30. me too, beaglelover!

We'd all be happier if we did.

[barbtries]

43. people suck.

i could cry for her. what's with the gratuitous meanness?! who does it help?

[Squinch]

46. "Pretended to kick her" ????? Who ARE these people?

[Half-Century Man]

49. Restated

Pretended to kick her becomes pantomimed assaulting her. That phrase should have appeared on a warrant.

[Mariana]

52. As I said upthread, they probably started out

simply ridiculing people from a distance. They were ignored. Then they got more and more bold, as bullies who are ignored tend to do. I expect sometime in the future they'll begin to physically assault strangers for fun.

[Squinch]

54. You are probably right.

[MarianJack]

47. As my little sistet used to say,...

...when they f**k her 3 times a week and pay all of her bills, THEN they can tell her what to do!

PEACE!

[brooklynite]

53. My wife is slightly overweight and has an imcision from an appendicitis comdition

...and I'd be happy to have her wear a bikini if she wanted to.

[get the red out]

55. Why are people so ready to

Publicly mock others anymore? That is the height of rude and cruel.

[joe_sixpack]

56. Pathetic ignorant losers

Whose only meaningful sexual experiences probably involve their fists, and internet porn.

[Zorra]

58. Own it, and wear it like armor, beautiful sister, and they can't hurt you anymore. nt