"15 Things You Should Give Up in Order To be Happy"???

[HughBeaumont]

http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

Anyone see this on Facebook or elsewhere?

Yeah, it seems like a good idea; the whole less-is-more, free-your-mind thing, and all that.

That is, until you start to read some of them . . . . . .

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

Ok, that sounds like it comes out of the mouth of Herman Cain . . . so . . . no. There are very oppressive people doing very shitty things to a whole lot of the population and they need to be called out on it now and often until they stop fucking DOING it.

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

Uh, are you FUCKED? This sounds like happy-sappy bullshit straight out of books like "The Secret". If no one complained about anything, we'd be working 7 days a week, 16 hours a day for 10 cents an hour (next to adolescents) in unsafe work conditions, our bosses would be allowed to physically beat us up, we'd go home and eat rotted meat and drink polluted water, we would never be able to buy anything to even sit on, and life would be a dystopia worse than any Great Depression ever documented.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

Yeah. Racism rules. Suppression is amazing. Taxpayer-funded murder kicks ass. Reaganomics is awesome. Keep fisting us hard, corporate America, because if there's one thing I don't want to be known as, it's a complainer!! YEAHHH!!

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

Change also sometimes leads to something worse; something the changee can't get out of for months and/or years. This also sounds like an empty cliche an HR manager tells to newly-axed workers.

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

Let me see if this works: "Republicans are not trying to end your lives via poverty and wage stagnation, they're trying to . . . motivate you into working . . . harder and becoming a better person as a result!" Gee, what was I thinking??

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

Really? Let me see if this works. I'm poor; not to the point where I qualify for a Pell Grant, but just enough to be able to go into massive debt to get a degree. And of course, I'll be able to pay bills that are due now WHILE I rack up this huge debt. Bitchin. Fast forward 5 years, and the job market's terrible so I can't find shit and I'm in hock for an ass-ton of unpaid cash. "Hey, you!! No excuses!! Just . . . get a job!! It might not be the job you want, but we all can't get what we want in life, can we???"

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

DUMB.

[Tom Ripley]

1. Old wine in new bottles; same advice that is always dictated to slave and serf societies

[LongTomH]

22. Right! I've made the same comment to other New-Age drivel!

Your master beat you with 20 lashes! Be happy! It could have been 50!

I am so sick of that "Don't worry! Be happy!" horseshit!

Edited to add: Who's responsible for that great quote" "It is rarely reasonable men who change the world"? The same thing could be said of happy people!

[Go Vols]

51. .

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

[MisterP]

23. just curious (history buff), but which historians did you get that from?

[Tom Ripley]

38. That is my conclusion as a mere fellow history buff

There is also a correlation with a starch based diet (wheat, potato, rice)

[saras]

50. +(10^100)^(10^100)

Happy? Anybody can be happy. What's the purpose of that?

Bob Dylan

[Liberal Veteran]

2. 1. Give up on lists telling you how to be happy.

There isn't any "one size fits all" path to happiness.

[Speck Tater]

3. If everybody followed these rules we'd have a perfect world...

...of compliant peons who never caused any trouble for the ruling elite.

If you can make people believe that submissive obedience is the same thing as enlightenment then you've got the peasants well under control.

[HughBeaumont]

6. If that's not a bumper sticker or a T-shirt, that should be!

[font size="4"][font color="red"]If you can make people believe that submissive obedience is the same thing as enlightenment, then you've got the peasants well under control.[/font][/font]

[RKP5637]

9. +1000 +++ n/t

[snagglepuss]

12. [phone] Definitely bumper sticker material.

[laundry_queen]

34. Naiiiiiled it. nt

[gtar100]

42. That perfect summary also describes how the Church teaches Christianity.

well said!

[Odin2005]

4. Typical reactionary "Self-Help" BS.

The whole "Self-Help" industry is RW and reactionary. It teaches people to blame themselves for their problems rather than the injustices of society. Especially avoid anything associated with the publishing company Health Communications (like the Chicken Soup for The Soul books).

[HughBeaumont]

7. I guess the admin @ the link is deleting comments that are calling this for the RW BS that it is.

So much for "freedom of thought".

[laundry_queen]

37. So true.

This is also a philosophy among so many therapists and support groups. I belong to a support group, and I find it's always the authoritarian, bully types who trumpet, "Stop being the victim! Everything happens for a reason (or alternately, 'God has a plan'. Use this [in my case abuse] as an opportunity to GROW. Be thankful for your path- it made you who you are today. Don't assign blame, your abusers were abused too. Forgive them, they are victims too. blah blah blah." Anything *BUT* holding them accountable. It's very frustrating - it's not just among the oppressed, it's rampant among the abused or victimized as well. I mentioned once that I refuse to forgive and forget because it means I'm enabling their abusive behavior. I HAVE moved on with my life, and I don't dwell normally BUT I'm not going to just 'let' people act that way. No way. And that's really what that kind of talk is all about - enabling the oppressors and letting them get away with it. IMVHO.

[mactime]

5. When I saw the thread title

I was holding out hope that this would actually be helpful. LOL

[HughBeaumont]

10. At first glance, I thought it would be too. You're not alone.

Alas, it's more victim-blaming claptrap straight out of "The Secret".

Like when Wilson Phillips said "You got yourself into your own mess". But what if they DIDN'T?

[RKP5637]

8. Reminds me of some of the F'ed up corporations I've worked in where HR

would hold employee morale meetings wherein we were told problems lay with employees not management, that the success of the corp. and better employee relations started from the bottom up, not from corporate management down. What an unmitigated bunch of bullshit that was.

Then would come layoffs of 6k to 10k people at a time.

I get tired of happy happy bullshit telling people they should enjoy being fucked over!

[Pool Hall Ace]

11. I've never heard of 'The Secret'

but I had this inkling that it was something that Oprah would endorse. So I performed did a search with the terms 'The Secret Oprah.'

BINGO!!

[gvstn]

13. Or as T Bone Burnett would say,

"You can't want nothing if you want satisfaction"

http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/t-bone-burnett/trap-door-25015.html

[provis99]

14. dandy.

so I should give up the things that make me happy, in order to be happy?

smells like Christian fundamentalist martyrdom bullshit to me. and writing that just made me happy.

[frazzled]

15. If you only relate these rules to politics, sure they're stupid

But in the daily grind of one's immediate personal life, I think there's some truth to a few of them.

One thing I've tempered a lot as I've aged is "criticism." No, I don't mean avoiding criticizing political arguments or figures, but easing up on criticizing people I meet or things I encounter. For instance, I used to be much more opinionated about movies or art, eviscerating things I thought were wrongheaded or poorly done. Now I realize that to create anything is difficult and a real accomplishment, and I tend to limit my thoughts to "not my cup of tea" or simply avoid things that are not my style. I don't criticize how other people lead their lives, or raise their children, or spend their money: to each his own has pretty much been my mantra (unless it hurts someone else), and I find myself much happier for not being so judgmental. Who am I to judge others all the time when I am hardly perfect? It makes you feel superior to pass judgment, especially when you are young, but it really does lead to bitterness and a lot of delusion.

Change is good, or at least not to be feared. I have to fight against this one, because often I do resist it. But I've found that making major moves, sometimes unwanted, to different parts of the country a number of times in my life --an enormous burden both physically, emotionally, and financially-- has been invigorating and interesting. There's always something fascinating to find in a new place, and it opens your eyes to different things, offering new perspectives. I remember when we moved to Massachusetts being invited to dinner at the home of a (otherwise extremely interesting and accomplished) couple who had lived many years in our previous state. They spent the whole evening complaining about how awful this or that was in MA compared to the previous state ... and this after having lived there for 12 years! I thought: how miserable they must be not being able to find or accept the positives of some things here, even though their negatives were not totally off the mark. I mean, at least the flora and fauna is gorgeous!

And giving up the past? That one's a no brainer. Of course you shouldn't obsess on it: you can't change it. As you age, this one becomes imperative in so many ways.

These sayings might be trite, but I can't imagine that people who in their personal lives constantly (a) blame others ; (b) complain and criticize ; (c) resist changes in their lives ; (d) give everything a reductive label ; (e) make excuses every time something goes wrong; or (f) obsess over the past are very happy. I'm no Pollyanna, and I can have a biting tongue and get temporarily very angry, but I certainly don't embrace negativity as a pathway to contentment in my life, and find that "chilling out" helps bring more pleasure. I don't think I could have stayed married for nearly 40 years or raised two kids if I hadn't learned to accept things with a bit of grace. I'm a flawed individual, so I have to accept a flawed world and life, even as I work to improve it.

[RKP5637]

18. This was an excellent analysis from this perspective IMO. I agree with all you said!!! n/t

[Honeycombe8]

19. Ditto. The rules seem good, but no one can really do those 100% of the time.

I agree that if you find a person who does all those things (blame others, complain, criticize, refuses to accept change, etc.), you'll find a pretty miserable person.

But since we're human, we can't fight these tendencies fully, or all the time. The best we can do is try. And maybe, sometimes, it's not the best thing that we NOT blame someone else, IF he is the one to blame! (If it even matters, and sometimes it doesn't.)

To live a happy life, it does make sense that a person not sit around seeing others and the world through critical eyes, blaming others, refusing to accept change (life is constant change!), not insisting on labeling people, etc.

[OneGrassRoot]

24. Very well said. Thank you. :) n/t

[renate]

25. that's a very, very important distinction to make--thanks!

All very well said!

Criticism is poison in our personal lives, although it's necessary in our roles as citizens of a democracy. Same with blame and a few other things that serve no useful purpose in personal relationships but are still needed when large groups of people live together (e.g., if there were no blame, and therefore no risk of prison or censure, society would be an even more stressful place to live in).

I think that list has a lot to offer us as individuals.

[treestar]

29. +1

That kind of thing does not have a political intent. It's just about day to day life.

[ThomThom]

30. yes, they sound very Zen to me

but I'm no expert
Do the right thing.

[HughBeaumont]

31. Except that not much of what I said had to do with politics.

Suppression is suppression, poverty is poverty, abuse is abuse and wrong is wrong, no matter if it's a corporate entity doing it or a greedmongering member of the 1% or a politician or a boss or a significant other or a bully. Life issues and damages are not just as easily solvable as "thinking positively" or "ignoring things that you simply have no way of controlling". It's almost as bad as that congressperson a few weeks back telling abused women to "remember what made you love your husband" as a cure for their problem.

Living life with blinders on is far more poisonous than living it mad. Wanting to make the unfairness of life end should never be synonymous with negativity.

[XanaDUer]

16. I hate shit like that

And it is all about keeping the sheeple down. I would like to ask Oprah- proponent of "The Secret" - if Black folks followed some of these rules to happiness, where would the Civil Rights Movement be?

[gateley]

17. I'll be the lone voice to say I feel some of these have merit -- to a certain point.

When we wallow in the past, get a rage on in blaming others, spend our time criticizing others in their wrong-ness (from our perch of right-ness), etc., then we're stuck.

I often think of that on DU -- we exert so much energy railing against the other side (and at times against each other) and really, what does it accomplish? Have we un-done the wrongs? Has our indignation changed the circumstances? Has our criticism made a change for the better? And I engage in it all with relish, believe me.

I think it's necessary to express our outrage, our frustrations and our incredulity, but not to do it over and over and over to the point we feel as though we've done something, when really, we haven't.

[unblock]

21. balance. happiness at the expense of making a better life for yourself and others is not a good goal

[gateley]

32. I think that's the Republican/Conservative SOP. nt

[renate]

26. I always love your posts!

[gateley]

33. Wow -- thanks! I never thought anybody read them! :-) nt

[unblock]

20. note that this is advice on how to be HAPPY. not on how to have an actually better life.

happiness is easy to achieve if you can convince yourself that your lot in life is good, despite all evidence to the contrary.

[varelse]

28. Yep

you nailed it.

[distantearlywarning]

35. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Ignorance is bliss.

[RainDog]

27. Resistance is Futile!

and besides, it might make you unhappy.

...and what more important goal in life could there be other than your own smiles.

[guitar man]

36. The chocolate ration has been increased from 30 grams to 20. nt

[Lex]

39. It's clearly meant to be more interpersonal than political. nt

[HughBeaumont]

40. Even in that sense, it's silly crapola.

One can't just wish bad things like disease, poverty and abuse away; or worse yet, positively think their way out of it and be told it's their fault if they don't.

[Nay]

41. That may be true, but an ungodly number of corporations dish this bullshit onto their

employees almost unchanged from the text in the OP. They dump this on their employees only to massage everyone's bad feelings about the utter CRAP the corporations are forcing on them daily.

Don't like that the bosses bought shitty software for the corp because some favored vendor was selling it? YOU'RE AFRAID OF CHANGE.

Do you think that Joe Blow in the next cubicle needs to STFU about how he hates fat women?
YOU CRITICIZE TOO MUCH.

Do you dare mention to the new boss that his big 'new' idea was tried at the corp in 2002 and didn't work out well at all? YOU REFUSE TO GIVE UP THE PAST.

Did a coworker just fuck you over in a meeting and you dared to mention that to the boss in private? YOU ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSE FOR YOUR PROBLEMS. (Of course, if YOU do something wrong, guess what happens to you? Yep. You get BLAMED.)

[undergroundpanther]

43. another problem with these kinds of new age bullshit

Is if you can't do what it says to be happy,well enough to be happy then because you are responsible for your own happiness,no one but yourself to blame if you can't be happy in slavery or facing abuse. When the only option is you blame yourself for everything the things that cause you actual problems and stress..it can't be an external stress making you miserable.it can't be a sadistic bully making you feel stress go let the abuse hurled at you just roll off your back,deny it hurts to be treated like shit,and pull up those bootstraps,get back to work.And SMILE it's a beautiful day.

[gtar100]

44. Excellent response to a nasty thought virus that's been going around for years.

I first ran across this nonsense back in the 80's and saw it effect people around me by making them selfish and greedy. Quite the opposite of the superficial intention of these ideas.

[SomethingFishy]

45. Wow.. if you set that to really crappy music it could be a

word for word transcript of a Tony Robbins seminar.

[HughBeaumont]

53. I used to read his stuff . . .

. . . and it sounds all "empowering" and "positive" and what not . . .

Until two events changed my opinion about him -

One was someone that said "Has Tony Robbins ever done anything superlative in business besides making people feel better about themselves?" It hit me that he was good at something very superficial - pump-priming - and that this just may have been the door that opened it up. Keep the masses high on "happy" and maybe they won't notice they're being screwed . . . a cottage industry all it's own?

Two was his divorce. One of the aspects of his seminars and books was the emphasis on how to develop a better relationship with your significant other. What, didn't he follow his own advice, or is the "advice" nothing but a bunch of fluffity crap that doesn't hold sway when it comes to what the other person is feeling?

[MJJP21]

46. Different interpretation

It always amazes me when two people will read the same words and come away with a diametrically opposed understanding. I did not agree with your analogies at all.

[Stargleamer]

47. I'm glad "Leave it to Beaver" didn't make the list, Hugh! n/t

[WHEN CRABS ROAR]

48. Damn! If I follow those rules I will have to give up DU.

[On the Road]

49. I Really Doubt that the Writer of the 'Purpose Fairy' Site

is attempting to con readers into being complaint sheep. I actually would have thought that these suggestions are common sense that anyone with a desire to have a fulfilling life would be wise to pay attention to.

If your response to these suggestions is negative, it might be wise to examine whether happiness is more important to you than the following:

--the desire to be right
--the need for control
--the need to blame
--the desire to complain
--the desire to criticize
--the need to label others
--the need to hold onto the past

To a large extent, each one of us has the choice between being happy and holding on to the things the author has listed.

Character is fate. If you mock those suggestions, you are likely condemning yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness.

[libodem]

52. Most all of the great religions

And philosophies have some or part of that type of stuff. It's good advice. The less demands and expectations we harbor the less likely we are to be disappointed when they don't happen. Don't set yourself up to be let down and you won't be hurt. Stay open to out come but don't be attached to the outcome. Hang loose, baby.

Ah, hell, fuck that, blame somebody else.