This is what happened to a woman who said "no" to a stranger's gropes

[Liberal_in_LA]

British woman posts battered selfie after perv punches her at festival
GRAPHIC PHOTO: Mary Brandon puts image of her gruesomely injured face online. She says a man at Notting Hill Carnival who repeatedly groped her bottom punched her she pushed him away.



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Mary Brandon of London posted this image of her badly injured face after she was punched by man she didn’t know for telling him to keep his hands off her, she says. Facebook Mary Brandon of London posted this image of her badly injured face after she was punched by man she didn’t know for telling him to keep his hands off her, she says.

She said no. Twice. And when that didn’t work, she pushed him away.

So he punched her, putting all his weight into it, says Mary Brandon, who posted before and after photos of her badly injured face on Facebook.

The British woman had gone to the Notting Hill Carnival, a hugely popular London event that draws large crowds of celebrants.

Brandon says a man grabbed her buttock. When she told him to stop it, he did it again, she said in a public Facebook post expressing her outrage.

“I pushed him away, exercising my right to tell a man to stop touching my body without my permission, so he took a swing at me and punched me in the face,” she wrote.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/british-woman-posts-selfie-perv-punches-face-article-1.1918970

[niyad]

1. sadly, the man's assumption that he had every right to violate her physical being and space is

not in the least surprising.

[Sister to TxTowelie]

2. It's horrible that he got away with it.

I guess there wasn't any one around to tackle him and call for police. He needs to be prosecuted before he rapes and kills.

[niyad]

7. my guess would be "before he rapes again and kills". that sort of hatefulness does not spring

full-blown from nowhere.

[gollygee]

11. I agree

That is some serous feeling on entitlement to women's bodies there, and that level of entitlement usually has some victims behind it.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

25. This is why I've become an advocate for women actively defending themselves.

Even if the animal is caught who can say he'll do any appreciable amount of time? Odds are he'll be let out with time served or given a few months to stew in his hatred.

Police don't prevent rape and murder they only investigate after lives have already been destroyed.

[sheshe2]

3. He put all of his weight into the punch.

Yes it shows. Dear Gawd!

[mythology]

5. If that's not sarcasm

I'm quite glad that I know very different people than you do.

[laundry_queen]

23. Same here

In my high school, one guy hit his girlfriend. Once. Every single guy in our school kicked the crap out of him when they found out. I don't condone that either, but hey, it was high school.

[HERVEPA]

28. Good grief. It's totally obviously sarcasm. Are folks that tone deaf.

Shouldn't need a sarcasm thingy for that. It's totally obvious.

[indie9197]

6. really?

I wouldn't think so but I have never seen a woman punched by a man. Maybe he looked around at the crowd around him and figured they weren't a threat. I am not a fighter but I would have jumped in and hoped I had some back up.

[niyad]

9. given the climate of woman-hatred, you and anybody who helped you would probably be

arrested instead of the low-life bastard who assaulted her. a sad commentary on our insane world.

[indie9197]

13. where do you live? I will avoid that area. n/t

[Luminous Animal]

12. Gotta wonder if the author of that now hidden post, ever did anything to stop it.

And that now hidden post is remarkably disturbing and I actually wish he had a chance to explain where he lived and what he has experienced living in a community that champions physical assaults against women.

[HERVEPA]

29. Good grief! It was clearly sarcasm. Men don't llike men who puch women. That's pretty much universal

[niyad]

8. wow--glad I do not move in your circles. were you ever able to stop such an outrage?

[Luminous Animal]

10. This outcome is why I do not endorse women laying their hands on gropers.

I do endorse physical self-defense in situations where it is required.

I am 56 now and there are several memories of sexual assault that will never leave me. The first that I will tell you about (though not the first that occurred) was when I was 18. I was in a bar when one of the football players from our college team grabbed my butt. I turned around and and pushed, not punched, his arm and told him to leave me alone. Within seconds he had me on the ground choking me. Other patrons were trying to pull him off. People were screaming at him and the bartenders to call the cops (pre-cell phone and pre- 911). He didn't stop until I blacked out. I think he thought I was dead and saw no reason to continue.

Second scenario described. I was 28, and was walking home, in a skirt above my knees (gasp) around midnight from a visit with a friend at her home. I was walking with a long time male friend who self-define as a "98 pound weakling". A group of 5 0r 6 young men, younger than me but not minors, approached. As we walked by, one of those men reached under my skirt and grabbed my behind. My friend did not witness the assault. That group of men and my friend and I were the only people on the block. I said nothing. I said nothing because the first thing I thought of was my experience of nearly dying from 10 years prior and I did not want to put myself or my friend at risk.

Third scenario is a mash-up of many scenarios between the age of 18-56. When someone guy grabs my butt or tweaks my boob, or slips his hand between my legs or otherwise touches me in a manner that I find offending, in a public place with many people within ear shot; I will, remove myself to a distance sufficient enough to avoid a punch, a beating, a strangling, or death. After removing myself in a sufficient distance where I feel safe from violent physical retaliation I; 1) loudly state that I have been sexually assaulted and point out my assailant by description. Then, I will proceed to lodge a complaint to the attendant authority be that a bus driver, bar tender, venue security, etc.

[indie9197]

14. You would think a woman would be safe in a crowded atmosphere,

but maybe that is one of the least safe places. Easy for the criminal to escape, crowd mentality not wanting to get involved, noise, confusion, etc. I have two daughters and worry about things like this.

[Luminous Animal]

15. And, as described in my first scenario, bystanders willing to assist may be physically unable to do

so. Plenty of people tried to pull off my assailant, according to the police report, but no one or collective ones were able to do so.

[indie9197]

17. That is a horrific experience. What happened to him? n/t

[Luminous Animal]

20. Nothing. This was in 1976. Police never showed up. College had no interest in investigating.

Bar continued to let him in with no consequences to his "misbehavior".

[sub.theory]

19. Crowd psychology

Everyone was waiting for someone else to do something.

Thing is, if one person actually does do something, others will usually rush to help. Just have to have someone noble and brave enough to break the inertia.

[BainsBane]

18. What gives you the right to say this woman didn't need to defend herself?

She was being sexually violated. She pushed him off her after he refused to stop. What do you suggest she do? Just sit back and allow it? This is the second time you have blamed a victim for her assault. Your own history doesn't justify your treating women that way. Women have a right to stop an assault in progress. There is one person responsible for that assault and it is the sexual predator and asshole who did it. No one else.

[Luminous Animal]

21. rollie eyes. My husband was recently physically assaulted. The stupidest thing he could have done

was retaliate. He didn't. He called the police. He had his assailant arrested.

[stevenleser]

32. I don't think she is saying that, just that it can be dangerous.

I think about this subject a lot both in terms of harassed women and harassed LGBT.

Hollaback themselves caution to evaluate the situation and that the best action might be to do nothing, that safety is the key to deciding what to do. http://www.ihollaback.org/resources/responding-to-harassers/

If I choose to respond directly to harassers, how should I do it?
Your safety is the first priority. If you feel safe and choose to respond directly to harassers, here are some general guidelines designed to keep you safe:
1. Be firm. Look them in the eye and denounce their behavior with a strong, clear voice. Many people prefer to name the behavior, for example, “do noot comment on my body, that is harassment,” “Do not stare at me like that, that is harassment,” or a similar phrase. You can also simply say “that is not OK,” or “don’t speak to me like that.” Try out different phrases to see what feels natural to you. The important thing is that you aren’t apologetic in your response in your statement. Skip phrases like “I’m sorry, but…,” or “excuse me sir…”
2. Don’t engage. Harassers may try to respond to your firm response. They may try to engage you in further conversation or even make fun of you. As tempting as it may be get into a verbal war with them, we don’t recommend it. The attention may further feed their abusive behavior.
3. Keep moving. Once you’ve said your piece, keep it moving. Harassers don’t deserve the pleasure of your company.

There is no “perfect” response, because every situation is different and every person is different. Here are some examples of responses from readers on our blog:

I can tell you now that when I start to see a situation develop, I start walking towards the woman or LGBT person(s) and prepare to use a couple of the Hollaback suggestions of what to do as a bystander. Ask the woman or people if they are OK, and attempt to distract the harassers. Not sure of what I am going to do if that doesnt work someday.

[ecstatic]

30. Thanks for sharing. I beat myself up for

not responding more aggressively to a random guy who slapped my ass 14 years ago, but your post puts things in perspective. I just wish I had taken the second part of your advice and had him arrested. When it happened, I was so stunned and embarrassed that I didn't know what to do.

[sub.theory]

16. Lock him up forever

Anyone who would do something this depraved has no place in society. At all. Lock him up for good.

[WCLinolVir]

22. I've been known to swing my fist at groping men. But I grew up in a physical family.

And the women are strong. But how horrible for her. What a violent creep. I hope they catch him.

[Wella]

24. If anyone wonders why women are afraid to react forcefully, here is proof.

Many women are extremely careful in how they react to men who violate boundaries. These kinds of men can react violently and women know that, which is why women often hedge in their language and try to find the nicest way to let a guy down easy. Unfortunately, the kind of men who violate boundaries take the careful, nice reaction as an indication to continue. Then they blame the woman for "leading them on." This kind of man doesn't take no: if you say it nicely, it means "yes", if you say it forcefully, it means you're a bitch who needs to be taught a lesson.

[sibelian]

26. Fucking dangerous lunatic!

Revolting behaviour.

[DiverDave]

27. Fucking goon, do it in front of me, I dare you

your never gonna see the hit that puts you down.

[Sunlei]

31. the first grope get the security people at the Carnival to remove him?

[HipChick]

33. Notting Hill Carnival? wall to wall of people street party

I doubt they would have got to him in time...

[Sunlei]

35. There is lots of security there, they had a couple of rapes & bunch of arrests.

[Dreamer Tatum]

34. HARUMPH! nt