Domestic violence still a silent killer

[sheshe2]

Atlanta

What strikes one in four American women and claims a life in the United States every six hours? The scourge of domestic violence is so stigmatizing that most victims never talk about it or seek help.

Paula Denize Lewis, an executive assistant here in Atlanta, was among those who kept quiet. She tried to cover up the black eyes and bruises when she went to work, and when she showed up with her arm in a sling she claimed that she had fallen down the stairs.

snip

Domestic violence deserves far more attention, resources and police understanding of the complexities involved. This is not a fringe concern. It is vast, outrageous and should be a national priority.

Women worldwide ages 15 to 44 are more likely to die or be maimed as a result of male violence than as a consequence of war, cancer, malaria and traffic accidents combined. Far more Americans, mostly women, have been killed in the past dozen years at the hands of their partners than in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

First, we must end the silence.

http://www.omaha.com/opinion/editorials/nicholas-kristof-domestic-violence-still-a-silent-killer/article_06870c6c-9136-5645-8ba2-6b185f4d1af7.html

















Trust me on this, someone you know or love is a victim. It is time to break the silence, I know this because I was silent too.

[NYC_SKP]

1. Yes indeed.

It's victims are many and varied, very young and very old, everything in between.

Recommended.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

2. this fact from the OP is treated like a joke by TOO many in the DU community.

Women worldwide ages 15 to 44 are more likely to die or be maimed as a result of male violence than as a consequence of war, cancer, malaria and traffic accidents combined. Far more Americans, mostly women, have been killed in the past dozen years at the hands of their partners than in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Again, let me emphasize: The pandemic of MALE violence against women is repeatedly treated as a JOKE and a GAME by certain DU members.

Why do these repeat harrassers continue to fool other people into thinking they're behaving appropriately?
Is it that hard to see when consistent behavior patterns prove that a person is NOT acting in good faith?

Just what the fuck is going on around here, anyway?

[sheshe2]

3. I don't understand it either Blanche.

This is a Democratic board, sometimes I have to log onto DU again to make sure I have not taken a right turn into into freeperville.

The vicious attacks on women here appall me. The Disrespect The Harassment and The Inhumane Comments stop me cold. Oh let's not forget the alert stalking of women here as well.

Are they really fooling anyone Blanche? Or are they just being given a pass because they are men.

Violence against women is real and it can be deadly. Verbal abuse is incredibly harmful as well. Why should we suffer it here as well?

[lovemydog]

4. Thank you for this thread sheshe2.

We must listen to the victims.

We must break the silence.

For those (like me) who have not been physically abused. We must listen. Not by talking over each other. By listening.

[sheshe2]

6. Oh...you said.

For those (like me) who have not been physically abused. We must listen. Not by talking over each other. By listening.

Thank you for that, lovemydog. Thank you.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

5. I almost died from emotional and verbal abuse.

He never hit me. He never said he loved me.He just blamed everything on me, and provided no emotional support or even basic respect. Said I had to "earn" his respect.

He just nagged me and nagged me and I finally broke down physically and was hospitalized with pneumonia. I was in and out of the hospital with bronchitis and pneumonia and sinus infections for several years--over five years. It was all completely avoidable. I had to get a divorce or he literally would have killed me. The stress broke me down to where I had no immunity left. They cultured the bacteria in my lungs and they came back as "normal flora" and the hospital staff just did not understand why I was deathly ill from normal flora. I had no immune system left, that's why, from the stress of being nagged.

Then he accused me of faking illness to get attention, and bribing my doctor to put me in the hospital. Like I could fake those x-rays of my lungs completely full of pus and red and raw on the inside.

[lovemydog]

7. I'm so sorry Manifestor_of_Light.

I hope you are doing better now.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

16. Thank you for your kind words.

[sheshe2]

10. My heart goes out to you Manifestor_of_Light.

So very sorry.

hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

17. Thank you for your kind words.

[nomorenomore08]

12. "I had no immune system left, that's why, from the stress of being nagged."

OMFG... I can hardly believe people treat each other this way. It's absolutely unfathomable and appalling to me - I don't know what, bar a complete lack of empathy or, hell, humanity period, makes someone think that it's perfectly alright.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

18. I don't know either.

Thank you. I can't understand why anyone would treat another human being that way. Narcissism and lack of empathy. He didn't do anything he could get arrested for. He was too smart for that. Just did things that were morally horrible. We went to the same high school. I thought I knew him. Learned that you can grow up in the same town, go to the same high school, be in the same activities, and grow up in two completely different worlds.

Emotional abuse can kill you, not that physical violence is not horrible too.

That was a long time ago -- late 1980s--and I am much healthier now. I am not under job stress or relationship stress. I don't have lung/sinus problems. I have identified and recovered from several health problems. I feel much better than I did when I was younger.

I have survived and now thrived. I'm happy and have been with a kind, wonderful man for 20 years. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and he would say the same about me. He says I am his angel because if I hadn't taken him in he would have been homeless without resources when he finished his latest college degree. He was previously married to an emotionally abusive person that wouldn't grant him basic respect. She also tried to hit him and missed. Broke her arm -- instant karma!! Tried to kick him -- broke her ankle --more instant karma!

My child seems to have turned out well. She enjoys her job, has a nice fiance' & has a good life to look forward to.

[drophammer77]

20. Emotional abuse effects Health

Believing the reason I'm ridiculed & demeaned in front of Spouses friends is because of my insecurities? Watching the Love of My Life, My Everything, flirt with Others giving them attention that I yearn for? Being told I'm not listening & I don't get it, so I break myself inwardly to rid myself of any ego or any walls around my heart that could be preventing myself from not hearing. Becoming vulnerable for My Everything so I don't miss the moment my spouses eyes are on me. Being treated like I'm a great Spouse in front of family but manipulated to be non social & no fun in front of people my spouse just met but is said to be their True friends. Made to believe my spouses insecurities are my own & afraid to speak up because I knew what the consequences will be behind closed doors. I believed I was going out of my mind from the anxiety, Gut twisting, Heart filling apart cuz this is Not the person I been married to for 15 years. Lose weight from lack of sleep, when noticed by Others I must be doing something illegal?? As My Love looks at a picture of me from couple years ago has a disgusted look on their face because the way I look now.... 1st time Ever I got sick & got pneumonia. No compassion, No Empathy, No Heart, I Forgave the Infidelity not only from my words but Continue to do so by my actions. My Loyalty, Devotion & My unconditional Love is Not Worth their Happiness.... My heart went out to you reading your post. The Quotes Hit me Hard & This pain is unbearable & there is No switch to change what a Heart has held for so many years. Quote I remember reading (Through pain is Real Love .. Behold the Value of Pain)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. I'm so sorry for you, Drophammer.

[ismnotwasm]

8. K&R

[sheshe2]

9. Thank you ism.

[nomorenomore08]

11. "Don't judge people for the choices they make when you don't know the options they had

to choose from."

That is so profound and important, and applies to so much in life, not just this. Those who think themselves such experts on others' behavior and motives could use a dose of humility.

"[It's] like being kidnapped and tortured for ransom but you will never have enough to pay off the kidnapper."

This too. An abuser, 9 times out of 10 - or more - can never be mollified. Their self-righteous rage and indignation only grows over time, and they never accept guilt because they think they're entitled to hurt and mistreat others.

[sheshe2]

13. nomorenomore08

Thank you for highlighting those quotes.

This one.

" like being kidnapped and tortured for ransom but you will never have enough to pay off the kidnapper."

It breaks my heart. Where is DU right now? They are loud about torture, yet when it is about a women they are always strangely silent. Why is that?

Maybe this is my answer.

This too. An abuser, 9 times out of 10 - or more - can never be mollified. Their self-righteous rage and indignation only grows over time, and they never accept guilt because they think they're entitled to hurt and mistreat others.

Some at DU think they are entitled to hurt and mistreat others. We see it in the attacks on members of HoF.

[nomorenomore08]

14. Unfortunately (to say the least) there does seem to be at least a relative handful of posters here -

and considerably more of them on DI - with an abuser-like mentality toward women, or at the least the "wrong" (i.e. insufficiently compliant) sort of women. No doubt some merely get their jollies online, but I have to think there are also those for whom such behavior spills over into their "real" lives. For those who have wives/female SO's, or daughters, I wonder what their relationships might be like. Some of their comments don't exactly paint a pretty picture.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

19. I think they have to resort to mail-order brides.

They want a personal slave, not a partner. American women are uppity and go to college and have their own ideas. They can't handle that because they are weak inside. And they are right-wing in their politics and watch FOX News.

[AverageJoe90]

15. "An abuser, 9 times out of 10 - or more - can never be mollified" Sad, but true, unfortunately. nt