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davidn3600

(6,342 posts)
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 02:46 AM Sep 2014

Would you help a woman being assaulted?

Video is of two actors who are acting out a scene of domestic violence as part of a hidden camera prank in a park to see how people walking by would react.

They record the reactions of 20 people. Take a guess how many stop to help.


40 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Would you help a woman being assaulted? (Original Post) davidn3600 Sep 2014 OP
If it was just one unarmed guy jambo101 Sep 2014 #1
Yes, one way or another. Uncle Joe Sep 2014 #2
I know what the point is, but... TreasonousBastard Sep 2014 #3
Were you even watching the same video I was? moriah Sep 2014 #6
delete-- dupe TreasonousBastard Sep 2014 #3
delete-- dupe TreasonousBastard Sep 2014 #3
I would help anyone I perceived to be in trouble Skittles Sep 2014 #7
Yes JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #8
I've intervened in the past The Traveler Sep 2014 #9
I would and I have gwheezie Sep 2014 #10
Hero can get overused, but not in that case for sure kcr Sep 2014 #18
He was a retired cop gwheezie Sep 2014 #35
Absolutely! Earth_First Sep 2014 #11
No, I would try to stop the assault jberryhill Sep 2014 #12
Call the police, but don't intervene unless absolutely necessary Lurks Often Sep 2014 #13
That's the smart move. /nt Marr Sep 2014 #23
Absolutely pipi_k Sep 2014 #27
Of course. Iggo Sep 2014 #14
I have. LisaLynne Sep 2014 #15
I have done it and would again ripcord Sep 2014 #38
I got my ass whooped for it before... cherokeeprogressive Sep 2014 #16
Stop and ask if either needed help The Straight Story Sep 2014 #17
I'd not mess with the perp, but I'd go call 911 or police. Triana Sep 2014 #19
Was recently remembering an event I witnessed back in 1983 tencats Sep 2014 #20
I'm not Bud White. MohRokTah Sep 2014 #21
Honestly, I wouldn't do it again, no. Marr Sep 2014 #22
In the US yes I would davidpdx Sep 2014 #24
Yes sarisataka Sep 2014 #25
I tried to once. Domestic violence in public. Zorra Sep 2014 #26
yes Marrah_G Sep 2014 #28
In a heartbeat benld74 Sep 2014 #29
I would do everything I could to help... one_voice Sep 2014 #30
Would? Did. Xithras Sep 2014 #31
Yup, done it. intaglio Sep 2014 #32
If I clearly see domestic violence in action, you bet I'll intervene derby378 Sep 2014 #33
It depends on wether I could do something effective. upaloopa Sep 2014 #34
Many years ago, I heard a woman scream for help at the mall parking lot. DrewFlorida Sep 2014 #36
Only if I hear the words "Help" Xyzse Sep 2014 #37
A couple years ago, after listening to my neighbors arguements every weekend for several months. DrewFlorida Sep 2014 #39
I have done it several times before & wouldn't hesitate to do it again, even though I had one woman Ghost in the Machine Sep 2014 #40

jambo101

(797 posts)
1. If it was just one unarmed guy
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 03:00 AM
Sep 2014

who is physically abusing some one i'd definitely be saying something to the guy as i call the police.
I'm a little too old at this point to offer anything in the way of physical assistance.

TreasonousBastard

(43,049 posts)
3. I know what the point is, but...
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 03:07 AM
Sep 2014

just walking by there you see two people kinda wrestling. This is not all that unusual and there's no way to tell if it's an assault, or if an assault, who started assaulting who.

It's dangerous for an average citizen to interfere, and even more damage could be done to the victim with interference, to say noting of damage to the good samaritan. Cops tell us this all the time. Call 911 if it's serious-- don't step in and risk more violence.

Having said that, I know that most of the people walking by really just didn't give a shit.

moriah

(8,311 posts)
6. Were you even watching the same video I was?
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 03:36 AM
Sep 2014

A man mandhandling a woman, trying to physically overpower her, is NOT COOL.

I don't care who "started it" (what, she spoke her mind or something?), and the idea that you think it's okay to even consider treating a woman that way, no matter what provocation, is astounding. "Kind of wrestling"??? Just because he didn't punch her doesn't make it not abuse. Grabbing, pushing, shoving, yes, that's physical abuse. It's a fucking crime.

And even if I couldn't intervene because I'm all of 5'2, I would have called the cops and stayed there watching and reporting what was happening. If the woman really had punched him first, they'd figure that out.

 

The Traveler

(5,632 posts)
9. I've intervened in the past
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 04:59 AM
Sep 2014

and would do so in the future. Call the cops ... in plain view of the offender. And then, if needed, act.

I'm old school. I might get my own ass kicked, but I won't just sit back and let that go down unopposed.

Trav

gwheezie

(3,580 posts)
10. I would and I have
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 05:49 AM
Sep 2014

I'm glad people will step on. One of my friends is alive because an 82 year old man stepped in when her ex attacked her on the street with a machete. The dear hero ran to them screaming for the attacker to stop. She actually coded on the way to the hospital. She is alive because if that old man.

Earth_First

(14,910 posts)
11. Absolutely!
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 06:53 AM
Sep 2014

Several years back I intervened at the gas station when an older man backhanded his wife at the pump next to mine.

I immediately walked over to ask if there was a problem, if she was okay.

Almost immediately the man began to roll up his window as I approached. As I knocked on the window, he told me to mind my own business.

I told him that domestic violence is EVERYONE'S business.

He refused to engage my conversation and his wife, clearly distraught and shaken, wouldn't speak with me either.

I walked to the front of his car, took a photograph of his licence plate and called 911.

The LEO called me back later and said that he had followed up on the call, however she refused to press charges, that it was a misunderstanding on my part.

Sigh.

That poor woman. I'm certain that she is subjected to this frequently. I wish her well and hope she gets the help she deserves to overcome this abusive relationship...

 

Lurks Often

(5,455 posts)
13. Call the police, but don't intervene unless absolutely necessary
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 08:01 AM
Sep 2014

There is a reason police hate domestic disputes, the abused often attack the police when it comes time to take the abuser off to jail, so if this is a domestic dispute, it is entirely likely the abused person will attack YOU, if she sees you attacking her abuser.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)
27. Absolutely
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:52 AM
Sep 2014

Mr Pipi, a retired cop, has said the same thing.

Whenever there was a call for a domestic violence, the cops on duty would sort of cringe inside (although they did respond in a timely manner) because there was always the chance that the "victim" in something like that would turn on someone trying to help her.

So not only are they dealing with the abusive party, they're also dealing with the abused person as well.

Also... even if the victim doesn't attack whoever is trying to help her, cops can get killed trying to help someone.


http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2013/06/court_records_provide_sharper.html


LisaLynne

(14,554 posts)
15. I have.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 08:10 AM
Sep 2014

Safely -- I called the police, even though I wanted to intervene myself. For once, I went with the smarter move.

ripcord

(5,084 posts)
38. I have done it and would again
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 04:52 PM
Sep 2014

Even though it resulted in my only time in jail. I was in a dive bar and some asshole punched his girlfriend in the jaw, I stepped up and kicked his ass. The judge told me I was fine up until the point where he was curled up on the floor crying and I kicked him with steel toed boots, that is assault with a deadly weapon and I served half of a 90 day sentence in the LA. County jail system.

The Straight Story

(48,121 posts)
17. Stop and ask if either needed help
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 08:18 AM
Sep 2014

It's sexist to assume the woman needs help and you don't want intervene without getting permission first.

She could be working with isis/isil and he is stopping her from detonating a bomb.

tencats

(567 posts)
20. Was recently remembering an event I witnessed back in 1983
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:20 AM
Sep 2014

The memory of it still bothers me today after the passing of 31 years. I have it recorded in my old field notes that are put away somewhere and its remains a vivid memory yet today. In the early 80's I was making twice a year long 1200 mile trips driving down to the state of Florida during the months of September and October. I always traveled alone. My primary interest was collecting and photographing several of the Phoebis sp.that occur only in the southern most region of U.S. That being my purpose of my travel through the state of Florida I would seek out only the most uninhabited areas. It was a Sunday at approx 11 AM that I had passed through Tallahassee and was making my first collecting/survey stop about 15 miles southeast off of State Highway 20. Its large area of scrub habitat land owned by a paper co. The way in was by sand/dirt service roads set up on a N to S, E to W grid. I was in about one half mile driving very slowly when I herd a women's voice shrieking "Help Me, Help". I stopped but didn't see anyone at first but got my focus on the general direction of the calling for help. Then there was only quiet for about a minute but then I saw a women age possibly mid thirties crawling through the high weeds and brush coming towards me. She was wearing a off white patterned dress, something like one would wear to church on Sunday but very out of place here in the dry scrub land. I just stood there watching her coming towards me, half crawling half stumbling upright. She comes around to to the side of my car and pleads to be let in. I'm looking at her and see that she is all scratched up on her pale white bare legs and arms, not bloody but I could see and sense her panic in fleeing what? All she is saying is repeating "help me, please help me" and she's exhausted to the point of gasping for air. It was another long perhaps a good minute more I was confronted with what/who she was running from. While I was knelling down beside her I hadn't seen the man approach us from the opposite direction. He got by attention by bellowing at me "get the f__k away from her". I stood up to face him showing him my open hands, he stayed standing off in the high weeds at about 30 ft away. He was a large man I would guess 240 lbs, shirtless with soiled denim jeans. I stood facing him and tried asking "whats going here?". He just repeated "you get the f__k away from here". Every time he bellowed she would whimper something unintelligible. I was expecting her to enter my cay from the opposite side but she didn't. I don't know but maybe the door was locked on that side. It seemed like a long time I stood facing that guy, couldn't reason/talk with him, tried to calm him down but then he just exploded with "I'll shoot you down where you stand if if don't get the hell out of her now" and "you leave her be". He started forwards and was reaching for something he had behind his back, but I never clearly saw what it was that he had. I just got back inside my car and drove away. In the rear view mirror I saw the women remain knelling down in the rut of the road. I drove as fast as I could returning the where I had exited the state highway. There was a sort of rest stop and picnic area there that I thought I had remembered a pay phone box being there. But no phone. I was trying to think quickly as possible about what to do to summon help but I was just too far away from any connected phone and it being Sunday there was very little chance of stopping a passing car on the highway. The last option was then to open up my kit packed away in the my car's trunk. I had started packing a S&W model 39 several years before because of a very bad experience. However I could never really figure how I could or would use it. This seemed like the time to use it but I sure didn't like what I was thinking. I unpacked it, chambered a round and took off back to where I abandoned that poor women knelling in the rut of the road. Well, by the time I got back to the exact spot there was nothing but foot prints in the sand. I imagined I could see the imprints of a struggle where I had left her but beyond that there was nothing. No blood but what was it that had played out? I spent something like an hour more driving around but saw no person, nothing. Further along the highway I stopped at a phone and attempted to make a report to the police and that didn't go well either because I couldn't point out the location accurately. I continued then south to Naples. Thirty one years gone by and it bothers me yet, what was that?

 

MohRokTah

(15,429 posts)
21. I'm not Bud White.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:25 AM
Sep 2014

I would call the cops, definitely, but I am not physically fit enough to attempt to intervene any way other than verbally.

 

Marr

(20,317 posts)
22. Honestly, I wouldn't do it again, no.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:30 AM
Sep 2014

I'd certainly call the police, but I wouldn't personally intervene.

I helped a woman who was being attacked by her partner once-- pushed him back and hit him. She then attacked me, and if I hadn't withdrawn, I expect I would've been on the receiving end of a beating from the happy couple together within a few seconds.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
24. In the US yes I would
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:37 AM
Sep 2014

However I don't live in the US anymore (I come to visit everyone once in awhile). Here where I live in South Korea I would be less likely to just because of the difference in the laws. Getting in the middle of something will very likely find you accused by both people of sticking your nose where it doesn't belong with the cops coming down to talk to you. If a punch is thrown, claiming self-defence won't get you anywhere. As a foreigner in a foreign country get a cop and get out of there.

Zorra

(27,670 posts)
26. I tried to once. Domestic violence in public.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:52 AM
Sep 2014

I succeeded in getting the husband off the wife and then the wife attacked me. They appeared to be drunk rednecks.

Xithras

(16,191 posts)
31. Would? Did.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 11:34 AM
Sep 2014

Guy turned on me and said, "What, you want me to kick your ass too?" I told him that I'd rather have him swinging at me than swinging at her, and squared up. Chickenshit bastard walked off at that point. Apparently, he lacked the stomach for a fight with someone bigger than him.

I couldn't imagine NOT intervening in something like that.

derby378

(30,252 posts)
33. If I clearly see domestic violence in action, you bet I'll intervene
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 11:57 AM
Sep 2014

I saw a "close call" once where it looked like a man threatened to backhand his wife, but it was in my peripheral vision and I couldn't be sure. I hovered around them to see if he did anything stupid, but I saw nothing. I have to be sure.

My wife was beaten by her first husband. My sister-in-law has been beaten. The woman I've been dating has been beaten. If I see a woman being beaten by her partner, I'm not waiting for the cops to show up - I will act.

upaloopa

(11,417 posts)
34. It depends on wether I could do something effective.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 12:33 PM
Sep 2014

If I had my phone I would call 911 at a minimum. I am not a big person and am 68 yrs old so I may not be effective.

DrewFlorida

(1,096 posts)
36. Many years ago, I heard a woman scream for help at the mall parking lot.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 04:26 PM
Sep 2014

I immediately turned and saw a man and a woman arguing. The man was slapping her around very aggressively, the woman kept yelling for help. I responded by yelling to the man to stop hitting her or I would come over and make him stop. I was amazed when both the man and the woman told me to shut up and mind my own business, as if I had done something terrible to them. They continued their aggressive argument and I went my own way, shaking my head in utter disbelief at what had just happened.

Xyzse

(8,217 posts)
37. Only if I hear the words "Help"
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 04:33 PM
Sep 2014
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=662265

First year I moved to America, I saw a woman being assaulted by a guy.
I helped out, but got decked by the woman immediately after.

Unless I hear the words "Help", I don't know if they are just playing around, or something else is going on.

Nowadays if that happens, I will probably just call from a safe distance.

DrewFlorida

(1,096 posts)
39. A couple years ago, after listening to my neighbors arguements every weekend for several months.
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 04:52 PM
Sep 2014

One night at approximately 3am I heard my neighbors come home, they were loud drunks who could be heard easily through the condo walls, and they fought every weekend almost on cue. This time seemed no different at first, and I tried to ignore their fight even though they had woken me from a deep sleep again. The fights always started the same way, she would verbally abuse him, yelling all kinds of degrading insults at him, he would plead for her to stop and to leave him alone, she would continue on and on the same scenario would happen for an hour or two, then I guess they would get tired and fall asleep. This night however she would not stop abusing him and eventually he snapped and started hitting her, he must have pushed her against the wall while hitting her, that's is when I realized the fight was serious and she could be in danger. I knocked on their door and yelled that I had heard what was going on and I expected him to stop and open his door so I could see that she was ok, he remained quiet and ignored my request. I then called the police, they arrived and broke the door down because he would not open it for them, they found her face down on the floor in a pool of blood. He had been choking her and had slammed her head into the wall and kitchen cabinets. They arrested him and took her to the hospital. A few days later she came home from the hospital, when she saw me coming home from work she berated me for not minding my own business and for calling the police, she said it was my fault that he had been arrested and that I was a jerk for interfering. Wow I couldn't believe my ears, I told her she should be thanking me, and that the two of them were horrible neighbors not to mention abusive drunks.

Ghost in the Machine

(14,912 posts)
40. I have done it several times before & wouldn't hesitate to do it again, even though I had one woman
Tue Sep 9, 2014, 05:12 PM
Sep 2014

turn on me and jumped me from behind as I was bouncing her "old man"/boyfriend/husband out of the door of the bar.

My son has intervened before, too.... it's been a while back ago, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in a similar post/poll to this one. He was hanging out with a friend at Walmart, waiting for his friend's mother to get off work, when he saw a man slap his wife in the face so hard that she hit the ground. Security guards saw it happen also, but my son was closer and took off and tackled the guy to the ground and busted his mouth for him all while telling the guy to get up and try to put his hands on a man like he just did to a woman. My son was only 19 at the time and the other guy was late 20's to early 30's.

The security guards got to them and the police were right behind them. After watching the security tapes and having eyewitness accounts, the officers THANKED my son and let him go on about his business. Besides the red mark on her face, being a little shaken up and feeling embarrassed, the lady was ok. She thanked my son also and smiled as they took her husband out in cuffs. She said "this is the final straw, I'm leaving him for good this time". We don't know if she followed through or not, but hope she did and is somewhere safe now.

Peace,

Ghost

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