Why did Ray Rice marry someone he assaulted and disrespected so much?

[uppityperson]

Why would anyone marry or even stay with someone they disrespected enough to knock unconcious? Why didn't he just leave? Why didn't he seek the help he needed?

[yellerpup]

1. To keep her from suing him. n/t

[uppityperson]

12. She would've sued him if he'd gotten help?

Surely you can not mean that

[yellerpup]

39. Did you see their dual press conference?

He kept saying, "It's both our faults" and he made her apologize for 'her part' in it on camera. He doesn't seem contrite nor did he acknowledge his own bad behavior. Do I really think she would have sued him? No, she's battered and bullied and she married him to keep him out of trouble at his job. I feel badly for them both.

[rocktivity]

32. But unless they signed a prenup he's in even worse shape

Because now she can claim half of whatever he's got left.


rocktivity

[yellerpup]

74. That was the gamble.

He wanted his career more than anything and I'm sure she wanted his continued support in order to raise their child. I think that his job was/is the most important factor. Now he has no career. I don't see things getting better for them.

[Gothmog]

104. I think that it is spousal privilege

See post 103

[DURHAM D]

2. To save his football career. nt

[JanetLovesObama]

3. Because

he had done it so many times it didn't matter to him. He is one sick bastard but not sure his wife is much better. For her to now blame all of this abuse on the media is bullshit. The saddest part is the kid they have. I will be shocked if Mrs. Rice is still alive in a year.

[nomorenomore08]

63. I'm not quite so pessimistic, but I do worry for her. Quite a bit.

And if anything, I feel even worse for their toddler-aged daughter than I do for her.

[TBF]

85. That's how I feel -

He has nothing left to lose now. He may be even more dangerous. I hope she gets the hell out.

[NRaleighLiberal]

81. oh really? "I don't believe there's anything wrong with hitting a woman if she's asking for it"?

aside from how totally wrong that is on so many levels, who decides who asks for it? That is really pathetic.

[99Forever]

84. I smell bait...

... enjoy your visit.

[PeaceNikki]

4. Because the system and our society allow it.

[nomorenomore08]

64. +1

That too. Cultural influences can't be discounted.

[questionseverything]

94. and not just with football players

the corrupt judge that presided over sieglman's trial recently did the same thing to his wife and will get off scot free and possibly go back to the bench .....it is bad enough when it's a ftball player but a judge that has life and death power over those that come thru his courtroom...it is disgusting

http://www.bradblog.com/

[Doctor_J]

110. We should prohibit people who hit each other from getting married?

I don't get your post wrt the OP's question.

[NYC_SKP]

5. As with Janay, we will never really know and can only speak in generalizations.

Some small part of it may be his early family life or what he's used to seeing. Sometimes this shit is considered normal behavior.

I don't think it helps that his "occupation" involves violent contact.

He may be on a power trip, he might have that evil character flaw that enjoys watching people and animals suffer.

In the end, we'll never know.

By all accounts, at this point they aren't in a mood to be sharing much about their point of view so all we can do is guess, I guess.

But this kind of behavior has consequences beyond the two adults, there are children involved.

And, I'll bet you dollars to donuts that some turd will get in a fight and hit their spouse over what's going on with the Rice family.

That's how sick it is.

[malaise]

6. See the first response

but he did not think he needed help - violence against women is par for the course for many men.

[PassingFair]

7. Because she could take a punch?

Get 'em while their young and they'll pluck your ducks.

[beam me up scottie]

8. And uppity FTW!

Points!

[leftstreet]

9. Excellent question

You won't probably hear...because he had low self-esteem, because he spent years beating other women and didn't know better, because he wanted the money, because he loved her, because he was afraid of the consequences if he asked for help with his violent tendencies...etc

The people who spend hours picking apart his wife's motivations won't have much interest in his

DURec

[bettyellen]

31. excellent answer- and really an eye opener how similar the possible reasons are the same as hers.

[Nye Bevan]

10. To me, someone who would do that to a woman is almost like a different species.

And I have no explanation for the question that you asked.

[nomorenomore08]

65. He's not a different species, though, he's a member of H. sapiens just like you and me.

And that, in a way, is the hardest and most frightening thing to face in all of this.

[mythology]

78. Far too many people discount their own capacity for bad behavior

If you call Ray Rice a monster or a different species, you don't have to account for the fact that all of us are capable of violence, whether it's physical or emotional.

[nomorenomore08]

83. Absolutely. I'm one of the mellowest people around, and even I slugged a couple guys in the face

when I was younger. I certainly harbor my share of aggression, I just manage not to take it out on others.

[Grey]

11. recommending for the responses......

[Brickbat]

13. +

[Texasgal]

14. +1

Good question!
K&R

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

15. Because he probably thinks he respects her when he's sober

I'd bet anything alcohol was involved. Unfortunately, too many guys don't love their wives enough to quit. And some women don't love their husbands enough to quit, either.

[DinahMoeHum]

16. FYI, they first met when they were in high school. . .

Ray in New Rochelle HS, and Janay in neighboring Mt Vernon HS. They had been going steady through his years at Rutgers and then while he was in the NFL.

They also have a 2-yr-old daughter.

http://heavy.com/news/2014/02/ray-rice-fiancee-girlfriend-janay-palmer/

None of us really know what led to Ray doing what he did in that elevator. But there was absolutely no excuse for assaulting her the way he did.

Maybe money had something to do with it - but I severely doubt that Janay was in any way a "gold-digger". Maybe there were problems brewing where they couldn't handle that massive amount of $$$ in such a short time - and remember, Ray had signed on to a new massive contract in 2012 after his team won the Super Bowl.

For sure, both of them damn well better be in counseling right now - not just for themselves, but for their daughter Rayven.

[uppityperson]

21. Are you saying he did not get help for assaulting someone due to problems about having too much $?

Or he got married to someone he disrespected because of money?

[DinahMoeHum]

33. I'm only speculating - I can't be definite. Neither can anybody else FTM. . .

. . .except for those directly involved.

And while there's absolutely no excuse for the way he assaulted her, we, the public, have absolutely no idea whether there was a previous pattern of abuse OR if this was a one-time incident fueled by alcohol consumption.

We the public are NOT privy to EVERY part of their private life; we the public are only privy to what was caught on tape that night.

BTW, there is a DU thread with a copy of the letter from Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti. They apparently have been going through counseling since that February night.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025511358

Hope this helps.

[uppityperson]

59. Now you seem to be saying he did get help, and according to that letter it was a one time thing

that both actively participated in. Yet the way he nonchalantly dragged her out of the elevator without showing much concern, As the letter says, the video changes everything and, imo, shows not simply a one time "accident" or at mini m a blatant disregard for her health or safety. It makes me suspect what else he has said and wonder if he has actively
articipated in seeking help.

Since we do not know, I guess you are saying he may have gotten help and gruly been remorseful and hence my questions in OP are faulty.

[Arkansas Granny]

43. There are a couple of things about this incident that bother me even more

than that knockout punch.

1. When the elevator door opened, he just dragged her out into the hallway and didn't appear to be really concerned about her condition. Just left her lying there face down, no "omg, what have I done" reaction. It was almost like it was an every day occurrence.

2. They now have a child who will witness this type of behavior, if that hasn't already happened. This kind of violence is learned behavior and this is the lesson that children of abusers learn.

[Tsiyu]

53. I believe in many states

that subjecting your children to the sight of abuse is considered child abuse itself.

I feel sorry for their little one. I believe it is a girl? She will grow up with really messed up ideas about relationships.

Mom staying says: "It's okay if men beat you."

[sammythecat]

91. I've been waiting for someone to mention these two things

I feel the same as you. His behavior after the punch was even more appalling than the punch itself. There she was, the mother of their child, lying unconscious due to a shock to her brain, and he just stood there, unconcerned, waiting for the door to open. When it did, he dragged her out like a sack of grain and just let her drop face down on the floor.

One day his kids will see this video and want an explanation from their father. He's going to want to say he loves and respects their mother. Yes, that's him in the video, but it was a different him and he's not like that now or ever again. He's a changed man. If Ray Rice has a sincere desire for his children to believe these words, to love and respect him as their father and a good man, he'd better start working on it yesterday and work hard on it every single day. The day of reckoning will likely come much sooner than he'd like.

[uppityperson]

92. Indeed. His reaction was very telling and appalling. It showed blatant disregard for her

being unconscious. It was almost like a common occurrence.

[1dogleft]

17. wrong question

the real question is why did she marry him? what possible reason could there be. If it was financial he is gonna be broke real soon. It just does not make sense

[uppityperson]

19. Why is it wrong to ask why he did not get the help he needed? Why is it wrong to ask why he married

someone he disrespected enough to punch unconcious? Why are these not valid questions? Are you saying he did not get help due to finances?

[NYC_SKP]

28. Given his reported income, one might think he or they could arrange professional treatment.

But then again, look at how many cases of substance abuse and other behaviors go untreated among the wealthy and especially among celebrities.

It's a mystery to me.

[Buns_of_Fire]

38. Sometimes, the person with the problem doesn't realize (or admit) they HAVE a problem.

And when you're in an environment like professional sports, where the "stars" are getting their asses kissed 24 hours a day, it's probably easy for them to start believing their own PR and thinking that it's everyone ELSE who has a problem.

[uppityperson]

60. He did not realize at pnching out his fiance meant HEhad a problem? That is a good answer.

The abuser rarely realizes they are the problem. It is the abused's fault. Bingo.

[Reter]

44. The only help he can get is to get his ass kicked

He may be reasonably tough, but compared to the rest of the NFL, he would get a beatdown. Maybe then he will change and pick on someone his own size.

[uppityperson]

61. The only help a violent person can get is violence? I disagree, have hopes dv abusers can realize

and change their behavior, with a lot of work and help. I do not believe the is no hope for abusers, but realize it is really difficult for them to break their pattern and not just"pick on someone his own size" but even someday be able to help others who are violent abusers like he is,

[Reter]

112. Whether or not it helps him, he still deserves to see what it's like to get smacked

n/t

[beam me up scottie]

22. That loud whooooooossssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh you just heard

ah, never mind

[johnp3907]

89. You win the thread!

[Skittles]

58. it went right over your head

WAY over

[1dogleft]

72. OMG

your right, but in my own defense I was very sleepy when I read/responded to that post.

[PeaceNikki]

88. *you're. that's what we call "a tell".

[1dogleft]

111. okay

I'll bite, what's "a tell" and be gentle I'm fragile

[Skittles]

109. I'm a night worker so I can relate

but if anyone needs to really amend their behavior, it's the guy committing assaults

[Dollysmom]

18. because...

he has a tiny penis and a tiny mind.

[tooeyeten]

20. There is no answer

We the public, have no idea and can't fathom a reason. All relationships are complex and challenging, those where there is abuse, are even more unexplainable.

But why go there in the first place? Why not focus on our society, and in particular an organization like the non-profit cash cow NFL (we own their stadiums where they make billions) and the league is misogynist by nature and prove it everyday when they ignore and don't take serious the issue of abuse.

[uppityperson]

24. Why ask why he did not seek the help he needed? It seems a valid question.

Figuring out why abusers do not seek help can be of assistance in preventing other abuse or helping other abusers stop.

[tooeyeten]

29. There are as many reasons

As there are people, this is an explemely complex issue with no simple answers.

[bettyellen]

34. Nonsense- there are commonalities in abusers' behavior before, after and during abuse....

there are certainly are very frequently seen reasons why much needed help is not sought out. Many are listed here- it doesn't really get a lot more complicated than what many have said here.

This is the most thought provoking- and solution oriented- thread on this topic DU has seen this week.
And you, knowing little on the topic, have decided to hang it up and refuse to explore the issue.

[tooeyeten]

49. I disagree

That's all. There is bigger fish to fry imo that we as a society can take head on, with public and political pressure. The big fish is the NFL as institutionalized misogynst organization, in denial, (which chooses to ignore domestic abuse) that we fund with our tax dollars is more effective than analyzing millions of relationships that are enormously complicated and have various reasons why people stay in those situations, and what we as a society can do to abate them. No simple answer exists, every state fights to deal with this issue through their state legislature, and no two states deal with this issue precisely the same, just as no two judges deal with them the same. Courts have power over individuals who are charged and convicted of domestic abuse, but the sentencing is as different as the individuals charge. Still today in 2014, not every victims gets justice, and not every defendant convicted gets jail, treatment or some kind of satisfactory probation. And still not every victim can be guaranteed they will be safe and protected from the wrath of the abuser in the end.

[bettyellen]

51. We only disagree in that I belive it is also important to reframe the questions- and to look for

answers.

No big deal really. Just walking and chewing gum over here.

[tooeyeten]

54. Different perspective

That's all, I'm of the opinion that these situations cannot be judged the same, hence there is no one size fits all reason or solution. Ultimately we can only speculate.

[bettyellen]

113. definitely no one size fits all solution, and our culture seems to celebrate violence to such an

extent, that I do understand it seems hopeless at times.

[uppityperson]

62. it is complicated but to say don't ask how he got like this because it is complicated helps no one

Learning more about the whys can help break the cycle not only for dv abusers but for their children and people in the process leading up to it.

[tooeyeten]

76. There's a saying that seems befitting

Of this.

Show beats tell!.

Action is more important than analysis to deal with a problem in real time, then work on discovering the causes. IMO if there's a fire, lets put it out first, then figure out how it started.

[nomorenomore08]

68. It is complex, but one can still observe patterns and commonalities.

For one thing, abusive behavior tends to be cyclical, with "cooling off" periods in between episodes. This tends to create the illusion that the abuser "isn't a bad guy" deep down - while he/she may have positive as well as negative qualities, like the vast majority of human beings, his/her behavior during the violent/aggressive periods of the "cycle" reveals much about his/her character.

[tooeyeten]

75. Bigger than this

One time; watch the news, reporters, the sport shows on cable, sports radio, the media is already allowing this to be downplayed and excusing the NFL and the commissioner for "not knowing" the extent of this abuse, and the poor handling by these millionaires.

The league is justifying "not knowing" and the media is pretty much allowing this to disappear from the front page. The prosecutor handled this like a ding to a car, fix the car (attend anger management) and we will drop the charges. You better believe this was handled with favoritism. The abuse horrid and inexcusable, however the misognist organization right along with the media that loves the money the league makes for them.

When it comes to money, those with the most control the information and justify even ignore everything, even abuse. If anyone wants abuse front page, dealt with on a major level, raise hell about Goodell first, he's the face of everything that's wrong with how we deal with it as a society, give it a national voice beyond the local courthouse where deals are struck everyday, not always for the best reasons,

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5512715

[Sweet Freedom]

90. Maybe she asked him to.

I can say from my own experience that when I asked my now ex-husband to seek help for his out-of-control anger, he refused to do it simply because I asked him to. 1) No woman was going to tell him what to do and 2) he knew what he was doing was wrong and that a professional would call him out on it. His ego was so big that he couldn't handle the fact that I, a lowly woman, would be right and he wrong, that he would be held accountable for his bad behavior by someone other than me, that he would have to make amends, and that he would have to change.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. So he would have someone to assault and disrespect, of course!

I once did pro bono interpretation in a case in which an older couple adopted a 20-year-old Japanese woman who had been brought up in an orphanage, brought her to the States, and then told her that "out of gratitude," she would have to marry their son, who turned out to be a real sicko.

In other words, his parents went looking for a woman who would be his victim.

His own parents knew that he was a sicko.

[Cartoonist]

25. Quoting Richard pryor here

And he was being serious. Speaking from experience.

paraphrasing:
"When you hit a woman there are two outcomes.She runs away or she stays. If she stays, she's yours."

Get your head around that. It's about ownership.

[rocktivity]

26. Take your pick

Last edited Wed Sep 10, 2014, 11:21 AM - Edit history (5)

Because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him -- SHE'S the problem with their relationship

Because he couldn't respect a woman who would stand up to him

As a sympathy-generating legal strategy -- marriage as "proof" that there was no crime

Because he grew up with domestic violence and thinks it's normal

Because he can't control his temper

Because he can't control his emotions

Because he doesn't know how to express himself

Because it gives him a false sense of total control

Because he knows that ultimately he will get away with it

Because she's his and he can break her if he wants to

Because he's secretly taking steroids

Because he has no idea what respect really is

Because he earns a living playing a game in which might makes right

Because he needs to be with someone willing to put up with him

Because he's in denial

Because ignorance is bliss

Because dumping her would be tantamount to admitting that he was wrong to pick her

Because he really does love her -- he's just not doing it right

Because he can.


rocktivity

[SummerSnow]

46. all of the above

[ReRe]

52. Becasue he grew up in a dysfunctional family...

... and he sees his behavior as normal. All the rest of your "becauses" derive from that particular issue.

[handmade34]

27. Emotional Immaturity

too many suffer from it...

…central to most personality disorder problems, is arrested emotional development, which can be triggered by parental neglect and/or abuse in childhood (as well as other causes).

[txwhitedove]

30. Some men need someone to kick around. Aside from the flash bang of the punch, I found it more

telling and more disturbing how he did not check on her, just sloppily dragged her part way out of the elevator, dumped her face first on the floor, and then kicked/shoved her around with his feet a few times. WTH? Absolutely NO remorse or concern shown at all.

[narnian60]

41. Exactly!

Someone who was shocked at what he had just done would have gathered her up tenderly and carried her to a couch or something and tended to her. This showed me that he doesn't really love her.

[riderinthestorm]

35. I keep wondering about steroid rage when I watch the video

Of course there's always the possibility that both of them grew up in households where this was a normal relationship...

He acts like such an uncaring ass, he almost comes across as a psychopath...

Great question too along with what motivates her to stay.

[Stardust]

69. I wonder about meth use...violent outbursts are fairly common, from what I've heard. nt

[Glimmer of Hope]

36. Exactly. These are the questions.

Why didn't he show any concern after he knocked her out. wtf?

[Demobrat]

37. He doesn't need help.

He knocked her unconscious all by himself, and it probably wasn't the first time. He enjoyed it, she gave him permission to do it again by sticking around, so why not marry her? He doesn't even have to go to the gym anymore. He's got his own personal punching bag right there at home.

[Roselma]

40. The law in some states protects a spouse from having to testify against a spouse in court.

Maybe they figured that she was going to be called to testify against him after the indictment came down. Remember the indictment came down, and they went out and got married the next day. Now, why she'd marry him is another question. Maybe he promised her money or something.

[OldHippieChick]

42. He doesn't respect any woman

He sees nothing wrong w/ what he did. She is just another piece of property to him to do w/ as he chooses. He did not and probably still does not recognize he needs help for anything.

[SummerSnow]

45. Control.

[cheyanne]

47. Just a personal experience

As a woman who grew up with an abusive father, I can see one reason that they married. I don't know the psychological terms for it, but her father had supplied the dynamics of the man/woman relationship for her. She did not know what or how a non-abusive relationship worked. So she found a man who also saw violence as a normal part of a relationship. Like her father who claimed to love her and abused her, he claimed he loved her. He may have had a father who had to control his family, even to using physical force. He knew that in a relationship you were either in charge or shit. She had learned that it was all her fault.

In a sense "a perfect match".

Do I sound like I am offering excuses for him? I hope not: my aim is to show that violence affects everyone in the family. And it is hard for the victim as well as the perpetrator to "unlearn" this dynamic. Both men and women need to be taught to recognize violence for the dehumanizing force that it is.

It's easy in a mugging to assign the roles of victim and perpetrator, but in consensual relationships we have to forgo such an easy analysis. We have to look to what can support them in changing their image of a relationship. Is there any support for these two people?

This is just a scenario that I apply to this particular situation: it may be totally false for them.

But it is true for me.

[uppityperson]

66. Ratherthan aking why he did it, I am asking why he didn't get help and why he married

someone he disrespectd enough to punch out and nonchalantly drag out of the elevator.

Thank you for addressing those questions.

I agree, it is complicated and indeed we often seek relationships like we grew up in. Both men and women need to recognize violence in relatioships as part of the dehumanizing cycle and we need to ask questions to stop the cycle from progressing so far.

Best wishes to you and yours. It is really difficult.

[SummerSnow]

48. well now that he has lost his career, he will blame her and continue to beat her as punishment.

"I lost everything because of you"

[2banon]

50. assuming this isn't a rhetorical question, it's classic, very typical, standard MO..

throughout millennium. To put in pedestrian terms, Men who abuse actually believe they have a right to, and that there's nothing wrong with demonstrating who's in charge and love meting out punishment for "disrespecting" his manhood.

[ann---]

55. Because he

didn't think he needs help. He's a bully and think he acted appropriately and she is privileged to be his wife. Sick man that he is.

[Rex]

56. Alot of people do the same thing all around the world. Men treating women like objects.

He is no different than, yet has celebrity status, anyone else sure. They showed a clip of him knocking his girlfriend out. She lived with it, like millions of women do.

It is a crisis in this nation, but a lot of people try and downplay spousal abuse as girl/boy aggression.

I really don't understand the confusion. He hit her then dragged her limp body off to somewhere?

That is hideous.

[2naSalit]

57. Ownership.

In his mangled mind, he thinks it gives him title/deed over her life and her actions. Had a brother-in-law like that once, glad my sister grew a pair and left the POS.

[Iggo]

67. She went on TV and apologized for getting her ass kicked.

To that kind of bully, that's a keeper.

[nomorenomore08]

70. +1000

[IdaBriggs]

71. If you watched the video, she charged him in an aggressive manner.

He then punched her, and due to his greater strength, knocked her unconscious.

They both spent the night in jail for "mutual combat" or some variant on the theme.

I posted elsewhere that it is a Very Messed Up Relationship. The coping skills -- in this case, "HIT!" -- are learned behaviors.

I believe they probably love each other, although it is not a recognizable form of love to those who have not grown up in dysfunctional households.

Although the victim narrative is currently only being applied to her due to the horrific nature of her injuries because he had superior strength, and again, clearly stating that the violence in the elevator was inappropriate, the norm in their relationship appears to be physical response (see her charge).

As a society, we have deemed this is unacceptable, so if the two of them can't demonstrate healthier behaviors, I foresee another jail term in someone's future, assuming the worst doesn't happen first and someone end up dead before police intervention occurs.

But I am going to stick with "he loves her" and truly wants to work things out with her. It is just not likely he will be able to access tools to do so in a healthy manner, but hope springs eternal.

Life (and our relationships) is usually more complicated than we would like it to be.

My two cents. Your mileage may vary.

[uppityperson]

93. His reaction was telling. He showed no concern to her lying unconscious and dragged her out

facedown and let her lie. Yes, she came at him and yes, she has problems also. But the I very much disagree that "the victim narrative is currently only being applied to her due to the horrific nature of her injuries because he had superior strength" but because he is the one who struck her and then nonchalantly dragged her out of the elevator.

Also there is a difference between "charged him in an aggressive manner" and hit someone hard enough to knock them unconscious.

I do hope you are not calling him a victim in this.

I appreciate your answer to my questions of "he loves her" but that begs the question how can you "love" someone you disregard enough to hit unconscious.

[IdaBriggs]

99. I agree with most of what you said.

In fact, I spent an entire post on the topic yesterday, and infuriated quite a few people with my take on the situation.

They were BOTH arrested for (I think) "mutual combat" type charges. Regardless of which one started it, there is no excuse for the escalation of physical violence that took place.

One poster in the thread I started pointed out that if she had fallen at a different angle, it would have been a homicide investigation.

And yes, I found his response to her lying unconscious extremely telling about the mental health and well being of the two of them.

There are a lot of people on the planet who weren't taught healthy coping skills, with different life experiences (exposure to abuse, addiction, neglect, etc. as "normal&quot who do the best they can with the tools they have. Not all "love" is good for you.

I wish I had a better answer than "this is a Very Messed Up Relationship."

I hope it doesn't end in tragedy.

[uppityperson]

100. Thanks for the reply and yup.

[LanternWaste]

97. I used to say that people approaching me were "charging" too... it sounds melodramatic as such

I used to say that people approaching me were "charging" too... it sounds much more melodramatic as such, and allows us the convenience to better rationalize reactions to the approach...

[IdaBriggs]

101. I don't know any other word to use to describe what she was doing.

He was on one side of the elevator, she was on the other, and then she started running at him full tilt from only a few feet away with a pissed off expression on her face and her right arm moving upward.

Then he punches her in the face with his left fist, she appears to be lifted off the ground from the force, and I don't know if she was knocked out in that second or once her head hit the handrail in the elevator.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

There was NO EXCUSE for the physical violence that took place in that elevator.

[Lee-Lee]

73. Abusers almost always think the abuse either isn't a big deal

or it's not who they really are and just an isolated incident.

Or some of the worst ones actually place the blame on the abuse victim. They live in a world where they can pick out what anything the victim did and blame her- so every time is isn't their fault they were being abusive, she "made him" do that.

What made him that way? Who knows, way too many possible variables. Doesn't really matter- abuse is abuse is abuse and there is no excuse for it.

[aikoaiko]

77. Because he could assault her and disrespect her so much.

[nomorenomore08]

86. Yep. Biggest reason - or top 2 or 3 anyway - why people do fucked up things.

Because. they. can.

[99Forever]

87. Sick relationships require sick participants.

It's not easy for those of us that aren't of that mindset to understand the complex dynamics of what drives it.

[0rganism]

95. Inverse question: Why did Ray Rice assault and disrespect someone he married?

Whatever his problem is, there seems to be a lot of it going around.

[Orsino]

96. LOL! Good one. n/t

[magical thyme]

98. he loves her in spite of the fact that she makes him punch her

is the rationale that I was used to hearing as a child.

My mother "loved us" in spite of the fact that we were so horrible. My eldest sister remembered as a toddler being picked up by her hair and bounced off walls. But my mother "loved" her in spite of the "fact" that the toddler "made her" beat her til she had bruises.

Because that's how "loving" and "special" my mother is (or was).

Get it?

[CakeGrrl]

102. He's a bully looking for a mark. He found one.

As with any help program, the person has to WANT it. He doesn't seem to be anywhere near thinking he IS a problem.

[Gothmog]

103. Spousal privilege-she can not testify against him in criminal trial against her will

As Ray Rice's spouse, she has the right to not testify against Rice in any criminal trial. The privilege belongs to her but so long as she is happy, he does not have to worry about her being a witness against him in a criminal proceeding. The state gave Rice a probation/diversion sentence in part because she was not going to testify and the state could not force her to testify.

[eallen]

105. Because he is an abusive person. Often, they look for potential victims.

Some abusive individuals will reform on their own.

Some need the help of a judge and jail sentence.

As a taxpayer, I'm willing to pay the bill for that.

[bigwillq]

106. Love.

He loves her. She loves him.
Love makes us do strange things.
But they love each other. Love.
Let them love. Let us not judge.
Love.

[uppityperson]

107. I guess I view love as based on mutual respect, not disrespect.

But people are different. I have no problem judging violent behavior as being wrong in cases like this and will never say love "makes us do" violence. Being violent is not love.

[bigwillq]

108. Not love.

Not love is when you don't love.
Not love is when you can't love.
My poems are funny.
My poems are love.
Not.

[librechik]

114. domestic abuse is a sickness, an addiction and they both are ill and co-dependent.

I can't explain their actions, every illness is different. I know in my case i kept hoping he would change. It took a judge to make him.

They both need treatment.

[WillowTree]

115. Because he knew he could get away with continuing the abuse & disrespect without consequences.

At least no consequences from her or from law enforcement. He obviously didn't see those that came down from the NFL this week coming.