“Son, Men Don’t Get Raped”

[KamaAina]

http://www.gq.com/long-form/male-military-rape

In late September 1999, Stovey was sailing to Hawaii, where he'd be joined by his father on a Tiger Cruise, a beloved Navy tradition in which family members accompany sailors on the final leg of a deployment. Parents and kids get to see how sailors live and work; they watch the crew test air and sea weapons. The Disney Channel even made a movie about a Tiger Cruise, with Bill Pullman and Hayden Panettiere. The West Coast itinerary is usually Pearl Harbor to San Diego.

On the morning of September 20, two weeks before the warship was due in port, three men ambushed Stovey in a remote storage area of the ship, where he'd been sent to get supplies. They threw a black hood over his head, strangled and sodomized him, then left him for dead on a stack of boxes. Stovey told no one. He was certain that his attackers, whose faces he hadn't glimpsed, would kill him if he did. He hid in a bathroom until he could contain his panic and tolerate the pain. Then he quietly returned to his post.

Stovey says he might have killed himself were it not for his father's imminent arrival. The timing of the visit was "almost a miracle," he says. "When I saw him, it was the most safe feeling I'd ever felt in my whole life."

Father and son spent the next five days on board ship, almost certainly being watched by the three attackers. "I just kept it inside," Stovey says in a low voice. "I couldn't tell him."

According to some, women in the military don't get raped, either.

[shenmue]

1. That's awful

Rape is rape, no matter whom the attacker or the victim is.

[closeupready]

2. Watch this thread die a fast death.

[KamaAina]

3. Let us hope not.

[roguevalley]

14. why? it needs to be heard and no reasonable

Should deny or minimize it

[mythology]

39. I think they were lamenting that it would die a quick death

As somebody else said up thread, nobody should be raped regardless of any characteristic gender, race, clothing choice, sexual orientation, hair color, or anything else.

That said, I think we do need some uncomfortable research into why people, mostly men, commit rape. Yes it usually boils down to power, but what specifically causes some people to be willing to commit such a monstrous act and more importantly, what can we do to get to people before they go that far.

[roguevalley]

41. ah. Okay. :D THanks.

[closeupready]

47. I agree. In the past when threads on male-on-male rape started,

nobody here talks about it, and/or some have decried the topic as an attempt to detract from male-on-female rape.

In hindsight, I'm glad to see that I was wrong.

[Scott6113]

56. Because female rape exists, male rape doesn't.

That's the logic. Because discrimination against women exists, discrimination against men is impossible. Tell that to men seeking positions in traditional female roles like nursing or child care, older men seeking employment, etc..

The problem is and always has been prejudice. It takes many forms. It detracts from the idea of personal merit and puts people in groups.

There are 70 year-olds who can outrun me. There are women who can outlift me. There are blacks who could do anything I do better. That's reality without prejudice.

Let's give the enemy a name.

[KitSileya]

59. Because prominent feminists on DU were leaders in the vocal protest against rape jokes

about the rape of men in prison. That is what happened. It only became an issue when feminists protested against it.

[Hugabear]

4. Unless it happens in prison, then it's funny

[radicalliberal]

5. I have a friend who was a victim of male-on-male rape when he was 17.

The rapist was a man in his forties who, incidentally, was not gay. My friend is now in his sixties, and he still has nightmares about it.

"One of the myths is that the perpetrators identify as gay, which is by and large not the case," says James Asbrand, a psychologist with the Salt Lake City VA's PTSD clinical team. "It's not about the sex. It's about power and control."

[LiberalLoner]

6. K&R

[Stargazer09]

7. I'm not surprised

Sad for everyone who has gotten raped, yes, but not surprised.

The chain of command is often partially to blame, too.

[gollygee]

8. Rape culture

is huge in the military.

[Veilex]

33. I wish I could say I was surprised...

This sickens me.

[politicat]

9. K&R. No words.

[Half-Century Man]

10. Rape is a crime of violence and domination made all the more hideous by

twisting a basic human need into a weapon.

[justiceischeap]

11. I find it astonishing how little the US government and the military does to curtail this

and I was especially shocked to learn that the victims are discharged with personality disorders.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. +1

[MindPilot]

19. Yes that is true.

My 214 says "RE-4 reason not to be shown"

Which basically translates to "psychologically unfit for military service".

[chervilant]

12. K&R

To read later.

(Might you consider a trigger warning in your title?)

[KamaAina]

21. One would think the word "raped" would serve as such a warning

in itself.

[chervilant]

25. Not for the title.

For the graphic description in the body of your OP.

(Just a suggestion; didn't expect a defensive response.)

[840high]

15. k/r

[MindPilot]

16. At least they lured him to a "remote" area of the ship.

They did me right beside my rack. It was 30+ years before I told anyone.

[joeybee12]

24. Sorry to hear that...

Police aren't much better in investigating this for civilians...in comparison to the military, I mean. They assume the victim is lying.

[Veilex]

34. In the military, there often is no investigation. Worse yet, it is often flatly ignored...

or covered up.
You're told "Suck it up and drive on"...
as if soldiering on were the answer...

[KitSileya]

44. I am so sorry that happened to you.

I wish you healing and peace, from a fellow survivor.

[arikara]

60. My younger stepbrother was in the sea cadets

when he was 15 or so they had a thing where the cadets could go out on a ship for a time. He was so excited to go but when he came back he was a changed boy, withdrawn and closed off. We knew something happened but he absolutely refused to talk about it.

[niyad]

17. k and r--I read some of the personal accounts. one of many reasons there are days I believe the

entire military apparatus needs to be eliminated.

[TBF]

18. K&R for visibility. nt

[tblue37]

20. From the headnote to the linked article:

Sexual assault is alarmingly common in the U.S. military, and more than half of the victims are men. According to the Pentagon, thirty-eight military men are sexually assaulted every single day.

I had no idea that the numbers were so high for the rape of *men* in the military--even higher than for the rape of women. Perhaps that's because there are so many more men than women in the military, and rapists are going to rape when and where they can.

ON EDIT:
Considering how much control the military exerts over the lives of its members, I can't help thinking that if those with real power and rank wanted rape to end, or at least to be significantly reduced, it would be. Either rape (or the possibility that one could be raped) actually *serves a purpose* for command, or else they simply don't give a damn that so many in the military are raped.

[MindPilot]

26. Men are far less likely to report it, so the real numbers are probablly much higher.

I put it away in my brain as a "hazing".

On edit, I think your last line is accurate. They really just don't give a shit.

[salin]

52. Your two lines are not necessarily incompatible they made me think:

hazing - is often passed down in organizations by generations - as sort of a sick rites of passage.

It doesn't stop in part because earlier generations (those now perpetrating the hazing) think -
"I lived through it - so can you."

Not equating rape to hazing - but that mindset that allows it to perpetuate.

When I saw your post - it occurred to me maybe they (those in charge) don't give a shit - because they too lived through it - and like hazing view it ala
"I lived through it - so can you."

What a horrible thought - that this preponderance is so common and has been so common for generations. What a grotesque situation perpetuating life-changing trauma and then having it become a self-perpetuating, devastating cycle.

[stage left]

22. I have no words

Only tears.

[AuntPatsy]

23. I cannot even imagine, and to think those vile sick disgusting assholes more than likely

we're not satisfied with one victim, how many others kept quiet out of fear of what people would say, why cannot our male and female brothers and sisters not fear bringing their assailants to justice, somewhere these so called heroes in someone's eyes are nothing more than vicious criminals

[Warpy]

27. Rape is rape. It's the ultimate violent crime of humiliation and control

I hope Stovey found his way to a rape crisis center to help him heal. I hope he realizes he did nothing wrong. I sincerely hope his attackers all have that thing turn gangrenous and fall off.

I'd like to see the awareness that men are rape survivors spread. I'd especially like to see awareness that both sexes are raped in the military and that rape is rampant there.

Most of all, I'd like to see the fucking military catch a clue. It's past due.

[Raster]

64. "...I'd like to see the fucking military catch a clue. It's past due."

NEVER happen in the American military. Never. RAPE IS NOT SEX. Rape is about power. Rape is about forcible assertion. Rape is about control.

[Bettie]

28. I would imagine

That being raped as a male is in some ways harder to deal with.

Men are expected to keep things inside and rape isn't something most people associate with a male victim.

Being female and having been sexually abused for most of my childhood, I know the toll that holding that stuff inside takes on you and I knew that I was young and powerless.

Men who are raped are generally dismissed out of hand.

Harder/easier....maybe different is the word I'm looking for...oh, I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm the mother of three boys who will be men one day. I would hope that if such a thing happened to them, that they'd be able to speak about it and have help and legal recourse.

This isn't quite what I meant to say, but I'm having trouble finding the words today.

[thucythucy]

29. K & R

The rape of men (and boys) is another part of rape culture that needs to be confronted and changed.

Thanks for posting this.

[TDale313]

30. K & R

[Louisiana1976]

31. That's terrible. I'm reading a book (The Alienist) where male-on-male rape happened to the mass

murderer that the protagonist is trying to catch.

[TorchTheWitch]

42. Good book - I read it several years ago n/t

[quarbis]

32. Rape is Pandemic in the Military

At my VET center we discuss the fact. We have several sexual trauma counselors.
It's a shame and a crime that the Armed
Forces refuse to deal with it.

[CrispyQ]

35. From a speech given by Andrea Dworkin.

From a speech given by Andrea Dworkin at the Midwest Regional Conference of the National Organization for Changing Men in the fall of 1983 in St Paul, Minnesota.

Remember, she's speaking to men here.

I Want a Twenty-Four-Hour Truce
During Which There Is No Rape


http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/dworkin/WarZoneChaptIIIE.html

But I think that if you want to look at what this system does to you, then that is where you should start looking: the sexual politics of aggression; the sexual politics of militarism. I think that men are very afraid of other men. That is something that you sometimes try to address in your small groups, as if if you changed your attitudes towards each other, you wouldn't be afraid of each other.

But as long as your sexuality has to do with aggression and your sense of entitlement to humanity has to do with being superior to other people, and there is so much contempt and hostility in your attitudes towards women and children, how could you not be afraid of each other? I think that you rightly perceive--without being willing to face it politically--that men are very dangerous: because you are.

The western definition of masculinity needs to change. It's harmful for our species.

[KamaAina]

38. You quoted Andrea Dworkin? At DU?

[smirkymonkey]

36. K&R!

This is horrible! Another problem is that when men don't report their rapist(s) (in this case he didn't know who they were), they are free to continue raping. They are never brought to justice if they are not reported/accused.

[KitSileya]

45. That isn't the problem.

Sorry, but rape victims not reporting their rape is not the problem. To say so is victim blaming. The problem is that the brass has created a system where reporting your rape has worse consequences than being accused (and found guilty) of rape. That is the problem. The victims have no choice - to report is to put yourself in a situation where you'll be victimized again. It is the chain of command, from the commander in chief downwards, who are the problem. Period.

[SunSeeker]

63. Correct. The brass are the problem. The failure to report is the symptom. nt

[Earth_First]

37. What a tragic situation...

...and yes, men do get raped.

It happens more often than is discussed because of the social stigmas that the rape of a male creates.

More than 200,000 men annually are victims of sexual assault in US prisons according to the Justice Department.

It's an often unmentioned fact that men too are the victims of sexual assault in America.

It's disheartening to hear (sometimes here at DU) that men headed to prison will 'get theirs...'

Shocking, actually.

[Stuart G]

40. K and R

[KitSileya]

43. The US Armed Forces is a rotten organization.

It is rotten in its core. That's all there is to say about it. The culture in all the branches is sick, because it refuses to take rape seriously. They minimize, deflect and deny whenever someone raises the problem, and they fight tooth and nail to keep it within their own chain of command. I can only assume that they do that because they want it like that. It is a feature, not a bug, in the system - a way to give their chosen ones a feeling of power and impunity, while those who are raped, men and women, are just handy props. They don't care about the majority of the service men and women, they only care about their budding psychopaths, and of keeping an atmosphere of bullying and harassment alive in the ranks.

It's seriously sick, and it will not get better. It is one of the reason why no young man or woman should be encouraged to join the US armed forces, they should be actively discouraged.

[Heidi]

46. Kick, kick, kick!!!

[lapislzi]

48. It bears repeating

That rape is hardly ever about sex and almost always about violence and control expressed in a sexual manner. I doubt that there would be anyone asking the questions, "well, what was he wearing?" or "what was he doing there alone?"or "why didn't he fight back?"

Rape is about humiliating someone, about asserting control over that person.

[KamaAina]

54. ^^^ THIS ^^^

[riqster]

49. Males do get raped. Adults and children.

Rape is a violent crime committed with a penis as a weapon. Having a penis of one's own is not a defense.

[KitSileya]

61. One can be raped by someone without a penis too.

Or by someone with a penis using something else to rape with. Women can be rapists, and men can be rapists with other things than penises.

And no one is safe from rape, unfortunately. No one. Only some groups are statistically less likely to be victimized, but no individual is safe from rape.

[ellie]

50. That was heartbreaking

[A Little Weird]

51. That was difficult to read

It's beyond absurd that the military continues to ignore the rape culture in their ranks.

[ismnotwasm]

53. That's awful

Not surprising, but horrible

[salin]

55. Shocking

that I, and probably most reading this, have never been aware of how pervasive this is. This should be required reading for all members of Congress, for all Brass in the Pentagon, ... heck it should be required reading for all citizens. This. Has. To. Stop.

Good on GQ for printing this story.

[Chan790]

57. Thank you for posting this.

Acknowledgement of the occurrence is the best weapon against the prevalence of sexual violence. Non-victims want to turn their head and not admit the occurrence of sexual violence or blame the victim as a means of psychological self-defense..."if it doesn't happen or if they deserved it, it cannot happen to me." A culture of widespread acknowledgement makes those denials impossible.

Only when we acknowledge the reality of the occurrence of sexual violence and its prevalence can we begin to combat it where it occurs.

[flamin lib]

58. Its never about sex, its about power. nt

[eridani]

62. When the King County Rape Crisis Center was first founded, the staff immediately noticed--

--that they were also getting calls from men who had been raped. Mostly gay, but some straight. Feeling that men who had experienced rape would be better counsellers than women, they reached out to the gay community and hired some gay men for that task.