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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsRaise your hand if you think women are abusing men at the same rate that men are abusing women....
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Raise your hand if you think women are abusing men at the same rate that men are abusing women.
Now slap yourself with it.
6:47 PM - 15 Sep 2014
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Sheldon Cooper
(3,724 posts)
ZombieHorde
(29,047 posts)Though, I would have to read some sociological reports to know if the numbers are similar or not.
Nye Bevan
(25,406 posts)So it is, indeed, not the same rate.
Hosnon
(7,800 posts)La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)
ismnotwasm
(41,976 posts)LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)Well, according to the study by the men's rights campaign group Parity, it is...
badtoworse
(5,957 posts)If you throw in verbal and psychological abuse, then it's at least a level playing field with women possibly having the edge.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)"If you throw in verbal and psychological abuse, then it's at least a level playing field..."
And the objective, peer-reviewed supporting evidence for your premise is...?
badtoworse
(5,957 posts)From what I've seen, women can dish out the verbal and psychological stuff as well as men can, sometimes even better.
In the end, it come down to what you consider abuse. Is a controlling spouse abusive? How about one that constantly criticizes or loses patience and starts screaming at the slightest provocation? My father put up with that from my stepmother for 24 years and my brother got it from his first wife for about 14 years. During their divorce, my sister in law's conduct was atrocious at times. My wife's grandmother wielded guilt like a weapon and manipulated her kids and grandkids horribly. Do guys engage in this kind of conduct? Of course they do, but they sure don't have a corner on that market.
Holding a relationship together is tough and you need patience and the ability to look past ordinary, everyday annoyances to do it. At some point, however, annoying conduct crosses over into abusive conduct that no one should have to tolerate. We can discuss where that point is, but in my mind and based on what I've seen in life, women are just as likely to go there as men are.
noiretextatique
(27,275 posts)not even a little bit.
Sivafae
(480 posts)I appreciate that women are subject to more violent forms of domestic violence, but physical abuse is but one of eight forms of abuse that are perpetrated by a partner.
Source:http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/|
(One of the forms of abuse listed is using Male privilege, however, in gay DV relationships, I would say it is more about making all the big decisions and defining each partner's role in the relationship, thereby creating a situation where one partner has more power and control over the fate of the relationship and persons in the relationship.)
Another thing, domestic violence happens in gay relationships at the same rate as straight relationships. That includes Lesbians.
Source:http://www.rohrbaughassociates.net/pdfs/same_sex.pdf|
Sure women may not be able to perpetrate the same extreme violent situations in a relationship, but let's think back for a minute shall we? Remember that old image of a woman beating her husband with a frying pan? Yeah, that would be an acceptance, or least a cultural image of violence against men in an intimate relationship. Control of finances, sexual abuse, name calling, isolation, controlling the fate of the relationship, minimizing, denying and blaming, can all happen without physically beating someone down. And just because there might be no evidence that there is extreme physical violence doesn't make it any more safe to leave. Some abusers only use a bit of violence in the beginning of the relationship to gain control and once they have it, the violence stops. However, every other form of abuse continues and the relationship is still dangerous to leave.
I realize that we are in a patriarchal society and the "common" form is men against women, but we do a great disservice to all victims of domestic violence by saying that domestic violence only happens this way or that. As we do the same with rape as well. If rape only happens from male to female, then what about men who are sexually violated? Was it only their imagination? Are they not men able to protect themselves? Male victims certainly have a hard time seeing themselves that way. And men who choose not to abuse and who are kind and gentle, if they are in a domestic violent relationship, what of them? Would they be afraid of coming forward because they would be perceived as being "less than a man," or perhaps people would think they are lying and really the perpetrators? Would they be believed? Would/could they find a way to leave?
This is a complex issue and to reduce it to something trite as in the OP with the claim that you should "slap" yourself is doing no service to anyone. And I find it rather insulting as a domestic violence survivor that one should "slap" themselves. Haven't we had enough violence already?
Lee-Lee
(6,324 posts)About 40-45% of my arrests for domestic violence related charges were females.
Females were much more likely to violate protective orders too, something that really surprised me at first.
Most of the women didn't consider themselves guilty of domestic violence, because they were of the mindset that it only worked one way- so they would slap or push or spit on their spouse/boyfriend/partner in front of me, or freely tell me they did. In their eyes the female was "allowed" to do this, it's part of the culture and mindset in the south in many areas- she can slap him, but he best not lay a finger on her.
But the law, save for a few exceptions here in NC, is blind as to gender. As it should be.
But when it is not actually witnessed by an officer of confessed to by the suspect in virtually every case the male side does not seek any kind of legal assistance, so that male masculine refusal to seek legal or other assistance will skew any legal statistics- while most women who get hit don't ever report it, a far higher percentage of men don't and will refuse to consider themselves victims of domestic violence because it's emasculating to them.
