Okay, no spanking. I get that but what's this dad suppose to do?
Last night, my 8 year old threw a monster fit. Normally, we let her eat on the coffee table in the family room in front of the television, but last night that table was being used for crafts with our other 8 year old child. Well, the first child just started yelling and screaming and the more we ignored her the louder she screamed. We tried reasoning (Mommy needs the table for crafts tonight; you can watch television right after finished your meal in the kitchen) but she just wouldn't calm down. Her screaming got so bad that our neighbor came over to complain about the noise.
Now, I spanked her once before--a long time ago; and realized that it wasn't the best thing to do so I never did it again. But when my kid is acting up like this, what am I suppose to do? Reasoning didn't work; telling her to go to her room and calm down didn't work (she refused); ignoring her didn't work (she just kept yelling and screaming); taking away her television privileges didn't work (she didn't care). Just what is a dad suppose to do?
On a side note, the neighbor coming over to complain didn't help either. Now, I had two problems on my hands: my kid screaming in the background, and now, my neighbor's complaining in the foreground. It took all I had to keep from going off on my neighbor. I understanding that my kid was bothering her but trying to get me to do something when I'm already doing everything I can short of getting physical was only getting me more frustrated. By the way, I've watched those SuperNanny shows and I've tried sending my kids into timing-out and it's never as easy as it is on t.v. They just refuse to go.
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Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish write very good and easy to follow advise. I highly recommend their books. (The whole title is How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk).
We also read the Mr. Rogers books, he also gave very good advise.
with my son.
I also used the stop and talk method, which he tells me know (he's 34) was the best thing I could have done and he will do the same when and if he has children.
It is about reasoning and validating and all that verbiage - but mostly, it is about taking the time to seriously interact with your kid, with the assumption that they are smarter than sand fleas and capable of understanding action and consequence. For an 8-year old, who is just starting to grasp abstract concepts (like fairness), it needs to be simple and repetitive.
What I did was this: pick up or lead screaming child into another room. Sit down, with child on lap or next to me once he was too big to sit on my lap. Use whisper routine to short-circuit the screaming.
Never ask if they "feel better now" because, frankly, they don't. They just aren't screaming at the moment.
Explain that you are going to have a conversation and ask them if they understand what that means. Tell them that if they are not ready to have a conversation, they will need to go to their room or sit in a chair or on the couch (somewhere away from activity) until they feel more calm. With my son, this was generally enough to convince him a conversation would be the better option.
Never raise your voice, never use an ugly or mean tone. This really IS just a conversation.
Explain, as simply as possible, why you want to have the conversation. Explain why you believe the behavior is inappropriate. Explain what the alternative behaviors could include and why they are preferable. After each statement, ask the child if they understand and then ask them to explain what you just said to them. Give them a chance to talk - but do not allow them to deflect the conversation. If they try (with, say, a "but what about . . ." or "I want . . ."
then stop them and remind them that the conversation is about their actions, not their desires - and once you have finished talking about the first, you will be happy to discuss the second.
If they start to cry, tell them - gently but firmly - to stop, because you cannot have a conversation with them if they are crying. Same thing if they try to get up or start squirming.
ALWAYS remind them that the point is the conversation. If they are pouting and don't want to respond, continue with your half of the conversation - continue to ask them if they understand - continue to ask them if they have something to say.
Somewhere in the course of the conversation, you will discover what triggered the episode. Then you'll be able to discuss it.
Remember, also (and I know this is anathema to many younger parents), that "no" isn't a dirty word. It's the opposite of "yes". If you can say yes to your child, you can say no.
I used to call this "death by boring" for my kid - because a session might take an hour . . . but he swears it was a good thing, and I guess that means it worked for him.
Maybe it will work for you and your child.
I agree with the poster up thread who said you should remove the TV from the equation at dinner. If you can be together at dinner, take the time to eat together (or at least be at the table with the kids) and turn off the box. Same goes for all electronics - no games, no phones (for anyone, parents included) - no distractions.
Your mention of dog trainers made me think of the South Park dog whisperer episode "Tsst"
I know, I'm not helping, I'll shut up now. 
OK I never saw that episode, but just read about it on the link you gave.
Total hoot!
Putting Cartman on a leash and withholding KFC as a punishment, well, mere words do not do it justice.
that using TV as a baby sitter is probably the very worst thing parents can do. There is rarely a time (maybe some sort of national emergency and you need to learn the evacuation routes out of your city )when the TV needs to be on during mealtime. Families should, insofar as is possible, sit down together and eat and talk about things.
Along with no TV at mealtimes, children should never have TVs in their rooms. Never.
I've also watched those Nanny shows and very often getting a kid to sit in the naughty spot is a huge struggle, because the kids in question have never been made to do anything they don't want to, but the Nanny simply has the parent persist, sometimes for hours, until the time out time has been served.
It's not easy. Kids rarely, maybe never, learn what's expected of them on the first try. Being persistent and maintaining reasonable rules consistently is the key.
and eating calmly as a family. This would be a start to creating the family environment you desire.
If she is "normally" eating in front of the tv, that's a problem right there, imo. Eat with your children. Share their evening meal. Talk. Keep the conversation light, and don't nag about their table manners.
For the in the moment tantrums, pick her up and carry her to her room where you tell her that her behavior is not acceptable, and that she will have to sit on her bed (no toys) until her behavior and attitude improves. When she is ready to come out and apologize, she can come out.
Consistency is key, as you probably already know. What no one tells you, however, is how hard it is. When you're tired, the last thing you want is a prolonged 45 minute battle with an 8 year old, but, honestly, some kids don't outgrow this behavior, so it's best to nip it in the bud, now, while you still have some control over her. As she gets older, you won't have that control, but, instead, will have a sulking, mouthy, out of control 15 year old who will seem to relish making your family life miserable. 
I had a similar problem when our boys were in elementary school. I found out that their drink boxes had more sugar in them than a Coke. I cut all their sugar out from their diet, and gave them water bottles instead of sugary drinks. No super sweet cereal in the morning either. After a few days they calmed down. I made them do this for 30 days. It was hard, but well worth it. I'm sure there were times that they snuck a candy bar or a Coke when I wasn't around, but there was a huge difference when we made the change. Sugar used to be considered a drug. Children really shouldn't have it except as a reward or a treat. I never hit them either. I would make them do chores and things that helped around the house. Then they could have their rewards for good behavior. I hope this helps!
cry until he vomited ... he would work himself up so.
I finally figured out he just wanted to be held (there are a few other threads in here that went in that direction as well) - he's got some developmental issues.
Parents aren't perfect and we do the best with what we know.
If she is normal developmentally then taking away privileges, making her write letters of apology etc should do the trick of trying to instill some civility. If she's particularly stubborn or has other issues you may need more help. If you have health insurance you could check coverage and see if a session with a child psychiatrist would be covered.
In no way do I think little special snowflakes should be ruling the house, but kids differ so I'm not sure exactly what you're dealing with.
The physical time out thing never worked for us. There was no way to hold my child in time-out without getting injured myself (I still take meds for an injury I got them when it flares, 15 years later. That little maniac is doing quite well at an Ivy League college today, btw.) People who aren't there say you can just carry them to their room. Trying to carry a 40-80 lb wild animal to a room without injuring them just in the act of protecting yourself is very hard. I was at least covered in bruises.
Different things worked with different kids, and consistency was critical in taking away privileges (which was difficult, as I was the heavy), but of course, number one was recognizing and then intervening before escalation. Once escalation is there, whatever we could do to extinguish the behavior without enabling it (usually ignoring) was necessary, before approaching it later with much more positive, validating strategies that also set limits. That's a book so I won't elaborate on that one.
One thing I did find--and it might sound awful and shame-based to some--when all else failed was to tell them this was inappropriate behavior that they wouldn't show to their teachers or friends, and that I was going to film it so that I had a record of it. One parent I knew actually ran around the house following his daughter with a camera while she screamed and raved and she ended up laughing at the end of it. The thing is, if they care enough about their reputation at school, then they're capable of controlling their behavior at home. If they don't care, you have another (and bigger) problem, because they may have some issues where they really can't control themselves yet.
But when I saw out of control behavior at home and controlled behavior there, I knew that I had leverage. Also, there's something about "film" that says accountability--and it gives them a neofrontal cortex kind-of sense of how they might appear to others. Maybe people used "God" like that in another era. I believe in a Higher Power personally, but we weren't a Christian church-going family so I didn't have the whole social apparatus of that to reinforce the rules, which in earlier days helped I'm sure.
As much as I can't stand being saturated with "screens" and despise how social media has directly screwed with my daughters' lives, this is one way I can harness easy video capability on an iPhone for my own advantage. Again, it needs to be used in a context of therapeutic understanding of appropriate boundaries and stuff, but it may help to de-escalate a tantrum in a pinch.
If nothing else, it's diagnostic. Like I said, if they really give a crap, that's telling. That means they have a lot more control of their behavior than they're letting on.
Both my kids are strong, poised, successful, personable, accomplished young feminists now--but they were hell on wheels for the first 10 years. Both of em. I think spunk is a good thing--if channeled well, it'll keep them from being pushovers as adults. That's the hope, anyway. I'm hoping for a thank-you on my death-bed.
Another thing I've learned - my parenting tactics had to be modified for each of my kids - what worked with one didn't work with the others. There is no one size fits all. My middle daughter is wise beyond her years, and I never had a problem reasoning with her. She would listen, understand what I said, then she'd be ok. The other two were screamers and tried my patience more times than I can count. Sometimes it is best to walk away and ignore for a spell, do some deep breathing and think about kittens (haha), then re-approach.
Good luck! Being a parent is the most difficult thing to do, especially with girls. Wait until they're teenagers! 
The worst thing you can do is demand they don't date someone because that backfires and they'll date someone they don't even like just to spite you! All you can do is trust that what you've taught them will guide them and they'll hear your voice in their head at just the right time. It's difficult to let go of control as they get older and some parents freak out over that; I know I struggled with it and still do sometimes. BUT - I respect my kids and know that they must have their own experiences, not just listen to me if I don't agree.
The other day, I was lamenting over my oldest daughter's move out of state a few months ago - I REALLY miss her. A friend was quick to point out that I didn't raise any of my daughters to live with me forever, but to be independent, smart, kind, and determined women. All I could do is laugh.
Children are always perfectly reasonable. Mine was. Appealing to logic always worked. That means it will definitely work for you too. Oh, you're claiming it didn't? Well maybe you didn't try hard enough. You should just wait for the child to tire herself by screaming. Your neighbors definitely won't call CPS.
the kid is focused on "mad". You can't reason with "mad". Sometimes, you can startle them out of the "mad" (as in posts upthread mentioning the screaming "contest" . We remove our child from the scene for a time-out and say, "When you can be calm, we'll talk. We can't talk while you're screaming/shouting/blaming me for something I haven't done" and to time-out she goes... usually in the hallway because it's the most boring place in the house. If she won't stay there, we physically take her back to it. Repeatedly, if necessary, and Time Out starts over.
Privileges get taken away afterwards, as a consequence of the behavior, e.g., no TV tonight. Just because the bad behavior isn't happening now that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I've reminded my daughter that feeling angry and acting angry are two different things, and that when she lets her mad get control of her, it can take her places she doesn't want to go.
If the child goes back to their central complaint, in this case, "I wanted to eat at the coffee table and someone else is using it," acknowledge that yes, that's the way things usually work in your house, but tonight is different... what could she have done instead? Picnic on a beach towel on the floor?
that at some point it might help to consult a psychiatric or psychological expert.
I had issues with having outbursts and tantrums when I was a child. Any number of times, my parents would say "You are not right. You need a psychiatrist."
Yet they never took me to see one and I surely wish they had. Not sure what could have been done in the seventies, but to this day, that baffles me. (Did they expect 11 year old me or 14 year old me to make an appointment and drive myself there?)
Again, I am in no way implying your child needs this. But it is NOT a black mark or a badge of shame if at some point she does.
I wish you and your family well. 
any time I try to limit their Minecraft time. But since I handed them the crack pipe. . .
with a police officer's uniform/costume.
When your 8 year old acts up to the point were you're getting complaints or even might get complaints from the neighborhood, ask your friend to come over posing as a police officer in front of your 8 year old. Make it clear in front of your 8 year old that "the "police officer" is going to have to arrest Daddy for disturbing the peace if she doesn't stop". If the presence of a "police officer" in the home isn't enough, then have your friend begin cuffing you in front of the 8 year old and start the fake waterworks. You get the idea.
Whatever the problem where your kids are getting out of hand and you can't control them, you have to show them that you, the parent, will bear the responsibility and punishment for their continued bad behavior when they are young. It might teach them some empathy.
