Female G.O.P. Senators Propose Earning Seventy-one Per Cent As Much As Male Colleagues - exposed by

[Mira]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Two days after voting against the Paycheck Fairness Act, a law that would help women to obtain equal pay, the four female Republicans in the United States Senate co-sponsored a bill that would slash their salaries to seventy-one per cent of what their male colleagues earn.

The senators—Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Deb Fischer (R-Neb.), and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)—said that the best way to take a stand against big government’s intrusive attempts to mandate equal pay for women was to take a twenty-nine-per-cent pay cut themselves.


“The days of the federal government forcing us to earn as much as male senators are over,” Ayotte said. “We will not stop fighting until we make twenty-nine per cent less.”


Fischer said that after voting down paycheck equity for women across America, the female Republican senators realized that they themselves were “burdened by the tyranny of equal pay” in the U.S. Senate.

“All we are asking for is the same freedom from equal pay that other American women enjoy,” Ayotte said.

Though the bill was just proposed on Wednesday morning, Murkowski said that it already has the unanimous support of male Republicans in the Senate.



www.borowitzreport.com

[Laelth]

1. k&r for brilliant satire. n/t

-Laelth

[Orsino]

2. Lovely. GOP congresswomen should be called out more often...

...for selling out their sisters.

[calimary]

4. Sometimes I wonder - if these lovely ladies from the other side of the aisle

REALLY believe, as most of their GOP brothers seem to, that women are just taking men's jobs and shouldn't be there - WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING TAKING UP SPACE IN CONGRESS AND THE SENATE????? Shouldn't they rightly be home, in the kitchen, with their pearls and their nice June Cleaver house-dresses, baking nice cookies for the kids when they come home from school every day?

It's the same thing about which I always am bewildered, with these people: WHY do we want people who hate government - IN government????

[Plucketeer]

7. LOL You NAILED IT!

For now tho - a trio that KNOWS "their place".

[calimary]

3. Andy Borowitz!!!!

Another one from the "that'd be funny if it weren't true" department.

[TRoN33]

5. It almost feels so real enough for me...

This is #1 political satire of the year.

[jopacaco]

6. I was confused at first

I knew that Susan Collins voted against this bill and I missed the source at first glance. I donated money to Shenna Bellows campaign after Susie voted against this bill and the Citizen's United bill earlier this week. I so wish that the national Democrats would support Shenna since she would be a great senator.

[perdita9]

8. If only....

[kardonb]

9. 71%

these nitwits should take a 100% pay cut !

[Paladin]

10. Another direct hit by Borowitz.

I hope those four senators saw it.

[SheilaT]

11. At first I thought this was from the Onion.

[Dont call me Shirley]

12. The middle one looks like "why did I sign on to this?" Go ahead ladies take a pay cut

to show the rest of us women how truly insane you are.

Did you all take a Phyllis Schlafly class?

[CrispyQ]

13. Typical GOP attitude: I've got my fair pay, fuck you.

Love Borowitz!

Would love to see the media call out these hypocrites, but since they have an R after their name, won't happen.

[Jack Rabbit]

14. The Republicans would never roll a proposal like that out that way

First of all, not only would the Republican women senators not be speaking for the proposal, they wouldn't even be in the loop about it. Instead, Senator McConnell would simply come out and announce the proposal himself, backed by Senators Mike Lee, Ted Cruz and David Vitter, who all have sterling records on women's issues, as we know. In case we don't know, Senator McConnell would make sure to tell us so.

The report would continue . . .

When asked why no women were present, McConnell explained that first of all, women cannot be trusted to make decisions about issues concerning them and besides, all the Republican women Senators support the proposal, or will if they know what's good for them. At this point in the press conference, Baltimore Ravens star Ray Rice quietly joined the senators, with his left fist doubled up and a dry smile on his face. Following Mr. Rice was Phyllis Schlafly, the quisling of America women, who spoke to the press, asserting that real American women want neither equal rights nor equal pay and don't need the respect of their men.

[El Shaman]

15. future

Lobbiest of America !!