It sucks being a control freak while my mom is slipping away.

[RandySF]

I'm used to solving problems and there's nothing I can do.

[giftedgirl77]

1. I feel you, my dad died the middle of September.

[logosoco]

2. Just being there is doing something! Peace to you and your family.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I am so sorry, my dear RandySF...

[peacebird]

4. I totally understand. My mother died a year ago August, we were with her for the final 3 months.

I wanted to fix things, make things better, but there was nothing I could do.

[shenmue]

5. Mercy

[benld74]

6. Totally understand, it is part of human nature, and happens to all I believe,,,

our mother passed quickly, but not dad, much too tough. But yet my older sister kept making decisions I knew dad did not want, yet she persisted until the end.

[brer cat]

7. I'm sorry, Randy.

Not much will make it easier. There is always someone here if you need to talk, or cry, or rage.

[snappyturtle]

8. I was in the same position 2 and a half years ago; I learned humility.

It's difficult. I turned my control on to myself....which turned out to be the hardest control problem I had faced until that time. I got stronger because of it. Don't beat yourself up. Peace.

[Rhiannon12866]

9. I can completely understand since I've been there, too.

Three years ago last week. It's frustrating, heartbreaking and I can still feel the anger. Please know you're not alone.

[ancianita]

10. Yes, it does. If you're grieving and trying to be there for her and others all at once, you're being

a great person. Sometimes just being there is the very best any human can do. Peace to you. Hang in there. Don't be hard on yourself.

[joeybee12]

11. Sorry to hear this...yes, it's weird knowing you have no control at all..

Just hope she is made comfortable.

[TinkerTot55]

12. Randy......

....so sorry.

{{{{{{{{{{{ Randy }}}}}}}}}}}}

[annabanana]

13. Dear Randy.. re-read response #2 above.

I lost my Dad in '09, and my dear husband just this past May. I fought just as hard as was humanly possible to keep my darling going, and so did he,, but there was just too much to fight.

Looking back, I take some comfort in knowing that I did all I could, and I was with him everyday of the long painful journey. Even on the hard days I could kiss him goodnight and know that he was glad I was there...

[pnwmom]

14. So sorry, RandySF!

[irisblue]

15. ((Randy))

This is so hard. Don't forget to breathe.

[ZombieHorde]

16. There are some things you can control.

If she has decent hospice care, then family input should be a big consideration. The amount of morphine she receives can often be influenced, and her O2 levels can be adjusted. Increasing morphine can increase comfort and the pace of death. Increasing O2 increases comfort but delays death.

My wife and I were helping a woman die about a month ago. My wife wanted to decrease her O2 to hasten her death, but the patient's son wanted the O2 turned up to increase comfort. We just let him control the dial. We put a pulse oximeter on her finger and let the son make adjustments based on her O2 readings.

Unfortunately, some healthcare workers are also control freaks, and they may not let you do anything.

I wish you and your loved ones peace.

[Triana]

17. i'm so sorry. I wish you & your family peace.

Take care of yourself and just be there for and with her.

[liberal_at_heart]

18. I am sorry. Be patient with yourself. Letting someone go knowing you won't see them again is

one of the hardest things we have to go through in life. I hope you can take some enjoyment from the time you have left with her.

[mopinko]

19. sometimes i think that all smile are paid for in tears.

just be there. as a mom whose kids have big issues, i can tell you that just being there is really important.
tell her thank you. it is the one thing i would want to hear.

peace and hugs.

[840high]

20. Understand. Hugs to you.

[uppityperson]

21. I rec'd shortly after you posted this, did not know what to say. I still don't, but have been

thinking about you this evening, sending good thoughts your way.

And I know, it sure does.

[Iwillnevergiveup]

22. Randy

Yes, it's so very hard to let go of someone who's been such a huge part of our lives. When my mom died 3 years ago, I spent a lot of time with my dad gathering pictures and being there with both of them. It then dawned on me that I could never repay either one of them. I just let gratitude for them take over, and that helped a lot.

Peace to you and yours.

[nc4bo]

23. Sweet son, you have many kindred souls here.....

I'm coming up to the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing.

It is not easy.
You are not in control and it is by design.
Your Mom knows your heart, knows you are there and there is eternal love between you.
Assure her that you will be ok and not to worry.
When the time comes, caress her hair, face, hands......this will be the hardest thing to do but please, give her permission to go.

It is so hard and my heart aches for you Randy.

((((hugs)))) and peace to you during one of the most difficult times in your life.

You have friends here......

[Voice for Peace]

24. The thing you can do is give love, kindness, patience, hold her hand, if she wants,

& let her see how well you have turned out.

That will help her to go in peace.

[Mira]

25. My sincere empathy goes out to you

I did this in July. Just like that.
It hurts to feel the horrible impotence.
All you can do is be there and go with the feelings and the knowledge you are loved and appreciated.
Because you are.

[WillyT]

26. :grouphug:

[Mister Nightowl]

27. Death will come for us all, eventually

I hope your mom has a peaceful passing.

[spanone]

28. my brother is slipping away as we speak.

[TheNutcracker]

29. She knows you are there for her, and remember, you are her legacy

[Mnemosyne]

30. ...

[nc4bo]

31. Kicking because one of us is in pain....