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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDuggar Bride To Other Young Brides: Your Wedding Day Belongs To Holy God Up In Heaven, Not You
Last edited Mon Oct 6, 2014, 03:30 PM - Edit history (2)
Two members of the extended Duggar clan dispensed relationship advice in a new video posted on the reality show stars family webpage. Sisters Anna Duggar and Priscilla Waller urged unmarried girls and women to remain chaste and pray for a godly man to ask their father for permission to begin a courtship with the intention to marry just as they did. Waller said she waited until she was 25 to marry, which her sister suggested must have seemed like an eternity.
Yes! Waller said. Im like, Oh, my sister already had two kids by this time, but it was so special to be able to begin a relationship with my husband, David, and to know that just being so open and honest with each other right at the very beginning, the very first night of our official courtship David was able to share some of his heart, his struggles, his strengths things he envisioned us to do together.
Now thats she married, Waller encouraged other brides-to-be to keep their focus on God during their wedding day. Your wedding day, the most important decision youll ever make is when you give your life to the Lord and letting Jesus be the captain of your life, letting him be first place and the boss, No. 1, in your life, she said. And the second most important decision is who to marry.
Waller said she prayed as she admired her future husband from afar as he took a leadership role in his church. Wallers husband, David, is administrative director of the homeschooling Advanced Training Institute, whose former head resigned earlier this year over allegations of child molestation.
The Christian homeschooling organization is affiliated with the patriarchal Quiverfull movement to which the Duggar family belongs.
Duggar said she was upset during the planning of her own wedding, to Josh Duggar, that her parents made some decisions without her input, but she said God convinced her that making your own decisions is prideful. In America, we say it is all about the bride and it is her day, but I remember God speaking to me in my heart and saying, Its not your day. Its my day, this is the day the Lord has made, Duggar said. http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/10/duggar-bride-to-other-brides-your-wedding-day-belongs-to-god-not-you/
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)for a couple who belonged to some sort of fundy church and Jesus was mentioned so many times that it seemed as if the bride was marrying him, not the man standing beside her. It was beyond weird.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)bettyellen
(47,209 posts)I really think they could use a permanent time out. Seriously.
On Mon Oct 6, 2014, 02:56 PM an alert was sent on the following post:
i attended a wedding where the rev spoke the "wife obey the husband" bullshit
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5628604
REASON FOR ALERT
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
ALERTER'S COMMENTS
No comments added by alerter
You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Mon Oct 6, 2014, 03:02 PM, and the Jury voted 0-7 to LEAVE IT.
Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: I see nothing wrong with this post.
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: This alert is lame.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Who the hell alerted on this and why? This alert will go to the Admins. Only a rabid sexist would disagree the "obey" part required of women in he old marriage vows is anything but bullshit.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Quite possibly the worst alert ever. Not that it would have probably changed my mind, but I would have liked for the alerter to explain what they found so bad here they felt an alert was necessary.
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
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Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: god said-man said dot com?? LoL! leave it.
reflection
(6,286 posts)Wish I could have that 2 minutes of my life back.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)reflection
(6,286 posts)I'm ashamed to ask, but how do I email the admins?
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)abuse button, it will send a message to the admins. Very glad you asked!
reflection
(6,286 posts)bettyellen
(47,209 posts)Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)Yeah, I said it again
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)malaise
(269,035 posts)100% support.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)hobbit709
(41,694 posts)I thought my mother was going to choke she was laughing so hard when she got it in the mail.
calimary
(81,304 posts)Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)m-lekktor
(3,675 posts)I wonder what the alerter's "problem" was/is.
Spazito
(50,357 posts)m-lekktor
(3,675 posts)creeeepy. stupid alert.
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)How so many people still swallow this Bronze Age bullshit mythology is a great mystery.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)women aren't well at that "time of the month".
woodsprite
(11,916 posts)And the minister was just fine with that. It actually was one of his suggestions.
Initech
(100,079 posts)The bride was from Kentucky and they're ultra religious fundamentalist and the preacher kept talking about how marriage is between one man and one woman, and how the bride must be submissive, yada yada, yada... And it was a long ass ceremony at that. Thankfully there was an open bar at the end of the tunnel.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)And alas, there was no open bar at this wedding. I don't think any alcohol was available, even for purchase. And to add to the idiocy, the bridal party took some kind of a long detour so that wedding photos could be taken at some particular venue, and about half the guests gave up and left when a good two hours into the supposed reception they still hadn't shown up.
Initech
(100,079 posts)And the venue was nice but it was in Arizona in September with no air conditioning in that part of the building. It was a nice wedding but I could have seriously done without the right wing marriage talking points and the frequent Jesus and God mentions.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Initech
(100,079 posts)Bettie
(16,110 posts)And DH and I thought it was strange. The minister also went on and on about how they were going to be missionaries.
Afterward, she came up to me and suggested that my husband and I should consider "really" getting married, since we were married at the courthouse. She still won't acknowledge that we are actually married, nearly 25 years later!
Then, at the reception they went around with a video camera and had everyone say three words that they thought of when they thought of my cousin.
This was her WEDDING and I've never heard the words, narrow-minded and judgmental used so many times.
I opted out under the 'if you can't say something nice' rule.
Ahhh, Fundies. They're so um, exotic.
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)Now what?
bluestateguy
(44,173 posts)That's how it works in their weird little world they live in.
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)Grandpas both gone, no brothers (just a twin sister) and although I love my uncle dearly, I wouldn't let him pick my fruit out let alone my husband.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)Pretend it's 1804. That's how it works for them.
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)3 musicians and a lawyer. And I would guess I would be living with my mother until one of them decided otherwise. Love my mom but no.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)With No Man To 'Protect' You? Quite Bold!! Quite Bold, Indeed!
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)And living in Babylon the way I do (NY). I truly don't understand the attitude these women have. It's like they hand over their lives to someone else and are programmed to think they're happy about it.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)I swear we could put them into a time machine and put them on the Mayflower. They could have survived the Salem Witch Trials, no problem. They would be excellent subjects for a christian themed Time Travel Romance.
I can imagine the book now... Innocent christian woman, rescued by Jesus and thrown back to a simpler time; a time when men were manly, and women knew their place like in the Bible.
leftynyc
(26,060 posts)First making the older girls into maids and babysitters for the younger ones and then deciding who and when they will marry. They will never know the joy of making a life choice about work or relationships. I feel nothing but scorn for the parents and pity for the kids.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)I feel like they purposely leave their girl unprepared for real life, so that they have no choice but to let their parents tell them what to do next. That 's why I think it's disturbing that the kids never get to go to school, meet new people, whatever. Their parents are afraid that they will get a taste of real life and run the hell off. And one will. One of those kids is going to make the big sacrifice and leave the nest without a husband. And it will end. And we will find out just how dysfunctional it was in that home for the kids.
I find Jim Bob to be creepy. Don't know why. I find the mother to be phony happy.
tblue37
(65,394 posts)her kids that she was forbidden to make for herself, so I guess she might feel that will make up for it.
Spazito
(50,357 posts)She will continue to be property with few rights.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)I always noticed on the show that the girls did all of the house work and baby sitting. I would never do that to my daughters.
Scruffy Rumbler
(961 posts)We still have people that believe this crap and live this way.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(149,627 posts)Then why are her parents making the decisions for her?
This is wrong on every level.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)just a tad erroneous.
Thinking at all, much less thinking clearly, is not a fundie strong suit.
logosoco
(3,208 posts)think for themselves or make decisions for themselves. I feel so bad for them and hope someday they will wake up.
I can't imagine even wanting to do that to my daughters. As a parent, it makes me happy to see my kids make their own choices.
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)made God pay for the wedding then
Marr
(20,317 posts)Maybe if people stopped giving him handouts every weekend, he'd straighten up.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I am sure the caterers, photographers, florists, musicians, etc. must LOVE that!
Archae
(46,333 posts)Most likely a big family row about money.
arcane1
(38,613 posts)snooper2
(30,151 posts)I guess she really does mean it
SammyWinstonJack
(44,130 posts)jmowreader
(50,559 posts)People like this see sex as a slightly distasteful undertaking that's only done when they want a baby.
I understand the Quiverfull lifestyle requires frequent sex to attain, but that doesn't mean you have to like it.
big_dog
(4,144 posts)sex is only for baby making. so wat happens when thecouples get older and are no longer to reproduce?
jmowreader
(50,559 posts)I was driving down the road one fine day and encountered a huge SUV with all of these things on it:
* a "Happiness is Being a Grandparent" license plate frame around a "MEMAW" vanity plate. ("Memaw" is one of the common Southern nicknames for a grandmother.)
* a "Let Me Tell You About My Grandchildren" bumper sticker on one side of the car, an "If I Knew How Much Fun Grandchildren Were I'd Have Had Them First" sticker on the other side.
* a stick-figure family that was all kids, with each of the (presumably) grandkids' names under the appropriate figure. Each little figure was holding some sort of sporting device - soccer balls, tennis rackets, baseball bats...
* the windows on the sides were decorated with cutouts of balls with numbers on them, and the names of children underneath. (Flying Spaghetti Monster help the grandchild of this woman who wasn't good at sports!)
The "let me tell you about my grandchildren" is somewhat popular up here and is REALLY popular in the South. It makes me want to print up a batch of "If you don't tell me about your grandchildren, I won't tell you about my penis piercing" stickers and hand 'em out at tattoo parlors.
LeftyMom
(49,212 posts)You gotta keep trying. Can't let a little thing like age or increasingly awful pregnancy outcomes stop you.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)Jim Bob always has a smile on his face.
JI7
(89,251 posts)without going against what they preach.
most normal people would be fine just having sex when they want without feeling they are doing anything wrong by not being married or anything else.
tabbycat31
(6,336 posts)Where he marries Anna (the brunette in the photo from the article). You could tell how horny the two of them were.
Anna was also disappointed that she wasn't pregnant until 4 (ish?) months into her marriage.
dflprincess
(28,079 posts)do they really love each other or is it just "ants in the pants" (as my Grandma called it).
And what happens when the lust wears off and the realty of being tied to someone you never really got to know and now may not even like sets in? (I don't imagine these nuts believe in divorce.)
tabbycat31
(6,336 posts)HP's description
Josh Duggar, the oldest of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's 19 children, married his wife Anna in the 2008 special "17 Kids and Counting: A Very Duggar Wedding" (yes, in 2008 there were only 17 Duggar children). Like Ryan and Shanna, Josh and Anna kissed for the first time at the altar, but before they did, Jim Bob made a somewhat embarrassing speech about their choice to remain "pure.
pstokely
(10,528 posts)nt
LeftyMom
(49,212 posts)unless you do it for very short periods to focus on Jesus. And you always have to want a baby, because a baby is god's stamp of approval on your marriage and the sign to your fellow believers that you're not sinning somehow.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)They'll probably do it through a sheet.
bravenak
(34,648 posts)It makes kids weird. They grow up saying crazy shit and not knowing it's crazy, because they have never moved outside of their parents circle.
arcane1
(38,613 posts)BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)I would rather marry a complete stranger...at least I'd have a chance of being married to a Lady that doesn't have the intelligence of a Squirrel.
Arkansas Granny
(31,518 posts)Everything they do is subject to their husband's approval. He will tell her what gawd wants her to do.
big_dog
(4,144 posts)and these backwoods hillbilliy men know exactly that they are doing
Initech
(100,079 posts)Although that home scholers corporation is proof why the religious right is not to be trusted.
tblue37
(65,394 posts)train the wife to be the kind of wife he wants.
davidpdx
(22,000 posts)Initech
(100,079 posts)Tikki
(14,557 posts)Why not? He seemed like a nice guy, he was and still is; does she think only
god people are honest and nice and have successful marriages?
Tikki
gratuitous
(82,849 posts)But it's at about almost exactly that point where I diverge from Anna and Priscilla.
hedda_foil
(16,375 posts)Lydia Leftcoast
(48,217 posts)yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)But yet when choices are made not to our liking we have issues with it? Honestly it is their marriage. We don't have to live it. They do. Just surprising to see liberals upset and disgusted over marriage that is out of the ordinary.
Tikki
(14,557 posts)dating/marriages that have nothing to do with god and are perfectly fine.
Why should she? No reason I can think of......except it is a truth and religion is all about the truth..
Tikki
RedCappedBandit
(5,514 posts)pushing for legislation to restrict the Duggar's rights to believe in this nonsense.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)Not sure why.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)They are the ones being interviewed about it, we have the choice to comment on it.
Soooo, anyway, how much longer before the reveal? Did you Freudian slip on your title?
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)Rex
(65,616 posts)Your more special than all of us, we get it.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)Since I am gay so maybe.
Rex
(65,616 posts)You replied so in this thread, you didn't like what people were saying so you let everyone know. None of us are above reproach, right?
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)Rex
(65,616 posts)Yes we do.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)I would think we would be more forgiving for marriage outside the norm. I certainly can be wrong on that, but just seems like common sense to me.
Rex
(65,616 posts)But I could be wrong.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)Thanks for the discussion. As always, I am still learning.
Rex
(65,616 posts)Cya in another thread!
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)We're just commenting on the Internet. For that matter, why are you commenting on a leftwing site about the political choices of others if you don't think people should take issue with anything that anyone does?
lpbk2713
(42,759 posts)Let's see how that works out.
hunter
(38,317 posts)I'd have forwarded all the bills to God but I didn't have His address.
I'm pretty sure the Pope doesn't have it either.
The diocese was kind enough to lend us a church and a priest
Monetary gifts roughly equivalent to the cost of a similar secular venue were expected.
Apparently churches and priests are just another expense God doesn't pay for.
Who knew?
dflprincess
(28,079 posts)Silent3
(15,219 posts)...with the florists and caterers and all that stuff too.
Orsino
(37,428 posts)Pathetic.
Can't wait for their sex-advice book, in which they come right out and tell women not to try to enjoy sex too much.
Ikonoklast
(23,973 posts)And "Women that enjoy having sex are all whores."
PDJane
(10,103 posts)I was married in a civil ceremony. Apparently, that's against god's will, too. I would mention that I still had to get a legal divorce, so someone considered me married.
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)Common-law marriage can still be contracted in nine states (Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Utah and Texas) and the District of Columbia. New Hampshire recognizes common-law marriage for purposes of probate only, and Utah recognizes common-law marriages only if they have been validated by a court or administrative order.
In Texas you can go to the courthouse and file a Declaration of Informal Marriage with the County Clerk. However, you do not have to do that to be married. There are requirements for a common-law marriage that are specific.
A lot of people think that if you live together for six months, you will magically wake up one morning and be married. This is NOT true. There is not a time limit on it. My first set of in-laws were screaming at me on the phone thinking my boyfriend and I would magically wake up one morning while living together and be married. Since they thought they were family law experts, I asked them, "Can you show me in the Texas Family Code where it says that?" and of course they could not.
Then a few months later we decided to go to the courthouse and file a declaration of common-law marriage and the clerk tried to type up three forms and tore them up. He gave up and we were unable to register a common-law marriage. He did this because I did not change my last name. I asked him the question, "Would you please show me in the Texas Family Code where it says the woman has to change her last name?" There is no such statute. We went to a lawyer for advice and he told us the clerk had committed a misdemeanor by not accepting our declaration, and that we should get a marriage license and go to the Justice of the Peace.
I did all this BEFORE I went to law school. I happened to grow up in a law office. I hate people who think they are legal experts because they pass on rumors like the six-months-living-together idea as fact.
Tierra_y_Libertad
(50,414 posts)Retrograde
(10,137 posts)Capt. Obvious
(9,002 posts)get the red out
(13,466 posts)I don't know why these people are so loved by the media.
Besides, what's not prideful about trying to tell other people how they should be living through their oh so sacred "relationship advice", TV show, political activities......................
Hekate
(90,714 posts)Last edited Tue Oct 7, 2014, 02:55 AM - Edit history (1)
People have always been both fascinated and revulsed by deformities, but nowadays we are not allowed to admit that in public.
However in your own home you can watch people act out "deformed" relationships with the same emotional charge your great-grandparents got out of the Circus Freaks.
Seriously.
get the red out
(13,466 posts)I agree. Rubber-necking the pile-up.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)them well. Though the only fundie marriage of that sort I attended ended promptly when the bride, pampered baby sister to 5 brothers, didn't like the reality of actually walking the submissive, dutiful walk behind a less pampering husband.
Here in the Deep South, our most conservative neighbors are hard wired to the "strict father" model of political and community structure, though. They see everyone as needing strong authoritarian guidance (but not from liberal leaders -- and no wonder those come across as so weak and inadequate); appropriate deference and obedience to authority, including people of higher social status; and punishment as needed to keep them from misbehaving. Everyone, not just young women.
YarnAddict
(1,850 posts)One bride's first ever kiss was after they said "I do." Very, very religious couple. They want a big family, will homeschool, etc. Seems like a very happy couple. It may not be for everyone, but, whatever.
Erose999
(5,624 posts)them" or something like that.
tblue37
(65,394 posts)Plato's Symposium.
greymattermom
(5,754 posts)Breaking Duggar!
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)They are pretty much the same, just opposite extremes.
Packerowner740
(676 posts)Will make absolutely no difference in my life.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)Packerowner740
(676 posts)Any girls being "fed this bullshit" must not have any parents supervising them.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)Your scorn of this discussion is duly noted. You do know you have the option to trash- and remain silent? Good options, when you actually don't give a shit, and are not trying to antagonize those who do! HTH.
Packerowner740
(676 posts)Don't like what I post, don't respond to it. Or take your own advice and trash the thread. I'm certainly not going to take your advice.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)to your hearts content. LOL.
Shankapotomus
(4,840 posts)Aren't they women by 25?
It's wrong that they (and the world) are fed this crap but I was an open atheist in a Catholic family by 22.
I see no reason why these grown women can't brush this religious indoctrination off like a mosquito if they wanted.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)and good for you and your atheism. I wish everyone was as hard headed and resistant to pressure as I am too.
But I do understand that many people are not.
RKP5637
(67,109 posts)weddings in heaven. I told here that was totally stupid and she freaked out and went running to one of her relatives crying.
Gothmog
(145,291 posts)Why do people watch this show?
dhol82
(9,353 posts)you get out the popcorn and stare open mouthed at what is going on.
Aristus
(66,381 posts)Her first husband would slam her against a wall when she didn't "obey". No way in the world either of us would have allowed that creepy admonition into our wedding vows.
I've been to a few fundy weddings. Over and above all the Jesus talk and the wife "submitting" to the husband, I just can't get past the excruciating banality of evangelical prayer:
"Dear God...we just...just...just...thank You and praise You and....just...just...praise You and thank You...cuz...You're just...y'know... like...so totally awesome and stuff..."
GummyBearz
(2,931 posts)God can have my wedding day if that is the only day he wants. I get to be a heathen on all the rest! woo! Party time!
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)Awaiting her heavenly bridegroom. Nuns wear wedding rings.
Sung by Dame Janet Baker:
Translation:
How loudly the howling wind roars through the treetops!
The rafters rattle, the house shudders!
The thunder rolls, the lighting flashes,
And the night is as dark as the grave!
Just like this, not long ago,
It raged within me too.
My life roared, just like this storm,
My limbs trembled, just like this house,
Love burst into flame, just like this lightning;
And my heart was as dark as the grave.
So rage then, you wild, turbulent storm;
In my heart there is peace; in my heart there is tranquility!
The loving bride awaits her bridegroom,
All cleansed by the purifying flames,
To eternal Love betrothed.
I await you, my Saviour, with longing gaze!
Come, heavenly Bridegroom, take your bride;
Rescue her soul from earthly bondage.
Listen: the bell rings peacefully from the tower!
That sweet tone invites me overpoweringly to the heights of heaven.
Halleluja!
hatrack
(59,587 posts)wheniwasincongress
(1,307 posts)liberal atheists, some of them are bound to be gay too
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I am sick to death of them and khate gosselin and the kartrashians
muntrv
(14,505 posts)UP YOURS!!!!
Skittles
(153,164 posts)Hekate
(90,714 posts)Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)Now that would be reality tv worth seeing ~grin~
eridani
(51,907 posts)--which is likely to be underwater in 10 or 20 years.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Seriously, it's like some sort of metaphysical BDSM.