What the Hell Is Going On in North Korea?

[Algernon Moncrieff]

Mother Jones: What the Hell Is Going On in North Korea? Here Are the 5 Best Rumors About Kim Jong-Un

North Korea's Kim Jong-Un—known as "Supreme Leader," or "Fatty the Third," depending on where you are—has been conspicuously absent over the past month. At a July event, he was seen walking with a limp, and he hasn't made a public appearance since September 3rd. That's unusual for Kim, who made 25 public appearances in July alone. North Korean State media was forced to admit he'd been suffering from "discomfort."

Most observers figured Kim was sidelined with gout, which might as well be a Kim family tradition. Today, Kim was expected to make a comeback for a deeply important annual event—the anniversary of the founding of North Korea's Workers' Party. He was, shockingly, a no-show. No one ever knows what's really happening in North Korea, but the rumor mill, abuzz for weeks, has gone wild with speculation. Here's some of the craziest rumors the world's come up with to explain Kim's extended absence:

5 votes, 0 passes | Time left: Unlimited
	Kim is being phased out as leader of North Korea.
	1 (20%)
	There was a straight-up coup, and Kim fled.
	0 (0%)
	Kim was addicted to cheese.
	0 (0%)
	Kim got too excited in a military drill and injured himself.
	1 (20%)
	Kim is fine!
	0 (0%)
	Something else...
	3 (60%)
	0 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
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[LiberalEsto]

1. Halloween is coming

Un is getting ready

[Algernon Moncrieff]

2. It'll be the yard display to end all yard displays

These things take time. Workers party founding ceremony? Nah -- gotta get that graveyard built in the front yard.

[rogerashton]

3. Another choice?

Kim has been pretty much a figurehead from the start, but the generals are jockeying for power among themselves -- and whoever has Kim doesn't want him seen in public for fear that Kim might blow the general's play.

[Warpy]

4. I think it was a combination of factors

He was injured riding a horse (so the story goes) to the point he was limping visibly. That show of "weakness" allowed the military to step in and put his sister on the hot seat as a place holder while they call the shots.

Li'l Kim is a playboy, not up to the job, and forced a lot of scary and probably self destructive policies on the country. His belligerence frightened the old guard in the military, who know all too well their lives depend on a stalemate with South Korea.

If Li'l Kim comes back at some point, it will be as a puppet.

[treestar]

5. My guess is illness

Though he's youngish, and it would have to be pretty serious to sideline him for that long. A coup could be the answer. Though I'd think in NK that would not be so well received, as the Kims have been held up to heights of sainthood. Very curious.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

6. Maybe he finally...

...got a PS4.

[davidpdx]

7. Just about everything out there is a conspiracy theory

The truth is we don't know and there could be plenty of reasons. The Asian Games were going on here in South Korea for about three week. September 6-10th was Chuseok and the Asian Games started on the 19th and ended on the 4th (the ParaAsian Games run right after the Asian Games just as they do in the Olympics and I believe they end in 2 week).

So we have a long holiday, followed by two major sporting events in which a delegation was allowed to come to South Korea to watch. Feel free to take guesses with that information.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Asian_Games

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Asian_Para_Games

[NV Whino]

8. This would be my poll

poison
stroke
diabetes
heartattack (wrong kind of hearts, but you get the idea)
plain old coup


At any rate

[hunter]

9. The plastic surgery scars on his replacement are not yet fully healed.

[Wounded Bear]

10. WFK?

Who fucking knows? The whole country is like the forbidden zone.

[Shankapotomus]

11. Kim Jung-Un had his World of Warcraft account hacked

and has been distraught and inconsolable ever since.

[Nye Bevan]

12. Hiking the Appalachian Trail? (nt)

[SidDithers]

17. Well played...nt

Sid

[A HERETIC I AM]

25. First you have to like hiking.....

and anyone that likes cheese that much, ain't into hiking.

[Eleanors38]

13. Tonsilar syphilis.

[Algernon Moncrieff]

36. Ouch!

[Adsos Letter]

14. Shortness of breath

Very, very, very severe case of shortness of breath...

[edhopper]

15. We don't know

which is another failure in the long list of failures by our intelligence agencies.

Do they ever get anything right or find out about anything significant?

[Johonny]

19. Since Obama has become president it is amazing how fast people declare defeat and failure.

How do you know what our intelligence agencies know? It imagine any information is ATM highly sensitive and highly classified. It is likely up to the president to declassify it. Given the potential for war between the two countries and the influence of China it isn't hard to imagine why our government isn't gabbing all we know at this time. It is amazing how easy it is for people to claim failure before events have even transpired. I give you that it is possible our intelligence is failing on this but we will likely not know this for months to years after these events transpire.

[qazplm]

35. seriously?

Any intelligence agency who knows much about what is going on in NK isn't human, they've clearly got access to extraterrestrial levels of tech.

[SidDithers]

16. Only Hannah Bell knows the truth about North Korea...nt

Sid

[A HERETIC I AM]

26. Oooooh.....

I see what you did there.






I like it.

[LostInAnomie]

18. I read a pretty insightful piece somewhere that said China is pushing him out.

I can't remember the exact points that were made but it basically broke down to:

1. China is getting tired of NK's shit and reassessing if they are worth it as a buffer state.
2. The uncle that Kim had killed was a primary diplomatic link between NK and China.
3. Without the uncle China doesn't have the same familiar access to "Dear Leader" they were used to.
4. NK generals started vying for China's backing.
5. China starts being more aggressively critical of Kim and NK.
6. Kim goes missing.

[A HERETIC I AM]

27. China knows what side of their bread is buttered.

NK has neither bread nor butter to offer at the moment

[hifiguy]

30. This seems likely.

The Chinese want stability at all costs. The Kim family is the very definition of unstable or, to put it clinically, "barking at the moon goddamn batshit fucking insane." The Chinese have no desire to babysit this little turd and arrange to have him vanished at some point, sooner or later if they have not already.

[Algernon Moncrieff]

37. I always thought that China liked the crazy Kims

It gave them plausible deniability for their support of less-than-savory global actors.

[ohnoyoudidnt]

20. I don't know much about the power structure there, but

I wonder if there is some connection to him executing his uncle and some of his associates.

[Nye Bevan]

21. You know, if North Korea would agree to give the cameras from TLC free rein

in the Presidential Palace, there could be the makings of quite a compelling reality show.

8 PM The Uns, Episode 3: Kim says Uncle "But is he inviting him for tea or having him executed? And what are the generals planning? A surprise birthday party, or something more sinister?"

8 PM The Uns, Episode 4: Hide and Go Seek for Kim "Kim's small stature is a big advantage in a game of hide and seek with his top generals, who seem to be taking the game very seriously. But will he be able to squeeze into the trashcan in the Presidential Kitchen, and will General Planninga Ku think to look there?"

8 PM The Uns, Episode 5: Dogs' Dinner "Kim seems to have won handily at hide and seek, as he is nowhere to be seen. Meanwhile, an exciting change of diet for the dogs in the Presidential Kennel."

[Rod Beauvex]

31. Bwahahaha.

DUzy.

[ohnoyoudidnt]

43. Hmmmm

There's reality show I might actually watch.

[cloudbase]

22. The revenge of Hans Blix. n/t

[AnalystInParadise]

23. Maskirovka

leading to military action this winter, during the prime war fighting season.

[JaneyVee]

24. Kim joined ISIS.

[flamingdem]

32. You beat me to it

[CanonRay]

28. He's at Dennis Rodman's house

Watching old NBA videos

[LostOne4Ever]

29. I don't want to say it but....

[FreeJoe]

33. Kim has Ebola

[MannyGoldstein]

34. Brilliant Comrade is coding new operating system!

Without need of caffeine beverages of paunchy western hacker culture, nor oxygen or lighting, Supreme Leader has favored his countrymen by holing up in palace to write new computer operating system of advanced. No sleep! In a flash Microsoft Windows will be changed for Hugehard Streetlight of Kim.

There is delay of 10 days because Brilliant Comrade determine that x86 chip architecture stink worse than 100 year kimchi, invent new silent but deadly microchip structure for world!

Brilliant Comrade!

Soon Huge Leader will become once again available with lightning fast disco moves to counter Western hegemony, now with Streetlight on flatus.

[Algernon Moncrieff]

38. Now I can't stop thinking what 100 year old kimchi would smell like

Thanks, Manny!

[hifiguy]

39. You definitely have the North Korean prose style down to a T.

[MannyGoldstein]

40. Now the world knows who's *truly* paying

for my Liberal disruption activities on DU.

[Warren DeMontague]

41. Streetlight on Flatus is my favorite Guided By Voices album

Well played, supremely silent but deadly leader!

[Warren DeMontague]

42. Real answer? Who fuckin' knows.

That country is a mess.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

44. Is he camped out with his iMac waiting for the next "celebrity" nudes?