I've been seeing these ads more and more:

[Cooley Hurd]

...oddly enough, none of them feature Borat.

[Hoppy]

1. Don't gamble your money here. P.M. me. My second cousin, Bernie has been getting 15% returns.

I haven't heard from him in a while but I will forward your investment money to him.

[Cooley Hurd]

2. 's okay...

I wasn't going to invest my 401K in Kazakhstan. I'm just fascinated by their pitch...

[pinboy3niner]

3. Bernie's out already?

When did he get sprung?

[Hoppy]

4. No he ain't out. But I'm running the gig for him.

Just send me your money and you will be able to retire in a lifestyle you never thought possible. Ya see, the way I earn money for you is by not sending you statements on how much you earned. That saves the cost of buying a computer and printer, paper and postage.

That's where cousin Bernie made mistakes. He sent out statements each month to people who didn't bother to read them. I won't make that mistake. So I will be able to get you returns of 18% per year instead of his chintzy 15%.