Christmas is a sad holiday for me

[Dwayne Hicks]

Ever since my parents died mom in 07 and dad in 1997 Christmas is that dreaded day I do not look forward to all year. Yes I went to relatives house and hung out with the family but its not the same and never will be ever again. I'm single so woman to spend it with, no kids, I seriously hate being depressed every year on this day. Its turned in get shitfaced play video games and pass out day....Sorry for my ramblings Im 1 beer away from being shitfaced and needed to just put something into words. Sorry for the downer thread to all who enjoy the holidays Merry Christmas! Cherish what you have now and never forget it.

[Kalidurga]

1. You know what would be cool

EHoliday a matchmaking service to get people that would like to spend holidays with other people but for whatever reason they are short on people to spend the holidays with. Or you could think of doing some volunteer work at a nursing home or homeless shelter/soup kitchen type of deal. I am sort of in the same boat at least this year. Every single one of my children is working through til the day after New Years. Two are in management one in the healthcare field they are technically single so they got guilted into working a whole lot of holiday hours.

[nxylas]

8. Comedian Sarah Millican does #joinin on Twitter

I know it's not quite the same, but more details here if anyone is interested: http://standardissuemagazine.com/lifestyle/lonely-christmas/

[Eko]

2. I hear ya,

there are tons like us, if you play civ message me and we will have a game later today.

[Dwayne Hicks]

7. I do play

Which one? Civ 5?

[Eko]

37. Yes, CIV V

[kevinbgoode1]

3. I think it takes a lot of courage to talk about the holiday this way. . .

as we are so saturated with the messages of joy and happy family reunions, etc. I've become quite accustomed to spending the holiday alone and actually look forward to it each season. When I lived a long distance from home and had a partner years ago, he would usually go home for several days, but I would be stuck working, so I gradually learned to find small ways to enjoy the holiday. One of my favorite years was making lasagna for myself and then taking a whole french silk pie and eating right from the pan in my bed while chatting with some online friends. . .haha. When that relationship ended, I went home a couple of times and it was fine, but there was usually some backdrop of drama. Families change over time - transitions in their own lives, marriages/divorces, children grow up and start their own traditions, people pass on. It is a holiday that can be hard on single people - I used to be pressured to work so the ones with "families" could have the day off and I would do it until that pressure became an annual expectation. Heck, I used to be afraid to tell anyone that I'd be alone on a holiday because I didn't want pity invitations, or to infringe on someone else's celebration - after a few years, I grew to learning how to explain why I preferred the day without any commitment.

You aren't the only one out there - and I have often thought it might be fun to just put together an online dinner chat, or a potluck in real life for those by themselves. In the meantime, I seem happiest planning a nice meal alone (and take a plate to a neighbor) and watching a 3-D movie. I'd offer to try to play a video game with you online, but honestly, I purchased an XBOX One last year (first gaming system since my Sega in the. . .um. . .1980's). . .and I don't think I make it 15 seconds before megadeath in Call of Duty- Ghosts. Maybe I'll spend part of the day just trying to deal with that remote - otherwise, I'm just happy with the voice commands on the TV and the Skype capability with a few friends.

I am sorry that you are feeling bad on this holiday - but I do hope that seeing there are others who are alone is some comfort. And if you lived near me, I would have invited you over for dinner, we could watch Guardian of the Galaxies in 3D and you could coach me on using an XBOX controller and I'd make you some kind of rum drink. And other alone posters would be welcome too. . . I'm good about sharing a French Silk pie.

[Dwayne Hicks]

6. Wow

Thank you for that.

[lovemydog]

9. You're super cool kevinbgoode1.

I love your post & wish you a very happy new year.

[JI7]

4. i notice many who find sadness because of personal losses are often those who have lost parents

and i think this has a lot to do with how christmas is viewed/experienced as a child and that meaning does not go away as one gets older. even though things like belief in santa, how much you want to open presents etc change the memory of those days stays a part of the holiday every year.

there are other days like halloween , thanksgiving etc. but i think christmas especially is kind of an innocent and comforting holiday for kids.

[grasswire]

28. every Christmas I am drawn to this poem

Backward, turn backward
O time in your flight
Make me a child again
Just for tonight


My childhood Christmases were exceptionally happy with 15 cousins and grandparents with a big stone house. Merriment, contentment in a family that delighted in each other.

Nothing will ever be the same, yes.

[Sherman A1]

5. This is an important thread and I thank you for posting it.

There are a couple of very good ideas listed above this post and I hope you look into them, if not for today then for later on. I for one work in Retail and really don't like the holidays or what they have become, but that is another topic.

I went through a nasty divorce many years ago and was alone on many holidays for several years. I tried to fill the time and it sorta worked and sorta didn't. I did find one little thing that helped and I keep that tradition today.

I get up early, make my coffee just to my taste , get dressed and go outside to listen to the silence of the early morning when nothing is moving. Savor those quiet moments, enjoy being alone with what nature is around you and list off all the people and things for which you are thankful. I find it to be very cathartic.

and then I come back in because it is usually pretty cold out there.

[lovemydog]

11. Nature is so healing.

All the best to you Sherman A1.

[Sherman A1]

13. Indeed it is

my best for a peaceful day today and beyond to you as well!

[lovemydog]

10. I hear you Dwayne Hicks.

It will pass. All the best to you and wishing you a good 2015.

[msongs]

12. the good news is that the terror will be over on Friday morning, family or not nt

[IdaBriggs]

14. Three years in a row I experienced major loss during the holidays.

Grandmother, sister, then father. Simultaneously had to deal with "the holidays" as both the anniversary of my second (very early) miscarriage and an annual reminder for eight years that I was not a mother (yet). My children were born in 2007, and the holidays did NOT magically "get better" - in fact, I swear I nearly lost my mind in 2009! Fortunately my husband and I were able to sit down and make some decisions about what memories and traditions we wanted to create for our own family. We dumped an obligatory family gathering that was a major trigger and now go to an out of town Waterpark adventure instead - all of us love it! We laugh, giggle, swim and spend time together. We still see family, but we do it on our terms, and focus on the people we like best.

These were actual DECISIONS and sometimes there is some "fake it until you make it" involved for me when remembering surfaces sometimes. I am grateful we decided to change the rules; it gave me the power to not lose the joy that I am entitled to feel, and the chance to share it with those most important to me.

[Vinca]

15. IMHO, Christmas is the worst day of the year.

True, I'm an atheist so I don't really care one way or the other about the "meaning" of the day. I try my hardest to totally ignore it. But the make believe happiness depicted in the media is annoying. Early in my marriage I tried to pull off one of those Norman Rockwell Christmas events and it was such a nightmare I think it's what pushed me from agnostic to atheist. Anyone ever entertain an obsessive-compulsive, Buddhist-Jewish sister-in-law? Hollywood could make a blockbuster comedy about that weekend. Then there was the year of make believe happiness at my brother-in-law's house. Not as bad as the Norman Rockwell year, but close. If there was a meaning to Christmas, it's long been lost to 60% off sales and drunken relatives fighting. The sad people being gifted with food baskets and warm clothing they didn't choose will be cold and hungry in a few months when life goes back to normal and people line up for the latest pair of Air Jordans or the latest smart phone. Face it. The majority is a bunch of greedy buggers who attempt to be humane for a few days every year.

[maced666]

25. Not majority here.

Two family Christmas parties....over 50 people total...no incidents other than food, family, friends games fun and fellowship. We all wished we could do it more often.

[Adrahil]

29. Meh... I'm an atheist and I love Christmas. :)

[Generic Brad]

16. I get what you are saying

All the holidays can feel cruddy to some degree for me too for reasons I would rather not get into. So I am using today to research and then book a trip for later this year. Creating something to look forward to is the best way for me to cope with this annual and unavoidable event. It helps me look ahead and not dwell on the things that have changed or are lost.

[helpmetohelpyou]

17. To me it's just another day except I cook a spiral ham for my self

and a 15 pound turkey just for the dogs.

Turkeys in the oven now and I'm going for a long walk with the dogs in the rain.
No one will be out where I'm going and it feels wonderful .

There's a lot worse things than being alone OP

Merry Christmas

[appalachiablue]

21. Great dogs, food and attitude! Nice to see. Yes, there are many things worse than being alone.

Happy Holidays.
For the first time ever I'm thinking over resolutions for the New Year. Never was very into that but now it's ok. For 2015, more walking, dogs, exposure to nature, better food, gardening, good films, meetup interest groups. High priority is spending time with quality people and cutting loose relationships that will never be healthy. There's a huge, difficult project that will take 1 to 2 years. If I survive that, I want to move to a more compatible place. Hah! Excellent. And tomorrow is a new day, and a Friday.

[SteveG]

18. Here is a thought

Back in 1986 my Dad passed, several years after my Mom. A year later I was divorced. Like you, I came to dread Christmas, especially since I would not have my boys with me. I bounced around for a few years, and like you spent my Christmases feeling very down. But then I got sick of it after about 5 years, and I began a new tradition. I was in my late thirties and I had found I had a lot of single friends. Many of them really had nowhere to go for Christmas and like me, found it to be a bad day. I decided to put out an open invitation to my friends to come over and have Christmas dinner at my house. I would provide the turkey, and most of the dinner, and they could bring booze, and side dishes, etc.

The first year only a couple showed up, but we enjoyed ourselves, I had a tree, and a working fireplace, so it was cheery, and we partied. I had (still have) a firm rule, if someone was too inebriated to drive, they would crash at my place, even it if was just a blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Well after that first year, my Christmas dinner party became an annual event for the next 15 years or so, until I remarried in 2002. Over the years I hosted groups from 5 to 30 people, and we always had a good time. No, it's not family, but good friends and helping others get through the holiday is a gift you can give to yourself and others.

[ladyVet]

19. Nothing wrong with getting drunk and ignoring all the crap on TV.

Who needs a 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story? That has to be the lamest shit they could have put on the tube. Somebody please shoot that brat's eye out and be done with it.

[Skittles]

22. I hesitated to say, that sounds pretty good

better than being on an international conference call

[Dwayne Hicks]

20. I decided

To cook my self Lasagna, never attempted it before so this should be interesting...my "holiday" dinner


And thank you everyone for the best wishes.

[ChazII]

23. Yum, Lasagna

How did your meal turn out?

[LWolf]

33. Lasagna

was the traditional xmas day meal for my ex and his family. I enjoyed it.

I live alone and spend holidays with my grown sons...we have a tiny family. No big crowds or big doings, just hanging out, eating, and whatever. I'm fine with that.

I let go of any real need for holidays long ago; I could spend the day at home by myself and be fine. Memories of lost loved ones and lost times are always with me, good and other.

[flying rabbit]

24. Great thread

Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, or whatever- make it your own.

[Warpy]

26. For me, it's sleep late, pig out on leftover Chinese

and do some marathon watching, the second season of "Orange is the new Black" today, taking breaks to watch the Mythbusters marathon and a couple of John Wayne movies on AMC. I don't drink alcohol, so I get through it sober.

Just before and just after Xmas is when I lost most of my family. When I was a kid, we always moved that time of year so I lost friends and belongings my mother thought I'd never miss. Summer moves weren't as bad because kids were off school and I got to know them rather than being the perpetual new kid in class.

So yes, this is a wretched time of year for me. Not only does standard time have us going into a dark tunnel as it starts to get dark at 4:30 PM, there's all the holiday baggage from all the happy, peppy people who love this time of year. I tend to go out for groceries and that's it. I'm a hermit otherwise.

Sleeping late and satellite marathons do it for me now that I can no longer choose to work on winter holidays and be a heroine for giving all the people with families the day off.

[kentuck]

27. If we make it thru December...

[LWolf]

32. .

[Trillo]

34. The death of parents is part of the human experience.

You'll never forget them.

There's a lot of sadness and disappointment in our lives. Sometimes it seems like the opposite of The pursuit of happiness.

[AgingAmerican]

35. How would your parents feel if they knew about this?

nt

[THECHOSEN1]

36. How old areyou

I'm not trying to be insensitive, I get your depression. My father died when I was young and my life went in a totally different direction than I always thought it would. But eventually I had to put his death behind me and realize that this was my life, not his.

Live your life for you, no one else, you deserve better.