Article: My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward

[LiberalArkie]

Last edited Tue Jan 13, 2015, 10:28 PM - Edit history (1)

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/lovely-wife-psych-ward-95567/

The first time I saw my wife walking around the Georgetown campus I shouted out “Buongiorno Principessa!” like a buffoon. She was Italian, radiant, way out of my league, but I was fearless and almost immediately in love. We lived in the same freshman dorm. She had a smile bello come il sole—I learned some Italian immediately to impress her—and within a month we were a couple. She’d stop by my room to wake me up if I was oversleeping class; I taped roses to her door. Giulia had a perfect GPA; I had a mohawk and a Sector 9 longboard. We were both blown away by how amazing it feels to love someone and be loved back.

Two years after graduation we married, when we were both just 24 years old and many of our friends were still looking for first jobs. We packed our separate apartments into one moving truck and told the driver, “Go to San Francisco. We’ll give you an address when we find one.”

Giulia had a concrete life plan: to become a director of marketing at a fashion company and have three kids by the time she turned 35. My ambitions were looser: I wanted to bodysurf hollow waves at San Francisco’s Ocean Beach and enjoy my job teaching high-school history and coaching soccer and swimming. Giulia was focused and practical. My head was often in the clouds, if not the water. After a few years of marriage, we started talking about having the first of those three babies. By our third anniversary our charmed adolescence was transforming into a charmed adulthood. Giulia landed a dream job.

This is where that lovely storyline ends.

Snip

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/lovely-wife-psych-ward-95567/

[TBF]

1. Maybe post this in Good Reads

as well. It's really interesting but not the type of general political discussion folks expect in GD. It may drop faster than it should in here.

Thanks for posting!

[Hari Seldon]

2. Not as bad as this

but I have been walking down a section of this road as well.

I really can't say anything else.

[pinboy3niner]

4. You have my sincere sympathies

That is an extremely difficult ordeal for all involved. Wishing you the best for the future...

[calimary]

59. Welcome to DU, Hari Seldon!

Glad you're here. The most beneficial thing about this piece is how it lets you into their lives, so you get a strong sense of what it's like when a loved one is in this kind of crisis. It's an amazing story to read. More people need to share this. It's far too easy to dismiss and shrug off mental illness. And it needs to be taken so seriously and compassionately!

Always makes me think of that damn reagan who cut the funding to so many mental hospitals and institutions - and all those people got turned out onto the street. Mr. Pennywise/Pound-Obscenely-FOOLISH Asshole. They had nowhere to go.

[pathansen]

65. Instead of treating my mom for a stroke, hospital locked her up in psych ward by mistake.

This was a hospital and they said they waited 2 days later when her doctor came to give her the correct diagnosic.
In the mean time, none of her family was allowed to speak to or see her.
So, mistakes must be pretty common.

[marble falls]

3. Regardless of where this is posted, its good and imprtant stuff:

With in a month of my marriage in '72, my high school sweetheart had a nervous collapse. She was institutionalized many times and only during her pregnancy with our son was there any relief. She has been diagnosed as 'paranoid schizophrenic'.

She has been institutionalized for the last time three years ago and the prognosis is she probably will not be out ever again.

I believe she's gotten worse since the emphasis has gone from therapy and medication to medication. She's had tartive dyskinsia for deveral decades.

I've seen the worst of it. I wish the best for these two.

[tblue]

19. Just want to say

Sending you and your loved one all the best wishes.

[TBF]

38. Agreed -

I'm thrilled to see the recs on this. I was worried people might skip over a long article in GD. I'm happy to see that hasn't been the case.

[Ghost Dog]

43. It's good writing. Sincerely expressed.

[TBF]

64. Also from the responses

it seems many have had personal experiences in their lives that are not so dissimilar. A friend, family member, or themselves - someone who has been touched by mental illness. It's about time people can talk about it rather than feel they are all alone.

[Roy Rolling]

5. Been there

It brings tears to my eyes whenever I hear stories from people who are experiencing the same pain.

Brain disease is little understood and almost totally unmanageable by modern medicine.

Our prayers and best wishes go out to the victims of this terrible disease, and especially to the families and loved ones who bear the responsibility of being caregivers.

[pinboy3niner]

11. Well-said

What makes it more difficult is that most families never get a respite. Having some relief now and then, at least, would make a tremendous difference.

[meow2u3]

28. Worse yet, people act as if brain disease were a conscious choice

Too many ignoramuses think people with brain disease choose to act in maladaptive, socially unacceptable ways to get out of working for a living. It makes me want to ask them, "When did you choose to be 'normal'?"

[Freddie]

6. This is important, thanks for posting

My brother-in-law's first marriage did not survive his wife's mental illness. They married quite young, at the age when these things can manifest, thankfully no children. When it occurred to him at age 25 that he would be her caretaker for life, he bolted. She is now in a group home getting the care and support she needs; he has been happily remarried for years.
Wishing the best for the couple in the article and their son.

[perdita9]

7. Thanks for posting

There are a lot of people who have to struggle with this. It's important for patients and caregivers to know they're not alone.

[Puglover]

8. My husband suffers from severe depression.

Most of the time he is fine. And then BAM! Goes to bed and sleeps for a few days. I know enough now to let him have the down time and also know it will end. So I try to do my own thing and not worry. But I worry nonetheless. It only happens a few times a year now.

We got married last Friday. And Saturday, BAM! The timing wasn't great. Too much stress.

But today he is fine and back at work. He is retiring 4/1/15. I suspect that will send him into a tailspin for the same reason. Change and stress.

Is he worth the bother? Hell yes. The most remarkable man I have ever known.

But it isn't easy when he is down.

[RebelOne]

31. I went through a period of severe depression

for a couple of years in the early 1970s. I think it was a combination of a breakup with a boyfriend of 5 years. He ditched me and married someone else. Also at that time I was taking amphetamines to keep my weight down, and I believe they screwed up my mind. At that time it was easy to get those pills. It took a few years but I finally snapped out of it.

[yuiyoshida]

9. wow.

just, wow.

[magical thyme]

10. links not working...

it takes you to the home page of psmag. Scroll down to the article title and that link also doesn't work.

[Ms. Toad]

12. Try a different browser.

It still works for me.

[lumberjack_jeff]

13. Excellent read. n/t

[mountain grammy]

14. thanks for posting.

an important story for anyone struggling with mental illnesses.

[Sienna86]

15. Very good read.

Thank you forosting the article.

[niyad]

16. k and r. thank you for sharing this difficult, and so-very-important article.

[chervilant]

17. Thank you for posting this poignant article.

Those of us who attempt to help loved ones who manifest any sort of mental "dis-ease" are likely making our way through a deep, dark forest full of thorns, and narrow paths that lead to despair. The beloved family member I tried to help no longer speaks to me, and she is acting "normal" these days, maintaining that she is "fully recovered" from her "brief episode." She still takes a handful of psychotropics that expand her pupils until her irises almost disappear--this is the only visible marker that she is stoned on these drugs. I hope she makes it through her next "episode" without committing suicide.

[jwirr]

18. My brother has severe bi-polar and has a terrible time functioning in the world. He has been through

three marriages and this last one only works because she understands what is happening to him. He is not in any kind of facility permanently because our family owns a small acreage where they can live relatively cheap and he can find things to do his way. Has recently been in lockdown in the hospital to adjust meds. Our family takes care if him and her as best we can.

But he is not the first in our family. Doing genealogy I found about 10 like him over 5 generations. It is horrible to look at the children and wonder which one is next. We have also recognized milder cases among many of us. So there are degrees.

Wishing you both the best.

[2naSalit]

22. That's interesting...

I entered a comment down thread and decided to decline inclusion of my family history with mental illness, until I saw your post. So, I've changed my mind and would like to share that I, too have done a similar inquiry about the frequency in my family. Seems to be at least one individual maternal AND paternal each generation. And there are varying degrees of it per individual. In my immediate family there is am occurrence of three out of six children of the same two parents, every other one (of children 1,2,3,4,5,6 children 2,4, and 6 were affected). That and one of the parents. Children 2 and 6 are still alive and past 50, neither are receiving treatment and it's a matter of avoiding them to avoid violent outbursts. They commiserate together and have varying degrees of the same thing, whatever it is, but it includes violence in the presence pf certain individuals which ends up getting police involved but never mental health assessments.

I am in the fence about how helpful the mental health industrial complex is by generalizing in a world of acute individuality, but I have seen a couple cases where it was only useful in completely incapacitating a troubled mind rather than actually addressing what the troubled individual is trying to communicate. A lot of it requires patience that seems to be tabu in our culture an this century.

There could well be hereditary indicators and I wonder whether that is the route of occurrence for some of these affections too.

[jwirr]

27. Thank you for this. I also wonder just how effective the mental health complex is. For one thing

many of the drugs they give have some bad side effects. It is hard to say what my brother would have been like if he had not used them.

My grandson talks with me about his problems with anger - has a hair trigger temper. He has gone another route. He uses pot as a medication to control the anger. I often wonder how my brother would have done with that instead of all those side effects. But I guess that is one of the things that the complex is very afraid of - that pot might actually work.

And from our society - yes we need to learn to have patience with those who are different. They need space to do things their way as long as that way is not going to hurt others. Most of us in our family have learned that because we love the members who do have it.

I wonder if anyone has ever done a study of families that include those who can function quite well but still clearly have bi-polar?

[2naSalit]

30. Good questions

that I have asked myself. I cared for one of my siblings afflicted, she was diagnosed (at 19) as paranoid schizophrenic which was acute as time went on. Prior to that she was a very intelligent young girl who, unfortunately was also afflicted with what I call "severe dysfunctional family syndrome" - nobody with decision making power was available for intervention until things got really ugly for her... by then she had a son too. It was the beginning of my education in caring for someone with mental health challenges and their child. I took them in because a) I didn't believe the other family members, they lived many states away from me; b) there were no other family members or groups who could afford to care for her and the boy nor was there any desire among them to have anything to do with anyone connected with mental illness because they couldn't understand what it was - couldn't unpack any of the baggage without serious, painful soul-searching; c) in my home state there was a better public assistance program for people with her challenges.

My sister had lucid times and we would discuss what she was experiencing, her descriptions were unbelievably frightening, she clung to her bible employing it for protection from her demons. She hated her meds and said she felt degraded by having to rely on them. The side-effects were many and obvious making others uncomfortable. This was during the early 80s when institutionalized mental health facilities closed down and many were put out on the streets leaving them to the mercy of the legal justice system as it was at the time. Part of the problem with the way it is now as I see it. The State took over with her health care, which was better than the state's here she was prior, she had had too many incidents where she was not able to even discern who she was in public when she refused to take her meds. I had to work to support us and couldn't monitor her 24/7 and there were no facilities available for help in doing so at that time in America. She's no longer around, her son is a successful young man who is someone I'm am thrilled to know, has become the man we had all hoped he would become. The best part of the story is his personal success and that he was not afflicted with the mental illness he now sees in his mother's siblings.


I wonder if my sister's circumstances would have been different if she would have been able to survive, she passed at 40. I do know that each case is different so I wonder how anyone can claim that an anti-psychotic drug can be of benefit to any group... which bring to mind all those drugs that are being pushed on kids these days.

This topic is a can of worms at best and any real remedy requires a social shift in how these issues are perceived and addressed. Not holding my breath... unless I see some great alien mothership hovering above and forcing we humans to clean up our act won't dare think there's hope for such a change.

[jwirr]

32. Two things - the mentally challenged were dumped out of the institutions with no plans for their

care and expected to survive out there on their own. That was one of the stupidest things we have ever done. Your sister was lucky to have you.

The world desperately needs to change how we look at mental illness but I too am not holding my breath. It is a hidden subject that no one talks about most of the time. This post is fantastic and I thank all the posters who dared to join in. It is also something that people fear because they do not understand it. Even families often walk away.

[MrMickeysMom]

36. Interesting to follow your inputs. This IS a can of worms...

It seems to me that poor medical outcomes in "mental disorders" only follow "treat the symptom".

Health care and general medicine (my career surrounds this environment) seem to have lot of that treating the symptom only approach. When you have a physical sleeping disorder, which so many identifies with, you may have other morbidities that cross over with it, but are disconnected from it in treatment. For example, because respiratory and sleep disorders are commonly followed up with "best practices" which is that map approach, you see more "best practices" pop up in journals, many of which pop up in the newspapers and widely read media. I see many with sleep disorders that also have depression, anxiety, and depend on so many pharmaceuticals that treat the symptom without a holistic approach as to the irregular way the depression/bi-polar/neurotic/psychotic affects family life. I even think the patient's illness affects the family member illness who tries to support them.

There doesn't appear to be any recognition of a mental illness algorithm for what "can be treated" by pharmaceuticals. Other specialities seem to have an algorithm to care for breathing regimen using, "if this, then that" followed by assessment and plan. Even I figured out after being depressed in a period of life that I need to live by my map to avoid the depression trigger. Seems we need this more than ever now.

Maybe you're right. Any real remedy requires a social shift in how mental disorders are perceived.

Great article and glad it's in GD.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

60. Sleep apnea can cause many other health problems.

The medical establishment is just realizing that fact.

A CPAP machine has literally changed my life for the better in many ways. I had severe sleep apnea of both kinds and just thought I was a zombie in the morning. Now I am fully oxygenated and much more alert. Wish they'd had these things when I was young.

[MrMickeysMom]

63. Wonderful...

… and from your lips to everyone else's ears who has given up trying to be fit properly after a PROPER study.

[Marrah_G]

20. Wow.....takes a lot of courage for them to publish that.

[2naSalit]

21. There's a good deal of

comforting advice in this article. Having had significant experience with persons with mental illness, the mad maps tool is not just a novel idea, it seems to be a grounding place for those who feel they need them.

Definitely a good read.

[cilla4progress]

23. Heart-wrenching.

I grew up with a sister who was diagnosed schizophrenic in her early 20s, when it often hits.

Quite a struggle. Important read.

[hunter]

24. The expectations of society, especially mean dysfunctional USA society, aggravates these conditions.

For a "mentally ill" person it can lead to some horrible complications whenever we tightly integrate these social expectations into our own sense of self.

In a gentle society, unlike ours, it seems to me that many sorts of mental illness wouldn't rapidly degrade into a crisis of suicide, psychiatric hospitalization, or homelessness. (Crisis frighteningly similar to the experiences of many homosexual people before our society began to accept homosexuality...)

I'm someone who revisits a very dark place if I don't take my meds. These meds have unpleasant side effects. Without meds my feral self usually exists in some state of homelessness and I'd rather not go there. But of course when I'm heading into that dark place the very first thing that flies out the window is my ability to judge my own mental state.

If a have any criticism of the article it's that the author is still imposing his own sense of order on a system that is essentially chaotic. As teachers, I suppose it's what we are trained to do; teachers explain things. Yet the interaction between ourselves, our loved ones, and our society are complex and often unpredictable. People get thrown off balance and fall.

Our society would be a much better place with stronger social safety nets and safe places to simply "be" for those who are experiencing stormy weather within their own minds, and for those who love and care for them.

[fadedrose]

25. Fascinating and well written

It took so long to read - it used up all the time I allow myself on the computer. It rang true in my mind insofar as the medications were concerned, but I am very stupid in this field.

Did Giulia also read "The Divided Self," by R. D. Laing, "Saving Normal," by Allen Frances, or subscribe to the Icarus Project by DuBrul? Were these materials something that you used for guidance as a caretaker and not meant for the troubled person?

I was thinking of picking up the Laing or Frances book to give to a friend.

I think you two will make it. When my husband nags about how long I spend on a project, I ignore him and often invent a reason for him to go out so I can do things in peace. Giulia loves working without time limits and her showing it feels "right." I wondered while reading the article if religion or the lack of it played a role in your relationship.

Good luck to both of you and thank you for sharing this difficult time in your lives.

[kath]

39. Note: the piece was NOT written by the OP. OP just provided link to an article in a magazine.

From DU profile, looks like the OP lives in, or is from, Arkansas, not California.

[fadedrose]

44. Thanks

I gathered that but did not see a name for the author.

I would like to know, though, if his wife read the books that he read...

[pinboy3niner]

26. I've avoided posting about it here before because it's a very painful subject

But my son is bipolar, and that has led to a long estrangement.

What my wife and I went through in his early years was horrific. And at the same time both of us were dealing, unknowingly, with my war trauma from Vietnam.

In a way, it was my own PTSD, when I finally learned about it years later, that helped me to understand my son's disorder. Not that it helped the situation, but it helped my perspective.

Some here will know what it means to feel an actual physical ache in your heart over something like this. But as we say about war, you know you can't start crying for fear that you'll never be able to stop.

I don't have any answers. The only thing I know is that my heart goes out to anyone having to deal with mental illness in their family, and to all of us sufferers of mental disorders.

[pnwmom]

34. There is nothing worse than having a child who is gravely ill

and bipolar disease is a life-threatening illness that also tends to alienate the sufferer from people who can help.

I'm sorry you have to go through both this and your own PTSD.

[janlyn]

42. I know how hard it is to have a child with mental illness.

My daughter is bi-polar and also has obsessive compulsive behaviour. It is a helpless feeling to know you can't make it better for them.
I suffered a lot of guilt in knowing it is hereditary and with my family history, I felt it was my fault.
I am so sorry you are estranged, and I hope things will be better in the future!

[fadedrose]

33. ADD

Attention Deficit Disorder requires drugs, changes in diet (lots of protein and cutting out food coloring), but is greatly helped by Fish Oil Omega 3. Changes behavior....safe for kids . . .

Doesn't belong in this thread, but I thought I'd mention it anyway...

[Duval]

35. Your remarkable post

touched me deeply. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker(retired) and had many come to me with problems of mental illness. Seldom have I noticed such compassion along with an intense desire in seeking to understand and help a spouse or other family member. Your courage honors all of us who are witness to the myriad ways mental illness affects not only the patient, but also care givers. Thank you for that. May she continue to improve and may you both eventually have the kind of life together you so richly deserve.

[kath]

40. See post 39. The piece was NOT written by the OP.

[Initech]

37. Being overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated can only lead to bad things.

I know, I've been there and done that, and never want to go through it again.

[Warpy]

41. Bipolar disease is all through my extended family

along with alcoholism in the ones who insist on self medicating. Sometimes the manic episodes can look like psychosis, probably due to sleep deprivation.

However, my first exposure to real psychosis was with a grammar school friend whose mother would periodically fall down the rabbit hole and get messages from god. My friend spent a lot of her childhood caring for her younger brothers and sister when her mom was hospitalized and getting her meds straightened out again. Kids are funny, and I just accepted that this was her mom, a really nice lady who'd occasionally flip out, no big deal, and I washed dishes and vacuumed floors in that house to help my friend so we could go raise hell.

I wish this culture would evolve beyond religious superstition and social condemnation and view illnesses of the brain the same way as illnesses of the gall bladder or heart are viewed instead of as demonic possession or a character flaw that can be corrected with prayer and/or will power.

Most chronic diseases of other organs are episodic, going from remission to flare up and back again. Diseases of brain chemistry are exactly the same. Had the religious and social bullshit not gotten in the way for so long, we might be better at treating them.

[proverbialwisdom]

45. Let's hope this was ruled out in the work-up.

http://www.npr.org/2012/11/14/165115921/a-young-reporter-chronicles-her-brain-on-fire
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_on_Fire
http://www.susannahcahalan.com/the-book/praise/

[Rex]

46. Wow, that was a captivating story.

Sounds like the lovely storyline is still ongoing. Things could have been 10 times worse. I am glad they are still in love and in a dedicated relationship.

[Skittles]

47. it is hard

when I was 14 I saw my dad at a psychiatric ward, head shaved from electrical shock treatments, and he did not recognize who I was

[KMOD]

49. I was in the second grade

when my loved one went through it. I wasn't allowed to visit, the adults responsible for me at the time thought it would be too traumatic. It probably would have been. But I was also traumatized by being away from my loved one.

[appalachiablue]

48. Dr. Fuller Torrey.

[midnight]

50. Amazing story. I like what Thomas Insel says about the lack of scientific rigor.

"Thomas Insel, the director of the National Institute of Mental Health, criticized the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, psychiatry’s so-called bible, for lacking scientific rigor—in particular, for defining disorders based on symptoms instead of objective measures."

[PoliticAverse]

57. Remember how long homosexuality was listed as a mental disorder in the DSM...

http://www.behaviorismandmentalhealth.com/2011/10/08/homosexuality-the-mental-illness-that-went-away/

[midnight]

67. Wow. No wonder State Legislatures are making it illegal to use science.

They can't have this nonsense taken as anything other than nonsense

[proverbialwisdom]

61. Related.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/04/science/blazing-trails-in-brain-science.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/side-effects/201305/the-nimh-withdraws-support-dsm-5

http://www.counterpunch.org/2014/05/14/psychiatrys-manufacture-of-consent
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/blogs/couch-crisis/psychiatry-new-brain-mind-and-legend-chemical-imbalance

[midnight]

68. I have just opened your first link and found the article I think I read last year.

"Psychiatry’s Guide Is Out of Touch With Science, Experts Say"


I will now look at the other three links….thanks for pointing this out proverbialwisdom.

[oberliner]

51. Could use a copy editor

And to get over himself a little bit.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

53. Speaking of people who should get over themselves. Maybe take your own advice. nt

[oberliner]

54. Point taken

Something to reflect on, for sure.

[a la izquierda]

52. This scares me.

I'm in treatment for depression and anxiety. I hate the medications and work very hard to control my mental health. But it's like that shadow in the corner...it gets bigger and scarier when fed.

[KMOD]

56. It is scary.

It can be beat though.

[lovemydog]

55. Thanks for sharing this article.

[KentuckyWoman]

58. kick

[Cha]

62. Thank you for posting this article by Mark Lukach, LA.. he writes of his experience so

well I feel like I've been there. Tears of empathy.. I'm so glad they've been able to find other ways to perhaps help instead of just Meds.

I wish their beautiful family strong healing and everyone who's experiencing challenges of this nature.

[Chemisse]

66. An excellent article. K & R.