So Tonight... My 85+ Year Old Mom Is Sobbing Uncontrollably...

[WillyT]

While watching NBC Nightly News, She Learns Of The Beheading Of Japanese Journalist Kenji Goto...

After living through the depression... and WWII... and still has a book of WWII ration stamps...

After the Death Camps...

And JFK... and MLK... And RFK...

She... in the last years of her life... gives up on humanity.

And so she sobs. And I feel like crap...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. We can only take so much crap, and then we're done.

Your mom has gotten to that place.

That was a very tough and awful bit of news.

[Jackpine Radical]

2. Hard to even know what to say.

I'm 70, and I gotta admit that a lot of days it all seems hopeless.

[vlyons]

22. I'm 68 and I'm no longer amazed at how crazy the world is

I'm a buddhist, and in my tradition, it is taught that our current cycle of time is that of Kali Yuga, the age of degeneration. It's sort of an "end times." People get very greedy and selfish and value money and power. There is great suffering, hatred, wars, hunger, deprivation, chaos. But the good news is that for those of us, who practice loving kindness and helpfulness towards others, it's easier to achieve enlightenment and true happiness. The externals of how the world is, we have little control over. But we can have complete control over our point of view. A degenerate world is a target-rich field for the practice of compassion. I hope you find this thought helpful.

[KingCharlemagne]

29. Nice post. Lapsed Buddhist here (if such is possible); I'm now full-tilt Marxist (materialist) but

your perspective is definitely worth considering.

[vlyons]

32. funny, I'm a democratic socialist

you may be lapsed for the present time, and you can, at the same time, hold the aspiration for you and everyone else to be free of suffering and the causes of suffering. Much of Buddhism is about how the mind works and about changing your point of view.

[KingCharlemagne]

34. After Bush and Cheney I stopped believing in karma in any meaningful sense. (I probably should

have after Vietnam, but that's by-the-by.) If you no longer believe in 'karma,' you can't really call yourself a Buddhist in any meaningful sense, as that is how Buddhism squares the circle of why evil prospers while the good suffer. It's as good an explanation as any, but there are just too many ghosts on the planet now for it to remain credible to me.

[UpInArms]

42. thank you

Eom

[calimary]

70. This is very helpful, vlyons. Makes it a tiny bit easier to process what madness goes on around us.

It's all in the way you look at it. Certainly seems to describe things as they are, rather accurately, at the moment.

[hfojvt]

44. What seems hopeless?

It is never going to be a perfect world. Is that what you are hoping for?

There are always going to be some murders going on somewhere. We will never rid the world of homicide. Why should the death of this Japanese journalist seem more heartbreaking, than, for example, the death of Alexis Kane on January 11th. She was only 14 years old. She didn't enter some war zone and get captured. She was just growing up in the heart of America. She wasn't killed by some religious fanatic on some jihad. She was allegedly killed by some teenage boys, also growing up in the heart of America. http://jezebel.com/three-teens-charged-in-shooting-death-of-14-year-old-gi-1682470848

And if that's not depressing enough, here's a 7 month old baby killed in a drive by shooting http://fox4kc.com/2015/01/05/8-month-old-baby-shot-during-kck-drive-by/

And here's a two year old beaten to death by his mom's boyfriend http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article6016680.html

And the beat goes on.

[marions ghost]

45. It is everywhere

--it can be easier to see human brutality when it is far away and perpetrated by a group you can label as the Other.

But extreme brutality is all around us. That is hard for people to accept.

Where I differ is when you say we will never rid the world of homicide. I think it is possible for it to become extremely rare. Not through punishment so much as enlightenment. It is not an inevitable part of the human condition.

[hfojvt]

55. it already is pretty rare and becoming less common

the homicide rate in the US was 10.2 per 100,000 in 1980 and down to 5.7 per 100,000 in 1999. That's a rate of 0.0057%, which makes Americans almost 99.9943% pure, (or at least non-homicidal, the total violent crime rate - murder, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault - was 524.7 per 100,000 in 1999, down from a peak of 758.1 in 1991, but still very significant, albeit only 0.5%.

European and Japanese homicide rates are much lower, but my point is that even if the world homicide rate dropped way down to say 0.3 per 100,000, which will not happen, I feel very confident, in the life on my unborn great-nephew, that world population is such that even that low rate of homicide would be almost 58 per day, over 2 each hour.

And even if it was that rate, it would still be one of the main things the news media wanted to talk about every day.

[marions ghost]

58. War deaths should be included

--tho not labeled homicide, technically it is. The US is responsible for many deaths around the world. Humans killing humans.

So do we want the news media NOT to talk about it?

I want to see US down to European/Japanese levels. Then let's talk about how it could go lower.

The point is, I think it's possible for killing to become extremely rare. Right now, it is not what I would call rare. The potential for murder casts a shadow over this country and other parts of the world. Look at Ferguson et al--wanton killing in the light of day is condoned in America.

And there are other ways to murder without physically doing the killing. You just make someone else kill themselves or treat them so badly they sicken and die. But I think there is room for that to change if society can change. We could still become more evolved.

[hfojvt]

60. I think the media should have some perspective

For example, why do I really need to know about the latest car crash?

I could see that in a small town, because the victim is likely to be somebody that you know, but in a major metro area, it's just another story about death and destruction. If it bleeds, it leads.

And fires? Well, if there is a big fire, then they will talk about nothing else for all of their newcasts and even pre-empt other shows, so that their viewers can see the smoke and flames and streams of water from the fire trucks.

As for war deaths, I take issue with the "the US is responsible for many deaths around the world." Take the Iraq war, a war I tried to prevent as much as I could.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iraq_Body_Count

According to this summary, the Iraq Body Count said that US forces (and allies)(don't forget Poland) were responsible for 37% of the deaths up to March 2005. 37% of 24,000 deaths.

That means non-US forces, our enemies, as it were, were responsible for 63% of the deaths.

IBC also counts another almost 90,000 deaths from March 2005 until January 2012. Who was responsible for those deaths? Still 37-63? Or was is 20-80? or 63-37?

Considering that our enemies were doing things like this (135 dead civilians)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_February_2007_Baghdad_market_bombing
and this (over 50 dead civilians)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_May_2007_Makhmoor_bombing
and this (69 dead civilians)

and our side was presumably trying to put a stop to that, I cannot see the US as the bad guy. Not like the murderous a$$holes who send suicide bombers into crowded markets.

Nor can I see the cops as the bad guys, not always. Take the story of Alexis Kane. Suppose that in attempting to arrest those three boys that the boys had started shooting at the cops, and had all gotten killed. I would not see that as three more homicides. I mean, it is too bad that every young person cannot grow up and help to make the world a better place in their own small (or large) way, but those three have allegedly already made the world a much worse place and were likely to keep doing so unless stopped.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/6_March_2008_Baghdad_bombing

[marions ghost]

62. You see the world as good guys vs. bad guys

--so we are gonna differ fundamentally and no amount of discussion or statistics will ever change that.

I see the US as a whole sharing in every death in Iraq and Afghanistan. We led the charge for all the wrong reasons. We fought for a Big lie. (I know a disillusioned army colonel and he agrees with me). People around the world are not calling us heroes. Bogus wars should be counted in the death toll of murder by US citizens. If we have any solidarity at all as a nation, we must acknowledge tragic errors on our part. Those wars have been fought in our name.

I don't see soldiers or cops as bad guys. They perform important functions. But Houston, we have a problemo --when soldiers are sent to bogus wars, (come back with PTSD and traumatic injuries to a system that does little to help) --and cops become self-appointed vigilantes, many with fuxed up racist views. I have all kinds of respect for any police officer who can resist those influences and remain balanced in performing their service. Arguing individual cases makes no sense--it only helps to deny the real truth. Many are out of control.

Here's an individual case to match your individual case:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026161426

Another one:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026164507

And also:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=6154780

[ladyVet]

50. What should we do, then?

It is never going to be a perfect world. Is that what you are hoping for?

If I can't hope for a perfect world, then what's the point? We might as well start all those wars, abuse all those animals, destroy the environment, kill all the blacks/gays/others we don't like that dare exist, steal all the pensions...

We like to posit that we are intelligent beings, some say the only intelligent life not only on this planet, but in the entire universe. We're large and in charge, and we know better but we keep fucking things up. The voices of reason are but faint echoes in the distance, ignored in pursuit of the almighty dollar. Full speed and damn the torpedoes! Power-mad monkeys in suits.

If after all this time, we can't begin to live together in harmony with each other and the planet, then maybe we deserve to die out. Maybe the next species to rise up and rule this world will have more sense. Because for all the technology, humanity is still an ignorant, selfish ape that happened to walk upright and have a brain that worked a little differently.

The worse thing we ever did was not forge on with the space program. At least if we had exploiting other planets on the agenda, we could spread out a little and maybe keep from killing each other.

[hfojvt]

59. I would suggest

backing away from extremes.

To suggest that because humanity is not perfect, and likely will never be perfect, that means the species deserves to become extinct is rather absurd, I think.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

We live in a world, however, where we always seem focused on the negative. Stories like the ones I just collected are easy to find because the local and national news tell half a dozen of them every day. When a house burns down, that is news. When a house gets built, that isn't. And we cannot blame the M$M, because an independent place like DU seems to follow the same pattern.

And the space program? Way back in 1972 I remember seeing McGovern on TV. He was asked if he thought the space program was a waste of money. He used a lot of words in his answer, but his answer was basically 'yes'. As a 10 year old boy, I was furious at that answer. My sun rose and set on the space program.

Now that I am a few years older than he was in 1972, I have to agree that there are better uses for finite resources than blasting into space.

[roguevalley]

71. my mom and dad died ten months apart and every day when I talk

talk to them I tell them how happy I am that they are not here to be so disappointed in all the world and fear for those of us still here. I know they can see what is coming up and I pray that it is better every day. But then, I am old. I won't be here as long as some of you. I ask the universe every day for help so your life isn't a bust. It is the best I can do, youngsters. Know I ask help for all of us every day. Your mom is in my heart.

[Jackpine Radical]

53. Yes, people have always been doing awful things to each other.

What gets to me mostly, though, is our inexorable rush to the destruction of the biosphere, the wholesale political disempowerment and economic crushing of the American and European 99%…you know, stuff like that.

[cilla4progress]

3. This is profound.

I'm so sorry for your mom and you.

Don't know what else to say ...

[cally]

4. Hang in there.

Humanity has unfortunately done worse but I still believe there are more good, caring humans than vicious ones.

(on a side note, I never watch these videos and try to not look at the pictures. Just seems watching the viciousness does nothing to help and is what ISIL wants.)

[Luminous Animal]

5. Oh. Your poor mom.

And you, unable to help the sadness go away.

[Tsiyu]

6. It's tough to want to stay informed

when the information is so horrific.

I don't have TV for that very reason. Sad enough to learn about things without the media spin.

Hell, if we had any sense, we'd all be sobbing uncontrollably. The world can be crazy good and bad crazy.

[Newest Reality]

7. I am sorry to hear that

she was so badly affected.

Between you and me, that is really the kind of response that ISIS is trying to evoke and they are utilizing a media campaign to move and motivate people to feel exactly that way. That's manipulation, really.

Keep in mind that there are a host of terrible things that are happening across the world that would also evoke such a response, but they are not in the limelight and often ignored. If you do not focus on just certain people from certain places, then there is just reason to be concerned about many, many atrocities that just don't fit into the scheme of media and machinations to be an issue.

There are other places where people are flogged, mutilated and beheaded as a matter of policy and I don't need to point out who or or where. We have the death penalty here and it leans heavily on a racial bias along with the numbers of people who are exonerated by way of DNA evidence, so many innocent people are put to death because we still have a policy that allows it.

According to UNICEF, 22,000 children die every day from starvation and from illnesses that could easily be prevented and cured if anyone would bother to do so. It is not like this is an impossible task. So, you could fill an average football stadium with dead children that could be saved, about every three days.

We have more human slavery and trafficking than in the days of "slavery". There are close to 30-million people in that position right now and some of them are in America. That would range from forced labor to forced prostitution.

One could go on and on, but we generally are only allowed to see things through a lens darkly when it comes to mass media and the like. That is how a group like ISIS can get the spotlight when other unconscionable things are left out of the picture and people are manipulated to put their feelings and grief into what is given to them rather than to question why all the very easily fixed problems that affect so many and cause so much suffering and loss of life are not brought to the forefront.

There is a method to this madness and one day, I hope that the game ends and we get to a form of justice and equality that makes a difference.

[marions ghost]

46. excellent post

n/t

[Triana]

8. I'm so sorry for her - and us.

My own mom can't make sense of today's world. She worries for her kids when she's gone. It's a hideous mess.

One of the worst things in the world is to see your Mom crying. And feeling helpless to do or say anything to make her feel better.

[elleng]

9. SO SORRY,

and hate to say it, but I understand.

MANY for her.

[steve2470]

10. many hugs for you and your mom!

[malaise]

11. Hug her

[jwirr]

16. I am 73 years old and that is what I was thinking. Set down beside her and hold her in your arms.

Let her cry it out. She may have lost faith in mankind but she still has faith in you.

[roamer65]

12. The worst is yet to come.

A world war is not far away, folks.

My heart goes out to your mother because she no doubt knows what is coming, as she has seen a lot of it before.

[kelliekat44]

13. I join you in feeling like crap also. Wish I could say something to help. Just take this:

[sheshe2]

14. Give her your love and a hug WillyT.

[n2doc]

15. Sorry to hear that

Humans suck, sometimes. At least you are there to console her.

[cyberswede]

17. Very sorry to hear this...

I'm going to call my 84 y.o. mother right now to check in.

[SoapBox]

18. Oh my...

WillyT, she still has you...and you have her.

There is good in that.

[Leith]

19. One Thought That Helps Me Cope

As much as you would like, you can't save the world. Just concentrate on your corner of it. Remind her that she has raised at least one terrific kid (that would be you) who loves her very much. Let her know how she contributes to your happiness and wellbeing.

The world has always been effed up. I hope it won't always be that way, but there will always be bad news somewhere. The best you can do is to make sure that you are yours are all taken care of.

I hope you and your mom feel better.

[Brigid]

20. Give your mom one of these for me:

[spanone]

21. i weep with her. we are doing this wrong.

[avebury]

23. While what happened to the Japanese journalist is horrific,

it not unexpected given the behavior of groups like ISIS. There is not much that you can do about groups like that.

What I find worse, is what is going on in our own country. My Dad and his brothers fought in WWII. One of his brothers was in the Bataan Death March and in a Japanese POW camp. This country is not the country that my father and so many other people's fathers and grandfathers fought for. This country is not what the Founding Fathers fought for. The Conservatives, Republicans, and Tea Party don't care about the masses, they don't care that all Americans should have the same basic human and civil rights, they don't care about the environment, they don't care about quality education, our infrastructure, and so on and so on. The US is supposed to be a civilized, first world country and it really is not anymore. We are marching along the same path that Germany did in the last Century but instead of the Jews, the focus is going to be on minorities, LGBT, and immigrants. The US might end up being to the 21st Century what Germany and Japan were to the 20th Century. It is appalling that this country has fallen so far so fast since WWII.

[KingCharlemagne]

31. Like we're any better than ISIS. Just yesterday, Texas executed an inmate with an

IQ of 67 (borderline cognitively disabled).

Our CIA tortured detainees to death.

Yeah, we're better than ISIS.

[avebury]

49. I actually think that this country is far worse then

ISIS. ISIS is acting exactly like we expect them to. We act far worse while trying to act like our country is perfect (talk about being in deep denial). All the We are Number One or We Are the Best just make you want to barf. My absolute favorite scene in The Newsroom is Will's response to the "Why is America the Greatest Country in the World" question.

[KingCharlemagne]

52. There's a line from Shakespeare that comes to mind: "Oh, it is excellent to have

a giant's power. But it is tyrannous to use it like a giant." Measure for Measure

[grasswire]

39. my uncle was a prisoner of the Japanese Imperial Army for three years

He was wounded when Corregidor fell. His gangrenous leg was sawed off by an Army surgeon, in a makeshift surgery in a tunnel. Losing his leg saved his life, as he was spared the work camps that killed so many soldiers. But when he was released, he weighed about 95 pounds at 6'2".

He's been gone about ten years now. I can't begin to think what he would make of America today.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

24. Please pass a hug along to your mother from me.....

And take one for yourself!

[hamsterjill]

25. Comfort her and remind her of her contribution to the world.

One of those contributions surely being a son with much compassion.

We are all, I believe, struggling to try to understand all of the mania. It's incomprehensible, and I believe it is cumulative much as touched on in a post upthread. The older that I get, the more that things seem to bother me. I used to think that age would bring a thicker skin - a more hardened approach at trying to deal with tragedy and the unthinkable. But as I've gotten older, I have learned that the opposite is true. The more you see, the more you understand that things are getting worse, and the harder it is to accept.

My solution? One day at a time, and I try very, very hard to see a little good in this world. Some days I'm successful in finding that, and other days, well, I sit down and cry just like your grandmother.

I wish you both peace and comfort.

[2naSalit]

26. I am with you there

and I was in tears earlier today for the same reason... I come here to vent with the rest of DU.

I often talk to others in her age cohort and find that some weather it well and others not so much...

and

to both of you. It's a tough situation to be in, wish I had answers.

[BlueJazz]

27. What a wonderful caring person. Your post brought tears to my eyes. People like your mother...

...are the true Humans.

[lunasun]

28. Crazy crap world

Maybe remind her depression in 30 s ended , Hitler didn't win and Russians never nuked us etc


Humanity will survive this horror too.

Hey who knows crazy crap world but that's not for her to hear. At her age she needs to hear hope and what is possible.
Though between us it is getting less probable ever day that it will not continue being a crazy crap world
Hope humanity beats the odds and you both look up to it

[oldandhappy]

30. I am ten years younger and I understand.

I have moments of frustration -- and I unplug the TV!! Best antidote to painful reality is a good book, a walk in the park, cookies! I went to the local movie theater to see the Metropolitan Opera matinee performance that gets broadcast live to over 600 theaters around the country. I am on the West Coast, so performance was early here, smile. Gorgeous.

[KingCharlemagne]

33. If you have access, Beethoven's "9th Symphony" (and the 4th choral movement)

may prove soothing, particularly if you can get a translation for Schiller's "Ode to Joy" (text for the choral work).

Good German and English translation side-by-side here:

http://www.raptusassociation.org/ode1785.html

As for versions, I recommend the Chicago Symphony Orchestra's version with Sir George Solti conducting. The NY Philharmonic under Leonard Bernstein also has a good one, although I don't own it.

Actually Beethoven can soothe a lot of wounds: 2nd movement of the 5th Symphony. Or the slow movement of the 3rd (Eroica). Or the 2nd movement of the 5th piano concerto. Or the violin concerto. Or the string quartets. Or the trios (I prefer the 'Archduke').

[lovemydog]

35. I'm so sorry WillyT.

Give her a big hug. Sometimes it's good to not follow the news too much.

'Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to sit still.' - Thomas Merton

[ND-Dem]

47. the quote is from ts eliot rather than merton.

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Blessed sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated

And let my cry come unto Thee.



http://www.msgr.ca/msgr-7/ash_wednesday_t_s_eliot.htm

[lovemydog]

63. Thanks ND-Dem

Beautiful poem!

[ND-Dem]

64. you're welcome. glad you enjoyed it.

[Journeyman]

36. When I was young, the Mother of one of my friends had passed through the death factories. . .

from Treblinka by way of Theresienstadt. She told me one day her life in sunshine was made possible by her capacity to love.

She and her husband, Viktor (who had also passed through the death factories), never had children of their own but instead adopted little ones who had been brutalized by life. For example, her son, my friend Ron, had been torched as a babe by his drug-addled mother. Another child, a daughter, was abandoned by her birth parents because she had an incurable disorder that took her life at 15.

And through it all, Sarah tried to make sense of the world and of what she had endured by giving freely of her love. So much had been taken, so very much denied, yet she found the capacity to make the world better, even if it was only within the confines of her small family and its duration admittedly ephemeral.

Everywhere I look in the world it is with hope. Having known and loved Sarah, what other option do I have?

[mountain grammy]

37. All of America should sit down and sob

for the havoc we've brought on the world.

[flvegan]

38. I'm sorry that this is what broke her.

At least NBC Nightly News did its job, I guess.

[riverbendviewgal]

40. I know how your mom feels

You are a good son to be there for her. Let her know what is important is that you and her have each other.

[LeftyMom]

41. I'm sorry. Seven billion of us, most are okay. TV makes it hard to remember that.

But video is hard on sensitive people: my grandmother saw the aerial footage of the flaming wreckage of the flight lost over Lockerbie and didn't seem upset, but that day she canceled her flight home and stuck to busses and trains.

OT: I can't get over this weather. I'm seriously considering starting my garden next weekend.

[roody]

43. I hope she takes a break from the news.

Wishing her the best.

[marions ghost]

48. Be glad

that she still feels. Many are numb to the issues of the larger world by her age.

My dad (WW2 vintage) told me he called his elderly cousin on 9-11 and opened by saying "awful, awful day!" The cousin --who was still in his right mind--replied, "Sunny here."

But I know how you feel. You can't cure her grief but you did bring it here, where younger ones can ask themselves, "is this the world that we want?"

[betsuni]

51. I cried after watching the evening news in Japan.

The father of the first hostage killed, Mr. Yukawa, wept. Yukawa had mental problems and a death wish and Rambo dreams and Goto went to rescue him because Goto was a saint. The mountain of guilt on Yukawa's father's shoulders is enormous.

[Oilwellian]

54. It actually speaks highly of your mom, WillyT

Her compassion and empathy are wonderful traits that more humans should have. She sounds like a wonderful woman.

[tblue]

56. Her response is the only sane one I can think of

The fact that we're all not crying or otherwise overwhelmed by this news shows how commonplace these kind of horrific events have become.

I very recently got back from Japan, where I had thought & said aloud, "I'm so glad Japan isn't caught up in this war/terrorism insanity." Then this happened.

Sending to you and your mom.

[panader0]

57. Show her SCE's cat post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018718543

[johnnyreb]

61. Your parents survived the sacrifices and horror of "The war to end all wars".

So did my parents. Now we're on what, the seventeenth war to end all wars.

[ReRe]

65. I'm so sorry WillyT

[TNNurse]

67. There are days when i think I cannot watch TV

Or get on the internet anymore. It is just too much most days. All you listed and then add in the Koch brothers and it is too much.
There are days that I am glad my mother is not alive to know any of this. She would be 100 now and saw quite a world of horrors in her time.

Just hug your mother, that should help you both.

[RoccoR5955]

68. I know that this may seem unsensitive.

But it is only that the news media are publicizing these particular beheadings.
Are you aware that the Saudi Arabians behead one person per week in a place there called "Chop Chop Square?"
The media are doing this so that people fear this evil that was created by the Bush Crime Syndicate, when they decided to illegally go to war with Iraq.
Humanity, by our standards exists in much of the world, but a good part of it is still lacking in this department.
Even here in the United States. Take, for example, the fact that the state of Texas will be executing a mentally disabled person on Thursday. They may not behead them, but they are still ending a life.
Personally, I hear this stuff every day, and feel like crap every day.

[Taitertots]

69. We are currently in the most peaceful era in human history

NBC is an organization whose sole purpose is revenue generation through advertisement. Turn off the TV.

We have not attained world peace, but we are closer than just about any period in her life.

[Caretha]

72. I'm sure your

85 yr old mother doesn't understand photo shop.