A Letter from Joni Ernst About Measles - Andy Borowitz is spot on

[Mira]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — On Tuesday, Senator Joni Ernst (R.-Iowa) responded to the recent measles outbreak with the following letter to the American people:


Hi, it’s Joni!


In recent days, you’ve heard about a measles outbreak among children who have not been vaccinated. Like many Americans, you have probably been asking, “How would Joni solve this problem?”
Some in the media have suggested that politicians should not have opinions about vaccinations because we’re not scientists. Excuse me, but that’s like saying people shouldn’t have opinions about flowers because they’re not bees.

The fact is, many parents are concerned about vaccinations, and for a valid reason: they’ve read something bad about them on the Internet. But the good news is that there’s an alternative to vaccinations that’s cheap, readily available, and totally safe: bread bags.

Take a look at a bread bag. It’s made out of plastic, which means that no microscopic virus can get through it, unless there’s a hole in the bag. That’s why, every morning, my parents sent me to school with bread bags on my hands.

You see, measles are a hand-borne virus. You can only catch them through contact with someone’s measles-infected hand. If every child in America would go to school with bread bags on their hands, why, before you know it, measles would go the way of the Macarena (a dance that used to be very popular but has pretty much disappeared).

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? Maybe because there’s big money behind vaccinations but not behind bread bags. No one makes money on bread bags. They just come with the bread.

So do Joni a favor. Tomorrow, send your kids to school with bread bags on their hands. As my mom used to say, “Joni, if there’s a problem bread bags can’t solve, it’s probably not a problem.”

To your health,
Joni

P.S. Important! This will only work if there are no holes in the bags.



www.borowitzreport.com

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

1. I so wanted this to be real LOL

because we all know this is how the idiot thinks

[Newest Reality]

2. The gloves match...

[ColesCountyDem]

3. *gigglesnort*

[BlueJazz]

4. "you have probably been asking, “How would Joni solve this problem?”

HA! HA! Yeahhh...Right!!



ps: yes, I know

[underpants]

5. zPoit oin,!

Sorry I meant Spot on! I had bread bags on my hands.

[cui bono]

7. Aw... they made you have crumby typing!

Too bad you can't white with a pen and paper on the internets.

[SmittynMo]

6. I can see it now.

She'll be selling them for 10 bucks a pop, and will be naming them "Joni Bag". This lady is loonier than Bachman. I bet the comedians love her.

[Half-Century Man]

8. If the bags fit, the germs must a'quit; making people sick.

or "She's a nitwit"
or she acts like she wore a bag on her head for too long.







She's living proof the wonder bread ain't brain food (and the bread bag isn't a viable replacement for foot wear).

[ybbor]

9. I did the Macarena last night

No really, no bread bag could save me. Wii dance party 2015.

Hadn't done it in what, 15 years, set a new record. My 7 year-old daughter was both impressed and disgusted at the same time.

[CoffeeCat]

10. I'm laughing AND crying...

...because this is so funny--but it's not because most of her opinions are about as dumb as this.

She made woefullyy ignorant comments about Ebola.

They're hiding Joni's dumbness at this point--only allowing her to speak when she's spewing canned speeches. Just wait, the worst is yet to come. She's dumber than Palin and Bachman combined.

[gopiscrap]

11. I love it!!!

[IADEMO2004]

12. GOP should wear bread bags over their heads.

P.S. Important! This will only work if there are no holes in the bags.

Too mean?

[Scuba]

14. No, not too mean.

[FSogol]

13. ...and when she got on the bus, all the other kids were wearing bread bags too!

[raven mad]

15. Best giggle of the day!

K&R