"And I'll tell you no lies. . . ." Please come CAPTION Bill ("It's the literal truth!") O'Reilly!!!

[skip fox]

Bill ("Remember, the truth stops here!&quot O'Reilly is saying, "Oh heavenly Father, what is wrong with these pathetic idiots?? Why can't they believe me? They say I couldn't be in Florida and Texas at the same time. They say I couldn't have seen the nuns killed. They say I wasn't in a war zone. They say I wasn't under siege in the LA riots. . . . Next thing they'll say I can't walk on water. . . . Where do they get this crap???"

[RKP5637]

1. "My Lie was only This Big!" n/t

[malaise]

2. Truth be told

Even when I die I will lie still

[skip fox]

3. Bill is saying:

"If my member was any bigger, I'd have to hire a kid with a wheelbarrow to follow around behind me! . . . That's the God's honest truth!"

[pennylane100]

4. God, I hope this does not get banned, but this was the first thought to come to mind.

"Yes, it really is that big"

[skip fox]

6. Would someone censor these?

I always try to avoid curse words (or at least use sh*t instead of full spelling), out of respect, but these posts seem rather benign.

[skip fox]

5. Bill is asking for divine clarification:

"Dear God, what do they mean when they call me Pinocchio without the nose? . . . Are they trying to be funny?"

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

7. Santa's schlong was this long. I was there. I saw it. Honest.

[skip fox]

8. "Dear Christ,

if you had to put up with the kind of harassment I've had to endure recently, you'd drop the lily in a minute and pick up the burning sword. . . . Good thing I'm more patient."

[Takket]

9. "This was me...

1 second before I made the interception that won the Patriots the Super Bowl!"

[pinboy3niner]

10. "Missed it by that much."

"And when I was in combat, that was good enough for hand grenades!1!!"

[skip fox]

11. Bill is saying:

"I know I should be more patient, Father, but I swear: if Christ would have had to go through then what I am going through now, he would have quit!"