The Constant Pain Of Being Ugly.

[mylye2222]

I am aware I am among of ugly people. Constant losers.
I was born premature , have a left crooked eye , Im small and suffers from vitiligo (skin depigmenting)
So..
So I am ammost never hired. So I am bashed on social networks French political forums. So everyday I walk in the city I hear mumbling insulting comments.
so I was many times advised to kill myself for stopping imposing the beautifull the horrible sight of me.
Of course I wont do it.
But as everyday goes the more self confidence I lose and the more "uneusefull I feel" Adding that to having been recebtly attacked vy people I thought were friends abput my inhability to get a job They say "I am too kind of a girl and that if I want work I have to become nasty" I cant be nasty on command!
Add that that I am living with zero money at the moment and eats once a day (maybe is that that depresses me) and that more and more even comes to wish France will turn into civil war so I will have the considered pretext to FLEE from a country I feel in the core it has ZERO place for me in its society.

very heavy heart today...

[trumad]

1. Hey...I ain't Fucking Brad Pitt myself....

Remember...beauty is only skin deep.

[wendylaroux]

2. You are not the ugly one,

they are,

You are kind,that is the most beautiful quality a human being can have.

Love and peace to you.

[cwydro]

33. I agree completely,

Don't let awful people bother you.

Karma will deal with them eventually.

[Scuba]

48. /\_/\_This right here_/\_/\

[F4lconF16]

51. +100

Peace to you, Mylye2222.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

3. You know who you are on the inside.

And while other people may judge you based simply, or mostly, on outward appearance, your 'worth' does not lie in being 'decorative'. That's a patriarchical, barbaric remnant of a society in which men were judged on their strength and women on their appearance. You have a brain, you have a heart, and you have 'worth', whether or not those around you recognize it.

[H2O Man]

4. A quote I love:

"Socrates, we are told, was the most truthful man of his times and yet his features are said to have been the ugliest in Greece. To my mind, he was beautiful, because he was struggling after Truth .....Truth is the first thing to be sought for, and beauty and goodness will be added to you."
-- Gandhi

When I was in high school, I asked a gal out on a date. I'll always remember her response: "With you? Are you kidding? You're fucking ugly!" It was unpleasant at the time. But now I understand that she was the ugly one.

[sinkingfeeling]

5. I'm sorry you feel this way. There are no 'ugly' people on the

outside just 'ugly' hearts.

[dissentient]

6. Some of the most beautiful people on the outside are very ugly on the inside

[mopinko]

8. most beautiful people are ugly under the make up

and plastic surgery.

[Bettie]

7. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful

People who go out of their way to comment on your surface are people who are not worth your thoughts.

That said, it still hurts, no matter how you tell yourself it is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

I wish there were something to make it less painful, but in the end, they truly are just people trying to feel better about themselves by making you feel bad.

How sick and sad is that? That these people who are what society deems "right" must constantly push others down to make themselves feel like enough.

I'm not pretty, I'm fat, and I'm old. I am constantly told by people outside my family that I'm not good enough. Over the years, I have managed to learn to ignore it, but it is a struggle.

Good luck. Who you are inside is beautiful and you need to nurture that person.

[femmedem]

9. A video by a woman called "the world's ugliest woman." I think you'll love her. I know I do.

[MBS]

22. She is wonderful, thanks!

I hope you like it, too, mylye2222!

[cwydro]

34. She's great!

I just saw this recently and was so impressed.

Thanks for posting it!

[hifiguy]

38. Hers is a light that cannot and will not ever

be eclipsed. I am in awe.

Thanks for posting that!

[Egnever]

42. Nothing ugly about her

Her beauty is there for all to see.

[libodem]

10. Look at how well you write in English

I can not speak or write in a foreign language somehow I thought it would be less work in High School. I regret it now. I should have tried to learn Spanish.
Sorry you are feeling so low. I'm a disabled older female so we have something in common.
Being premature was not your fault. You can't help how you look. I have a friend who's eye socket was deformed because of how he was curled up in the womb. His heel was against his face. He was a year older than me in High School. About 20 years later I met he and his wife going to music practice at a weekly jam. He was so nice and talented and unself conscious. I just didn't see the unusual shape of his cheek.bone and eye, after a while. He did have some surgery to help his eye look more normal and close right.
I had another friend who had one eye that opened and shut all by itself. It blinked in its own pattern. So unusual and distracting. Same thing happened though once I got to know her and hung out I just stopped seeing it.
Be yourself. Stay gentle, sensitive and kind. That is how people will know you. They will see your spirit and not your physical shell. Hope you feel better soon.

[riderinthestorm]

11. Please don't let those people get you down

you have shown that you're the beautiful one to me.

[Quantess]

12. I'm sorry you are having a bad day, and that you feel down about yourself.

Let me tell you about a young woman, between 25 and 30, that works as a cashier at the local grocery store. She has worked there for years, and she has (I'm gueesing) a congenitally malformed face. My best guess is that she has Treacher Collins Syndrome, which is genetic. Check out google images of Treacher Collins if you are curious.

I can tell that she tends to avoid eye contact with customers, but I always greet her with a smile anyway, because I think she's cute in her own way, and she seems friendly enough. I know some customers must stare at her and think "yeesh, what happened to her face?", which is why she generally avoids eye contact. I think she's a good cashier, and she's obviously of normal intelligence. I think she's a sweetheart and everybody who is familiar with her seems to be nice to her, although I'm sure she gets comments and stares from random rude people. Enough people believed in her for her to get a job.

But yeah, the no money thing is really tough. I hate being unemployed and looking for work!!! Once you get a job and earn some money, you WILL feel better. Don't give up.

[rhett o rick]

13. Don't give up. My best to you.

[Depaysement]

14. Maybe not

Tu es peut-etre jolie laide?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[My Good Babushka]

15. Beauty is on the inside!

Kindness is more important. We are all going to look roughly the same in a hundred years or so!

[Arugula Latte]

16. (((mylye2222)))

[NikolaC]

17. Please Don't Listen to Them

You are NOT ugly. Their words and actions prove that the true ugliness lies within them. Sometimes I think that it's human nature to just want to feel like one is superior to someone else and, quite honestly, I feel that it's simply not a good way to be nor is it the truth.

IMO, the best way to look at this is that they are missing out. They are probably missing out on a good employee, a good person and a good friend. Don't give up though, there ARE still good and caring people out there who won't care what you look like and will want to know you for you. It just seems difficult to believe that some days, but it is true. In the meantime, to you. All the best and stop listening to and believing the true ugly people in this world.

[raging moderate]

18. Pretty is as pretty does. That is an old folk saying from my family.

As you may have guessed, most of us are not pretty. But so what? God sees the inward heart. That is one reason I like animals. Somebody accused me of liking them because they do not talk back. Actually, in their own way, they do, but, more importantly, they do not care that I am not pretty but instead respond to how I treat them.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. You are so far away, and you seem so sensitive and perceptive. The bullies and narcissists have been very active around you recently, eh? Well, you have a strong heart. You will yet find a good place for yourself, with useful work and pleasant friendships.

Since you live in France, you alone know the specific organization of society where you live. However, I feel certain that kind hearts must exist there, or the society would have torn itself to pieces by now. Bullies and narcissists never realize how much of the peace and prosperity they enjoy is created through unnoticed constant giving and forgiving in process around them, sweetening the interactions as rain moistens the soil. I bet that YOU have observed and comprehended that process, is it not so?

There is a movie made in the 1920s, called "Freaks." If you ever get a chance to see it, do not be afraid but go ahead and watch it. At the beginning, there is a circus with physically perfect acrobats and physically ugly members of the "freak show." However, by the end of the movie, as the plot unfolds and everyone shows his heart through his actions, one comes to understand how it is that the surface appearance is not the important place to find beauty. Those so-called "pretty faces" look hideous when distorted in hatred, while the so-called "freaks" look exquisitely beautiful in their mercy.

Somewhere around you, there are people with understanding hearts who know all this, perhaps better than I do. Do not be discouraged. Keep going, keep looking for them. They are your real people, your family in spirit, deep inside.

Meanwhile, do you have access to a church that offers refreshments after the service, is supposed to let anybody in, and might give a little food sometimes? (tell them to read the 25th chapter of Matthew's gospel, and that Christ is watching them). Or a store that discards its old bread just outside the back door with the trash? (I fed myself this way in college). Or a small piece of soil, where you might perhaps grow a little food? (it might help for later). Or a patch of forest, where you might perhaps find wild strawberries? (so small, yet so sweet!). Others have come before you, you are not the first to land in this position, maybe there is some little source of help that you are just about to discover.

[safeinOhio]

19. I love you XXXXX

[DebJ]

20. I hope you have some family around?

My family is always stared at in public. We have both a condition called Marfans running in it (two sisters and a mother), and simply excessive height. My 'baby' sister (now 49), who grew to be 6'8" by a rather young age, was once circled and spoken about, in a grocery store, by two old hags, as if she wasn't there, or wasn't human. Boy, did I let into them, and told them they had the ugliest, cruelest souls I had ever seen. I really went off. Two of my sisters are tall due to Marfans, which also creates a certain pattern of facial features. This genetic disorder brings with it a lifetime of ever-crippling anguish, as the bones and muscles disintegrate, adding canes and wheel chairs, limps and multiple surgeries, as well as other concerns. There are always stares. Having been born in the 1950s, though, when crippled people were actually hidden away from the public, I myself can at least see the huge improvements in this country in the treatment and respect for the disabled, compared to the 1950s. But the staring, always the staring...

My son is simply tall and enormous. He is about 7' tall (he wouldn't measure himself after he hit 6'11", he didn't want to know, too painful). He can't fit into most vehicles. He also has bipolar disorder, and that keeps him from maintaining steady employment. In the USA, if you earn barely enough money to make rent and utilities payments and maybe eat enough to barely stay alive, there is no help given for medicine or doctors, and his medicines alone are $700 a month, and without them, he would die. So he is in an impossible and soul-crushing position. locked into poverty, where he can't afford decent meals or clothing, or anything, ever . Either he can't work enough to get ahead, or he loses his medical care, or else he somehow miraculously jumps up in the employment world and earns enough to be self-sufficient, and that is impossible barring a miracle. His medicines make him crave sweets and fats, and he has battled all his life but most of it has weighed well over 350; the lowest he has been able to do is 302, which is at least 75 lbs too much. People always remembered me, because they never forget my son (who is now 33).

The one thing most annoying is that people will always come up and ask you if you play basketball. My baby sister one day replied, no, I'm a horse jockey. I love that joke. But it really does grind on you, year in and year out.

The world is full of assholes. But it is also full of generous and loving people. I pray you come in contact with some.

On edit: and the same jerks who stare and point, are the first ones to ask you to retrieve something from a top shelf at a store.

[mylye2222]

23. Yes I do.

But for jobs they cant help because
1. My closest family lives somewhat in "autarcy" nlt have a lot of social life
2. My parents keep deprecing me. According to them I should check for disabled status....a status that in France gets you financial...but keep you even more hidden from the society and spied on by welfare system.

[RebelOne]

25. I had a dear friend who had Marphens.

She had 5 open heart surgeries. She died a couple of years after her last surgery. She was only 35 years old.

[DebJ]

57. Wow. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

People with Marfan's used to have a very short life expectancy. That has improved now with a small, but larger than it used to be, population of doctors who are even aware that it exists. My baby sister is 49 and is severely impacted by it.

My mother was put on a drug that was supposed to protect her aorta, propranalol, according to some studies that were done with Marfan's teenagers over a few decades. My mother got it around 1984, when she was in her fifties. Unfortunately, it kept her up wide awake all the time, and by the time I was put on it for high blood pressure (not for Marfans) about 10 years ago, and realized that it kept me up and wouldn't allow me to sleep, Mom had been sleepless for literally decades. She had moved, and switched doctors, and the new doctor kept her on it because the old doctor did, and the new doctor didn't know why, didn't know anything about Marfans, etc. Mom was so terrified of Marfans that she wouldn't question the doctor, or get them to change it. She turned 86 last October, still barely sleeping a wink, and the health ramifications of that have hit her hard, now. Her heart has been fine, and maybe never would have been a problem. She slipped into a severe dementia last month, and my sister and I went with her to the doctors, and finally got her off of that crap...but now, she can't sleep because of her dementia, she doesn't know the day or the time of day or where she is, etc.

[leftofcool]

21. One is not ugly if they are beautiful on the inside. That is all that counts.

[closeupready]

24. Sorry that you are in pain. Consider seeing a professional as to your depression,

and how you can perhaps treat it, work on turning your mood around.

Peace to you.

[uppityperson]

26. Hi mylye, I hope you found a better place to live and am sorry you are still having

difficulties. Indeed, eating only once a day will not help your mood. I hope you are doing better soon and ignore the jerks.

[treestar]

27. i think must be your nice self

and people will overlook that. Being nice (and stylish if possible) goes a long, long way away from that sort of stuff. People who make fun are only showing their own inadequacies. Society can be quite shallow, but many people are way above that. Look to the individual! Charlotte Bronte had written one of her novels about a heroine who was not conventionally beautiful but had friendships. In fact, Jane Eyre was also a character described as unattractive. Also, you may be more beautiful than you realize - it can get into one's head as a negative and not be so bad as you think.

[malaise]

28. But you still have the most important thing of all

Life and when push comes to shove, that's all that matters. I know it's hard but you need to ignore them and live.

[CoffeeCat]

29. Pay no mind to people who don't deserve your respect or time. Seriously.

One of my daughters is in junior high and she does not fit into the "popular girl" mold. She's kind of a
square peg. She is learning REAL QUICK who the horrible people are.

There are those in the "in crowd" who are kind. However, most of them are selfish, self-centered jerks
who are borderline narcissists and sociopaths.

When you are not part of their inner circle--you get to see--the true colors of these people.

It is the same for you. You are learning who the jerks are. You are learning who to avoid.

Please, please--Do not judge yourself by how jerks behave toward you. People who make fun of others
or hurt people--are not to be admired. Their opinions and what they think and do, should not be taken
seriously. They are not kind, compassionate people. They are not people you would even want to be
around.

There are many people who do not judge people on appearances. It may take longer to find them. But it
will be worth it.

Chin up, buttercup. It's going to be ok.

[awoke_in_2003]

49. +1000

and those teens years can be bad. Teenagers can be regular little bastards most of the time. I hung out, mostly, with the "nerds" in high school, because I like being around people as smart or smarter than I am. If I was around, those, people usually didn't bug them. I have a short fuse for BS.

[upaloopa]

30. You might benefit from professional help if

you are depressed. Growing up I was not treated well because of my looks. It is hard to try to deal with this by yourself.
People telling you not to feel bad is similar to being told not to be depressed. It isn't something you just do on your own.
My life has improved as I am older and things aren't as important but I really benefited from professional help.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. .

May tomorrow be better. May your spirit soar. May you find peace in your soul and stand with courage, strong in the hope that bravery and honesty will walk with you on your life's journey.

May your inner beauty shine so bright that no One can deny your light.

This is what I wish for you, that you look deep from within and find the perseverance to carry on One Day At a Time.

[cwydro]

35. Beautifully said Tuesday.

[mcar]

32. My beloved Aunt Jeannie

was short, stout, thin haired and had the family nose. She would never win a beauty contest.

She had many tragedies in her life, including losing her husband at a young age and several medical problems.

She was the kindest, most happy-go-lucky person you could meet and her children and nieces and nephews adored her.

At her funeral, the priest told of her as being the person you loved to see arrive and hated to see go. Over and over, he told the packed church about "this beautiful woman."

She was the most beautiful woman I've ever known - inside and out, because her sheer goodness shone through her.

Society - and its ridiculous standards of beauty - sucks sometimes. But people who know you know of your value to the world.

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

36. Not everyone has the gift of beauty

or even the gift of average looks.

The funny thing is, though, that people whom we once thought unattractive in appearance get better looking as we get to know them. I think this has even been studied scientifically. No, a homely man is not suddenly going to morph into Brad Pitt in my eyes just because I get to know him, but he will become more appealing in looks to me because I have gotten to know him on the inside.

I'm very sorry you are depressed, but if your appearance is the main cause of your depression, there is hope. Let people get to know you. You seem like a very kind and sincere person, and I know there are people in this world who will appreciate you for whom you are.

My best wishes for you.

[Chathamization]

56. This is very true. For example, I've come to realize that when I think of someone's height I tend to

think of their personality. There have been several times when someone has mentioned to me that an individual is fairly short and I've gotten confused because I was sure they were fairly tall. I suppose some people focus more on physical characteristics (after all, at least some still saw these people as short), but some have more of a mental image of the individual.

And of course, what people think of as beautiful and ugly vary greatly. There's an amusing part of Barcelona (1994) where the main character decides he's not going to date attractive women anymore because they're too much trouble. So he starts dating a woman he thinks is bad looking - then finds out later that she's considered very attractive.

[dawg]

37. Hugs to you mylye.

I hope you find the people who can see you for what you really are. You sound like a very beautiful woman to me.

[steve2470]

39. many good wishes and hugs to you!

As others have said, please seek professional help for your depression. Others have said wonderful true words that I cannot add to. Please report back on your progress.

[Jefferson23]

40. What are your job skills, if that is ok to ask? You should not have to endure such shallow

people who do not appreciate you, but there are enough of them in the world, unfortunately.

You seem to be suggesting you are not hired because of your appearance but what were
the job placements? A job placement where you could work and I don't know what France
has to offer, where you can work for an organization that is focused on helping people
with disabilities, because you are being treated like one by your peers..from what you
have said. People who generally work for organizations for the betterment of the
disabled are generally more accepting of people in the first place and look past the
physical..which we all should but clearly we don't.

I think it would be something for you to consider, being around people who are not
only not shallow, but could employ you and give you support and friendship.

Best to you and good luck.

[Dont call me Shirley]

41. Mylye2222...

Those people, who ridicule you, demean you, dehumanize you, they have no soul, no heart, only fear and hatred. They fear so completely that what they do to others, someday others will do to them. So they drown their fear in hatred and cruelty.

I know what it feels to not belong in this world too. Sometimes I let all the meanness in others' hearts and minds hurt me too. I grieve deeply entirely for a short moment in time. Then pick myself up off the sofa, hold my head up and continue on.

I honor you for the difficult work you have chosen in this life. Yours is real strength, courage and true beauty. Honor your self, in the face of harshness and thoughtlessness. Honor yourself for the kindness and softness of your being.

Much love you have here, with people who are words on a screen, but we are real. We care about you.

[hifiguy]

45. +1 I wish I could have written that.

[Dont call me Shirley]

46. Thank you so much, hifiguy.

You always brighten up my moment.

[Boxerfan]

43. Here is a bright side...

Anybody who treats you with disrespect-solely because of your looks -is a douchebag. And they just saved you a lot of time being around a bigot.

But I truly hope you come to realize your own strength is your character. And you learn not to give a damn.

Hugs.

[bemildred]

44. Real ugly is on the inside.

[Qutzupalotl]

47. I’ve been on both sides of this.

Growing up, I had extreme buck teeth, making it difficult to close my mouth. People would point and laugh to my face as soon as they met me. I hated them, all the more so because of the way they made me hate myself. I felt hopeless and worthless. I remember being 8 years old, walking down the street — I would turn and look away whenever a car would pass by, so my face wouldn’t ruin anyone’s day.

Then I got braces — which made things even worse for a while! But once they came off, I noticed people treated me differently. Instead of shunning me, they included me, and a few even looked up to me. Girls started to like me, which I thought would never happen; but deep down, I never felt worthy of their attention.

Gradually, I became like other people, but I never forgot how horribly I was treated growing up. I still find it hard to forgive them, but time helps me forget. Hearing stories such as yours brings back all that outrage.

I was lucky; I got a reprieve. Despite all this, I am ashamed to say I have no wisdom to impart to you. All I can say is what I say to everybody, just try to be as kind as possible to everyone, and do the best you can. As others here have said, the people who torment you are showing their own ugliness; let them keep it.

There are a few kind souls who can look past appearances instead of piling on an already difficult life. But I think most people react to faces as though they were their own, being happy around the beautiful and recoiling from the ugly. It seems as though everyone judges you based on whether they want to sleep with you. Even after what I went through, I catch myself doing it too. I suppose that it’s human nature, that there is some biological imperative behind it; but for a supposedly evolved, intelligent being, this cruelty is a disgrace.

[lumberjack_jeff]

50. We're social creatures. It is difficult to love yourself despite hate from elsewhere.

In the interest of mental health it becomes necessary to truly not care what anyone else thinks, which is in itself an isolating act.

Good OP. FWIW, I appreciate you. On DU people only see what you write. Being beautiful doesn't buy a person anything - which is nice because it puts me on equal standing with them.

[raven mad]

52. It's lousy being depressed.

Been there, and can get there again fast - but don't let the bastards get you down!

[WillyT]

53. Whoa Whoa Whoa... I'm Sorry mylye2222... But Please... Consider This...

Consider This... You Are Beautiful And Unique...

Those assholes are the truly UGLY people.

They cannot see past each other's permission to be in their club.

That makes them all ugly.

I'm so mad now... I'm not sure how to continue with this rant.

But having been the brother of three younger sisters... who at different stages of their lives wen t through similar shit... DON"T BUY WHAT THEY ARE SELLING!!!

My sisters are all beautiful because that how they were treated. Not because they could appear in a fashion magazine.

Do not think that the judgmental are your peers... they are not... you are better than them.

[AndreaCG]

54. I don't know exactly what to say

I weigh more than 300 pounds and am bipolar and have been deeply depressed for more than a year. Yet my self esteem, oddly enough, is pretty good. I think a major reason is I have done stand up comedy for more than two decades. Occasionally I do "fat" jokes but not very many, they are rarely stereotypically self deprecating. They're often absurd too. Mostly I cover topics that any comic would. If someone is dumb enough to heckle me they get slammed and thoroughly embarrassed. (And my opening routine is unique and intimidating enough that hardly anyone dares to try to heckle me!) What do I care if they think I'm fat and ugly. I try to have the same reaction if someone says something on the street, though in NYC it seldom happens anymore. I got a lot more flak in my 20s than now that I'm almost 55. Can you train yourself, when people call you names, to say "What makes you think I give a rat's ass what a moron like you thinks of me?" Or an equivalent phrase in French? Some people will respond but I bet the vast majority will be stunned into silence. This will help your self esteem immensely and give you back your power. Also do they have anything like what in the US are called meetup groups? Where people who have a common interest get together for a few hours for a shared activity. There is a meetup group for virtually any interest. People are likely to be friendlier in one, or certainly unlikely to be hostile. Check the Internet to see what exists in France. One specific activity I recommend to bring you out of your shell is an improvisation class. I wouldn't start with that, but after a few months of going to groups give it a chance. It's fun and in beginning classes pretty much everyone is nervous they'll mess up so you won't be alone. A good instructor encourages you to just have fun. It'll take a lot of effort to overcome a lifetime of unhappiness but it can be done. If you're not in therapy consider that too. Hope these suggestions help. Best of luck.

[pipi_k]

55. I'm wondering if

you are never hired because of your lack of confidence about your looks, and not because of your looks at all.


As you're describing yourself, I'm not really seeing an ugly person. I mean, it doesn't sound like you have fangs, three eyes, hair all over your face, and devil horns.

Have you ever tried makeup to cover up some of the vitiligo? Or to correct the disparity in the size of your eyes?

Some of the most "beautiful" people in the world are really rather plain without all the makeup.


In any event, what most of the others have said is true. Beauty is really only skin deep.

As I heard one person put it long ago..."Beauty is skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone".

You are a beautiful human being. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Liberal_in_LA]

58. I am so sorry you are hurting and that people can be so cruel

[Liberal_in_LA]

59. kick back to top