Hillary Promises to Get Everyday Americans Foreign Money - revealed by Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

NASHUA, N.H. (The Borowitz Report)—Delivering a stirring populist message at a campaign appearance in New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton vowed that as President she would help everyday Americans obtain large cash payments from foreign governments.

“Like a lot of everyday Americans, many of you are struggling to pay your bills,” she told an audience here. “As President, I will work tirelessly to help you make ends meet—by getting foreign governments to pay you.”

“In cold, hard cash,” she added, to a standing ovation.
Growing emotional, the former Secretary of State spoke of the “transformative power of foreign money,” calling it “nothing short of magical.”

“I’ve seen up close how large sums of foreign currency can change people’s lives,” she said. “And I will not rest until every middle-class American partakes of the riches of the Emirates.”

Clinton said that she and she alone was qualified to disgorge heaps of cash from foreign governments, and took a swipe at two of her Republican rivals.

“Do you honestly think Ted Cruz could pry loose any Moroccan money—or Rand Paul?” she asked. “Come on. No one in Morocco knows those losers.”



www.borowitzreport.com

[NYC_SKP]

1. If anyone knows how to do that, the Clintons do. I might vote for her after all!

[Thinkingabout]

2. I was wondering if I could get a big fat check from Israel since we have contributed more to Israel.

[msanthrope]

3. OMG...that's hysterical. nt

[cascadiance]

4. I think she's confusing trade deficits with trade surpluses...

... that we now have ever since Reagan's years since we got rid of tariffs and put in place NAFTA, other trade agreements and potentially the TPP, which try to make it sound like we get more jobs, etc. here, but the reverse have happened.

I suppose if she meant that there will be a lot of foreign governments paying us a lot of cash for our assets given our huge trade deficit as Alan Grayson warns us about, she might be right, though she's trying to depict it a bit differently than that.

[Fumesucker]

5. Well played

I have no idea if you are serious or not.