General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsAre Single Parent Families UnAmerican? Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
As a single mother of three who graduates from the University of Oklahoma next week, I find myself dealing with a lot of people's derogatory attitudes towards single mothers. I have met people who seem to be great and really like me, until they learn that I am a single mother. Their attitudes change so suddenly it is astonishing. Not everyone, but a large amount of people. I have been in college for 6 years, I am graduating with my Bachelor's degree next week. I have worked very hard to get where I am at and I am a great mother. How can my hard work and effort be offensive to some? I must admit, though, that the negative attitudes always come from people whose ideology tends to lean Republican. I have been told that I shouldn't have had any children if I couldn't afford them. I have been told that I need to find a husband to take care myself and my family, regardless of compatibility. They literally told me to look for financial security in a husband rather than love so that my family and I would cease to be a burden on the average upstanding American. I have quoted the statue of Liberty in defense of my little family so many times
"Give me your tired, your poor, your Huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me: I lift my lamp beside the golden door" (Emma Lazarus)
You see, I do not think that I am UnAmerican. In my eyes I am the very definition of American. I was born into poverty. I was raised in poverty. I am still impoverished, even more so now that I have been in college for six years. But I AM GRADUATING with my Bachelor's degree from OU and I will get a good job and be able to support my family off of my wages for the first time in my life. I know that I can do this with the grace of god. He has seen me this far, why would he abandon me? He won't. And I know that. But, the question still remains, when did we, as Americans, lose sight of what a true American is? When did the idea of what an American is become someone who works for less than living wages, accepted that class would not be a ladder that we could climb, and turn our backs on each other? When did we gain the right to judge our fellow man?
I did a project for class this semester. I made a gofundme page along with another girl in my class. Our situations were very similar, except that I am white and my friend is African American. We decided to gauge the reaction of the white community to a family in need versus the African American community's response. The African American community responded with overwhelming love, support, and shares that resulted in $1500 being raised for my friend and her family in the first 24 hours. My community, the white community, rebuked me thoroughly when I posted my campaign to my Facebook page. I received messages from friends telling me that I should be ashamed to ask my community for help. They told me that if I couldn't afford something to simply figure it out on my own? My cause and campaign were very real. I truly do need the help and my story is true. When I posted later about the results of our class experiment I was met with people who were angry that I didn't disclose the details of the campaign up front. If I had they would have made a greater effort to share that our family was in need rather than shaming me. I told them that was the entire point of the social experiment to begin with. I also told them that I still have the campaign if they would still be interested in donating or sharing it with others in the hopes of donating. A few did, others simply were upset that the white community lost to the African American community in comparison of the social experiment. I actually had people unfriend me on Facebook because I posted the gofundme page once. I deleted others after they shamed me for the posting. I learned so much about this. I am just curious how people on this forum feels about this? I truly wish to gauge how different groups feel about this subject. My professor lit a fire in me to better understand why single parents are looked at so differently in different communities. If you are interested in my campaign feel free to let me know and I can give you the information. I made the mistake of posting the link on this post originally and it was brought to my attention that I should not be asking for money. I want people's opinions, not their money. I must admit it shamed me yet again. I apologize, it was not my intent to ask for money, I just wasn't sure if I should include the very thing I am asking questions about. I apologize if I have offended anyone. I truly wish to learn more about this.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Skittles
(153,138 posts)of someone who seemingly signs up on DU and immediately asks for money
I was serious about being happy to remove it. And I did. I am not sure why you are being so rude to me, but hey, to each their own. I hope whatever you need to make your day better, happens. Bless you.
Skittles
(153,138 posts)1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)I did not post for donations. I am new to posting on forums. But thank you for implying that I am just here for donations. That does help me to gauge the spirit of the forum. I did include the link to see how it would be reacted to. I am more than happy to remove the link from the post if people view it as offensive. 
Skittles
(153,138 posts)
NaturalHigh
(12,778 posts)Who rained on your parade?
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)I am new here, so thank you for being so kind to me! And thank you! It was a long hard journey but well worth it all!
NaturalHigh
(12,778 posts)especially until you get a few thousand posts. Don't let it get to you. Some people can be cruel for any reason or none at all.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)well that sounds promising. lol, that's okay, I am here to learn and grow as a Democrat. That makes your kindness even more appreciated. The first comment on here from Skittles, oddly enough, highlighted the very point I was attempting to make with my post.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)This was just my first post because I am literally working on it right now because it is my final and due next week. I thought I could use more feedback. Thank you for yours. Positive and negative are all welcome. Honesty is greatly valued.
NaturalHigh
(12,778 posts)Boomer Sooner!
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)Fellow Sooners are always a plus!
Downwinder
(12,869 posts)in a single parent family and nobody complained to me. I know it was a strain on my mother but life goes on and we helped as much as we could.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)have no complaints either. And I would never let them know how other people view us. They love their lives. I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, no matter how difficult the job is. Thank you.
Downwinder
(12,869 posts)It might be because :
of the Government sending THUGS to threaten my mother.
or trips to Da Nang.
or Corporate bankruptcies.
or lack of Health Insurance.
or even being hassled by THUGS in Blue.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)
REP
(21,691 posts)She paid her own way through, too. As she did when she earned her Masters, again with Highest Honors.
No one shamed her. No idea what you're on about.
I commend your mother for her hard work and her great accomplishments. She is obviously someone that we can all aspire to be like. However, there is a great stigma towards single parents, even if your own mother did not experience it. I am not ashamed that I could not be as great as your mother. I did my best. If my best was not good enough in your eyes, well then go on about your business. I am very glad to hear that nobody shamed her. Stories like yours that you just shared are what I'm "on about". I'd like to know about other peoples experiences with single parent families, or their opinions of them. You have sufficiently shared both, which I appreciate. Now please, if you only intend to insult me further, I kindly ask that you refrain.
How can you wish to aspire to be like someone you know nothing about? She had a great love of the language and its precise and proper usage; it's something she passed on to me.
So when you say "unamerican," I'm puzzled by what you mean by that. Disloyal. Unpatriotic. Turncoat. That's what "unamerican" usually means. What does that have to with single parenthood, or donations? How does one judge if others think single parenthood is "unamerican" based on donations?
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)This term was brought up by someone in my class. I did not say that others think single mothers' are unAmerican based off of donations. I do not think single parents are unAmerican at all. I even state that in my post. A person in class discussion today said that single mothers' are unAmerican and then proceeded to explain their reasons as to why. I, too, drew a blank as to how this term could possibly fit. That is why I posed it as a question. To hope to better understand how other people could think this same thing. When you state that your mother was single, like me, went to college, like me, and managed to do it all better than me, then yes that is someone that I aspire to be like. However, if you would like to simply have a problem with me, by all means knock yourself out. You obviously have judged me and I am unworthy in your eyes. Yes, that is the precise context in which they used it in class today. I, too, failed to make the leap. But it was not over donations. It was over the concept of the impact of single parents on American culture overall. My particular project was over two communities responses to a single parent in need. Everyone in class is doing different projects over different things. I left the class confused today, as did many others. So I decided to post it on here to see what other people think about it.
REP
(21,691 posts)Conflating the two - a conversation in class with your donation experiment - is confusing. I agree with the other poster who thinks your project is too limited; a two person sample with the person running the project in the sample is not going to yield valid results.
And please - if I wish to make it clear what I think of you, there will be no doubt at all what that it is. You do not need to put words in my mouth. Worry about the words in yours, so there's no misunderstanding what you're trying to accomplish. I'm not the only one confused by your post.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)I am trying to understand other people's views on single parents. This was my first post and I was hoping that I could get some valuable input on the subject. Our class discussion left me confused and with many questions. I was not the only one. Our professor tasked us with trying to look at the dynamics of our project from every angle, as I have already stated to the other person to whom you refer. I though that maybe if I could share what I had with others, I could begin to gain a better focus of the overall picture. That is what I wanted. I have gotten that from it too. Like several people have pointed out to me, the fact that I live in Oklahoma and my friend is from California is important. Religion factors in to some extent, politics to another, among many other factors. I was hoping that this discussion would give me better insight and angles on the subject. I am aware that I come across unfocused and unclear, because I, myself, am grasping to better understand the many different things that I have come across in this study. I agree, I think the project sucks personally. Our options were very limited and all equally frustrating on the class projects. You have made your disdain for me very clear in all of your posts. Whether it is your intention or not, you have been insulting. I get the feeling your family was not from Oklahoma. I am beginning to understand that my experience is much more relevant to my location than I first realized. Which is helping me to better understand the project.
I am aware that my post is not perfect. I was unsure of what I was doing and how to do it. I did my best. I am learning how to do this. The assignment my professor gave us sucks. I know that very well. But, please, while I appreciate your 'help' I believe that you have helped me plenty and I thank you for it. So please leave it be.
Skittles
(153,138 posts)seriously
PowerToThePeople
(9,610 posts)Not quite sure what to make of your post. I will withhold judgement for the time being.
Welcome to DU.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)My post is a product of a project that I am working on. I have gathered different data and I was wanting peoples opinions and stories. I shared my own. I am putting my final project together to be turned in next week. I guess I was just curious what others thought about the subject. This is the first time I have ever been a part of a forum. This was my first attempt to post something. I am getting the impression I have gone about it all the wrong way.
PowerToThePeople
(9,610 posts)I am a single father, agnostic, democratic socialist, union member. I try to keep company with those who share similar views as myself. I have a strong animosity towards organized religion, so do not affiliate with people who have that lifestyle. I have not felt any negative feelings about my parental status in my daily life.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)I live in Oklahoma. I am a Democrat alone in a Republican world. I am a Christian, but not a traditional one. I too do not like organized religion. I feel that my relationship with my God is my business. Period. I also believe everyone else has their freedom to choose their religion. I am moving to Colorado in a month. I hope that the new state will be a better fit for me. I am a single mother, not traditional Christian, democratic socialist who is fresh out of college, or will be next week. The world sits before me and I still struggle to understand that not everyone understands how different things can be in Oklahoma for a Democrat. I cannot even admit on Facebook that I am a Democrat or people I have known and loved my entire life would delete me. That is my world.
LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)the reactions you get are because you live in a very conservative state.
I wouldn't fit in Oklahoma either - I'm a single female, non-churchgoing ex-Catholic vegetarian student of Buddhism. Oh, and very liberal. They'd think I was an alien from another planet. (Although the fundies might like the ex-Catholic part...)
P.S.: Welcome to DU!
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)yes, Oklahoma is the main reason that I get reactions like that. It can be very difficult for people outside of this state to comprehend how different things can be here. I am learning this very quickly. Actually, they would probably embrace the alien from another planet before they would embrace us in Oklahoma! Thank you! I 'think' I'm glad to be here? I don't know, I'm getting a lot of people who are not being very kind to me. I guess I should not have shared my story.
LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)aren't very kind. Democrat isn't a synonym for nice. Some of us are nice and some aren't. You'll find we're a varied bunch in DU. My take is: Lots of people post here so, statistically speaking some of them have to be jerks. And beware, some are actually right-wing trolls (although we try to get rid of them fast).
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)There is one plaguing my post telling me his mother graduated twice as fast as me (with the highest of honours), on her own dime and without ever being looked down upon as a single mother so I must just be looking for money. Ugh, I wish he would just go away. I am looking for people with genuine thoughts and input, not insults and hate.
LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)upper right - see Ignore List. People like this don't tend to just go away. Put them on ignore and problem solved. This one can be the first! 
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)Like literally, not evenly remotely figuratively! Thank you!!!!
LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)
seveneyes
(4,631 posts)Too many people sharing party lines,
Too many people never sleeping late.
Too many people paying parking fines,
Too many hungry people losing weight.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)no doubt in my mind. You have been or seen what I am talking about.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)People are typically suspicious when a first post is one, connected to recent current events or two, asking for money. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.
My thoughts:
It is not a project I would ever have done because it depends more on relationships than race. There are white people with amazingly supporting friends and family and black people with amazingly unsupportive friends and family. I think it would be impossible to come to any sort of conclusion other than your classmate has nicer friends than you. In my opinion, that does not a result make. I'm not trying to be cruel... I just don't think you can prove/disprove anything with your project.
Taking that into account...Me? I've never hit my friends up for money so I wouldn't know. I will say, the community outpouring of love and support when my husband was incredible. But that doesn't relate.
1HappyDemocrat
(62 posts)It was my first time asking for help too. We are tasked with understanding the dynamics that caused such a vast difference in results. We are trying to understand it from all angles. I was hoping to get a Democratic opinion of it from here. Maybe not the best idea I'm learning. I would like peoples opinions and personal experiences. These are useful towards the project for me. I have not asked anyone for any money. The post was me trying to sort out the convoluted confusion that was floating through my head after class today. Our class discussion produced the material that I posted. I was hoping to better understand how people feel about the issue. My friend and I are looking at religion, location (I am born and raised Oklahoman, she is Californian), race, and politics. I must admit, I have learned a lot. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I value them greatly. And thank you for welcoming me! I am happy to be here.
