Jade Helm: The Insanity That Ate Texas

[hobbit709]

This sums up the idiocy perfectly.
http://www.stonekettle.com/2015/05/jade-helm-insanity-that-ate-texas.html?m=1

This is it. This is the big one. Obama is about to make his move. Martial law, you betcha, FEMA death camps and secret tunnels under Wal-Mart. Oh they warned us, they did, the powdered wig wearing Patriots of the Tea Party, they warned us. Grab the wimen’ folk, load yer guns, hoist the Confederate Battle Flag! To the bunkers! To the bunkers!

"Just because you're paranoid," said Ted Cruz, "doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Right.

And just because you have the word "Senator" in front of your name doesn't mean you're sane, rational, qualified to run the country, or have an IQ higher than that of a sea cucumber.

[sufrommich]

1. That was hilarious! I love the Blog's subtitle:

"Don't just embrace the crazy, sidle up next to it and lick its ear."


Also,I read it in Molly Ivin's voice which made it twice as funny.

[Ruby the Liberal]

2. That is the funniest thing I have read in ages. Awesome.

Love this (no offense to sane Texans)

The Governor of Texas has mobilized his own personal army and Ted Cruz is demanding answers from the Pentagon.

Because, you know, if there really was a secret plot, the generals would tell him. What? Senator Cruz has asked about our super secret nefarious plot to invade our own country and force Texans into hidden underground FEMA centers where they’ll be disarmed and gay married to Muslims? Drat! He’s on to us! Then they twirl their Snidely Whiplash moustaches, Curses! Foiled again by that brave Canadian cartoon hero, Dudley Cruz.

Let’s say this really was a thing.

Sure, just for the sake of argument, let’s say Obama really is planning on herding Texans into FEMA death camps disguised as Wal-Marts.

Why would he need the army?

Think about it. Why would you need some secret plot to get Texans into a Wal-Mart?

Announce a Veterans Day sale with 50% off all ammunition, Duck Dynasty camouflage, and frozen chicken nuggets, unlock the doors, and step the hell out of the way before you get trampled.

Honestly, where does the Army come in?

[Stonepounder]

4. OMG!!!, ROFL!

[AuntPatsy]

11. Lol sad but true

[okaawhatever]

16. +100 nt

[hifiguy]

19. DUzy and a leading contender for comedy post of the month already.

[Cryptoad]

3. Looks like,,,

we didn't build enough FEMA death camps

[Major Nikon]

5. Stoking paranoia makes the populace more susceptable to demagoguery

After the shootings yesterday I overheard two rednecks fantasizing about "them Muslims" trying to make a raid on their homes and what would happen.

I don't think Cruz is all that stupid. He just has a constituency that is collectively dummer than a bag of hammers and he knows how to appeal to that constituency.

[niyad]

8. please don't insult the hammers--they, at least, serve a useful purpose (hmmm, speaking of useful

services. . . . .)

[BlancheSplanchnik]

6. that was fantastic!!!!

Shared it on FB. LoL, I doubt anyone will bother to read...seems the only way to get thumbed up is to post about your mischievous, seventh little bundle of joy and his diaper rash...... barf.

But whatever. I try to put some intelligence out there incase anyone's interested.

[niyad]

7. that was as much fun as reading a disc world novel in public--and got pretty much the same reaction!

there are days this person is even better than the rude pundit (with apologies to rude!)

I had missed the part about death camps being disguised as wal-marts. just. . . . .wow.

[Ruby the Liberal]

9. That is a real part of the conspiracy. Seriously.

I followed a few links over the weekend and couldn't believe was I was reading.

If you google some combination of "Walmart, Plumbing, Stores closed for 6 months" it will blow your mind.

[niyad]

10. I will take your word for it. it is too early in the morning to read that much insanity.

[tclambert]

13. "Death camps disguised as Wal-Marts"--isn't that their business model?

I suspected they were alien replacement facilities. People go in . . . then come out somehow changed.

[tclambert]

12. Hey, Sea Cucumbers are surprisingly intelligent compared to US Senators.

Though they have no true brain, no Sea Cucumber has ever made a snowball on the floor of the Senate and claimed it proved global warming was a hoax. And no Sea Cucumber has ever supported the ludicrous idea of trickle-down economics. And No Sea Cucumber ever wrote a letter to Iran trying to undermine a sitting President's foreign policy.

[niyad]

14. thank you for defending the noble sea cucumber!

[underpants]

15. Spot on. Haven't seen this mentioned on FB yet

but I am sure I will.

[Skittles]

17. Texas never misses an opportunity to embarrass itself

no indeed

[Enthusiast]

18. I think it's a combination of the heat and inbreeding. Those things will mess up your behavior.