All the Current 2016 Presidential Candidates, in 15 Words or Less:

[riqster]

https://bluntandcranky.wordpress.com/2015/05/06/all-the-current-2016-presidential-candidates-in-15-words-or-less/

No source info at the link today. Just lots o' snark.

Bluntly and Crankily summarized, here are the likely candidates for President in 2016:

Bernie Sanders: If there are more smart people in America than the polls indicate, he’s in.

Hillary Clinton: Meet the new Democratic President, same as the old Democratic President.

Jim Webb: Might as well be a Republican.

Lincoln Chafee: Pretty much still IS a Republican.

Joe Biden: Good at calming shoulder rubs. Would like to calm the entire country.

Marco Rubio: Can’t even handle a water bottle. Wants to run an entire country.

Mike Huckabee: Optimistic hypocrite who doesn’t have the nerve to quit.

Ben Carson: All Brains. No Heart.

Ted Cruz: Because Birthers and Teavangelicals are complete idiots.

Rand Paul: Because Libertarians and Teabaggers are even bigger idiots.

Carly Fiorina: Proud of her failure in Tech, wants to proudly fail the entire country.

Chris Christie: Christ in name only. Still unindicted.

Jeb Bush: Helped steal the White House in 2000. Would love to do it again.

Scott Walker: Will destroy everything Americans hold dear. Will get votes anyway.

Edited to add two more. Thanks to Cali for the hint.

[cali]

1. OK, I'll give it a shot.

Bernie Sanders: Consistent fighter for people and against corporate and right wing policies.

Hillary Clinton: Ground breaking woman. Centrist. Corporate ties. Flexible. Evolving.

Martin O'Malley: Data driven, former DLCer turned outspoken liberal

Lincoln Chaffee: Inconsequential, liberal republican turned dem. anti-war

Jim Webb: Republican, macho, inconsequential

Mike Huckabee: piece of shit grifter and hypocrite.

Ben Carson: wingnut doc

Ted Cruz: Frightening asshole

Rand Paul: Ditto Ted Cruz with a dash of libertarianism

Carly Fiorina: Failed exec grifter

Gov. Walker: Mean spirited fuckwad who actually has the best chance at the nomination

Jeb Bush: Big money, same tired ideas with a spin



Chris Christie: Bombastic, nasty bully

[KittyWampus]

2. Pretty good. NOW, turn them into hiakus

[riqster]

4. I am on a Haiku Hiatus.

But Cali might be able to pull it off. Here's hoping!

[cali]

7. Mike Huckabee

Thieving bird plummets
piercing the spring
swiftly falling into Fox.

[riqster]

8. What the hell, why not:

John Kasich:

Like the Buckeye State
He's a poisonous nut that
Will make us all puke

[KittyWampus]

9. nice.

[riqster]

29. Thanks.

Kasich is such a putz, he makes it easy.

[cali]

10. This is fun. Walker:

Crushing footfall
grinds the small
silencing the scream

[riqster]

16. Cruz:

Son of immigrant
Born in a foreign land
Says he's native born

[cali]

22. .......

[riqster]

3. Awesome.

I left some out, meseems. Guess I should have caffeinated before posting.

[cali]

5. Yeah, you gotta go back and include The Walker and the Jebster

[riqster]

6. Done. Thanks!

[Whiskeytide]

11. I think "Still Un-indicted" would be...

... a great bumper sticker for Christie.

[getting old in mke]

12. +1

[riqster]

15. Indeed.

[Suji to Seoul]

13. My turn, my turn

Bernie Sanders: The New Deal's second coming. Best candidate out there.

Hillary Clinton: More of same, only not black.

Jim Webb: DINO with no future.

Lincoln Chafee: Needs to state in Rhode Island. Not ready for prime time.

Joe Biden: Probably viewed as too something, but second best candidate out there.

Marco Rubio: Douchebag Rectal Wart

Mike Huckabee: Hypocritical vermin vomiting scumsucker

Ben Carson: Uncle "Fucking" Ruckas.

Ted Cruz: Twatwaffle Anal Flap

Rand Paul: Reconstituted Dog Shit

Carly Fiorina: Hubris + Corporate Ego in Overdrive = Sociopath with God Complex

Chris Christie: Proof mediocrity can rise to the top of a state's government

Jeb Bush: Another Bush, same as the other Bush, and the other Bush, only scummier.

Scott Walker: Loves sucking the Koch cock

[riqster]

14. "Twatwaffle"? Best. Word. Ever.

[tblue]

17. Jeb's should be a bumper sticker.

People need to be reminded of that little tidbit.

[riqster]

20. Just so.

[calimary]

18. Hillary and the GOP top tier: "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

It DEFINITELY won't be carly in there in the Snow White slot.

Btw - I disagree strongly with the assessment of ben carson. If he actually (or, no - I think the new word would be "sincerely&quot believes those positions he holds, brains have nothing to do with it. It'd more accurately be - "no heart, no brains either."

[riqster]

21. The offspring of the Tin Man and the Scarecrow?

[daleanime]

27. ......

[SidDithers]

19. Blunt and Cranky rec...

Hillary Clinton: Meet the new Democratic President, same as the old Democratic President.

I think lots of people would be OK with that.

Sid

[riqster]

23. Myself included.

[SCVDem]

24. All Rethug candidates

Santorum

[riqster]

25. Yeah, he's a nasty piece of work.

"Loves rapists who gift their victims with Jesus babies" perhaps.

[oldandhappy]

26. What a great thread!!

Thank you, all of you!! Love this lots.

[riqster]

28. Thanks.

Somebody needs to start a haiku candidate thread.

[KamaAina]

30. Martin O'Malley:

Got the cold shoulder in his riot-torn home city.

[riqster]

31. Indeed.

I forgot Trump, too. Shucks.

[KamaAina]

32. Donald Trump:

Believe it or not, it's not a rug, just a really bad combover.

[riqster]

33. Or...

He told his hair stylist, "You're fired!"

[KamaAina]

34. Nice!