"I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people."
That's a quote from the letter Sharon Underwood wrote in April 2000 to her local paper, the Valley News in White River Junction, Vermont. It is the most powerful statement I have ever read on how gay people can be driven to despair by the so-called "family values" crowd (like the Duggars).
Here is the letter, printed in full:
Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.
I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.
How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.
You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.
The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"
Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?
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Oh that wrenched at my soul. You know, I'm Christian (probably gonna get hate for it) but, I honestly believe that if those ,"religious goofs", would pay more attention to what is written in the Bible; they would find that we have been specifically instructed to love one another period. There are no caveats just that. So if those who claim it's sin should ask themselves first, "am I not a sinner as well?" They are, we all are, but we're forgiven. So what's their deal. My Uncle left his family for another man when I was 14-15yrs old. And I love him regardless. Every one ended up coming out ok, how about that huh? I also have some friends that are gay, and I L-O-V-E them! I don't differentiate their preferences when it comes to giving my love. Why can't folks just be tolerant of things that are beyond their norm.? It's sad that people regardless of orientation are treated so poorly, what ever happened to the golden rule? Have a better day everyone
Though you'll probably find that most here agree with that philosophy, religious or not. It's the "Christian" right that we have a problem with, those who quote religion to support prejudice. Welcome to DU, glad to have you with us... 
Here are a couple of those groups:
Religion (Group)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1218
Christian Liberals & Progressive People of Faith (Group)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1222
Parents (at least sane ones) ALWAYS love their kids unconditionally. Our 15 year old son is heterosexual. He is starting to date girls, some of them very lovely young women. My wife's and my pride in him is rooted in the wonderful man he is growing into, not the fact that he is attracted to females instead of males. 2 of those moments have involved his interactions and attitudes towards LGBT people.
The first was when he was in 5th grade. A classmate came out to him and his response was to tell the boy was that it didn't matter because he was his friend regardless.
The second was when we were at the 2012 Maine State Democratic Convention. I was a delegate and he was the hardest working Page at the convention. When we were buying some buttons for ourselves and Mom, HE selected one for himself that said it SO well. It said something that all of the homophobic fundie bigots like the Duggars should get through their soft, empty heads. BTW, my son still wears the button on occasion.
The button simply says "Some People are Gay. Get Over It!"
My wife and I are VERY proud parents. I may be clueless saying this, but when I became a father I knew that I would always LOVE my son. A very pleasant surprise is how much I RESPECT him.
We do, however, frequently wanna knock him through the floor!
PEACE! 
This latest "Duggar" news brought it to mind again.
Thanks for sharing the context of the original letter with your experience of that time in Vermont.
And thank you. I hope your son is alive and well and happy today.
she is a 'real one' putting the upright 'moral' people and their hypocrisy right out there, in truth, on front street. Anyone not moved by this letter is part of the hypocrite crowd and you're welcome to them. I salute you Ms. Underwood.
and and 
never , never , piss off a mother .
i have sighted the enemy and he is us .
labor over a suicide note for whatever reason has to be in a place called the depths of despair. I cannot imagine the pain this family went through, even though it was so pointedly described, nor can I imagine the millions of other families who've experienced the same thing. Honestly, I can hardly breathe, but do appreciate seeing this letter posted.
K&R
