Remembering my mom.
I don't write often about her. I probably should but I find it difficult to do so without sounding like a broken record as many here already know the story. For those who don't:
On June 8, 1964, my mother, 28 year old Gerri Santoro, checked into a motel room and with the help of her boyfriend attempted to induce her own abortion using a borrowed textbook and some surgical instruments. When she began to hemorrhage the "boyfriend" fled the scene leaving her alone and critically wounded.
Once abandoned the only call my mom made was to her sister who was not home. Because abortion was a crime in 1964 she did not call for an ambulance, a doctor, or seek medical help at a hospital emergency room. She just died - curled up on the floor of a filthy motel room; bloody, naked and alone.
Having kept her pregnancy a secret it's impossible to know when or where she had looked for other means of terminating her pregnancy before that desperate night. What I do know is she had tried to get an abortion inducing substance, Ergot, but failed.
10 years after my mother's death, before I was even old enough to be told the truth about how she had died, a graphic crime scene photo of her dead body was published, without consent, in Ms. Magazine. This may be the more painful part of the story for me. An image no family should ever see of a loved one was made public for all. And from that she became the poster child for the pro-choice movement - a movement I fully support, by the way. But. If only they had asked to to use the horrifying image. If only they had asked for our family's consent. I can't say what my answer would have been had I been of age. If the power of the picture has helped just one woman it could well have been worth it. But when I read about women like Purvi Patel I have to ask myself, for all the pain it has caused my family, what good did it really do?
In case you're not familiar with Purvi Patel, in February, 2015, 33 year old Purvi Patel was convicted of felony child neglect and feticide for attempting to induce her own abortion.
Like my mother, Purvi had been hiding her pregnancy. She says she went into premature labor at home and delivered a dead fetus. Being 2013 at the time, post Roe v Wade and 49 years after my mother's death, Purvi, bleeding heavily and probably frightened for her life hid the dead fetus and went to the local emergency room for life saving medical care.
It is reported that Purvi may have purchased, or like my mother, tried to purchase, abortion inducing drugs from the internet prior to her miscarriage. Toxicologists did not find even a trace of such drugs in her body or that of the fetus.
My mother did not seek medical help because she was afraid of the criminal charges - and she she paid the ultimate price. 49 years later Purvi Patel did what my mother couldn't - seek medical care. She didn't die like my mom. Instead she was sentenced to twenty years in prison for attempting to induce her own abortion - the thing my mother feared.
I want to honor my mother's memory - the smiling young woman in my sigline. I want to tell her that the death image she is known for was worth it. I don't know if I can. Something is wrong. Very wrong. I don't know how to make it better but I know we must. I am willing to fight for our rights until the day I die. Just tell me how.
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Thank you.
It is a powerful reminder of why we need to protect reproductive choice, as I'm sure you're aware.
Thank you for persevering in her memory.
I went to the link. I was going to post it, then saw the image and cried.
Tears for you and your mom.
we will continue to fight. Thank you for telling your story again. I can imagine how painful it is to bring it up, but I know you reach new readers (and potential advocates) each time.
I didn't know the picture was used without asking yr family. They should have...
To honour yr mum I guess all everyone should do is keep on fighting and standing up to the anti-choice wankers who falsely claim they care about women. It's up to all of us to make sure that what happened to yr mum doesn't happen to other women and if abortion were to become illegal in the US, more women will die...
I carry it with me every single day as a reminder of the importance of safe and accessible abortions.
Peace and comfort to you today and always.
Thank you for using your painful personal experience to raise awareness.
and I appreciate that you are willing to continue opening the wound in order to share it. Many of us have talked the talk, but your mother walked the walk, and paid with her life. She is the why we fight, and must continue fighting until our last breath.
I believe that Ms Magazine was totally wrong, and incalculably cruel to you and your family. But you are honoring your mother's memory by replacing the horrific image with the face of the smiling young woman, and fighting on.
I cannot begin to feel your pain, but I care deeply.
So powerful and heartbreaking.
For your dear Mom.
All my best to you, Control-Z.
