After her dad publicly shames her in YouTube video, 13-year-old Washington girl jumps off overpass

[eridani]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/06/05/1390844/-After-her-dad-publicly-shames-her-in-YouTube-video-13-year-old-Washington-girl-jumps-off-overpass

Just tragic. From Jezebel:

Izabel Laxamana, a 13-year-old girl in Tacoma, Washington died by suicide after jumping off a highway overpass on Friday, May 29. Days before, Laxamana’s father Jeff had reportedly punished her for an unspecified transgression by cutting off her hair and uploading a video to YouTube. There’s now a controversy brewing online and among the girl’s friends and family over whether the video caused her death.

Tacoma’s News Tribune reports that the girl, who they don’t identify by name, exited a car and jumped off a bridge onto Interstate 5. She was taken to a Seattle hospital, where she died on Saturday. Friends of the Laxamana family are now raising money for funeral costs on a GoFundMe site.

<snip>

Nonetheless, friends posted the video as a warning for parents about the consequences of public shaming videos. And the debate rages on about whether these types of videos are a form of abuse. Either way, a beautiful young girl has lost her life and her friends and family are left to pick up the pieces.

[Art_from_Ark]

1. WTF?

What kind of father would do such a thing to his kid?

Damn.

[Duppers]

3. I agree, Art.

Some parents are insensitive, cruel a**holes. (I know from experience.)

[Enthusiast]

5. I second your WTF?

[stevenleser]

7. There are plenty of folks who think publicly shaming your kids is good parenting

A fair amount even here. I think it is the wrong approach. Shame and humiliation are some of the worst tools in general but a lot of folks don't get that.

[HughBeaumont]

10. Many. It's ridiculous.

It's reactionary bullshit that's ultimately counterproductive and only serves to worsen your relationship with your child. Really like adult bullying is all it is. Sure hope that life lesson was worth it.

[yeoman6987]

13. The video was made 13 months ago

But she jumped recently. Are they sure it was the video that was the reason. It just seems to be a lot of time between the two days.

[morningfog]

15. Whether it was the video specifically, the father certainly

contributed a great deal. A parent who would publicly post his abuse undoubtedly did much worse in private. He probably made her life a living hell. The video is just what the public saw.

[Pooka Fey]

18. Just what I was thinking.

[Sheldon Cooper]

19. Are you sure about that?

“As I got closer I could tell that she was a young person,” Frutos said. “I saw her skin color. And I saw a ponytail.”

For days afterward, the ponytail wouldn’t just haunt Frutos; it would also confuse her. She read about Laxamana’s father cutting off all her hair and wondered if she had been seeing things.

“The story about her dad hacking off her hair I didn’t believe at first because I saw a long black pony tail as she was falling,” Frutos said. “I was literally that close. But I came to find out that it was just a piece of her hair that he left long. She did have a long piece of hair that was left and that’s what I saw.

If he did leave a piece of her hair long, I doubt that she'd have continued to wear it that way for almost a year.

[joshcryer]

21. It literally doesn't matter.

The child whether the video was made months ago or days ago or minutes ago, the child wanted out, and decided death, not living, was the answer. A clear indication of child abuse.

[kcr]

22. Where are you seeing that it was 13 months ago?

He had punished her like this only days before she jumped.

[yeoman6987]

36. I read the article in the link

I never just read what is provided by the OP.

[Sheldon Cooper]

38. Can you link to the article that states that this happened a year ago?

I read every link in the OP's link and couldn't find that.

[kcr]

45. Okay. So please point out where it says it happened a year ago n/t

[CreekDog]

46. No, the OP doesn't say that

as usual, you are wrong. you're even trying to say that a blog post says something it does not say.

what the hell? is this an attempt to disrupt? this has happened before.

[GreatGazoo]

28. "Reality" TV is full of public shaming -- Gordon Ramsay, Trump, etc.

That he cut her hair off says a lot about how important he thinks appearances are. That he put it on YouTube shows that he expected both approval for himself and embarrassment for his daughter.

[yeoman6987]

37. Provide proof where it says the dad put the incident on YouTube.

[Skittles]

57. it started with Survivor, and people ate that shit up

I thought it was sickening

[closeupready]

39. Lot of bad mothers and fathers in the US.

Most people can tell you stories about people they know personally. So incredibly sad. K&R

[Art_from_Ark]

41. I just can't understand that mindset

[JI7]

2. i think the girl may have had issues and needed serious help, the video itself probably didn't

do it but it sure didn't help .

as for these public shaming videos i always think it depends on the relationship with the kids the parents have and what is "normal" in that relationship.

[NutmegYankee]

4. The Washington Post also had an article about the woman she landed on.

Tragic case all around. The girl landed on the roof of a car driving at highway speed under the overpass, nearly killing the mother driving that car and may have left her traumatized from the experience.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/06/08/i-could-have-died-too-says-driver-hit-by-shamed-girl-who-jumped-from-bridge/

[kiva]

32. I feel sorry for the driver.

I was reading this yesterday and saw that people were criticizing the fact a fund had been set up to replace the car - the only one her family had - as being 'insensitive'. I'm sorry for the teen but also can't imagine how this woman feels.

[Arkansas Granny]

6. I read about that yesterday. I hope that miserable fuck thinks about this every minute

for the rest of his life.

[Ilsa]

8. I wouldn't give him a dime to help him. Let him

Max out his credit cards and think about her every time he makes a payment.

That poor girl.

[AwakeAtLast]

47. My thoughts exactly

Very tragic.

[romanic]

9. Very sad case.

And a troubling trend. IMO if you have to shame your kid's behavior online for the entire internet to see, whether it's by giving your kid the "George Jefferson" cut, making them stand at a busy intersection with a sign, or just plain ol beating their ass on camera; that says more about your shitty parenting then anything the kid has done.

[joshcryer]

11. What a POS father.

Utterly tragic, completely bullshit. What a horrible outcome. I weep for that poor child.

[FrodosPet]

12. The messed up haircut challenge

[hack89]

14. The father did not post the video according to police

It’s unclear when, exactly, the video was made, who uploaded it to the Internet, or what role it played in Laxamana’s suicide. Tacoma police could not be reached for comment on Sunday night but told the New York Daily News that the father was not the one who posted the video online.

“She was a 13-year-old that made some poor choices, meaning that she didn’t have to kill herself,” Tacoma police public information officer Loretta Cool told the Daily News, adding that someone else leaked the video online in a tragically misguided attempt to help correct the teen’s behavior.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/06/08/i-could-have-died-too-says-driver-hit-by-shamed-girl-who-jumped-from-bridge/

[morningfog]

16. The father cut her has as punishment though.

He was abusing her. He has a great deal of responsibility in her pain and death.

[hack89]

17. Never said otherwise. nt

[joshcryer]

20. Does it matter?

I don't care if the video was posted after the suicide (edit: don't know the particulars, just that it happened). There was clearly shit parenting there. Child abuse at the minimum. The child gave up. It takes a lot to make a human being just give up and want to die.

[hack89]

24. Did I say it did?

just providing additional information not covered in the OP.

[joshcryer]

26. "13-year-old that made some poor choices"

From your link. I think that statement was shit. Didn't intend to ascribe that statement to you.

[kcr]

23. So why do the police think he made the video?

I think it's highly possible the police are wrong about that because it doesn't make sense.

[hack89]

25. From my link

“It was, ‘I’m going to record this, it’s yours, that way you’ll think twice before you do this again,’” Cool said of the father’s reason for making the shame video. “It was part of the discipline process,” she said. “So she would remember and not do it again.”

[kcr]

29. Yes. Exactly.

So the police's interpretation it had nothing to do with her suicide is ridiculous. It's obvious it was meant to shame her. I also don't see how they can come to the conclusion that he didn't post it. I don't believe them. Just because he says that in the video doesn't mean he didn't mean for it to become public.

[hack89]

30. ok. nt

[Phentex]

27. I never find shaming to be helpful...

and then to post for the world to see? Parents need therapy or parenting classes.

[aikoaiko]

31. I always thought that cutting hair as punishment was abusive in itself -especially for a girl.

The public shaming just compounded the original abuse.

[historylovr]

33. This was all over Tumblr last week, apparently.

Which is how I first heard of it, through my daughter.

http://bluntforcemomma.tumblr.com/post/120683748547/izabel-laxamana-suicide-girl-13-jumps-off

This is very sad all around.

[mopinko]

34. easy to point fingers after the tragic end of the story.

the father says in the video that it was the consequences of her "getting messed up" which i take to mean drugs.
police say it was not the dad that posted the video, but a 3rd party. so the whole "public shaming" business seem to be questionable. it certainly isnt present in the video.

obviously, this kid had a mental illness, a serious problem.
this can leave a parent at their wits end. at least he didnt beat her up for it. he was obviously trying to find a way to get through to a kid who didnt seem reachable.
i dont judge parents of mentally unstable kids. i also dont blame them for their kids illnesses.
and i will add that getting psyche help for such a kid is not easy. providers are hard to find, hard to get in to see. plus the kid really has to accept that they need that, and it is hard to get through that step even for adults.

this parent bashing around here is just sad. i have walked in this guy's shoes, so i dont judge.
might not be a bad plan for the rest of you stone throwers.

[jeff47]

52. It's also easy to make assumptions about the girl that are not supported by the story.

Good job slandering the dead. Unless you want to back up "which I take to mean drugs" with some evidence instead of excusing the father.

[fadedrose]

35. Total misogynist this guy

I wonder what his wife's life has been like? The girl is free of him now, and there wasn't much help for her from anyone because if she ran away, she would have been called a problem child....and she was so pretty.

Is he a sociopath besides, with a wonderful smile and personality to those who are useful to him. A loving father.

I don't think the video had anything to do with her suicide, or the hair cut, they were on a path that would converge with tragic consequences for a long time.

I hate this guy. And there are many like him.

[Fumesucker]

40. Both my ex and myself had "punishment haircuts" as kids, her mother did hers, my father did mine

I don't know what my ex's haircut looked like but my father literally put a bowl on my head, shaved off everything that showed and left the rest uncut.

Neither of the parents involved were sociopaths.

[fadedrose]

48. When I was a kid, nobody went to a beauty shop

well, hardly anyone except the gorgeous working girls. Kids and dads got cuts with bowls out of necessity, no money for beauty shop.

But it wasn't done for punishment, the hair cuts were needed. Nobody had a dryer - I was over 20 before I got a hair dryer, and had only been to a beauty shop maybe 3 times in my whole life.

My dad cut my hair and he did a good job. He learned how as a prisoner in WW I when he cut the hair of other prisoners in the American camp. That's where he learned to love Americans. He was great....he also cut the neighbor guys' hair because they were too cheap to go to a barber ... When he died, I was lost where to go to to get a good hair cut. I was about 27 at that time...

Haircuts should not be punishment. They are usually done in close families - not to shame anyone. Reminds me of people who hang out sheets to show a bedwetter lived there. Don't know anyone who did, but it's the same principal. Humiliation.

[Fumesucker]

50. I think you are a little older than I am but not that much

Home haircuts were the rule when and where I grew up too, dad wasn't all that great at it but most of the others in my class had home haircuts as well and some of them were worse than my usual cut. I don't even remember what I was being punished for, there are a fairly wide variety of things it could have been, my parents were old school but not unreasonable in general and I was a bit of a shit sometimes as teenage boys are likely to be.

I never did it to my own kids, I fairly well suck at being a disciplinarian anyway since I'm too easy going most of the time and I remember how much I hated it.

Parenting is so damn difficult even if you have normal kids, if you have some rebellious and hell raising kid or kids it can be a nightmare and coming up with appropriate behavior modification strategies can be a really daunting and challenging task. Many parents wind up at their wit's end with a rebellious child.

There wasn't enough information in the article for me to decide whether the father was an abusive jerk or just some poor schmuck at his wit's end as to what to do with his problem child. I read somewhere that the girl was more or less an outcast at school, just the fact they have no friends and are being bullied at school will drive kids to suicide or even worse sometimes.

[fadedrose]

49. When I thought about my Dad's haircuts

I got tears in my eyes. I was 29, refiguring, and have missed him so much all my life.

I think that's why I got so angry with the father in the OP. Besides the wrong he did to his daughter, he ruined my memories of home haircuts.

[LittleBlue]

42. Dumbass

Now she's dead and he has to live with it.

How awful. Social media is mostly detrimental crap.

[Matariki]

43. The video or any number of abuses an asshole parent like that probably commits.

What sort of parent thinks that is okay?

[Marrah_G]

44. what the fuck?

[Avalux]

51. Kids mess up. Whatever she did, her father broke her heart by cutting her hair.

I don't think the video is the critical part here; it's the hair cutting itself. I raised three girls, for a lot of teen girls, their hair is part of who they are. Mine made a lot of stupid mistakes, but I never would have done anything to damage their fragile self-esteem like that. It's just plain wicked.

[Snobblevitch]

53. What I find interesting about this thread

is that it appears some posting their comments seem to have more facts than those included in the story found on the link.

[gvstn]

54. Who drove the car she got out of? Anyone hear about that?

[AtomicKitten]

55. That is tragic. So sad.

[KT2000]

56. cutting someone's hair like that

is a powerful tool to humiliate. And it does not take a video.

The tough girls at the high school I went to would threaten to cut off the hair of other girls.

Someone who thought I had too much "sass" threatened to cut my hair off back then. I did not fear losing a hairdo - I feared the degradation of it.

That father is an abuser. Who knows how much she had to put up with. Peace to the poor dear.