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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsNumber of G.O.P. Candidates Now Thirteen, Says C.D.C. - reported by Andy Borowitz
DEKALB COUNTY, GEORGIA (The Borowitz Report)The number of official candidates for the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination has risen to thirteen, according to officials at the Centers for Disease Control.
The count had stood at twelve since the announcement last week by the reality-show host Donald Trump, leading many at the C.D.C. to privately hope that the epidemic was losing steam. But with the entry of Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal into the race on Wednesday, the C.D.C. was forced to hold a press conference to announce the worrisome news that the number of candidates had increased yet again.
It might have been misplaced optimism on our part, but we had started to believe that this thing had been contained, said the C.D.C. spokesman Dr. Harland Dorrinson. Regrettably, it has not.
While scientists disagree about how running for President spreads from person to person, most epidemiologists believe that a candidacy needs an environment rich in narcissism and delusionplus a host to feed on, ideally a sociopathic billionaire.
The C.D.C. spokesman refused to address speculation that Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker would soon enter the race, bringing the number of candidates to fourteen. I dont want to say anything that might cause the public to panic, he said.
www.borowitzreport.com
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Number of G.O.P. Candidates Now Thirteen, Says C.D.C. - reported by Andy Borowitz (Original Post)
Mira
Jun 2015
OP
The American public getting to panic is as American as apple pie, but be careful of the carcinogens.
Fred Sanders
Jun 2015
#2
FSogol
(45,481 posts)1. “I don’t want to say anything that might cause the public to panic,”
Fred Sanders
(23,946 posts)2. The American public getting to panic is as American as apple pie, but be careful of the carcinogens.
ck4829
(35,069 posts)3. Is that enough for a Legion of Doom?
shenmue
(38,506 posts)4. It's a soccer team plus a couple reserves
OhZone
(3,212 posts)5. Undecided is going to win!
Undecided went from about 14 percent a few months ago and has now risen to 20%, leading the pack!
ChairmanAgnostic
(28,017 posts)10. Much like A B Normal of Youg Frankenstein fame?
Brother Buzz
(36,423 posts)6. Andy is at the top of his game, but...
I wish he would insert more onomastic puns into his work.
malthaussen
(17,193 posts)7. Pretty sure that is more than the number of confirmed Ebola cases...
... in the U.S. Is that correct?
If so, there's a moral there somewhere.
-- Mal
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)8. It's spreading like Ebola. n/t
Gothmog
(145,176 posts)9. I love good satire
Lucky Luciano
(11,254 posts)11. This is pretty funny. nt
Rosa Luxemburg
(28,627 posts)12. Extemely virulent if Palin enters the race
Good report...Is the CDC working on a cure?