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For all roads to wisdom must first pass through the valleys of doubt.
-- Rubin Hurricane Carter; letter to H2O Man; 1974
A couple days back, I posted an essay about shame -- about how some folks attempt to use guilt to manipulate others choices in politics. We see far too much of that on this forum, both on an individual and group level. There is a third sibling of emotion that may be worth our consideration: doubt.
Obviously, doubt isnt limited to things political. Nor, for that matter, is it always an internal function
.a person might doubt that Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton would win the general election. But, for sake of conversation, lets focus on the internal aspects of doubt.
The human brain is hard-wired in such a way, that doubt is an experience common to almost everyone. The exception would be the psychopath, a reality that should assure those who tend to suffer from self-doubt that they are okay. We tend to doubt ourselves in three general areas: the past, the present, and the future.
Did I do the right thing? Am I making the right choice? And, which of these is the best option for me to take tomorrow?
Yesterday, my Little Sister visited me. She was accompanied by her twin sons, who just turned five. (She was, for a time, my sister-in-law; however, we were extraordinarily close, even before she met my brother.) She had rescued an aggressive, ill-tempered rooster the day before, that her neighbors left when they moved. It had attacked her husband in the morning, and they didnt want it around the boys. So, of course, I took it.
As we watched the boys exploring the pond, we talked about life. Some events in her recent experience have seemed less-than-perfect. She said that she sometimes questions if her earlier life was wasted. If she should have done this, or not done that. The type of self-doubt that we all feel, from time to time. The types of things that, while standing inside the subjectivity of the picture frame, one needs to discuss with some trusted person who has the objectivity that comes from being outside of that frame. And is this not exactly what a big brother is for?
We were near my lodge at the time. She used to do sweats, years ago, and said that she really should start doing them again. I asked why? To deal with some of lifes frustrations and hardships. Right: the ceremony (or, ceremonies) there are not limited to those who are perfect. They are for human beings. And to show us that all that we have done, and all we have endured and survived, has brought us to the exact point we are at now. And that is exactly what we require, in order to prepare us for what we are today, and what we can be tomorrow. And there aint no doubt about that.
The worst type of doubt that any of us deal with -- and most of us will, to some extent, at some time(s) -- is questioning if we have value? Is our life worth-while? Do we have worth? These are among the deepest and darkest of those valleys of which Rubin spoke.
For those who experience this type of doubt, the answer is yes. You matter. You are a worthy, individual spark of the universal energy force. By definition, you have unique value.
Any one who has attempted to convince you otherwise is lying. It may have been your parents, a teacher, an ex-lover, a boss at work, a person on television, or even yourself. But its a lie. For, as Rubin wrote a few lines later, in that same letter from the near total darkness of solitary confinement: Everything under the sun is exactly as it should be
.or it wouldnt be.
When one realizes that -- truly grasps it in their brain and heart -- then they can deal with today. They can even venture into the wild west of DU:GD, during presidential primary season, and be confident enough to simply state their opinion, express their values, and refrain from getting caught up in the foolish arguing that is all too common here.
Peace to all of you here today. And wish this old man luck: Im preparing to go back on tour with public speaking. This afternoon, Ill be speaking to mental health professionals about avoiding burn out. Next week, Ill be speaking in a nearby city about the Indian history of central New York State. Its a start.
H2O Man
mmonk
(52,589 posts)mmonk
(52,589 posts)after we first talked about Rocky Lockridge. Yes, everyone has value and also one can move on from darkness and questioning one's value.
Rocky was a heck of a fighter. I proud to say that the boxing community is doing its best to assist him now.
Boxing is a tough sport, and the damage it can do -- even to a champion -- can inject shadows into their perception after they retire.
Octafish
(55,745 posts)People who will hear you are very fortunate, H2O Man.
H2O Man
(73,528 posts)I made my outline yesterday, sitting out at my pond. I'm happy with it.
Thanks!
Old Codger
(4,205 posts)Thank you, that is a very well placed and well timed essay...I sincerely hope your going on tour does nothing to inhibit your time on DU with these great posts...
H2O Man
(73,528 posts)Sad to say, when I prepare for speaking, I usually increase the amount of nonsense I post here! I tend to outline presentations in my mind, and then post my mental rough drafts here.
Old Codger
(4,205 posts)To click on your stuff almost automatically, the good sense and logic that is present there are worth reading regardless of the subject.. Keep on please...
H2O Man
(73,528 posts)I really appreciate that! That makes it worthwhile.
kentuck
(111,076 posts)Talking to the "burn out" crowd.