"The Face of Rape Culture"

[TygrBright]

Yeah, I know that's just a red flag term "rape culture," simply ASKING to start a big fat semantic debate and bring the MRA wackjobs out from under their rocks.

Nevertheless, I want to share this quote from a commentin John Scalzi's blog:

Bill Cosby is a serial rapist. He’s raped dozens of women over his life. And at the center of that, by his own words? Bill Cosby doesn’t think he raped anyone.

We persist, in America, to think of rape as strangers in bushes with knives or guns. But Bill Cosby is the face of the most common rape in America — someone you know, armed only with pressure tactics and some sedatives (booze is a common choice). A guy who believes, until the end, that he just talked you into it. That he ‘set the mood’. That he did nothing wrong.

That’s the culture, the beliefs that feed into the most common forms of rape. The fact that he used pills rather than booze, that he was ‘famous’ and ‘connected’ somehow makes it easier to see than if he was just a guy you were on a date with, who kept pushing drinks on you and wouldn’t leave until you gave in.

Bill Cosby is the face of rape culture. A woman who was raped, and a man who thinks he didn’t do anything wrong.

And good lord, how do you stop THAT? If the criminal literally never thinks what he’s doing is a crime — what reason does he have to stop?

Because this validates my own rape survival and I think it does so for way too many other women as well.

And that's more important to me- that validation- than yet another tedious argument about semantics and legalities.

One more quote, also referred to in the post that comment is from:

"One of the most radical things you can do is believe women when they talk about their experiences."

And way, way, WAY too many of us experience living in a rape culture.

Deal with it.

assertively,
Bright

[TygrBright]

1. Another illuminating quote from the same discussion:

Here's another commenter's very important contribution to the discussion:

As a rape survivor I hate when people refer to rapist as monsters/villians. Rapist are just the guys next door who do an evil act. But until society stops trying to see them as “monsters/villians” we won’t change the culture and survivors will not be believed. My rapists were normal guys. Quite likable actually. The only problem I had with them was they raped me. It’s made me quite leery of white dudes who are my friends/family as those have been my rapists. Not some big scary monster but the guy in my house, regular customer where I work, co-worker.

Please stop calling them anything but what they are RAPISTS. Otherwise it’s hard for you to listen to the women in your life when they tell you they were raped. One out of five women are raped. Yet most people don’t know which women in their life were raped. You don’t believe us because you need a villain, a monster, not the guy next door who is “simply” a rapist.

There are probably a lot of people who like, even love, the guy who raped me those many years ago. He was like-able, even then. I thought he was kind of cute. Maybe attractive, even. I thought it was worth getting to know him a little better.

He thought I was worth raping.

I shall never call him "my rapist," though. He is NOTHING of mine. I will own the rape and the damage. I will not own him.

I have no idea whether he ever raped other women. I think, since he totally got away with raping me, it's likely he did.

But I bet there's still plenty of people who think he's a nice guy, maybe a good Dad, a competent doer of whatever work he's chosen, a fun golf partner, a talented amateur whatever-his-hobby-is.

He lives next door to someone, in a nation in a town in a culture that enabled what he did, and keeps on enabling it.

wearily,
Bright

[Kber]

2. I believe you.

It's too believable / common / close to home to deny.

[SolutionisSolidarity]

3. Did Cosby ever admit to drugging someone without consent?

He admitted he brought quaaludes to give to women, but i've not seen him confess he gave people drugs without consent. Yet I keep seeing his confession described that way, so maybe I missed his more damning testimoney. Don't misunderstand me, Cosby is guilty as sin, but I'm just trying to sort the facts of the case.

[TygrBright]

5. Wait, what?!?

Did you actually READ the OP?

Or are you just looking for "Cosby related posts" to drop in your expressions of concern and demands for "all the facts" and suspension of judgment until we know more and other helpful shit like that?

curiously,
Bright

[SolutionisSolidarity]

6. Did you read my post or just the title?

I'm clearly not making an argument to "wait for the facts to come in", since I stated that he is guilty. I'm asking a question with a yes or no answer about what Cosby has or has not admitted to. You either don't know the answer or you are too enraged to help, but thanks for the comment anyway, I guess.

[TygrBright]

7. The point here, is the purpose/intent of this thread.

Which is not "do you believe he's guilty?"

Here's another great comment to underline and emphasize the discussion this thread was created to evoke:

It took *that many women* to have weight with your average “let’s not get carried away without the evidence” type, but even most of them are starting to believe it. But there isn’t a nice, neat, “well, we’ll put that monstrous aberration in jail and tell women to be more careful of monstrous aberrations” wrap-up to this one.

In my opinion, it’s because this entire pattern indicts society as much as the individual responsible. We dismiss and ignore women until we have no choice, so routinely that 46 different women can be saying the same thing for decades and be dismissed and ignored. We create hero cults around powerful men and protect them at all costs. We treat female attention and female bodies as the natural rewards of male success. We have behaved as though excellence outweighs error, even error this egregious.

We have so routinely sacrificed issues that are seen as “women’s issues” and silenced women’s voices “to get to more important things” that we literally have no idea how to proceed when we all but have to center women’s voices and experiences.

But yanno what? I'm ready to give up. No one seems to want to discuss those issues at all. We'd much rather trot out variations on "Of COURSE he's guilty, but..." and zero in on exactly how this specific case is anomalous and therefore has no larger implications that might indicate it would be a good idea to overhaul the culture.

So... ::flaps hand limply:: carry on... Yes, I'm so glad you agree he's probably guilty. Thanks.

wearily,
Bright

[SolutionisSolidarity]

8. I'm not arguing against you.

I hoped that someone might be able to help confirm that he is claiming the drug use was consensual. I just don't see how anyone can maintain that drugging an unknowing person for sex counts as consent. This was not an attempt to derail the thread or rebut your post.

[ismnotwasm]

4. Excellent post

I love John Scalzi

[H2O Man]

9. Recommended.

I appreciate the rational thinking expressed in this OP. Thank you.

[niyad]

10. k and r. believe the women.