Bullying is not about the victim. Bullying is about the bully.

[sibelian]

Bullies will make up anything.

They will convince themselves and as many other sidekicks as they can muster of anything they can that gives them the permission to abandon responsibility for managing their emotions appropriately and pretending it's someone else's fault.

There isn't a word coming out of them about their victims that they truly believe. Even if they did truly believe any of it, they wouldn't truly care. They don't need to believe it, or care, they just need to say it. So that they can hear themselves say it. So that they can be the kind of person who is allowed to say things like that. It's all about them.

That's why they hang around in groups. They need loud support, strength in numbers. They haven't the faith in their own statements sufficient to give them the stamina to continue with their campaigns alone. There's no end goal in sight for them, it's the process itself that they need. The process can be shortened by simply wasting their opponent's time on endless defense and that can be achieved by dividing the work of attack among a group of perpetrators.

It is not necessarily a good idea to respond in terms of the content of their statements. Typically they pick subjects that are inherently nebulous or founded in clouds of vaguely related perceptions rather than facts.

When bullies mature and have mastered their skills, courtesy becomes one of ther favourite weapons. They house an imaginary audience applausing their restraint. All in the bully group house this audience and play the role of the audience member when necessary.

Many adult bullies specialise in subtle mechanisms consisting of sidelong suggestion rather than outright attack. This is highly effective in engendering frustrated responses which can be easily characterised as tendentious.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

1. Gee, I have no idea of whom you may be speaking.

[senz]

2. Fine analysis, sibelian.

I hope you are sharing your insights in the broader sphere. People, especially young people, need them. Learning (very, very slowly) how to analyze painful-but-slippery interactions has helped me.

Thanks!