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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"I知 a pedophile, but not a monster"
I'm attracted to children but unwilling to act on it. Before judging me harshly, would you be willing to listen?
I was born without my right hand. As a child, this deformity quickly set me apart from my peers. In public I wore a prosthesis, an intimidating object to other youngsters because of its resemblance to a pirate’s hook. Even so, I wore it every day; I felt inadequate without it. I was shy, uncoordinated and terrible at sports, all of which put me on the outs with other boys my age. But I was good at drawing and making up stories for my own entertainment, and I spent more and more time in my own head, being a space adventurer or monster wrangler or whatever character I could think up. These would ultimately prove to be useful skills, but for now they only served to further alienate me from other kids. On top of it all, I still struggled with bladder control—likely due to my heaping pile of insecurities, to which this problem only added more—well into my elementary school years.
But none of this would compare to the final insult the universe would deal me. I’ve been stuck with the most unfortunate of sexual orientations, a preference for a group of people who are legally, morally and psychologically unable to reciprocate my feelings and desires. It’s a curse of the first order, a completely unworkable sexuality, and it’s mine. Who am I? Nice to meet you. My name is Todd Nickerson, and I’m a pedophile. Does that surprise you? Yeah, not many of us are willing to share our story, for good reason. To confess a sexual attraction to children is to lay claim to the most reviled status on the planet, one that effectively ends any chance you have of living a normal life. Yet, I’m not the monster you think me to be. I’ve never touched a child sexually in my life and never will, nor do I use child pornography.
http://www.salon.com/2015/09/21/im_a_pedophile_but_not_a_monster/
Certainly thought provoking.....
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Response to philosslayer (Original post)
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krawhitham
(5,072 posts)
brer cat
(27,587 posts)I admit that I think of pedophiles as monsters, but Todd Nickerson did manage to drag some sympathy from me. He comes across as very genuine and honest in his assessment of his life and how he must live it. It seems like a nightmare that somehow he is managing to corral. I certainly respect his courage in publicly sharing his story, but it would be very hard for me to trust him.
One thing that jumped off the page was his statement that "Many gays begin to recognize their sexual preferences sometime around puberty, if not before. For me it was the same." Why would he bring gays into the conversation? Maybe I am reading too much into that comment, but if he is suggesting that there is any relationship between gays and pedophiles he is way off base, and dangerously feeding one of the vilest myths about gays.
It is a thought provoking piece, philosslayer. Thanks for sharing.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)He is simply suggesting that many of us begin to develop our "deviant" sexuality at that age. I think if anything, he was saying pedophiles are more like gays than the other way around: those with sexualities not considered "normal" often realize it around that age.
Idk, though. I'm gay and it didn't come across badly to me, though I realize the power of that myth. I think he is fairly aware of himself, though, so I was surprised to see that too.
My heart reaches out to that man and others, and to all who have been hurt by the lack of understanding we have on this issue. This was a good piece. I hope we can listen
yardwork
(69,364 posts)He comes across as manipulative and not remorseful of the harm to victims. I am suspicious of his claim That he's never assaulted children, and I'm offended by his comparing his criminal, sick impulses to a "sexual orientation."
Sounds like he's trying to confuse people and gain sympathy.
Next we'll hear that serial murderers simply have a sexual orientation. Bullshit.
Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)Does anyone go out of their way to alienate an audience except internet trolls? Of course he wants to establish sympathy for himself and his views, everyone does.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)yardwork
(69,364 posts)F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)My mind has been changed--will post this below soon.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)This is an area that a great number of DUers, and everybody with a damn conscience can all get together on.
He's trying to justify changing laws so that he can rape children and garner sympathy if he gets caught raping children.
Fuck him.
This has put Salon on the no credibility list with me.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Up to that point, its all "Ewwwwww!"
yardwork
(69,364 posts)
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)So he was trying to explain there how it happened that he realized he was truly and irrevocably different.
REP
(21,691 posts)When I read him describing child victims of sexual abuse as "the little people we love the most," I nearly vomited.
Child victims of sexual abuse don't view their rape as as being 'loved.' And it doesn't turn us into what he is, no matter what he thinks.
aikoaiko
(34,214 posts)snooper2
(30,151 posts)I can just imagine the sick fucks posting back and forth about "the first time" they "knew"
Like he writes about the young girl he only saw for a few moments when he was 13...fucking gross
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Lindsay Ashford & Nickerson (Markaba) were affiliated:
https://sirkissa.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/alice-day-april-25-facts/
Markaba (Nickerson) was not nearly as disassociated from the "active" camp as it sounds in the article. If he was palling around with Ashford, he does or did not reject active pedophiles.
This is a post by Markaba from 2005, in response to someone who criticized people on the board for being delusional:
http://www.annabelleigh.net/messages/320949.htm
Look at the graphic!
He was on the pro contact site for years:
http://www.annabelleigh.net/messages/709285.htm
Imagine spending years on a site reading stuff like this (gag alert):
http://www.annabelleigh.net/messages/709208.htm
Not a person you would want around any kid. He is trying to normalize their desires, but the desire for the intense sort of relationship they want is perverse irrespective of whether anything overtly sexual occurs or not.
I do understand how paraphilias ("fetishes"
can develop as one's sexuality and sexual identity are developing - like Tina Belcher and zombies. But how, exactly, does being sexually abused or raped by an adult translate into developing a desire for children?
Yes, some of those who sexually abuse/rape children were raped/abused as children - but only a small percentage of those who were abused. I would venture to say that sexual abuse of children is such a common event - even if the abuse is limited to one encounter, such as reported by the self-admitted pederast - that with the number of victims, odds are that there will be a very few number of various criminals. The vast majority of victims of child sexual abuse neither abuse children nor have any desire to do so, but have that additional stigma placed on them. Another gift from the pedophile to "the little people they love best."
uppityperson
(116,020 posts)I read this as being very upset when a child suffers from sexual abuse which seems a good thing. He loves children the most and hates when a child suffers. He isn't calling a sexually abused child as being "loved" but abused.
REP
(21,691 posts)Most people who love children have no sexual thoughts about them. They don't find them arousing, erotic or in anyway sexual.
Pedophiles want to fuck children. They love thinking about fucking children. Children who are incapable of giving consent, understanding what exactly sexual acts are, physically fighting off a sexual attack, or even forming the most nominal kind of relationship in which consential sexual relations can occur. That's not love. To refer to the objects of their fetishization - actual children - as "the little people we love best" - and saying boo hoo, child rapists who get caught make us look bad (because otherwise, wanting to fuck children is so chill and we should be down with that) is revolting.
These people are manipulative. That's who they are and what they do. Hey we're not all bad - we just like to think about and talk about fucking children! Don't make us have a sad by denigrating our alt sex life! Look, I'm disabled and no one likes me very much so thinking about and talking about fucking children is all I got because reasons. Poor me!
Nope. Not buying it.
Warpy
(114,615 posts)What is uncommon is men who can't put the brakes on it, to restrict it to their fantasy lives instead of going out to destroy children.
I think the guy in the OP is rather common, actually. I think he shares a lot with other people of all genders and orientations who might have serious kink in their fantasy lives but who never act on it.
Does it bother me that he exists? Nope. People are entitled to their fantasy lives. It only becomes problematic when they try to act it out in real life and hurt other people.
ETA: he's way off base in one regard: the average active pedophile is a straight, married male who is often known to his victims. Gay men are less likely to be molesters and rapists.
Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)Have their been studies (anonymous, I would guess) that show that, or is it more of a gut feeling? People lie about sex all the time, and surely people lie about illegal sexual attractions even more, so I would think it would be hard to get actual data from those who are bent that way.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I hope to God no portion of progressive voices ever give credence to the idea it's somehow normal or should be viewed as anything less than criminal.
uppityperson
(116,020 posts)never hurt someone?
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)uppityperson
(116,020 posts)uppityperson
(116,020 posts)That seems reasonable. People are entitled to their fantasy lives, just can not act it out in real life and hurt other people.
Marr
(20,317 posts)But that was a very illuminating article. Thanks for posting it.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Hence there is no need whatsoever for me to discuss my criminal predisposition.
This person has a disorder, and the circumstances of this person's youth have no bearing on whatever sort of sympathy or understanding they are seeking. The generosity of my own character does not extend as far as to consider this person's desires as anything other than a potentially dangerous disorder.
If my sexual desire is to mortally injure or to brutally murder my partner, I would not have a "sexual orientation" as such, and this person's use of the language of consenting adults to describe his disorder is outrageously insulting to those who have had to overcome persecution as a consequence of their mutually consensual relationships.
"Deep down, I'm a Nazi. I want to kill Jews, but I know it is not socially acceptable to do so, and so I refrain from doing it."
There are well trained and compassionate professionals who are paid good money to listen to whatever this guy may have to say but, again, I have no shits to give about this guy's issues and no desire to "understand" him. My best wish for him is, claiming to have done no harm, that he is fortunate to find the peace of the grave before he does any.
There's a first time for everything and I sincerely hope the author drops dead prior to his first opportunity.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)I agree with your assesment that the language of consenting adults cannot and should not be used to frame a discussion about pedophilia. It's wrong, simply said. But also think pedophilia is significantly more intrinsic to most pedophiles than shoplifting is to shoplifters, and that is a critical difference.
Sadly, you've shut down any hope of that discussion even happening. You've already decided you don't want to understand him. You've taken any hope of progress being made, and retired with the same old "well he and everyone else would be better off he just died soon". That's pretty said.
This is a hard thing to discuss. It's going to impossible with attitudes like yours, however reasonable they may appear to be. But this problem isn't going away, and I wold hope you would have at least realized after reading this article that whatever we do, ignoring it and wishing pedophiles a swift death is not going to solve the problem.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)No room on my shoulder for this guy to cry.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)I think you will find that people who have had direct contact with pedophiles and their victims will tell you that this guy's manipulation and narcissism are typical of violent offenders.
There's nothing new here.
Person 2713
(3,263 posts)uppityperson
(116,020 posts)
LostOne4Ever
(9,752 posts)prayin4rain
(2,065 posts)
customerserviceguy
(25,406 posts)Now that the "Twilight" saga has introduced the public to the concept of vampires that refuse to attack every human they see.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)It is grooming. Instead of grooming victims, he is grooming ordinary people, so that he has a better chance to escape when he does commit crimes. If pedophiles are humanized, it is more difficult for victims to speak out, and those around them are more willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
That is not to say that pedophiles should be looked upon as monsters - doing that makes it easier for them to commit their crimes too. After all, unless they look and behave like Frankenstein's Monster, how could they do such horrible crimes? They volunteer for charity organizations, are good neighbors, even romance ordinary women (especially those with children.)
So what do I advocate if I don't want pedophiles to be either humanized or made out to be monsters? I want them to not have the publishing platform of Salon.com to speak. I want that space to be offered to survivors instead. We need to read about how fathers, grandfathers, stepdads, mothers, sisters, brothers, uncles, that nice teacher, scout leader, coach, and priest groomed their victims, how they found pockets of time to rape and molest, how they threatened their victims, how they talked to the parents and guardians to enable access to their victims. We need to read about the typical effects being raped and molested have on kids, so that we can recognize it in our children. That is what we should use pixels and ink on, not a piece on how pedophilia is just another sexual orientation, and that pedophiles love their victims.
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Nailed it.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)I actually started reading the piece before it was posted here, but I couldn't get through it all. It just turned my stomach. It was trying to normalize pedophilia, and that is horrible, especially because we monsterize victims of pedophilia. Melissa McEwan wrote a fantastic piece on this that essentially said what I did, but also from the point of view of a survivor who is vilified every time she states that she was raped. We do not give survivors enough space in our society - and by space I mean column inches. People aren't interested in hearing the stories of us survivors of rape and molestation.
And that is why that piece is so contemptible, not only because he wrote it, but because Salon published it.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)
geardaddy
(25,392 posts)Excellent analysis.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)Thanks.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)As a rape survivor, I know that my voice will be discounted when discussing rape precisely because I am a survivor, because we do not want to hear was survivors have to say. It doesn't matter how many times we say that most rapists are normal, they're your (generic you) buddies, your husband, your sister, or your son. That they don't seem like monsters to you, because you are not their victim, and when you dismiss us because the rapist seems so normal, you are a rape enabler. Us survivors are hysterical, liars, attention seekers. The rapist, who has not undergone trauma, will sound reasonable, measured, calm when talking about it, so he is instantly more believable. That is why the first impulse when hearing someone say they were raped should be to believe them. Unfortunately, today the first impulse is to disbelieve them, and then to vilify them.
The same goes doubly for child victims. They have a much greater chance of not being believed when they dare tell an adult of what is happening, and that one of the reasons for that is because pedophiles are very good at sounding normal (like this guy.) They are expert manipulators, and this guy is trying to manipulate us, and Salon is giving him a platform to do so. It is nauseating, but ordinary people, especially people posting on DU, should know better than to be lured in.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)I don't have time to respond at the moment (and may not), but you've opened my mind a little bit more.
prayin4rain
(2,065 posts)
zappaman
(20,627 posts)Could not agree more.
nichomachus
(12,754 posts)A shoplifter is someone who actually steals stuff.
A pedophile is someone who is attracted to children. When he acts on that attraction, he becomes a rapist, molester, whatever.
If someone were to fantasize about lifting a Rolex from the store, but never acting on that fantasy, they would not be a shoplifter.
And your compassion for someone who has impulses that he can't control, although he can control his actions, is heartwarming. God save us from judgmental people.
The arguments I'm hearing on this topic are pretty close to those who sent "witches" to the stake or the gallows years ago.
d_r
(6,908 posts)enabling a heroin addict while they manipulate you.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I can't place it but something in the tone of his words has my alarm bells jangling.
"Little people that we love"...
Frankly this article makes me fear pedos even more. Maybe because he comes across as just barely under control.
melman
(7,681 posts)This guy's a creep.
Tree-Hugger
(3,379 posts)Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)1) He's claiming that his molester didn't deserve harsh treatment?
2) He belonged to a group that wanted pedophilia legalized, and talked about how to be active pedophiles.
3) When he was publicly exposed, he changed his tune to "But I would never do that!"
4) He is not really grasping why pedophilia is not love as most persons understand it.
So, yes, I think your alarm bells have reason to jangle.
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,620 posts)It's funny--I've always assumed that pedophiles always acted on their feelings.
Apparently not.
I find his story compelling, and I would not have a problem being around him with, say, my grandchildren. I believe him when he says: I’ve never touched a child sexually in my life and never will, nor do I use child pornography.
Thanks for posting this, philosslayer.
marym625
(17,997 posts)Well, two differences. I've never believed anyone has to act on their sexual feelings. The caveat being people with serious problems effecting their impulses, such as a brain tumor or damage.
And I don't have kids so grandkids are going to be hard to have 
Quackers
(2,256 posts)You say you believe him and would trust your grandchildren around him. You may be right. He may not do anything to them. But he's not looking at them as just children. He's looking at your grandchildren as potential sexual partners. Sure, everyone fantasizes about someone once in a while, but are you ok with him fantasizing about your grandchildren and what he would be doing to them?
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,620 posts)It's when people act that the problem happens.
I think I understand where you're coming from. It's a normal reaction to be repelled by his mind set. But you're not taking into consideration what he's said. He has NEVER acted on his impulses or fantasies, and he NEVER will.
We all have fantasies. You should see mine! If I had acted on them, my life would have been a disaster. I was never really tempted. So I understand at least a little just what he's getting at.
Does that help clarify?
That's my take on it.
Quackers
(2,256 posts)I'm glad that he's never acted on his feelings too. For me, I guess it would be like taking an alcoholic who is 10 years sober to a bar. What happens if/when they have a moment of weakness? Even the best of us can't be strong all the time. I don't think he deserves punishment because he hasn't done anything wrong, but I believe he should avoid children.
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,620 posts)Some alcoholics fall off the wagon easily and often, and some are dry the first day they stopped drinking and never again touch a drop. I think pedophiles are the same.
I think he does avoid children. He realizes it's a huge taboo and so he doesn't go there.
And I'm glad we had this little conversation.
Quackers
(2,256 posts)This is definitely a topic that will receive a lot of debate and unique perspectives.
CaliforniaPeggy
(156,620 posts)I hope the dialogue will continue with lots of good clear thinking.
Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)while I do extend him some sympathy, if I had minor kids, I wouldn't trust him unsupervised with them. As I think I caught a glimpse of the word 'alcoholic' downthread, I wouldn't want to put temptation in reach, just like I wouldn't really put an alcoholic in a bartending job.
Drahthaardogs
(6,843 posts)Children are NOT sex objects. Pedophilia is NOT sexual orientation. This whole article is sick and the fact that he wants understanding is reprehensible.
Again children should not be viewed aexually. He was attracted to a little girl. He needs psychiatric intervention not understanding.
ladyVet
(1,587 posts)Children are NOT sex objects. Pedophilia is NOT sexual orientation.
I can't bring myself to read that article. Just not going to go there, not going to put that shit in my head.
mythology
(9,527 posts)Than the one who doesn't. Most crimes are committed by somebody known to the victim. How many of them warned that they suffered from a desire to steal or kill or any other crime?
yardwork
(69,364 posts)A lot of sexual offenders lie. They are good manipulators. That's how they lure their victims.
It would be very unsafe to trust this man.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)Marr
(20,317 posts)I found the article illuminating as well, but there's no way I'd leave a child alone around the guy. Or even have him in my home with children present.
Those children would be a temptation to him-- and no matter how successfully he's controlled his urges in the past, there's no way I'd put a kid's well-being even at .1% risk just to be nice to an adult.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)as recent as 2010 he was "grooming" a little girl. The sick posts he has made contrasting with his lies in this article just go to show that he isn't an innocent, put upon guy, he's a pedophile and pissed off that people don't go out of their way to accept him (and let him molest children).
I don't buy his sob story for one minute after looking into this guy's history. He's even repeatedly stated he wants to figure out a way to profit from his "interests".
GeorgeGist
(25,570 posts)Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)Because I was sexually abused and molested at 5, 6 and 11 years old.
icarusxat
(403 posts)our society would vanish overnight.
As a father and a husband, the blind rage of retribution would cloud rational thought. But, maybe I could control that urge...
Aerows
(39,961 posts)but has two wonderful nieces, I am in doubt that I could control the blind rage of retribution.
Honestly, they don't have to be related to me - I would have a *VERY* hard time staying out of jail if I witnessed something like that occurring, because I'm pretty sure it is not within me to stand by silently.
BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)...in there shoes/mindset. This one is way too foreign to me, to do that, so I'll just wish him well..
rusty quoin
(6,133 posts)Type in his name. He has been investigating paedophiles from the 70s on.
I feel for him, Todd, but the damage done to children by those who act is truely awful. The repetitive rate for those out of prison is terrible.
Yes, they cannot help themselves, but screwing up a child to adult....fuck that.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)I figured it was someone now in office.
LostOne4Ever
(9,752 posts)[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Just because someone has that type of paraphillia does not necessarily mean they will act on it.[/font]
Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)"I want to kill people in hideous and painful ways but unwilling to act on it."
I'm really sorry, but I'm not moved by that kind of plea for sympathy.
Quackers
(2,256 posts)Check out my response. I was typing it the same time you was typing yours.
Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)Just wanting to doesn't actually make you a serial killer, or else most people who work in customer service would be 'serial killers' by now.
This guy is basically admitting to fantasizing, not to actually breaking any laws.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)Quackers
(2,256 posts)Seek help for your "urges". Asking me to be open and accepting of a pedophile? Why not just let everyone off the hook for the way they feel?
Random guy: I hate black people! I've never killed or attacked a black person. I just keep it in my head as a fantasy. I love the idea of a black person swinging from a tree with a rope around their neck. But I'm not a bad person. Just give me a chance!
See how ridiculous that sounds. My advice to the racist and the pedophile is to get help, take meds, talk to a psychiatrist. There are certain things in life that are just wrong. That line is different for everyone. For me, I draw it at pedophilia.
rusty quoin
(6,133 posts)
romanic
(2,841 posts)But i have no empathy for pedophiles. To me he and others like him ARE monsters. I don't care if that's not the liberal way of thinking, its just how i feel about this sorry excuse of a "man" and his perversions.
TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)"I have no respect for anyone who brags about not doing some dreadful thing he never considered doing. I do, however, admire the strength and courage of someone resisting temptation because he knows what he would do would be wrong."
I'm dead tired right now and can't think clearly enough, but it would be nice to appreciate someone who has this disorder working with the rest of us seeking a balance between protection of potential victims and his personal right to treatment and acceptance.
Monk06
(7,675 posts)sadistic violence towards children.
It is a crime and for good reason.
It is not an open and consensual form of sexual expression.
And it is definitely not an expression of love
LuvNewcastle
(17,821 posts)Best reply in this thread. 
Mosby
(19,491 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)homosexuality as a mental disorder, too.
I don't particularly give a fuck what they say about pedophilia if they approve of it.
Monk06
(7,675 posts)to establish reliable and determinate predictions of phenomena and is reliant on taxonomy and professional consensus in a way that is arbitrary and at times capricious.
It is a normative profession that historically evolved out of the prison system. More an art than a scientific discipline.
It really doesn't matter whether the APA considers pedophilia a mental disorder or not. It is wrong and a heinous crime against the most defenseless people in society.
Murderers may also have a mental disorder or may not. That is irrelevant to the question of whether we consider murder a crime even though we accept mental incapacity as a defense.
I have intimate personal experience with the Psychiatric profession and have very little confidence in their ability to diagnose and treat the conditions which they claim have knowledge and expertise.
And no I am not a Scientologist
zentrum
(9,870 posts)This just seems sensationalistic.
The shock value of the headline makes me deeply suspect about the whole thing. "Shock value" is part of the pedophile's M.O.
He says he doesn't act on his impulses but he needs to just stay away from all children—not stand outside the park watching, not vibe the child who lives next door, not befriend neighborhood kids, and God forbid not have his own children. Not because he might act but because children feel the creepiness of adults like this.
Telling us about the prosthetic is just a ploy to seem more suffering, more human, more a man with an excuse. Just get help and stay away.
F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)Pretty much every internet article has it. It might not even have been his.
I don't disagree he should stay away from children.
Please don't relegate a disability to "emotional cred" for the writer. Would you also say the same about his being molested as a child? Would you say the same about someone else whose disability affected their sexuality?
This man has lived his life pleading for people to recognize his basic humanity. I'll give him a pass if he doesn't come off as the perfectly stable, emotionally healthy, nicely-therapied child predator that you seem to want him to be in his writing.
He's not molesting children, he's actively working to prevent others from molesting children, and he's attempting to provide some limited understanding into what is a pretty fucked-up place to be. That's good enough for me--I don't know what more you could ask, other than just asking him not to be a pedophile.
zentrum
(9,870 posts)But let me be clear: If he wants to come out of the shadows and discuss the struggles of pedophiles with the goal of protecting children, that's one thing.
His psychology, as long as it's never acted on, is important for us to understand.
But bringing in his history of being born without a hand and his struggles as a young man—are manipulative. They need to be separated as issues in the write up.
It would be good for him to work with biological, psychological, and sex researchers to get more information about what makes people have this urge.
He appears not to have sociopathy, hence he never acts on his impulses. That distinction would make him even more valuable to study.
eridani
(51,907 posts)You like what you like, and if ethics prevents you from going for it, that is a very unfortunate situation. The problem is with pedophiles who are also sociopaths and their accompanying sense of entitlement.
Duppers
(28,469 posts)Thanks for your insights!
Duppers
(28,469 posts)On Todd. One site reports him as being a bit different than the person he describes himself to be. It claims he does indeed use, if that's the term, pedo porno.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Evil-unveiled.com/Markaba&ved=0CCYQFjADahUKEwjB-vGngorIAhUJjw0KHbtDCDE&usg=AFQjCNEBnmdIZvHf2jR7VmqlyzrWnD7Oqg&sig2=ou9WQOjZHEBpmnt4FuTTjQ
He didn't mention seeking good psychological help -- guess he couldn't afford it. So just what can such a person in his situation do? He does not want to act on his fantasies -- he doesn't want to hurt a child. And isn't that the question to be asking?
Sometimes nature screams. I would be seeking psych help or looking into having a orchidectomy.
It's a very sad situation.
deutsey
(20,166 posts)The info I found on him didn't do much to strengthen his appeal for me, imo.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)The guy is scum.
RLR1
(7 posts)Last edited Tue Sep 22, 2015, 04:01 PM - Edit history (1)
You sir are the epitome of all that is wrong with the world.
YES YOU ARE A MONSTER…
I am a first time poster here but very long time lurker and fan of DU, I simply cannot remain silent and timid here. Going back to the subject at hand I am appalled at the OP’s audacity to even think posting this utter bullshit is appreciated or cared about. I am a lifelong democrat and used my own email servers to rally thousands of votes for Obama.
I was raped at 11 years old by a man my mother brought into our home, and it haunts me to this day, 25 years later. Because of it I abandoned my mother about 20 years ago. I have no desire to ever speak with her again, I just don't have the ability since that happened. Also because of it I am uninterested in sex with actual people, needless to say it cost me my marriage to the only woman I love and have ever loved. It literally hurts my skin when anyone touches me because of a person like you.
You sir are the reason. Do you understand what it feels like to the child or person you rape, and literally steal life from?
I can help you understand.
IT FEELS LIKE A SWORD LIT WITH KEROSINE TEARING YOU INTO PIECES AND IT DESTROYS YOU FOR LIFE. I will be forever haunted by your grizzly and morbid persona.
I hope you go straight to hell, and I hope you burn on the fire I felt in my intestines at age 11.
Sympathy???????? Not now or ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)We absolutely need to hear the stories of survivors. Those on this thread nodding in agreement with this predator need to read your story, and realize that it was indeed written by an expert on these predators. You are an expert on this, and so your voice should weigh more in their assessment. These predators are expert manipulators, and the people on this thread who have let themselves be manipulated should be ashamed, and they should apologize to you and other survivors of pedophilia.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)She would also have me sit in the car in the garage naked while she pretended to drive us around. I'm 42 now and have yet to tell my father about this.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)in the same way Josh Duggar molested his sisters. As far as she knows, he never succeeded, he only tried it when their parents were out of the house and she was asleep. She woke up a couple of times to find him in her room, carefully pulling the covers off her. After that she simply did not go upstairs at all when her parents were out and he was home, no matter what time of day or night. She stayed in the living room where there were two exits. If she heard him coming down the stairs, she left the house. She was terrified that he would try to rape her, for years.
She never told her parents, but much later, after my grandfather died, she told her stepmother, and she also told my sister and me. She needed to warn us in case we ever got it into our heads to visit him NOT to ever be alone with him.
mhatrw
(10,786 posts)Are we are supposed to commend this guy for not forcing himself on little kids?
Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)It's like the current Pope vs other Popes.
He gets praise for having a few good stances, he's light years better than prior Popes, but he's still lousy on women, gay rights, etc.
Some people give him props for being good on the environment and the poor, in hopes that Popes will continue to get better on more issues, others continue to condemn him entirely because he's not good on everything yet.
Donald Ian Rankin
(13,598 posts)The more people are willing and able to come forward and say this openly and ask for help, the fewer children will be abused.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)
Do i need help???
redgreenandblue
(2,125 posts)Humans are predatory animals. As such they have all sorts of "urges" that are incompatible with a civilized society. The only question that matters is whether they are acted out.
Oneironaut
(6,300 posts)It's a mental illness. The author even admits he was molested himself. His mind was damaged at an early age and never recovered. He needs help, but he seems to be trying to validate his condition by comparing himself to real sexual orientations.
I also don't think that the author is being honest - especially about the Wikisposure page and the forum. The people on that page are pretty bad, and have done something to get PJ's attention. The "they made me do it!" excuse is stale and often used by sociopaths.
Basically, this is a load of crap and the writer is a liar. He wants people to feel sorry for him when he's the one who wants to hurt others. I didn't buy any of that bull crap one bit.
MrScorpio
(73,772 posts)There's absolutely no justification for pedophilia whatsoever. If he's never given in to his urges (How do I know that that's even true?), well good for him.
But I'd never in a million years trust him to be alone around kids.
He's got some serious issues to deal with, that's for sure. I don't know if he's up to handling them.
Let me get this straight, is he equating his own pedophilia to same-sex attraction? If so, that's not right.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)He's doing what pedophiles do - lying and manipulating to gain people's trust.
CanSocDem
(3,286 posts)...my liberal compatriot. If you did believe in the science of sociology (contrary to what you posted last week), you would probably be more tolerant and in my eyes more progressive.
The operative word is DEVIANCE.
It can be applied across the board. If a system of belief is going to succeed it has to allow for a certain amount of 'deviant thinking'. A perfect system, some say, would have everybody thinking exactly the same way......think of your own examples.
In the realm of "sexuality" there is no shortage of "deviance". The point I tried to make about Sociology is that 'systems of belief' create systems of behaviour that may or may not reflect the practitioners true beliefs. It seems quite logical then, that a pedophile can separate 'behavior from belief', in the same way an agnostic finds comfort in attending church.
Speaking of the church, I have found that they seem most responsible for the sexual mores of the society. They seem to be the first ones to speak out about behavior they find distasteful. I know they would like it to be back in the 50's, when I was reaching puberty. There damn sure wasn't any deviance then......
.
Oneironaut
(6,300 posts)That is definitely not "healthy" deviance. He sounds like he's mentally ill or a sociopath, and is trying to win affection by whining that he's so oppressed and is really misunderstood. Sounds like a typical narcissistic psycho who uses false charm to fool everyone into believing him. I don't believe a word of this bull crap - especially that he's a poor innocent guy who would never hurt kids.
CanSocDem
(3,286 posts)...and you and others on this thread think he is 'charming'???
Did you bother to read the article before you jumped on your horse and rode off in all directions?
.
Oneironaut
(6,300 posts)I read the whole article this morning. I was aware while reading that it was all lies and emotional manipulation.
MrScorpio
(73,772 posts)Last edited Tue Sep 22, 2015, 10:58 PM - Edit history (1)
If you remember, I told you last week that you were being hyperbolic in overstating the importance of sociology. Frankly, today you're just being convoluted, merely to be a contrarian.
No one is fooled by this, buddy.
Hey, any system of belief which justifies the sexual exploitation of defenseless children is a fucked up belief.
It's the kind of shit that people with narcissistic personality disorder would defend and tolerate.
People have pointed out before that pedophiles lie and deceive in order to gain a victim's trust. That's exactly what the writer of that article was doing. That person should never be trusted around children, the temptation is more likely than not, too great.
CanSocDem
(3,286 posts)...in regard to your question, "Expressing the voice of reason".
Of course, now that I understand that many are incapable of discussing beliefs that 'deviate' from their own, it may be "hyperbolic" to suggest mine is "the voice of reason".
What I find interesting is your absolute certainty that this writer is lying. Truly that says more about you than it does about him. It is often said that what we hate in others, we really hate in ourselves.
The "sociological" angle in all of this is outside of your moral outrage. You may not want to hear about it because it means that you would have to accept that other people have a right to believe what they want no matter how disgusting. And you would have to accept that some people might find your beliefs disgusting.
I don't, because I don't care what you believe. As long as your particular deviance doesn't impact me, you can pretty much 'think' what you want.
.
MrScorpio
(73,772 posts)Or, if not, small children of others that you care deeply about.
One great way that you can prove your own point is by saying that you'd be completely at ease with letting the writer associate with those kids unsupervised.
Perhaps, you'd do that because you're unwilling to accede to the general classification of pedophilia as unjustifiablly deviant behavior. After all, you're showing us all that you're the evolved one here, am I right?
Hey, what does the welfare of a few kids matter, when we're trying to free ourselves of hyper-moralism and the repression of the rights of pedophiles?
"Reason," as you put it, is relative, is it not? Wouldn't that perspective actually depend on who's getting sexually abused and who's doing the abusing?
CanSocDem
(3,286 posts)...many that I "care deeply about".
My point is that honest discussions about sexuality are more effective than hunting down 'deviants'. "Kill 'em all!!" isn't progressive social policy.
You live in a hyper-sexual consumerist society. Sex is used to sell you product, service and ideology. But you're all pretending that 'it' isn't there. It's as if you're afraid to talk about it....like the OP.
Getting all outraged and indignant is a classic sociological response. One important thing to remember: Don't Project.
.
MrScorpio
(73,772 posts)Can't say that I'm surprised.
OK, I'll bite. Who's selling pedophilia? Is our boy simply trying to use his own sexual deviance in order to get on the ground floor of the child fucking market?
I guess that we ought to praise his keen business acumen, if that's so.
So, you're trying to make him out to be some kind of progressive hero.
Geez.
Really, what's so "progressive" about tolerating child abuse and child abusers?
If anything, that's nothing more than a ridiculous mischaracterization of progressives.
CanSocDem
(3,286 posts)...creates sexual deviants.
Child molesters are the flavour of the day. In your mind they are the worst of the worst. From a sociological and historical analysis, definitions of "sexual deviance" are cyclical.
I worry about keeping my own neurosis' manageable. Rest assured, while tolerating the vast catalogue of human behaviour I do not subscribe to any form of sexual exploitation. That does include however,tolerating those self-identified socio-sexual deviants who are attempting to manage their behaviour. I think there is a cure--- that won't be found in suppressing the discussion or silencing the offender.
Don't Project.
.
MrScorpio
(73,772 posts)Maybe you can give us all the sociological justification for abusing kids.
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)Rape isn't just another deviance.
Rex
(65,616 posts)Sorry folks, but there is no 'feel good' story here. He is not alone, many people suffer from mental illness. He is trying to justify it, because he needs to believe it is normal.
Serious issues, needs therapy imo.
Truprogressive85
(900 posts)You destroy a child's innocence and you expect people to understand screw him.
I no fan of death penalty but this sicko should never see the light ever in his life again.
whatthehey
(3,660 posts)Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)It's best to know and understand your flaws, and work to control and minimize them, whatever they are.
But that's a hell of a one to have to work with. Good on him for actually resisting the urges nature saddled him with. It's actually sort of like the Priesthood was supposed to be - a place where you resist urges of the flesh, not one where you simply hide away the fact that you've given in to them...
trumad
(41,692 posts)I get that it's an illness---even agree.
But I also agree that the illness has unbelievable consequences to innocent people---err children.
Therefore we as a society need to keep you illness as far away from potential victims of your errr illness.
OneGrassRoot
(23,953 posts)I haven't read the piece at the link yet; have bookmarked for later.
But as soon as I read the excerpts you shared and perused the comments a bit, this recent local (to me) news item came to mind.
Raleigh Dad Tried to Kill Kids by Throwing Them in a Lake
In an emotional, 8-minute call, a Raleigh man tells a 911 dispatcher that he tried to drown his two daughters in a Durham lake because Child Protective Services "wanted to take them away from me."
Police say the man heard on the call, Alan Tysheen Eugene Lassiter, 29, threw his three children into the lake near Shearwater Drive shortly after 9 p.m. Sunday.
<snip>
"I just drowned my two daughters in the lake back there … 'cause CPS wanted to take them away from me," he said. "I was dealing with some pedophilia things, OK, OK. I was dealing with some sexual desires that I was trying to get some help with, but instead they turned their back on me, the whole system, and tried to take my kids, and they took the rest of the, of the little happiness that I had."
"Y’all take this and learn from me. When somebody asks for help, really help them, OK? Because y’all didn’t help me," he continued. "You blame CPS for this. They (are) trying to take people’s kids over dumb (expletive), and this is what you get! All I wanted was help … They wasn't there for me. Nobody was there for me … Nobody helped me."
Read more at http://www.wral.com/police-raleigh-dad-tried-to-kill-kids-threw-them-in-lake/14915396/#iJwzHMMAZDxubMKc.99
Granted, I don't know details of this case. But if we consider the possibility that the father had such desires but never acted on them and was trying to find help dealing with whatever he was feeling, it gives me pause.
I'm a little afraid to read the Salon piece; I really don't want to have concern or sympathy for people with such desires even if they don't act upon them. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the entire subject is appalling and horrifying...as it is no doubt for most of you.
But because of the local story which made me pause, I will read it in the hope of learning more.
prayin4rain
(2,065 posts)I'm tired of stories of men murdering their children being turned into the fault of the ex-wife, CPS, his job, etc.,etc.
His wife left him and took the kids, the cops/CPS were involved, he lost his job, etc. because of his own emotional problems, selfishness and narcissism that he later puts on full public display when he harms innocent children and STILL everyone races to blame everyone except him.
Nice men are never driven by anyone or anything to murder their children.
OneGrassRoot
(23,953 posts)Last edited Tue Sep 22, 2015, 01:31 PM - Edit history (1)
I certainly don't dispute that.
nil desperandum
(654 posts)what he really means is this....
Sorry but I'm not buying a liar's story about how his criminal desires are as yet unrealized. In my work with youth sports organizations we've seen many people trying to sneak in under the radar to get closer to their victims.
I have some very limited sympathy that this is his fate, but I've also some sympathy for rabid dogs and I understand what the right response is for that condition.
Mr. Nickerson's "disease" is similar, there is no cure and there is a risk that his condition would harm society at large eventually.
There is no place and should be no place in our society for Mr. Nickerson either.
We are not better off because he lives among us, he remains a threat to our society and should be treated as such.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)If a person has these feelings and he knows that acting on them would be wrong, what should they do? I think a lot of these folks are afraid to go to a shrink and to get the help that they need. It seems like admitting to having those sorts of thoughts is worse than telling someone that you fantasize about going on a killing spree.
Clearly no one would choose to have these desires, is there a way to get them the help necessary to fix the wiring in their brain or whatever it is that causes these deviant thoughts instead of just calling them monsters (I mean those who don't act on the feelings). I feel sorry for these people and think they shouldn't be afraid to get help (of course if they ever cross the line from thoughts to actions, the sympathy ends and they deserve the most severe of punishments).
But if we as a society can acknowledge that there are some unfortunate people who are born this way, shouldn't we as a society try to make it easier for them to get help so they can get this problem dealt with before they do something unspeakable? I mean they are still human beings - not monsters (if they don't act on their messed up feelings). It seems like some folks would prefer it if society just euthanized them. That's not right.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)and never dealt with it.
That's far more the norm for pedophiles - that they have early, unresolved sexual assault issues - than that it's innate.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)In either case, what would be the best course of action for such a person?
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I don't buy that pedophiles are born that way.
I think that's a manipulative attempt by pedos to normalize their predatory inclinations by making it "like" homosexuality. That really offends me and I don't buy it. Child molesters are particularly skilled at twisting reality - "she wanted me to do that", and the child is 8 yrs old.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)I confess to having not given a lot of thought to this topic, so I am happy to be educated by those who are better informed.
I agree that these people need serious therapy. I guess I am just saying that they should be encouraged to get it.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I really don't trust the vibe of this article. It smacks of a pedo trying to normalize his criminal actions. That way leads to victims being de legitimized - the poor pedo can't help his sexual inclination and the victim isn't really a crime victim, just the wrong person in the wrong place for the poor pedo soul...
No way.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)to let them off lightly... After all, the 3-year-old walked into the garage all by herself.
trotsky
(49,533 posts)The brain is a complex organ, obviously. You and I, and most other people, recognize the distinct difference between loving a child (wanting to nurture him or her) and loving an adult of the same or opposite sex (and wanting to be sexually intimate with them). Our brain keeps those forms of love separate. It is understandable that some brains might mash the two, or allow for overlap. The desire to nurture and protect triggers sexuality. The brain, when miswired, can do some really f'ed up things.
I have no idea but if this is true, then by all means we should research it - perhaps there is a way to treat and eliminate it.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)isn't credible. Sex with children harms them. Period.
Furthermore, children can't be consenting partners. Sex with them is a crime precisely because they are children.
Desiring sex with an un-consenting partner (of any age) is not an "orientation", it's a crime. Sex that's harmful to an un-consenting partner is also a crime, not an orientation.
This guy's account is a manipulative ploy to try to "normalize" his criminal tendencies on the back of the same sex marriage debate @ homosexuality. It's so wrong, it's crazy.
I'm mystified why anyone is falling for this guy.
trotsky
(49,533 posts)Nor do I consider it a simple sexual "orientation." But IF it's a brain malfunction, figuring it out (and a way to cure it) would go a long way toward sparing many victims.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)I would definitely support such research. I think these people might be afraid to get the help they need due to the stigma attached to voicing such repugnant feelings, even to a therapist. But really it is critical that they get some kind of treatment as soon as possible.
Marr
(20,317 posts)These are people whose identity and sexuality is mixed up inextricably with something that is utterly unacceptable. What do you do with someone like that, if they admit to having these urges but have never (according to the law) acted on them? Do you lock them up for having unacceptable thoughts?
I honestly have no idea. It's easy to take the hardcore, unworkable stance and say, 'euthanize them'-- because that's just never going to happen.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)Hard to know the answers. Everyone has crazy thoughts now and then - how do you differentiate the ones who are truly sick and those who just have the occasional messed up thought but would never in a million years act on them?
Aerows
(39,961 posts)that lower their sex drive so that they can focus on something else productive? If the only way you get turned on is killing people or raping children, you don't need one.
hunter
(40,691 posts)... but I frequently wish they wouldn't share.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)other landmass. Divide the island in two. Those like this person who have never hurt anyone get to spend their time in regular apartments or homes on one half of the island, those who have offended spend their first, however long their sentence is in a jail on the other side of the island until their time is done, then get moved to the other side of the island.
The island is staffed by psychiatric and other medical researchers trying to figure out a fix for the issue. Until that fix is developed and proven, all pedophiles get sent to this island and have to stay there.
I know this will shock some people, but the sickness is what it is.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)If so, what happens to them?
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)KitSileya
(4,035 posts)Too many pedophiles produce their own victims, and pedophiles can be of any gender. In Norway two couples were recently sentenced to prison for raping their own children in collaboration.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts) stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Kids.
We can make their lives good and live-able on the island. Have them set up with remote jobs, etc., but there should be many hundreds of miles of ocean between them and any kid.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)about killing someone, or of raping adult men or women, or beating up their spouses, and so on, but never do so? Are you going to have a whole series of islands for everyone who thinks about doing things that are violent and criminal, but don't actually commit any crimes?
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Mariana
(15,626 posts)Child molestation is a crime. The terms are not synonymous.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Was any kind of better solution.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)Anyone who has molested a child should be locked up for life, prison or island, makes no difference to me. There should be zero recidivism because they should never be released.
Anyone who finds children sexually attractive, but has not molested any child, has not attempted to molest any child, and has not consumed child pornography should not be punished. Thoughts and fantasies are not crimes.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)The very person we're discussing who claims to have no designs on acting out his urges shows he was not being honest.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)I don't defend him and I understand he is not being honest.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)Why the hell aren't we doing that?
If you are a pedophile, you should do your time. When you get out, placed on a regimen on androgen reducing drugs along with therapy for no less than a year.
Taper them off, and if they start displaying signs of sexualizing children, back on the drugs.
Everyone has a right to their own body and their own sex drive, but it ends when they rape children.
You notice this guy is "crying out in anguish" right now, but is proud to proclaim he is attracted to children.
Anyone that believes he doesn't already have a child that he is in a "relationship" with is short-sighted. He's got the euphoria of mania like a stalker in "love" that thinks he's found the perfect plan to get away with it.
Sunlei
(22,651 posts)stop posting on that message board and continue to talk to his Doctor frequently.
IMO, to abuse children or to get sexually aroused from seeing or thinking about children is not "a sexual orientation".
Johnny2X2X
(24,209 posts)I found this piece extremely manipulative and insincere. First of all, his urges are as much about power as they are about sex. He wants to harm children for his own sexual gratification, he's not simply sexually attracted to children.
This man is sick.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)Any attempt to justify the violation of one human being by another should be met with extreme prejudice.
Flying Squirrel
(3,041 posts)But I wouldn't leave a kid alone with him.
zappaman
(20,627 posts)
Johnny2X2X
(24,209 posts)And the most disturbing part was his talking about his own molester and trying to down play it, like it was no big deal. It was a big deal, it helped turn you into a monster.
That whole essay was sick and wrong and this man is trying to justify pedophilia and legitimize pedophiles' feelings.
Starry Messenger
(32,381 posts)K-Marts self-proclaimed best checkout cashier, and GirlChat pervert – Todd Nickerson now has a new job, working for the home improvement retailer – Lowes.
Working at Lowes, Todd constructively spends the day staring at children which come into the store:
I look at little girls all the time–every day I say [sic] a little cutie or five at work
In addition, I get to see the smiling, happy faces of little girls at work
almost every day.
But hey if Todds job with Lowes does fall through, he’s could always try to make his pedophilia pay the bills:
So for me, my girl love is more than just a sexual orientation; it’s a potential money maker and name maker, if only I could figure out how to make it work.
Stargleamer
(2,728 posts)
Xithras
(16,191 posts)He put it this way: A normal person walks down the street and sees people they're attracted to every day. A married person meets strangers every single day who are not only attractive, but who would be more than willing to sleep with them. And yet most people would never think about attacking, raping, coercing, or cheating their way into the other persons pants. Why not? Because most people are morally and ethically opposed to that kind of behavior. We're all attracted to people every day, but we control those attractions and urges.
He said that child molesters are simply the rapists and cheaters of the pedophile world. They are the sociopaths who act on their attractions without any care for who they are hurting. Most pedophiles are normal people, which means that most pedophiles will never act on those attractions.
The numbers seem to bear his assertion out. It's been estimated that around 4% of the population are pedophiles to some degree, and the Kinsey Institute famously asserted that nearly 20% of the male population is not "averse" to pedophilic behavior (meaning they're not primarily attracted to children, but they're not repulsed by it either). At the same time, the actual rate of offenders is a tiny fraction of that, which suggests that the vast, vast majority never harm anyone. This really makes sense if you think about it. If a person has to be both a pedophile AND a sociopath in order to offend, the number of pedophiles who become offenders is going to be fairly small.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)He belonged to and actively participated in a group that didn't buy the idea that pedophilia WAS morally wrong.
So while I think your analysis is good, the reality is that the author of this piece does have that distorted moral sensibility. He is one of those that needs to hear from society no conflicted messages on the subject, because he doesn't carry that intuitive knowledge within himself.
In that respect, he is a monster. However, anyone with dark impulses who does not act on them should be respected for the virtue inherent in that struggle.
But I agree with those who are saying that the article verges on grooming. It is precisely because there is a minority who do not have a native revulsion for this behavior that society needs to yell "That is monstrous" in response to any effort to minimize the enormity of such behavior.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)in and of itself? That implies they have chosen to be pedophiles, or to continue to be pedophiles. Do you believe those who find that they're sexually attracted to children can just decide not to be sexually attracted to children anymore? I don't think it works that way.
They can certainly refuse to act on that attraction, and therefore not harm any children, but I don't think they can just choose to stop feeling the attraction itself.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)with them.
He doesn't have the inherent instinct that says "No". He says he does, but he does not. I posted some sickening links elsewhere here.
Mariana
(15,626 posts)I don't defend this person, I understand he is not being honest. I do believe there are pedophiles out there who don't act on their desires because they know it's wrong. I don't think they can just shut off their sexual attraction to children, but I think they can choose not to act on it. You never know when one of them will succumb to temptation, though. I'm a mother and a grandmother. It's a hard thing to think about objectively, that's for sure.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)In abstract, I would say that having pedophilic inclinations is not morally wrong, but not having the strong impulse that prevents you from hurting children which then causes revulsion at your own desires is morally wrong. If you don't have it instinctively you ought to have it cognitively.
For example, if I were hired to work in a factory pulling levers, that would be morally neutral. But if I discovered that every time the light flashed and my job duty was to pull the lever, I was releasing a blade that killed a human being, although I had no instinctive revulsion at pulling a lever, I would promptly acquire it due to the knowledge of what I was doing.
The problem with active pedophiles is that they do not concede that it is wrong.
The problem with the article and with the author is that he is trying to remove our revulsion at the desire, without realizing that it is the only sane way to react. His explicitly stated theme is that we are CAUSING pedophile behavior by being so adamant that it is anathema:
I recall an event from when I was 11, sitting in the family jeep with my dad and his friend Andy when a news piece on the radio reported the sexual abuse of a girl, to which my dad said to his friend something like, “They should take people like that and place weights on top of their genitals until they smash.” Pretty horrific imagery for an 11-year-old to process, and I couldn’t help but sympathize with the abuser. After all, I could recall my own molestation perfectly, and I hardly felt it warranted that kind of response.
The bile has only multiplied since then, and I believe all that hatred just serves to reinforce pedophilia in youngsters predisposed to it. It’s a form of cognitive bias called the Backfire Effect or polarization.
This is really remarkably diseased thinking and it should be received and rejected with very overt bile and distaste.
The best and kindest thing society can do for those with such desires is loudly trumpet that it's wrong and it will not be tolerated. We are not going to accept anyone who acts on these desires or who advocates tolerance, and those who have the inclination can either reject and suppress it or be locked up, but they will not be tolerated. Most especially, they can not be tolerated around children.
This guy doesn't get to be around any child if I have my way. I don't accept that either he or his friends are safe, because they are seeking a way to satisfy the desire that cannot be satisfied!
He is not capable of restraining himself because he does not accept that his desires are wrong at the root. He thinks we're the problem. That is, btw, exactly what one will see reiterated over and over again on the "pro-contact" sites he says he no longer frequents.
Due to this post, yesterday I discovered a world of chat sites that are so depraved it is almost beyond belief.
Ratty
(2,100 posts)That's a great point. I met a pedophile many years ago - a friend of a friend - who never acted on his impulses and considered his condition a cross he'd have to bear for the rest of his life. I was prepared to be sympathetic when I started reading this article and remember the people out there who most needed psychiatric help but had no way to get it. But yeah, it got gross. When I got to the "the little people we love the most" bit I was out. I was thinking this Virtuous Pedophile forum, as creepy as the name sounds, could be a way for people like this to get at least some support, like an AA group or something but your post changed my mind. It sounds a little too easy to become complacent in an environment like that and sometimes it's important to hear often that this is not OK. That this is a part of him that's pretty horrible. He needs to hear it often and repeatedly. That's not something that's easy to hear in our I'm OK Just The Way I Am society.
So what makes something a fetish or orientation and what makes something a disorder? I think in this case it doesn't matter. Leave the technicalities to the psychiatrists. I'm perfectly comfortable drawing an arbitrary line between fetishism and monstrosity.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)I think it's an extremely unfortunate wiring accident but it's still bad enough that I am of the opinion people with that wiring accident are not necessarily compatible with the rest of society.
I think it's pretty damn difficult for anyone to "not act on" their inherent sexual impulses, in any way shape or form. My hunch is a lot of these people have tradtionally gravitated towards lifestyles and professions which they thought would "protect" them from their own impulses- like the Priesthood- but we've seen how well that works out.
Bettie
(19,704 posts)And I was the victim of a pedophile, so I have feelings about it that are not easily set aside.
I'm glad he's able to control his urges though.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)Yet he says he doesn't use child pornography :/
He's repeatedly bragged that he is looking for a way to profit from his "interests". As recent as 2010, he was talking about grooming a little girl.
I don't buy his sob story for one second. He wants to actively molest little girls, garner sympathy for doing so, and get away with it.
Read the things he has said himself in the above link.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Again, thanks.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)I believe all pedophiles will offend and offend repeatedly and they are not currently fixable.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)I couldn't help but see what other activities this farce of a "non practicing" pedophile was up to, and as late as 2013 was peddling his sob story of how glorious the world would be if he would just be allowed to rape little girls.
I went down the rabbit hole and frankly, had to exit, because it was too heinous for me to even process.
Needless to say, he's a liar and Salon should have a serious meeting about what they want to be as an internet media outlet. If they want to be a voice for every lunatic on the internet, well, they have gotten off to a great start, but they shouldn't expect anyone to take them seriously anymore.
Johnny2X2X
(24,209 posts)This man is a monster. You can see the narcissist personality come through, and you know this guy is actively trying to molest children. He sounds like a sociopath.
The guy brags about the little girls he spends time with. He needs to be investigated.
WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)one.
JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, GO AWAY, AND OBEY THE LAW.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)His goal is to convince people that pedophiles are "normal" and that there is nothing wrong with it. He also wants to profit from it.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)I think of him as a "monster in waiting" if he's being completely honest about never taking advantage. To me, never taking advantage would mean he maintains no contact with children. The mere writing of his desires seems exciting for him by word choice and tone.
The "Does that surprise you?" struck me as creepish as hell.
SwankyXomb
(2,030 posts)But he and his "Virtuous" friends are still kid-fucking monsters, they just haven't been caught yet.
d_r
(6,908 posts)This guy is preying on the kindness of caring people. This is manipulation.
He is trying to justify pedophilia - "it is just a sexual attraction. It is a biological and environment."
Bullshit.
He is trying for sympathy. Disability. Molested (but he says it wasn't really so bad, you know, to defend it). So hard to tell a therapist. No chance to live a normal life, so reviled. But he's a good guy trying to help out the other good pedophiles.
People that feel sorry are just falling for this and enabling it.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)on a mainstream site. I'm a bit irritated with Salon.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)and they have pretty much lost every ounce of credibility they have by posting this.
Any time they post something critical of anything, the first response is going to be "You mean the site that posted a positive article about a pedophile?"
Shark officially jumped in one move.
Bullshit like this is like watching the drain swirl. You can't reach out and stop the water, and you really don't want to.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)I thought,"This guy's an exhibitionist." I still can't believe they gave him a mouthpiece.
raven mad
(4,940 posts)Just death.
Aerows
(39,961 posts)he has recently posted to.
It isn't explicit, but the mentality behind these people isn't for the non-cast iron of stomachs.
I think I'm posting it just to get over the trauma of reading shit like this:
http://www.annabelleigh.net/messages/709350.htm
Here he rants at someone in June of 2015 about how much better he is because he likes girls that are somewhere near the age of menstruation:
http://www.annabelleigh.net/messages/702841.htm
Phony as hell.
My apologies for linking this, I wish I hadn't have read it myself.
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)He's mentally ill. He's sick. He's so sick he doesn't even realize how he comes across.
Reading that article made me physically ill, and I can't believe the people who are buying his crap.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)is these people using our progressive thought and sensibilities to insert this into the conversation. This never should be a progressive cause. That being viewing pedophiles as just normal people who happen to like kids but won't act on their impulse.
TexasMommaWithAHat
(3,212 posts)Look at the buzz words he uses...like love and sexual orientation. It should make anyone sick to read this. It's obvious he is more concerned that his "desire" for children is against the law. It it wasn't, would he be writing this confession or would he be grooming and raping children?
KamaAina
(78,249 posts)Same old, same old. 