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retrowire

(10,345 posts)
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 04:48 PM Sep 2015

My family is (most likely) in danger of a known sex offender

Last edited Wed Sep 30, 2015, 05:02 PM - Edit history (3)

ORIGINAL TEXT, PLZ SCROLL BELOW TO READ BETTER DETAILS

basically what can we do if the police have already been called and told that the guy has been hanging out with the family dog and feeding it (likely getting the dog friendly so he can intrude without problems) and the best the police can say is "he's probably trying to help"

it's a bad neighborhood and they just moved in to this house, what can be done now that the police are so flippant about it?

based on light description of the guy from family, my wife looked him up in the registry and gave them the link to the photo and they're not 100 percent sure it's the guy, but hey this offender lives around the corner from them. they have a 9 year old daughter and this is freaking us all out.

UPDATE: BETTER INFORMATION

Sorry for being fast and vague so here's the details.

A week ago, a large bald black man was found outside playing with the family dog of my sister in law's family. He released the dog from it's kennel without meeting them or asking for permission and was just playing with the dog.

I don't know exactly in what order this happened, but he was communicating with the 9 yr old daughter, telling her he would take her to school if she needed it, he was also talking about how he had just gotten out of the hospital and that he suffered from bipolar disorder. The mother and daughter were listening to him, but I guess the mother was too afraid to say anything to this larger man because she was alone with her daughter at the time.

They went inside, locked the doors, called the police and the man eventually left. She did not tell the man she was calling the police.

Keep in mind that she just moved in and is terrified so she may not have acted in the best possible way.

My wife saw this as a red flag and looked up a sex offender registry that revealed a sex offender that lived right around the corner from them. He roughly matched the description that the mother gave us. We're pretty certain it may be him. We sent her the photo and she is certain as well, but his hair is different so that's the only difference here.

The sex offender in question has had indecent liberties with a minor and so you can see the alarm in him asking to take her to school.

Then, TODAY my sister in law and her partner found people food and water bottles in the kennel where the dog resides, also the kennel had been moved. This suggests that someone was camping out with the dog in order to get friendly with it.

Sorry again for the lack of details in the initial post, we're all a little frantic about this right now.

EDIT: title edit because many people were offended by such an absolute statement that seems to convict someone without proof. still, no one is being named or directly accused in this post. rest easy and thank you for your concerns.
140 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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My family is (most likely) in danger of a known sex offender (Original Post) retrowire Sep 2015 OP
Restraining order? HooptieWagon Sep 2015 #1
deadbolts are definitely coming soon retrowire Sep 2015 #2
He has to pose a threat... HooptieWagon Sep 2015 #4
they haven't confronted him retrowire Sep 2015 #7
Put up 'No Trespassing' signs, etc. nt No Vested Interest Sep 2015 #9
question retrowire Sep 2015 #16
I don't know the answer, but someone locally - police, library, lawyer - does No Vested Interest Sep 2015 #21
Can they fence the yard? HooptieWagon Sep 2015 #11
fence too expensive retrowire Sep 2015 #17
if the woman is a single mom, she won't confront him alone wordpix Sep 2015 #82
while the feminist in me retrowire Sep 2015 #87
This may sound like the craziest advice but it will work wonders for confidence. snagglepuss Sep 2015 #88
I never thought about this retrowire Sep 2015 #89
Just note they have to the ones that are completely mirrored snagglepuss Sep 2015 #90
When in this kind of situation always document everything jwirr Sep 2015 #12
I second that. Cameras wouldn't hurt either. nt No Vested Interest Sep 2015 #24
they are a must and get an electric fence wordpix Sep 2015 #83
Restraining orders are worthless. You have to be prepared to protect yourself and others. nt alphafemale Sep 2015 #47
What was the offense? Was there no notification that he was going to move there? Brickbat Sep 2015 #3
liberties with a minor retrowire Sep 2015 #5
How about having the most authoritarian family member No Vested Interest Sep 2015 #6
see post 7 for more detail. retrowire Sep 2015 #8
Why does the creep have access to the dog? snagglepuss Sep 2015 #10
Because he's able to walk into the backyard and interact with it. n/t retrowire Sep 2015 #28
In no way is it OK for ANYONE to walk onto someone else's property. cwydro Sep 2015 #37
Given that their a house doesn't have a fence snagglepuss Sep 2015 #69
years ago, my baby stroller was stolen from my back yard wordpix Sep 2015 #86
I worked 2 years teaching math and science to Juvenile sexual offenders Ichingcarpenter Sep 2015 #13
Indeed. Talking to him would be a good start. Chemisse Sep 2015 #70
I wouldn't talk to him. If he is roguevalley Sep 2015 #97
Exactly. You don't engage with a sex offender who is BreakfastClub Sep 2015 #98
Mental? Do you mean mentally ill? Chemisse Sep 2015 #140
Is there a school or child-care center within . . . R. P. McMurphy Sep 2015 #14
He does live close enough to a university retrowire Sep 2015 #22
Residency restrictions as far as schools are concerned only deal with K-12, preschools, and daycares NuclearDem Sep 2015 #39
The first thing is to confirm your neighbors identity. The fact snagglepuss Sep 2015 #15
i updated the op with more details. n/t retrowire Sep 2015 #26
You have not confirmed it is the person in question davidpdx Sep 2015 #103
correct retrowire Sep 2015 #114
I'm confused. You say the family is not 100% certain if the sex offender is this guy?. . . Journeyman Sep 2015 #18
I just updated the initial post with much better details, sorry! retrowire Sep 2015 #19
Your family should confirm who it is they're afraid of first REP Sep 2015 #20
Dog is in the backyard and not all day either. retrowire Sep 2015 #25
Edited! REP Sep 2015 #27
whether or not he is the same guy- he is dead wrong. she should introduce herself and explain that bettyellen Sep 2015 #45
script and a strategy retrowire Sep 2015 #49
may I suggest perusing Captain Awkward and searching "personal safety" for scripts? bettyellen Sep 2015 #57
thanks so much for your help retrowire Sep 2015 #61
of course! it seemed to me that she was a bit too shocked to react in the moment.... bettyellen Sep 2015 #68
Well and the thing is she hasn't confirmed that davidpdx Sep 2015 #104
Hey I am not trying to be funny , but a long time ago I had a girlfriend who had some Person 2713 Sep 2015 #23
they need to have a talk with the daughter about how to deal with strangers and keeping boundaries bettyellen Sep 2015 #29
Yeah, a lock on the kennel might be a good idea. cwydro Sep 2015 #35
I would have interrupted and cheerfully asked her to go inside, introduce myself and get his name... bettyellen Sep 2015 #43
You need someone to put their foot down ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2015 #30
Yes, this. ladyVet Sep 2015 #117
I agree with poster above to document everything. HooptieWagon Sep 2015 #31
Deadbolts will help Warpy Sep 2015 #32
Please don't over-react Joanie Baloney Sep 2015 #33
The recidivism rate for sex offenders is pretty high. HooptieWagon Sep 2015 #36
Actually, it's among the lowest for all criminals. NuclearDem Sep 2015 #40
Actually, it isn't high Joanie Baloney Sep 2015 #42
I'm glad you posted this and didn't let the person who said this get away with it davidpdx Sep 2015 #107
You're welcome Joanie Baloney Sep 2015 #108
I know someone who was recently released davidpdx Sep 2015 #111
That's a myth, for what it's worth. Xithras Sep 2015 #44
Actually it's lower than that, and lower than any other crime. MindPilot Sep 2015 #51
Arrest vs. conviction. Xithras Sep 2015 #63
links please! I think you are wrong. Nt Logical Sep 2015 #92
Sorry - just saw your reply Joanie Baloney Sep 2015 #109
The bastard does not have the right to groom another child. alphafemale Sep 2015 #53
The problem here is that a stranger is being too friendly with the child. yardwork Sep 2015 #56
Somebody messing with my dog in that way cwydro Sep 2015 #34
i thought i did retrowire Sep 2015 #52
Is he worried about the dog? TBF Sep 2015 #62
the dog is perfectly fine and well taken care of retrowire Sep 2015 #67
That suggest to me that you are mistaken about his identity. Ms. Toad Sep 2015 #110
the police haven't seen the person retrowire Sep 2015 #115
Is he a "known sex offender" or not? Orrex Sep 2015 #119
i see retrowire Sep 2015 #122
No, I'm not offended, but careless imprecision damages one's credibility Orrex Sep 2015 #123
I think he's attracted to the dog. rug Sep 2015 #38
Get a camera, even a game camera if you want to be cheap Travis_0004 Sep 2015 #41
"a large bald black man" MindPilot Sep 2015 #46
Well, it was stated that edgineered Sep 2015 #54
Well played, well played... MindPilot Sep 2015 #60
I'm only giving the description retrowire Sep 2015 #55
What does his skin color have to do with anything? MindPilot Sep 2015 #58
no, i thought the bi-polar thing was evidence of MORE poor boundaries and impulse control. bettyellen Sep 2015 #64
I'm confused where the information of him being out of the hospital for whatever is coming from. cwydro Sep 2015 #112
He told the child about his mental health issues.... bettyellen Sep 2015 #120
Holy cow. I missed that. cwydro Sep 2015 #124
Unfortunately this woman is a bit scared. Whether she says something with her phone in hand or bettyellen Sep 2015 #125
because its a visual descriptor. retrowire Sep 2015 #65
Bingo. Ms. Toad Sep 2015 #116
thanks for the explanation retrowire Sep 2015 #118
Give it a rest. This is a 840high Sep 2015 #71
thank you. n/t retrowire Sep 2015 #73
Do get over yourself. nt Codeine Sep 2015 #84
i have to second warpy restorefreedom Sep 2015 #48
How about keeping the dog inside vankuria Sep 2015 #50
1. You may want to consider going to the Sheriff's Office Evergreen Emerald Sep 2015 #59
these are great bits of advice thank you! n/t retrowire Sep 2015 #66
It's also possible he's on probation or parole Jesus Malverde Sep 2015 #72
Those are great bits of advice. I would also suggest that your snagglepuss Sep 2015 #77
put a camera up and call the police. Sunlei Sep 2015 #74
on top of that move the dog inside & don't leave a dog outside when you're not home. Sunlei Sep 2015 #75
This man needs explicit instruction to roody Sep 2015 #76
How about direct confrontation. Trespass on my property again and I will call the police. I know you Pisces Sep 2015 #78
the mother is afraid retrowire Sep 2015 #79
He should be afraid she doesn't kill him when he next steps foot on her property. Predators Pisces Sep 2015 #113
Hyperbole. Comatose Sphagetti Sep 2015 #80
okay, another user who makes it about race retrowire Sep 2015 #85
Ignore the posters who are trying to do that. cwydro Sep 2015 #105
You are absolutely correct to be extremely cautious and protective. While it's all sunshine and underahedgerow Sep 2015 #135
You dont think offering a stranger's 9 year old rides to school is concerning behavior? Warren DeMontague Sep 2015 #96
Definitely Dorian Gray Sep 2015 #101
This is about a family - who don't 840high Sep 2015 #127
OK, this is where I might take shooting lessons wordpix Sep 2015 #81
You are the second person in the thread to mention a gun davidpdx Sep 2015 #106
Where? Chan790 Sep 2015 #91
There's been a lot of good advice - Mother Of Four Sep 2015 #93
Is the dog neglected? Is it walked daily? roody Sep 2015 #94
I think you're wise to trust your gut, especially on those red flags. Warren DeMontague Sep 2015 #95
Obviously, there is ohheckyeah Sep 2015 #99
I live in NYC Dorian Gray Sep 2015 #100
No to the "thanks but" yes to "nope, it would not be okay for you to do that, please don't approach bettyellen Sep 2015 #121
What's this man's name? Orrex Sep 2015 #102
Stop trying to bait him into a witch hunt already. Transparent fake concern. bettyellen Sep 2015 #126
Golly! Such righteous indignation! Golly! Orrex Sep 2015 #128
God forbid you be kind to someone who has good reason to worry about their niece and SIL. bettyellen Sep 2015 #129
God forbid we get our facts straight before we rush to condemn Orrex Sep 2015 #130
I've actually been helping- you have chosen to badger (upthread( and bettyellen Sep 2015 #131
Ridicule? Please. Orrex Sep 2015 #134
i have a name, whether or not it is HIS name has yet to be decided. nt retrowire Sep 2015 #139
Did you talk to this guy? If not, why not? randome Sep 2015 #132
I'm not naming someone whom it may not be retrowire Sep 2015 #137
You've received some good advice, which I can only second. historylovr Sep 2015 #133
thank you. n.t retrowire Sep 2015 #138
Well, keep us posted. cwydro Sep 2015 #136

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
2. deadbolts are definitely coming soon
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 04:51 PM
Sep 2015

can you get a restraining order on a person that the police have not caught in the act?

should they get a picture of the guy?

 

HooptieWagon

(17,064 posts)
4. He has to pose a threat...
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 04:57 PM
Sep 2015

...but the bar is pretty low. If he's trying to make nice with the dog (is that on your property?) and you've told him not to, and given his sex-offender status, that may be enough. Restraining order won't prevent him from coming on your property, but it will cause his arrest if cops get there in time. At local courthouse is probably an advocate who'll help you with the paperwork.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
7. they haven't confronted him
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:01 PM
Sep 2015

they found evidence of food and drink with the dog that they did not give the dog.

they suspect that its the same man that they found talking to their daughter on the front porch earlier last week.

No Vested Interest

(5,150 posts)
21. I don't know the answer, but someone locally - police, library, lawyer - does
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:31 PM
Sep 2015

know the answer.
Likely depends on local or state laws.

 

HooptieWagon

(17,064 posts)
11. Can they fence the yard?
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:07 PM
Sep 2015

I think they should confront the man, tell them to stay the hell away or they'll get a restraining order. If he's a pedofile, then there may be restrictions on him living within xxx yards of families with children. He may be in violation of parole.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
17. fence too expensive
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:20 PM
Sep 2015

and if they moved into a neighborhood he already lived in, I don't think he can be charged on the parole thing.

wordpix

(18,652 posts)
82. if the woman is a single mom, she won't confront him alone
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:24 PM
Sep 2015

She needs a big burly man friend to go with her.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
87. while the feminist in me
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:34 PM
Sep 2015

highly disagrees that she needs a man, I will say that she could use assistance.

because of this recent incident, her partner (my sil) has been staying with them more frequently.

snagglepuss

(12,704 posts)
88. This may sound like the craziest advice but it will work wonders for confidence.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 09:21 PM
Sep 2015

Tell your sister to buy mirrored sunglasses and wear them when she confronts him even if she is with someone. They aren't magic but they do prevent predators seeing fear and that puts them off their game. If someone is fearful their eyes reveal fear which gives predators a big advantage. Wearing mirrored glasses gives one a sense of invulnerability and thus control which is why i believe cops wear them.

snagglepuss

(12,704 posts)
90. Just note they have to the ones that are completely mirrored
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 10:22 PM
Sep 2015

so they are opaque not the ones that have a light mirror finish where the eye and its movements are still visible. Also given the iffy neighborhood she will probably will want to wear whenever she goes out because most guys simply do not bother women when they can't see their eyes.

jwirr

(39,215 posts)
12. When in this kind of situation always document everything
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:08 PM
Sep 2015

that goes on. By that I mean keep a diary with dates, places, actions and names of witnesses.

You will need them to convince the police that you need the order.

No Vested Interest

(5,150 posts)
6. How about having the most authoritarian family member
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 04:59 PM
Sep 2015

speak respectfully to this person, telling him that the dog is not to be fed and the grounds are not to be entered.
That may let him know in a non-confrontational way that his actions have been observed and are not welcome.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
37. In no way is it OK for ANYONE to walk onto someone else's property.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:08 PM
Sep 2015

No effing way. This guy could poison the dog, harm the dog...god knows.

And that he got that close to the kid, no matter who he is. Wow.

snagglepuss

(12,704 posts)
69. Given that their a house doesn't have a fence
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:09 PM
Sep 2015

and that their neighborhood seems iffy, it probably would be advisable to keep the dog inside and take him out for walkies. I would also find out whether the dog could be trained to be more protective of the child.

wordpix

(18,652 posts)
86. years ago, my baby stroller was stolen from my back yard
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:31 PM
Sep 2015

if the yard is open, some people will just walk right in. I was so frantic to get it back that I made copies of a flyer describing it and pleading that I needed it for my baby. It reappeared about 2 days after posting the flyers all over the neighborhood. (This was in the pre-internet days).

Ichingcarpenter

(36,988 posts)
13. I worked 2 years teaching math and science to Juvenile sexual offenders
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:09 PM
Sep 2015

With no exception it was a continued generational history which
I think was a learned behavior on their part being a victim and then the victimizer of the horrors of their reality.

Sometimes some can be categorized as sex offender having had a relationship in high school with someone under aged of you.

My best suggestion is conversation with the person you fear and not
aggression.... They are human and are victims as well.

A good community dialogue with the so called offender is the best bet

Chemisse

(30,778 posts)
70. Indeed. Talking to him would be a good start.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:14 PM
Sep 2015

He may not even be the sex offender in question. He could be homeless and likes dogs. Or maybe he is mentally challenged, and doesn't understand he is doing something wrong.

That doesn't make this alright, by any means. But it's good to know exactly what kind of person you are dealing with before going into panic mode.

roguevalley

(40,656 posts)
97. I wouldn't talk to him. If he is
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 02:22 AM
Sep 2015

mental, he might think that you talking to him is acceptance of his presence. Don't talk to him. Post your property against trespass and keep your dog inside. This dude will not interpret your actions normally. Don't let him think you can talk to him or he to you. Don't make eye contact is what I was always told with menacing situations. Don't let him think you are accepting his presence and yes, he is grooming your family through your dog. I would have a taser in my house if this was me.

BreakfastClub

(765 posts)
98. Exactly. You don't engage with a sex offender who is
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 03:07 AM
Sep 2015

wandering into your yard, letting your dog out and playing with him/her without your consent. You call the police. I can't believe anyone is telling this person to talk to the man. Good Lord.

Chemisse

(30,778 posts)
140. Mental? Do you mean mentally ill?
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 05:47 PM
Sep 2015

That aside, it's amazing how well the direct approach works. It's ridiculous to be ruled by fear.

R. P. McMurphy

(833 posts)
14. Is there a school or child-care center within . . .
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:15 PM
Sep 2015

one thousand feet of the offenders residence?

If so, and depending on when he moved to this location, they may have some recourse.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
22. He does live close enough to a university
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:31 PM
Sep 2015

that high school students also go to. Is that something we can do anything about?

 

NuclearDem

(16,184 posts)
39. Residency restrictions as far as schools are concerned only deal with K-12, preschools, and daycares
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:15 PM
Sep 2015

Universities don't count.

snagglepuss

(12,704 posts)
15. The first thing is to confirm your neighbors identity. The fact
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:16 PM
Sep 2015

that they aren't sure is a red flag. I'm not a lawyer but if they start telling neighbors the guy is a sex offender and he isn't, that seems like grounds for libel. Aren't the police required to acknowledge whether or not that man is the person in the sex offender registry?

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
103. You have not confirmed it is the person in question
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:34 AM
Sep 2015

You have stated that you think it is. You are making a guess.

Journeyman

(14,978 posts)
18. I'm confused. You say the family is not 100% certain if the sex offender is this guy?. . .
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:20 PM
Sep 2015

You and your wife don't live in this house, but based on a light description of the guy your wife looked up someone on the internet who lives around the corner? And from this, the conclusion has been drawn that your relatives live next to a sex offender?

Am I understanding this correctly?

I understand people's concerns. You can't be too safe in this country, not with the substandard judicial system we have, but is there a threat from this guy? Or is the threat from someone who lives around the corner from them? And is there more to this story that you haven't shared that is, in fact, feeding your fears?

REP

(21,691 posts)
20. Your family should confirm who it is they're afraid of first
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:31 PM
Sep 2015

They're not 100% sure the guy they're pissing their pants over is the the same man on the offender list. So step one: who is the actual offender. Step two: don't leave dog out in front; anyone can poison/steal/etc the dog.

I lived in a small apartment building with a registered sex offender. Wasn't crazy about it, but I made sure to keep my doors looked. Never had a problem with him.

ETA after update: there's nothing that says "don't come back" like a calm conversation while holding a 10 gauge shotgun. Don't need to point it anything. Just make it real clear he's not welcome there. Ever.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
25. Dog is in the backyard and not all day either.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:34 PM
Sep 2015

If you haven't read the additional details I just added in my op, please do. If you want!

Again, this guy matches the description except for the hair. I have a feeling that the mother is a bit too nervous to commit to the accusation so she may be subliminally making excuses because of this stupid hair thing. Point is, the offender lives around the corner, he is overweight, black and bald. And it just so happens this creepy dude that talked to her 9 year old daughter last week is overweight, black, bald and is able to walk to their house. We're pretty damn certain.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
45. whether or not he is the same guy- he is dead wrong. she should introduce herself and explain that
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:38 PM
Sep 2015

he should not be engaging with her child or dog unless the parents are present, and the yard is off limits. she should get his name, and be emphatic about it. i would get a good picture of him too.
if it seems like he is still lurking I would get cameras set up. the kid needs a script and a strategy- it is very hard for the mom to set boundaries, so the kid will find it extra hard. they both need coaching.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
57. may I suggest perusing Captain Awkward and searching "personal safety" for scripts?
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:58 PM
Sep 2015

She has an amazing advice column whose motto is "use your words", and much is geared toward women who have been socialized to be conflict adverse learning to stand up for themselves in all sorts of situations. I think it would be helpful for the Mom to get her own script. People try and erode your boundaries, but she has to remember- No is a complete sentence. She owes this man no big explanation of WHY what he is doing is wrong, but she may need to spell it out from him. And to get a backup strategy if things escalate.

Once she has the script, she can type them in a text to herself and have them in her phone to refer to. And practice with her daughter. And also take his picture to get the upper hand, since he has been stealthy.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
68. of course! it seemed to me that she was a bit too shocked to react in the moment....
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:08 PM
Sep 2015

and that is very very common! And will really work against her if/ when she speaks to the police, who will then treat it as "a misunderstanding". Abusers absolutely test limits to locate those who are too polite - or stunned- to push back.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
104. Well and the thing is she hasn't confirmed that
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:36 AM
Sep 2015

She's making an assumption. Confronting someone with a gun, pointed at them or not says you are prepared to fire it. I would hope someone on DU wouldn't make that kind of a statement.

Person 2713

(3,263 posts)
23. Hey I am not trying to be funny , but a long time ago I had a girlfriend who had some
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:32 PM
Sep 2015

pervert trying to screw her family's dog . Tell the guy to leave the premise period ! He's pushing boundaries with a new neighbor regardless what his motive is even if it's just to feed the dog the answer is stay away NO.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
29. they need to have a talk with the daughter about how to deal with strangers and keeping boundaries
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:42 PM
Sep 2015

and safeguard the dog, not leaving him out for anyone to have access to. this guy may not be who you suspect, but merely someone who thinks the dog is neglected.
The man needs a stern talking to about not trespassing, feeding or touching the dog at all anymore.
But honestly, I'd think of getting a surveillance camera because it seems off he already has such poor sense of what is appropriate already. and police these days do not investigate- you pretty much have to hand them evidence of trespass for them to cite this person.
offering to walk the kid home from school- completely inappropriate. they need to explain to their daughter how wrong that was, and how to react if he approaches her again.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
35. Yeah, a lock on the kennel might be a good idea.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:04 PM
Sep 2015

Really amazed they allowed this man to talk to their daughter without saying something to him - in the strongest possible manner.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
43. I would have interrupted and cheerfully asked her to go inside, introduce myself and get his name...
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:31 PM
Sep 2015

and then explain touching or feeding the dog and visiting your yard is totally off limits, as is engaging the child when we are not there to supervise. Abusers will seek out individuals or families who have poor boundaries and break them down further. The whole family does need to set him straight themselves. The only alternative is to wait to catch him in the "act" of god knows what, and even then little can be done without firm evidence.

Police will not take you seriously if you have not at least confronted this person about what can be characterized as harassing behavior.
I would speak with him directly, and possibly involve the police only if I had concerns after the talk. I would bring the dog inside if I could not keep a pretty constant eye on things. He could get sick from eating god knows what.

ProudToBeBlueInRhody

(16,399 posts)
30. You need someone to put their foot down
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:42 PM
Sep 2015

Regardless if he is a sex offender or not IT IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR HIM TO BE FREELY ENTERING THE PROPERTY AND DOING WHAT HE IS DOING.

Tell him he needs to STAY OFF THE PROPERTY. If he protests, tell him to STAY THE FUCK OFF THE PROPERTY!!!!

Call the cops and lay it all out. Tell them if they don't take this seriously, you will be getting a lawyer and calling the media.

By any means necessary, protect your family. This guy sounds like he isn't wasting any fucking time.

ladyVet

(1,587 posts)
117. Yes, this.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 10:00 AM
Sep 2015

Not only are women raised to be "nice" and non-confrontational, but if there is any possible sort of racial element, most people are hesitant to push an issue so as not to seem bigoted (whether they are or not).

A chain link dog lot costs about $200 to $300 and can be locked. Put the dog house in it, and keep it locked, even if the dog is not in there.

Get No Trespassing signs, and post them around, especially at any place it seems the person is getting into the yard. Put one on the dog lot.

Talk to the neighbors, explain what happened, and see if they have any similar issues. Then all can report to the police. There is safety in numbers.

If possible, watch for this person to come into the area, and take photos or video of everything he does.

Watch that child like a hawk. Better safe than sorry.

 

HooptieWagon

(17,064 posts)
31. I agree with poster above to document everything.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:43 PM
Sep 2015

If you can get pictures of him in yard or with dog, all the better. Make sure the police know what's going on, and ask what additional documentation they would need. Make sure the guy understands he is not welcome on the property.
IMO, there's a lot of red flags that this is a dangerous situation. If there's nothing that can be done, then move ASAP.

Warpy

(110,518 posts)
32. Deadbolts will help
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 05:56 PM
Sep 2015

Also letting the daughter know that no matter how nice the man acts, he's dangerous and she needs to avoid him. Keep the dog indoors at night, especially, and during the day when possible. Crate him if necessary.

Somebody is stalking this family even if it's not the guy she thinks it is. A dog in the yard won't help. One in the house will.

Joanie Baloney

(1,357 posts)
33. Please don't over-react
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:00 PM
Sep 2015

Yes, it feels scary, but don't assume. Take normal precautions against any threat but don't be part of the vigilantism against sex offenders. The person has served his time for his crime and is allowed to live peacefully. He has restrictions, however, and if this person is doing anything truly harmful, of course, notify authorities.

-JB

 

HooptieWagon

(17,064 posts)
36. The recidivism rate for sex offenders is pretty high.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:05 PM
Sep 2015

I don't think OP is overreacting. Extreme caution is called for when it comes to the safety of loved ones. Better this shit gets nipped in the bud, then to assume he has good intentions and find out too late otherwise.

 

NuclearDem

(16,184 posts)
40. Actually, it's among the lowest for all criminals.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:17 PM
Sep 2015

Alcohol-related offenses and crimes against property have an absurdly high recidivism rate. Sex offenders are in the single digits for new sex offenses.

Joanie Baloney

(1,357 posts)
42. Actually, it isn't high
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:26 PM
Sep 2015

The latest numbers in California were just released by the Dept. Of Corrections. The recidivism rate for new sex crimes for sex offenders was 1.8%. The total recidivism rate seems high IF you include parole violations and other, non-sex related crimes.

And, yes, as I stated first - always be wary of any threats.

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

-JB

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
107. I'm glad you posted this and didn't let the person who said this get away with it
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:56 AM
Sep 2015

without rebutting the falsehood.

Failure to register many times can be if a person convicted of a sex crime is homeless. Parole violations can be for a number of things including not paying fines, failing a polygraph (even though they are not acceptable in court), failing a drug or alcohol test, missing an appointment, etc. Those two account for 91% of the so called "recidivism" rate.

Removing those two leaves you with new non-sex crimes and new sex crimes which is 9.1%. New sex crimes is 1.8%.

When sex offenders are given treatment, they very rarely re-offend.


(interesting they add up to a little over 100%, one or more of the numbers must have been rounded up)

Joanie Baloney

(1,357 posts)
108. You're welcome
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 07:43 AM
Sep 2015

I keep hearing how high the return rate is. Well, it is high if you look at the total. And, you are right. So many ways for a newly-released offender to violate parole.

-JB

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
111. I know someone who was recently released
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 08:55 AM
Sep 2015

The system has improved fortunately for him. It won't be an easy road though.

Xithras

(16,191 posts)
44. That's a myth, for what it's worth.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:36 PM
Sep 2015

According to the Department of Justice numbers, 5.3% of convicted sex offenders, and 3.3% of convicted child molesters, are later re-arrested for another sex offense. Their overall recidivism rate, where they are later rearrested for ANY crime, is also substantially lower. 43% of sex offenders are later rearrested for another non-sex crime, while 68% of non-sex offenders are later are later arrested for a non-sex crime.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware, careful, and take precautions when you have one in the neighborhood, but people tend to pull their torches and pitchforks when it often isn't warranted.

 

MindPilot

(12,693 posts)
51. Actually it's lower than that, and lower than any other crime.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:47 PM
Sep 2015

1.8% commit new sex crimes. The vast majority who go back to jail do so for non-related parole violations.

Xithras

(16,191 posts)
63. Arrest vs. conviction.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:03 PM
Sep 2015

The numbers I cited are the DoJ's rearrest numbers, and not reconviction numbers. Nationwide, 5.3% of sex offenders are later arrested for committing a new sex crime. The numbers posted a few comments up deal only with California, and only with actual convictions for a second offense.

While that number certainly includes some convicted offenders who are falsely accused of a second crime, it also certainly includes many who are guilty but who couldn't be prosecuted for various reasons (lack of evidence most commonly).

The actual re-offense rate probably sits somewhere between the two numbers.

http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/press/rsorp94pr.cfm

 

alphafemale

(18,497 posts)
53. The bastard does not have the right to groom another child.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:49 PM
Sep 2015

His behavior is beyond suspicious.

The police would not get there in time.

Learn to end these things.

yardwork

(61,139 posts)
56. The problem here is that a stranger is being too friendly with the child.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:52 PM
Sep 2015

It's not appropriate for a strange man to approach a nine year old and offer to take her to school. Whether or not he is the sex offender in question, that behavior raises red flags.

Call 911 if he comes on the property again and have him charged with trespassing.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
34. Somebody messing with my dog in that way
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:02 PM
Sep 2015

would be told pretty damn quick to stay off my property.

Much less on my property and trying to talk to my child.

Did the police respond when she called them? Curious that you didn't say what their advice was.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
52. i thought i did
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:48 PM
Sep 2015

they said that it seems to them like the guy is only trying to help. can you believe that shit?!

TBF

(31,869 posts)
62. Is he worried about the dog?
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:02 PM
Sep 2015

Some animal lovers will try to free dogs if they think they aren't being cared for. I have done some animal rescue and have heard many stories. You mentioned a "kennel" - is it an area or was it a small cage?

Moving the dog inside will take care of a lot of issues. Mine only go out when I'm with them (and they are large - 70 & 95 lbs).

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
67. the dog is perfectly fine and well taken care of
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:07 PM
Sep 2015

they're a family of vegan animal lovers, no worries.

Ms. Toad

(33,758 posts)
110. That suggest to me that you are mistaken about his identity.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 08:24 AM
Sep 2015

Sex offenders who target children are not well liked by police. The police have the means to confirm whether this person is, or is not, a sex offender. If their response when told about his activities was nonchalance, it strongly suggests to me that you've misidentified the person.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
115. the police haven't seen the person
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 09:27 AM
Sep 2015

they've called after the fact. they don't have a face to put with the name, we do. we can only give description.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
119. Is he a "known sex offender" or not?
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 11:01 AM
Sep 2015

Your story lacks a few key pieces of information

If he is a "known sex offender," then how exactly do you know who he is?
If he is a "known sex offender," then what exactly was his offense?
If he is a "known sex offender," then how is he known to be so?
If he is a "known sex offender," then how do the police not know who he is?
If he is a "known sex offender," then what sort of registry have you consulted?
If he is a "known sex offender," then how exactly have you notified the police?

These details will help us in advising you how to proceed.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
122. i see
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:28 PM
Sep 2015

you're offended by the title of the thread.

the title absolutely makes an absolute statement where, in a story of guesses, that is unfair.

in my op, there is the detail that he closely matches the known profile of a known pedophile that lives around the corner from their new home.

this man in question closely matches the profile, and is capable of walking right on over to their property.

he very much likely is the offender, but there is no way of knowing unless the police confirm it or if they ask the man himself, neither of which we have yet to do.

he is innocent until proven guilty and the title of my op is a bit of an overreaction.

still, there's your details, they were available in the op.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
123. No, I'm not offended, but careless imprecision damages one's credibility
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:43 PM
Sep 2015

When you call someone a "known sex offender," you'd better be able to back that up unless you want to be guilty of libel. If he's not, then you'll have the embarrassment of being sued by a someone you suspected of being a sex offender, and he'll have a very strong case.

he very much likely is the offender, but there is no way of knowing unless the police confirm it or if they ask the man himself, neither of which we have yet to do.
If he's a sex offender, he'll be on a registry and should be easy to track down. If you're sincere in your concern--and you truly seem to be--then you should check out one of the countless websites that host this information.

 

Travis_0004

(5,417 posts)
41. Get a camera, even a game camera if you want to be cheap
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:26 PM
Sep 2015

Next time he is on the property, call the police. They will likely just warn him and tell him to stay off your property. The second time he does it, and there is a record, they should cite him for trespassing.

 

MindPilot

(12,693 posts)
46. "a large bald black man"
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:39 PM
Sep 2015

large, bald AND black?!

That sure does sound scary! Especially if he is BIPOLAR!! OMFG, you never know when those mentally ill people are going to just start eating babies!! They're crazy and all want to shoot people.

You should probably stay in your house with the doors locked and the shades pulled until you can move to a neighborhood with a few more, umm, gates.

edgineered

(2,101 posts)
54. Well, it was stated that
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:51 PM
Sep 2015

the man may be thinking about moving into to dog kennel, rather than keeping his current abode. If he is an offender it would be necessary for him to report the new address, thereby confirming or disproving identity. It must certainly be a rough neighborhood when anothers dog kennel is better than an apartment.

Now try to stay with the program here - if you cannot be easily outraged you'll find yourself in the doghouse!

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
55. I'm only giving the description
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:51 PM
Sep 2015

you don't have to exacerbate it as such. do you have a problem with him being black or something?

also, I'm bipolar, nice job offending me by implying that I'm mentally Ill and would probably want to shoot people.

you think your post is funny (possibly) but its not.

 

MindPilot

(12,693 posts)
58. What does his skin color have to do with anything?
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:58 PM
Sep 2015

And you are the one implying that his bipolar condition has something to do with his potentiality to molest children.

No I was not being funny; that was irony.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
64. no, i thought the bi-polar thing was evidence of MORE poor boundaries and impulse control.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:04 PM
Sep 2015

feeding the dog and moving their kennel? No. offering to take a kid you've never met off somewhere when you've never met the parents? Hell no.
the man has issues with boundaries and respecting others, and TMI about his disorder is just another part of it.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
112. I'm confused where the information of him being out of the hospital for whatever is coming from.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 09:10 AM
Sep 2015

I would imagine that even sex offenders have HIPAA rights.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
120. He told the child about his mental health issues....
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:09 PM
Sep 2015

Which is clearly TMI for a child who isn't close family- and one you've just met? Something is wrong. Guy has a ton of issues trampling people's boundaries and property lines. The feeding the dog thing is very unsettling as well. Maybe he has other cognitive problems understanding how intrusive and wrong that is and is harmless, but it doesn't mean they should allow him to do whatever he wants.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
124. Holy cow. I missed that.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:46 PM
Sep 2015

You're right.

This guy needs to be told unequivocally to back the hell off.

If someone went into my backyard and messed with my dog...I wouldn't be in the least afraid to tell him to get out.

The talking to the child...uh uh. No way.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
125. Unfortunately this woman is a bit scared. Whether she says something with her phone in hand or
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:04 PM
Sep 2015

With someone backing her up she does need to clearly express to him that none of it is okay.
Otherwise he has plausible deniability. He can claim a friendship has developed whether or not he believes it himself.
Predators love the freeze up and stay silent types.
She needs to clearly defend her turf and report this too. After rereading this I would insist the cops take a report of this inappropriate conversation based on wanting to take the child off the property. The police should help her explain to him this is not okay.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
65. because its a visual descriptor.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:04 PM
Sep 2015

yes, the color of your skin is a mark that is used to identify what you look like. is that racist or something?

I merely said that he was just out of the hospital for bipolar disorder, this detail is useful as it suggests that his level of bipolar is pretty high and that he is in need of serious help, nowhere does that suggest that bipolar disorder is connected with pedophilia.

your connections yet again offend me, someone with bipolar disorder. you are one more ignorant comment away from a permanent ignore.

EDIT: the only thing that connects this guy with pedophilia is the fact that he is a stranger that offered to take a little girl to school without meeting her parents, the fact that he very closely matched the description of a registered offender that lives around the damn corner and the fact that he simply walked on over. so please, stop you're being offensive.

Ms. Toad

(33,758 posts)
116. Bingo.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 09:54 AM
Sep 2015

That's why my warning flags have been going off in this thread.

A dear friend of mine just went through a manic period, in which his internet posts looked remarkably similar to this thread. Because I was able to directly observe part of what he was reporting on, I know that what he was reporting was colored by his manic lens (even though he was unable to understand that until later).

I don't have that ability with you, obviously, so what you are reporting may be absolutely accurate. But I do know that long before you disclosed you were bipolar, I was having the same queasy gut reaction to your comments that I had to my friend's. I hope you are checking your perceptions with someone local you trust. Bipolar disorder is notoriously hard to treat, and is very sneaky about altering perceptions of reality in subtle ways that exaggerate minor (but often real) issues. I am reacting to what feels like an exaggerated response turning real, but relatively minor, observations into, "My family is in danger of a known sex offender" - before you have even confirmed that it is the same person.


restorefreedom

(12,655 posts)
48. i have to second warpy
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:45 PM
Sep 2015

get the dog in, and crate him at times if necessary. most dogs can be crate trained and can hang out in the house. they will let you know when they have to be walked to take care of business.

that dog should not be left out unattended. not for a minute until this gets resolved.

i am more experienced with dogs than kids so i am only speaking to that. hope things work out.

vankuria

(898 posts)
50. How about keeping the dog inside
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:47 PM
Sep 2015

and when he is let out to supervise him. Also the 9 yr. old needs to know it is not safe to talk to strangers and she should be supervised outside as well. This man offering to walk her home from school is way out of bounds and should raise a serious red flag. If he's seen on the property again he should be told by an adult to leave or the police will be called.

It's always a good idea to practice basic safety while at home, especially the kids, such as keeping doors locked and not answering the door to someone you don't know. Unfortunately it's not a safe world out there and extra precautions have to be taken to keep kid, pets and yourself safe.

Evergreen Emerald

(13,067 posts)
59. 1. You may want to consider going to the Sheriff's Office
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 06:58 PM
Sep 2015

And speak to the deputy who handles the sex offender registration. Tell him what is going on. The deputies can pay him a visit. And can give you information and advice. Find out if he is on Department of Corrections supervision--he may not be, but if he is, talking to a minor is a violation that will stick him back in prison.

2. He is grooming the family. Getting the dog to know him, talking to the child so he will not be a stranger. It is insidious and sex offenders are really really good at it. I am glad you guys are aware of it. But, do not sit on your hands. It is important that you address this. Do not take no for an answer. Be assertive.

3. Regarding the police who responded: if you do not like what they said, or believe they were dismissive, call their supervisor and tell them what happened. Even if they do nothing now, they at least have warning. Tell them you want a police report written up. You want a record of it. Sometimes it is easier for them to make excuses rather than write a report. Go up the chain.

4. Call the local victim advocate agency. Tell them what is going on and ask if there is a anti-harassment order you can get. If they don't know, go to the courthouse and fill out a motion for one. You can get his information on line, if not from the sheriff's office. Be sure to list the grooming behavior and his history.

Some might think this is over-responding. It is not. If you get no response...go to the media.

Of course this is just my opinion.

Jesus Malverde

(10,274 posts)
72. It's also possible he's on probation or parole
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:20 PM
Sep 2015

Ask the sherif and if so call his PO. It's likely he's violating his rules if he's on it.

snagglepuss

(12,704 posts)
77. Those are great bits of advice. I would also suggest that your
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:49 PM
Sep 2015

family write their local and state representatives if the police refuse to confirm or deny whether that guy is a sex offender. The more authorities you reach out to the better.

Sunlei

(22,651 posts)
75. on top of that move the dog inside & don't leave a dog outside when you're not home.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:38 PM
Sep 2015

(with no fence, in a kennel.) It's unsecure anyone can see your dog, hurt the dog, your dog could get out or even someone will take the dog or let him out.

roody

(10,849 posts)
76. This man needs explicit instruction to
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:44 PM
Sep 2015

not remove a dog from its kennel, and whatever other inappropriate things he has done.

Pisces

(5,575 posts)
78. How about direct confrontation. Trespass on my property again and I will call the police. I know you
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 07:55 PM
Sep 2015

are a sex offender. Stay away from me and my family, I have notified the police that you are bothering us. Tell him to move
on and most likely he will, knowing that you are not a push over and that you are informed.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
79. the mother is afraid
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:00 PM
Sep 2015

but we, the family behind her will support her the best we can even if we're not there.

Pisces

(5,575 posts)
113. He should be afraid she doesn't kill him when he next steps foot on her property. Predators
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 09:20 AM
Sep 2015

prey on the weak.

Comatose Sphagetti

(836 posts)
80. Hyperbole.
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:19 PM
Sep 2015

Seen it a million times. DEFCON 5 over someone (in this case a black man as stated by the author of the post, as if that makes any fucking difference) with a PAST sex offense. Fear and loathing and seeing him as nothing more than his offense, despite the real possibility he may be undergoing or has undergone treatment/rehabilitation.

I'd be more concerned about the untold numbers of unconvicted/unknown/unrehabilitated sex offenders surrounding us all.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
85. okay, another user who makes it about race
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:31 PM
Sep 2015

this isn't about his race, never was, that's a descriptor that was used to match him with the registered offense online. being black is not what makes him scary or dangerous and you're terrible for implying that. being afflicted with bipolar disorder doesn't make me fear him.

the fact is, a stranger, who matches a sex offenders profile, offered to take my niece to school. he entered their property and let their dog out of its kennel.

please, tell me, tell my family, tell her mother not to overreact. please, tell me that I'm making it about race and mental disabilities when I'm talking about a stranger that interacts with a family dog and a 9 yr old girl.

please, because if you really have it in you to make me out to be the bad guy, go right ahead.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
105. Ignore the posters who are trying to do that.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:37 AM
Sep 2015

Listen, if he is indeed a sex offender, then he is required to register with the police. So it sounds like those cops dropped the ball.

Contact the sheriff's office, and I would make another try to report it to the police.

But I completely agree with the other posters who say that this guy needs to be dealt with assertively, extremely assertively.

underahedgerow

(1,232 posts)
135. You are absolutely correct to be extremely cautious and protective. While it's all sunshine and
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 02:19 PM
Sep 2015

roses to try to be kind to the guy, because clearly he's dealing with his demons, I think it's really important to make the boundaries clear to him in polite but very specific terms if he comes on the property again.

He must be told that he cannot come on to the property to see the dog or let it out of its kennel at any time, at all, ever. Just that he can't do it at all, ever. If he is found on the property again, simply say 'John it's time for you to go now.' Limit all dialogue and interaction, escort him out to the street and say 'John, you can't come in our yard or play with our dog without our permission, ok?' Then use the excuse of an important meeting or telephone call, say good bye, go in the house and close the door. If he knocks on the door asking to play with the dog, just keep saying it's not a good time right now. There should always be something really important to be doing inside the house as an excuse to cut off the interaction. Be polite and kind, but very confident.

For legality sake, it's important to post a couple of signs; first, post a 'Dangerous Dog' sign. Secondly, post a No Trespassing sign. 3rd, post a 'This Property Under Video Surveillance' sign. A really big one! The No Trespassing sign provides your family with legal basis to the police that no one is allowed on their property. The Dangerous Dog sign is another deterrent and legal facilitator and could protect the family for future events. The video surveillance sign is really obvious of course.

If there is a way to secure the yard where the dog is kept, by locking a gate or fence, do it immediately. Absolutely put a lock on the kennel before anything else is done. No one has the right to enter anyone else's property and touch, handle, play with or interact with their property, whether it's a dog or even lawn furniture.

Your family should go to the local precinct and have a chat with the community liaison officer. Go during business hours and just state that they have concerns about a person in the area. The very first thing to say to each new police officer that you meet is 'I really need your help'. It's a psychological trigger that is very effective in getting authorities to assist you.

You can ask if he is on their lists, and make a report about his interactions with the family so far and clearly state the obvious concerns. You can ask that his probation/parole/case officer is contacted. It's possible that the police could facilitate a dialogue with his case worker, or also possible that the police could stop by and have a chat with him about his not being allowed to visit any families in the neighborhood if his case worker won't get involved. It has to be the right police officer who can handle a challenged person like this without resorting to violence. I think the best course of action would be a direct dialogue with his case worker, so that's the goal of the interaction. You can learn more about the guy's history and maybe in how to deal with him effectively but not negatively. Regardless, the case worker must be informed.

If that doesn't produce any results, seriously consider absolute security measures around the house and garden. Effective locks on doors, gates, kennels and windows and a surveillance system, as well as motion detector lights. It's expensive. If they own the house, it's a good investment. If they rent, and the guy continues to be worrisome, seriously just move.

Pepper spray is the absolute best harmless and non-lethal physical deterrent you can buy. It's cheap and 100% effective!

This is a really tough situation, and like you said, has absolutely nothing to do with the color of his skin or mental disabilities. This is a guy who is definitely challenged and who doesn't mesh into society too well. You're absolutely right in being cautious, but it's seriously important to gently refuse to interact with him for the safety of your family. It's nice to want to be kind to a special needs person, but it's more important to first protect your family

I can only wish you the best of luck. Don't pay any attention to the people here trying to get a rise out of you... it's not worth your time!

Dorian Gray

(13,453 posts)
101. Definitely
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 05:55 AM
Sep 2015

that's the creepiest part of the whole thing.

"Sure, Mr. Tresspasser whom I don't know. You can bring my kid to school tomorrow morning! I'll just sleep in! Here are my keys!"

wordpix

(18,652 posts)
81. OK, this is where I might take shooting lessons
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 08:23 PM
Sep 2015

But first, dialog with the dog-friendly guy, with a big burly man accompanying me. Whether or not this is the sex offender in the registry, see if Dog Friendly has a probation officer and contact that person.

davidpdx

(22,000 posts)
106. You are the second person in the thread to mention a gun
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:46 AM
Sep 2015

I really can't believe people on DU say that shit.

 

Chan790

(20,176 posts)
91. Where?
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 10:46 PM
Sep 2015

It's easier to direct you to resources if I know where those resources should be located.

Just a town...or a county if you don't want to be specific or a region of a state or a state. (In declining order of preference)

There are resources for these kinds of concerns.

Also I'd suggest that they call the school the child attends, for a number of reasons:

*If this is the offender and he's grooming their child, she's probably not the only one he's targeting. Schools are really good at coordinating responses to threats of child endangerment.

*Because it alerts the school to keep an eye out for the individual in question on or near school ground and/or in proximity to the child in question; if they're a known sex-offender, it's almost-certainly a parole violation.

*Because they definitely know what resources and referrals are available in the area.

*If they do nothing other than bring the exact same concern to local law enforcement, it will be probably taken more seriously being reported by the school.

Mother Of Four

(1,714 posts)
93. There's been a lot of good advice -
Tue Sep 29, 2015, 11:38 PM
Sep 2015

I'd like to add my 2c if you don't mind. In steps

1) Have her, or a friend, or the library print out no trespass signs. She needs four of them, one in a window on each side of the home clearly visible, put up on the inside facing out so no one can take it down. This backs her up, because it will show he knowingly or intentionally entered the property. It serves as a form of notice, followed by the verbal warning in step 4.

2) Verify the mans identity the best they can, is he homeless? Is he the offender? What level is the threat?

3) Move the dog indoors, so that there isn't any more exposure to the man. Sit the daughter down and explain that strangers are anyone that mom and dad haven't approved of, ANYONE, even if it's a family member or friend they've known for years. Strangers aren't just people you don't "know", strangers can seem familiar or appear to be someone to trust.

4) Next time the man comes to the home, and he will, she needs to turn her video record on and state very simply and clearly that he is not welcome on the property. She needs to also make sure she mentions the no trespass signs and that if she sees him there will be no further warning or interaction. The police WILL be called. Video is important because it will show his face as well as record her stating he's not welcome. If he refuses to leave after the verbal warning, she can then call the police and let them know she has a trespasser that is refusing to leave.

5) Even if he leaves, she should still call the police and ask for an officer to come by so she can report a suspicious person, she can then show them the video and make sure it's on paper that he's been trespassed. (Told not to come back). If after verifying his identity to the best of their ability it appears he's a sex offender, she needs to let the police know that and have it on report as well.

6) Call the school and request a meeting with the school counselor/principal/teacher and let them know what's going on. Reiterate that it's only people approved by the parents and on their list that can engage the child, or pick them up. Depending on the school, she might be able to request that her daughter be chaperoned until this blows over. Meaning a teacher, aid, counselor, office staff member keeps an eye on her until she's on the bus or picked up from school.

7) Make sure that she has bright lights on the outside of the house at night time, it's amazing how much of a deterrent lighting is. They are much less likely to try and invade the home if they have a really good chance of being seen. Reading what her neighborhood is like she needs to do this regardless.

I hope this helps.

roody

(10,849 posts)
94. Is the dog neglected? Is it walked daily?
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:54 AM
Sep 2015

Does it spend time with the family? If not, maybe this man is a kind soul who feels sorry for the dog.

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
95. I think you're wise to trust your gut, especially on those red flags.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:13 AM
Sep 2015

Someone "on the sex offender registry" for crimes relating to children really ought to have a basic understanding that offering to take a stranger's 9 year old to school is going to set off all sorts of alarm bells, and is not okay.

I mean, come on.

It's also quite possibly a violation of this guy's parole or probation or something, so ditto on contacting the sheriff about that.

Lastly, dont let anyone shame you for being concerned and proactive on this. You and your SIL are keeping your eyes open, and have rightly spotted some out of place behavior. There are episodes in our society where i think folks are overprotective or needlessly paranoid, but this doesnt sound like one of them.

Stay safe.

ohheckyeah

(9,314 posts)
99. Obviously, there is
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 03:49 AM
Sep 2015

a problem here that needs to be dealt with. I'm sorry your family is having to deal with this.

I recommend that your SIL get some self defense and assertiveness training. I don't understand the lack of confrontation.

My mother, one of the most meek and mild people I know went ballistic on a large man for putting his hands on me when I was 7. She made it clear that she would ruin his life if he so much as spoke to me.

I hate it for you SIL that she is terrified. That terror can transfer to the child so please encourage her to take some classes.

Dorian Gray

(13,453 posts)
100. I live in NYC
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 05:54 AM
Sep 2015

with my husband and daughter, and in the building next to me, a registered sex offender lives. Yes, it's harrowing and scary to ponder. I handle it by always keeping my eye on my daughter. She's not left alone with strangers.

If I were the parents, my child would not walk to school alone. I would tell the office at the school that a man you don't know has offered to take her/pick her up. Tell them, under no circumstances, is your daughter to be released to anybody but... and make a list of acceptable people.

You don't have to helicopter her, but you can make sure that she is safe when being transported from point A to point B.

Legally, I don't think there is anything else you can do.

And if the man offers to "help" again, just tell him "Thanks, but no thanks. We have it taken care of." Polite but dismissive enough for him to know it's not in the cards.

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
121. No to the "thanks but" yes to "nope, it would not be okay for you to do that, please don't approach
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 12:24 PM
Sep 2015

My child unless I am with her". Don't leave anti room for him to try again.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
102. What's this man's name?
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 06:30 AM
Sep 2015

If he's a sex offender, then this is a matter of public record, and we'll be able to look him up.

The additional information about his past will help us to understand the level of the threat and to suggest appropriate courses of action.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
128. Golly! Such righteous indignation! Golly!
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:32 PM
Sep 2015

The OP started the "witch hunt" by declaring the man a sex offender
And, to his credit, he has already acknowledged that this was careless wording.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
130. God forbid we get our facts straight before we rush to condemn
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:44 PM
Sep 2015

The OP has already admitted the imprecision of his title and has amended it. I asked for clarification and, to his credit, the OP has provided it. But you're so eager to lash out that you simply can't restrain yourself. I find that remarkable.

Why don't you focus your righteous concern on the niece and sister-in-law's well being rather than fuming pointlessly at some anonymous character on an internet forum?

Golly!

 

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)
131. I've actually been helping- you have chosen to badger (upthread( and
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:49 PM
Sep 2015

Ridicule the poster. How awesome.

Orrex

(62,994 posts)
134. Ridicule? Please.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 02:03 PM
Sep 2015

Last edited Wed Sep 30, 2015, 04:23 PM - Edit history (1)

Why are you more steamed about this than about the OP is? Who are you trying to impress? And why?

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
132. Did you talk to this guy? If not, why not?
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:58 PM
Sep 2015

I'm sure your family is endangered by unknown sex offenders, as well.

And sorry, but 'large black man' does not sound pertinent to the post. If you want to describe him, give us his name since he's on a public registry.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]The truth doesn’t always set you free.
Sometimes it builds a bigger cage around the one you’re already in.
[/center][/font][hr]

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
137. I'm not naming someone whom it may not be
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 04:56 PM
Sep 2015

that's libel. a generic description, the kind that is used in government documentation, policing and such is just fine. I really wish people weren't offended by that, being large and black is nothing to see as negative to begin with and never what I intended.

historylovr

(1,557 posts)
133. You've received some good advice, which I can only second.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 01:58 PM
Sep 2015

Whatever you do, do not let anyone talk you into the idea that either you or your sister-in-law are over-reacting. Trust your instincts.

Keeping you all in my thoughts.

 

cwydro

(51,308 posts)
136. Well, keep us posted.
Wed Sep 30, 2015, 04:10 PM
Sep 2015

I do hope that the mom gains some assertiveness towards this situation.

The guy needs to stay out of their yard.

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