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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy sister died today.
Long story, relatively short illness. Leukemia attributed to 47 years as an X-ray tech. Back to the days before they even bothered with lead aprons.
Got to speak to her a few minutes before she passed. Too weak to speak back, only whimpers. It was the hospice nurses’ idea as I was only living sibling not present at bedside and she seemed agitated. Something was holding her here and I was the only one not at bedside. I live 400 miles away.
So what do you say?
Said I love you. Said things look pretty bad. Said I don’t really know what comes next, if there’s a better place or no place at all. Can’t be any worse than here, right? Know that everyone loves you. Just let go, Hon, let go.
My brother called a half hour later and said she calmed down and passed easily a few minutes after I spoke to her.
No need for anyone to respond, just putting it out here is cathartic . . .
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warrior1
(12,325 posts)that was very powerful.
I'm so sorry for your lost.
sorry for the very stupid typo's
spanone
(141,610 posts)r
polmaven
(9,463 posts)Losing a sibling is extaordinarily difficult, I'm sure. My heart goes out to you and your entire family.
elleng
(141,926 posts)
babylonsister
(172,759 posts)Even though death might be expected, once it happens it is never easy. You are both in my thoughts.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)
polly7
(20,582 posts) 
Ship of Fools
(1,453 posts)
FarPoint
(14,765 posts)(((((HUG)))))......PEACE.
Ken Burch
(50,254 posts)to help your sister leave this world in a state of calmness and peace. Perhaps she was hanging on just to hear your voice one last time.
This is a horrid time of year to lose people. Give yourself time to grieve and to heal. Be well.
Arctic Dave
(13,812 posts)
Kahuna
(27,366 posts) alcibiades_mystery
(36,437 posts)Many philosophers have asked your very question: what do you say to the person who is dying? Levinas in particular is fascinated by this question.
Best wishes to you and your family.
a_m
Tx4obama
(36,974 posts)
Ohio Joe
(21,898 posts)
riverwalker
(8,694 posts)and the love between you can be felt through this computer screen.
So sorry for your loss.
Saturday
(3,744 posts)That is a lovely memory your sister gave you.
yourout
(8,821 posts)His wife found him dead from a heart attack and is now in the hospital after having one of her own from the shock.
Their daughters are 24 and 20 I think.
liberal N proud
(61,194 posts)HillWilliam
(3,310 posts)
Our thoughts are with you. It's so not-easy to lose a sibling.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)Peace to all of you
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)
Historic NY
(40,037 posts)
William769
(59,147 posts) 
DURHAM D
(33,054 posts)My guess is the most loving thing you said was "Hon, let go."
xchrom
(108,903 posts)
Phentex
(16,709 posts)I'm glad you got to talk to her. My heart goes out to you!
Ferretherder
(1,450 posts)Know that a lot of people here on the DU are thinking about you and your family and sending you guys good vibes and keeping you in their thoughts.
malaise
(296,106 posts)Deepest sympathy
barbtries
(31,308 posts)and so glad that you were able to talk to her before she passed.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Perhaps the chance that you eased her passing can be some comfort later. It's hard to lose a sibling, and harder at this time of year.
Ilsa
(64,371 posts)in letting go. It sounded as if that was what she needed.
yardwork
(69,364 posts)
Warpy
(114,615 posts)She was likely upset that you weren't able to be there with the rest. Hearing you over the phone was enough to tell her if you could be there, you'd be there, but you couldn't.
You gave the the goodbye and permission to go that she needed.
Thank you.
LiberalAndProud
(12,799 posts)
I have no words of comfort. Your post moved me. For this moment, at least, I share your grief, and in some small way that connects us. I do wish you and your family comfort.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)Diagnosed December 31st 96 Died March 31st 97
My prayers are with you and your family
RainDog
(28,784 posts) catzies
(8,093 posts) 
riverbendviewgal
(4,396 posts)I am sure this is a hard Christmas for you.
malaise
(296,106 posts) polly7
(20,582 posts)
riverbendviewgal
(4,396 posts)It is my belief that your call made a difference and enabled her to pass on. Both my son and husband died within 18 months of each other. I told each of them to "let go" and go to the light. I told them I would miss them and that I loved them so much but they will find peace and no pain when they let go. They both had cancer. My son passed on first and his dad joined him in 18 months I know he wanted to go and be with him.
You said the most important words to your sister that you loved her.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)By helping her to cross over, you helped yourself with your own grief.
Bless you both.
cascadiance
(19,537 posts)I think she had a brain aneurism or something like that, because suddenly the next morning we found her dead on the bed next to me. I can feel your pain man! And that wasn't even for a human being family member! A tough way to end the holidays. Best wishes to you and your family.
We went to visit my dad the day after Thanksgiving two years ago too, and then a week or so later, he passed away on Pearl Harbor day. Raced down to be by his side, but he'd already gone to sleep before I'd arrived the night he passed. I felt good that I'd hugged him, told him I loved him and said goodbye I think the last time any family member was with him that Thanksgiving. That moment made it easier to take later. I'm glad you had that chance to say goodbye.
laruemtt
(3,992 posts) 
handmade34
(24,017 posts)my brother has leukemia... you did good
beac
(9,992 posts)It sounds like you gave her some mich-needed comfort in her last moments, so I hope that will be a comfort to you in the coming days.
sabrina 1
(62,325 posts) nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)
Ruby the Liberal
(26,665 posts) joeybee12
(56,177 posts) 
NNN0LHI
(67,190 posts) msanthrope
(37,549 posts)
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)When all of us were there he could go. I just hug you. I just hug and hug and hug you.
housewolf
(7,252 posts)Apparently she needed to hear from you. And a gift to you that you got to speak with her before she died. It may just be a curiosity to you today, but something you'll treasure in your years to come.
horseshoecrab
(944 posts)You did the right thing for your sister.
May she rest in peace.
Thor_MN
(11,843 posts)
cordelia
(2,174 posts)
femmocrat
(28,394 posts) Be grateful that you helped her to pass safely. Peace to you and your family.southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)youngest sister who was the closest in age and talked with him. He kept telling her he was so tired. Finally she said to him if your ready to go they would be ok and not to be afraid to let go. He was finally able to let go and finally died in peace. For the longest time he wasn't ready. He had his wife but she was worthless in the whole situation. Thank god they didn't have any children. But to this day I still hope and pray he is fine. My aunt told me that it was peaceful and she had a long talk with him and he was ready. On the other hand I kept think he would say to me I'm to young to go and he would cry. I just didn't know what to say. He suffered so long and he never smoked a day in his life. But you got to give them the best support you can. You made her passing easier for her. My wonderful Aunt who died last year always said she hopes to die a happy death. Meaning you would be happy if you could die in her sleep. By the time she died she was seeing dead family members and asking me about my uncle her husband had I seen him that day. He died over 20 yrs ago. My poor aunt. I felt so bad for her but on the other hand she saw some of her dead family members.
no_hypocrisy
(54,906 posts)(((hugs)))
tblue
(16,350 posts) 
uppityperson
(116,020 posts)GoCubsGo
(34,914 posts)I'm glad you got to tell her you loved her and say good-bye.
greytdemocrat
(3,300 posts)
cal04
(41,505 posts)
My thoughts are with you and your family.
steve2470
(37,481 posts)
classof56
(5,376 posts)My only sister who doubled as my best friend and guide through life died instantly in a traffic accident. It was many years ago, but the hurt remains. I did not have a chance to say goodbye. The pain remains to this day, and I shall never stop missing her. Please know there are those who care and wish you well. Your words helped her let go, and you can always take comfort in that.
Blessings.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,160 posts)
cantbeserious
(13,039 posts)eom
deutsey
(20,166 posts)
fizzgig
(24,146 posts) 
UTUSN
(77,795 posts)
tavalon
(27,985 posts)There is no right or wrong way to go through the most painfully human experience of the death of a loved one. I'm so sorry it's still hurting you so badly and I'm sorry this happened to you.
Sarah Ibarruri
(21,043 posts)peace and calm.
Raine
(31,178 posts)this is an especially difficult time to lose someone. My mother died two days after Christmas, it's hard to ever get into the holiday spirit when the anniversary is so connected.
proud patriot
(102,513 posts) 
likesmountains 52
(4,280 posts)
KeyserSoze87
(317 posts)May she rest in peace.
TBF
(36,669 posts)she needed everyone she loved to be there with her - and you were.
Withywindle
(9,989 posts)
You did the right thing, telling her it was OK to let go. You helped her ease her passing, and that is no small thing. I hope you can take some comfort in that.
Dystopian
(6,437 posts)I'm so very sorry for your loss....
peace~
unkachuck
(6,295 posts)"...not present at bedside..."...."...only one not at bedside."...."I live 400 miles away."...."So what do you say?"
"....she calmed down and passed easily a few minutes after I spoke to her."
....you did good, you eased her passage, no guilt required.
rsmith6621
(6,942 posts)My condolences to you and your family.....
OhioBlue
(5,202 posts)Peace and Love to you and your family,.
Peace and Love is what you gave your sister. You said it beautifully.
My most heartfelt condolences to you.
glinda
(14,807 posts)tavalon
(27,985 posts)Your sister waited for you. Humans and their love are amazing things. I do hope there is a better place and that she is there right now.
I'm so sorry for you and your family. The end of her pain is not the end of yours, but I hope it's as gentle as it can be. I hope you and your family have as gentle a grief as possible. Just remember, no matter what feelings you feel - sad, relieved, angry, happy, amused by an old anecdote about her, even numb - they are what you are supposed to be feeling when you feel them and they are okay.
tavalon
(27,985 posts)I know you are hurting and probably will be for some time. Even though you admit you didn't know what to say, you went ahead and said the most perfect things in all the universe. You helped her.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
webDude
(875 posts)snot
(11,804 posts)Hugs.
Oldtimeralso
(1,945 posts)
qanda
(10,436 posts)I am so sorry for your loss. May your sister rest in eternal peace.
spooky3
(38,633 posts)But good for you for saying what she needed.
I'm sorry you could not be with her in body but you were in spirit.
Bozita
(26,955 posts)progressoid
(53,179 posts)I've been there. It's strange, but posting the loss of my brother here actually helped a little.
I hope our meager but sincere words help you in your loss.
auntAgonist
(17,302 posts)I'm glad you were able to speak with her for a few moments.
aA
kesha
Norrin Radd
(4,959 posts)
mtnester
(8,885 posts)
tishaLA
(14,777 posts)
mmonk
(52,589 posts)I'm glad she calmed down and passed easily with your words. May positive memories flow.
Solly Mack
(96,943 posts)
hlthe2b
(113,971 posts)I experienced something similar in that telling a loved one it is "ok to let go" seems to give them that peace they need to do so. I hope you can be at peace as well. My own sister is my closest living relative and I surely don't want to lose her. I am sorry for your loss. Truly.
mazzarro
(3,450 posts)Though death is to be expected, it is never easy, however.
My prayers goes out to you and your family - you are all in my thoughts.
nolabear
(43,850 posts)
ZombieHorde
(29,047 posts) WilliamPitt
(58,179 posts) 
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)
Jack Rabbit
(45,984 posts) 
sellitman
(11,745 posts)Condolences to you and your whole family.
cmd
(5,673 posts)Thank you for helping your sister. Peace be with you.
ProSense
(116,464 posts)May she RIP.
Condolences to you and your family.
City Lights
(25,830 posts)Very sad story.
I'm glad you were able to speak to her. Peace to you and yours.
ron2013
(1 post)My deepest condolences, dear friend.
bluestate10
(10,942 posts)
Odin2005
(53,521 posts)