Here Are 8 Shitty Things Your ‘Totally Not Racist’ Aunt Is Going To Gripe About On Thanksgiving

[Purveyor]

Ah, Thanksgiving — that time of year when families gather around a table to share each other’s company and feast. And of course, argue.

Let’s face it. There’s no avoiding the fact that your racist aunt is going to not only show up, but also drink too much Prosecco. You may try to ignore it, but as the evening wears on, something is going to get under your skin. Here are some things we predict, based on our highly-scientific casual observations of Twitter racists and Fox News discourse, we predict your “totally not racist” aunt is going to say on Thursday.

As a service to you, our readers, we have prepared a list of the things your aunt may say, so that you can mentally prepare yourself — because the only thing less productive than a political argument with your tipsy, racist family members at a holiday gathering is arguing with them Facebook.

For the purposes of this list, let’s just call her Auntie Alabaster Hayseed.

1. Syrian refugees are “invading” US: What worse dinner conversation could there be, other than to parrot this favorite conservative talking point that paints desperate people, a large number of whom are children, fleeing war and violence as evil terrorists who are not coming for safety, but instead to destroy America? Rest assured, just because the topic should be taboo, that won’t stop Auntie Alabaster Hayseed. This topic is of course directly tied in with Auntie A’s other favorite talking point, that all Muslims are terrorists. You may know that nothing Auntie A says is true, but the more you argue with her, the more entrenched her stance will become. In fact, if you look at the back of wine bottles, they are all marked with the warning: “Calcifies offensive points of view.”

2. Muslims “cheered” on 9/11: This unfortunately leads us to recent claims by the racist-aunt-id-incarnate leading the GOP candidate pool, Donald Trump. Trump said he saw “thousands” of Muslim people cheering in New Jersey on September 11 when the World Trade Center buildings collapsed. Police and reporters who ran fact checks have denied it happened, as have members of the local Muslim community. Fellow GOP candidate Ben Carson, who initially backed Trump’s claim, even walked it back to some degree.

MORE...

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/11/here-are-8-shitty-things-your-totally-not-racist-aunt-is-going-to-gripe-about-on-thanksgiving/

[KamaAina]

1. She better lay off the Prosecco. There's a worldwide shortage.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027377395#post41

[ret5hd]

2. OK...that gives me 8 squares for my "Thanksgiving Bingo Card Game" (tm)

I need 16 more! Stat!

We are going to a TG dinner and when 1 of us gets a bingo we are going to shout out "BINGO!" and slam our wine, drink, etc. Members of both of our families are going to be there, so it is bound to be hilarious!!!

[archiemo]

3. This is hysterical! Please post the winning bingo "numbers"!!!

[Nevernose]

4. Humor is the only way I have left

To deal with the right wing loons.

Note to lurking trolls, remaining freepers, et al:

Y'all know why virtually every successful comedian, comic actor, comic writer, comic production slants towards the liberal? Because for something to be funny, there has to be an element of truth. It's not because of "PC blacks" or "Jew media." It's because y'all have lost any semblance of the truth. You are left with either racist prop comedy or group-similarity humor (although IRL Larry the Cable Guy isn't nearly as conservative as his audience thinks), but no actual success because nothing y'all have done has been based in truth.